"Oh, you are up?" Luna gave me a polite smile and a nod of her head. "It is good to see you are alright. We were all very worried when Twilight-" Luna broke off suddenly and by the way she was looking next to me I am almost certain Silver Blossom was making some sort of frantic gestures with her face. "...When you were struck by that unfortunate spell." Luna finished the sentence with a slightly nervous smile and walked closer towards me, making it difficult for me to take my eyes off the bobbing underwear on her head.
She took a step closer towards me and slightly inclined her head, her makeshift crown only inches from my face. "I am Princess Luna. It is a pleasure to meet you, Woodchuck."
"A pleasure..." For a moment, I simply stared at her. "May I ask..." I finally asked when I could no longer stand the awkwardness of the situation. "Why are you wearing that?"
"This?" she pointed to her head and put on what could only be described as an attempted silly smile, which faltered quickly when she saw my frown. "I apologize," she replied nervously. "I found it in one of the laundry baskets, and it was simply too curious an object to ignore..." My frown was growing with every word that left her mouth. "It," Luna finally seemed to realize her mistake, "It is not a hat, is it?"
"No," I replied and slightly shook my head. "No, it is not."
"What is it then?" Silver Blossom asked and tilted her head in wonder.
"Those," I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples with a small sigh. "Those are underpants."
"Underpants?" Luna asked with confusion. "What are they for?"
I looked up over my hand with an exhausted face. "They're for covering... certain parts." I noticed Luna's empty face and a small groan escaped me. "Certain, indecent parts."
For a moment, Luna simply stared at me and I think I could actually see the gears in her mind working. Then, the coin seemed to finally drop; at least judging by the way her eyes widened and the flush that spread over her face.
"Oh!" she quickly took the underpants of her head and handed them towards me with an abashed face. "I apologize. I realize that certain cultures..." she seemed to have difficulties finding the correct words, "have different practices concerning the topic of clothing."
"No kidding." I sighed and let my head drop forward.
"I don't get it," Silver Blossom eyed the piece of clothing in my hands with curiosity. "What are they for?"
Before I could even start to wonder as to how to explain this certain subject to her, Luna beat me to it. "Certain cultures," she started to explain, "have different practices on the topic of clothing, Silver Blossom. Basically, in these cultures it is considered indecent to not cover ones..." she hesitated, "ones private parts."
At first it seemed that Silver Blossom didn't understand what Luna was telling her, all the while my head was turning more and more red in the process. But then, she suddenly looked down herself and her eyes widened considerably. "I'm indecent?!"
"No!" I quickly held up a hand to interrupt her. "You just don't know it any different! There's a difference!" I sighed and put down my hand. "Back where I come from, it is not socially acceptable to run around in the nude. You've been raised differently, so it's in no way indecent for you... but for me it is... a bit strange." I sighed and looked up at her. "Look. I won't mind if you run around like you want to, but it would make me feel a lot more comfortable if you'd wear some underwear around me. So... just consider it?"
Silver Blossom's face was beet red at this point. "Uhm... okay." she mumbled and quickly nodded. "I'll think about it."
"Gods," I sighed and carefully got out off bed. "This is just getting stranger and stranger by the minute... Let's just pretend this just didn't happen and go downstairs, okay? I'll have to open up the store again or I'll lose my customers."
Fun fact number five; my customers are very loyal. The last day I kept my shop closed on a regular day about half the town showed up fearing I was dying from fatigue.
I just wanted to get out of the bedroom and away from the awkwardness as quickly as possible. What I had not accounted for though, was that the situation was only going to get more awkward from here on.
"Downstairs?" Luna asked with sudden dread before swallowing and trying to act calm.
"Yeah, downstairs." I replied with a raised eyebrow and started to head for the door. "Where my store is?"
"Oh... Oh, of course!" Luna gave Silver Blossom a meaningful glance. "Let us all head downstairs... into your store."
"Okay..." I shook my head and decided to ignore the strange response. I walked down the corridor and followed the stairs to the lower floor, a suddenly very quiet Princess Luna and Silver Blossom hesitantly following in my steps. And as I continued my way downstairs, I strangely found a slight feeling of dread start to spread over me. When I got down there, would I find my store in ruins?
Much to my relief, when I reached the bottom of the stairs and entered my store; everything was in perfect order. The shelves were organized and clean, not a single grain of dust or anything out of order. The windows were clean, the counter was ready and my apron was waiting for me... Everything was perfect. Too perfect.
It took me a second to realize it, but sure enough and ever so slowly... I started to notice something.
"Alright," I sighed and let my arms drop. "What happened?"
"What do you mean?" Silver Blossom carefully asked. "Is something missing?"
"Yes, Woodchuck." Luna put on a nervous face. "Isn't everything in order?"
"No," I replied. "Everything is in top condition... and that's just it." I started to point to things as I accounted for everything. "That shelf had three scratches on the end from when I carried in a new cupboard. There was a dirty spot in that window I could never remove and I know for certain that the counter had a dent from when I set down a box of cans too hard." I turned to the two of them, and the sheepish look on their faces only made me frown. "So... what happened?"
Luna tried to hold the impassive face for another moment, but then she finally gave up with a small sigh. "We... had to do some repairs. Celestia and myself had hoped you would not notice, as we did not wish to cause you any more stress. So we repaired everything while you were sleeping."
"They used a repair spell," Silver Blossom offered with a small smile.
"Okay," I replied with a dry voice and turned back to Luna. "So why did you have to use a repair spell?"
Luna let out another sigh. "When my sister returned here to see you once more, she found a changeling drone acting as you instead... and doing quite a poor job at it too, if I may add."
"And I assume she wasn't very happy about that?" I mused.
"Not at all," Luna confirmed with a slightly bitter face.
"What did she do?" I continued to ask.
Luna seemed to consider her answer for a moment, but then she started to form her reply. "Let us just say, that there is a very good reason my sister does not use the Royal Canterlot Voice anymore."
I stared at her with a blank face. "Are you telling me... she shouted my store to pieces?"
"Well," Luna cringed slightly. "Shouted is not really the word I would-"
"She was screaming!" Silver Blossom spoke up with a big grin and made Luna drop her head with a quiet sigh of defeat. "We could hear her all the way over to the station! She even blew the windows out!"
"Alright," I rubbed my face with an exhausted sigh, making a mental note never to get Celestia angry enough to shout at me. At the same time, I couldn't help but notice I was starting to sprout quite the stubble. "Everything seems to be in order, so thank you." I turned to the two of them with a smile of my own. "Also, thanks for getting me out of there. I really appreciate it."
"It was no trouble at all." Luna replied with a slight bow of her head while Silver Blossom only smiled at me.
"Good, good." I continued to rub my chin in thought. "As long as everything is in order and back to normal, I'm happy." I started to head upstairs again. "Now, I just need a shave."
Luna watched me ascend the stair with a befuddled expression. "Where are you going now?"
"I need a shave, so I'm going to the bathroom." I explained even as I continued to head upwards. "Can't greet the customers looking like this, can I?"
"To the bathroom?" Luna's voice started to sound strange as I reached the top of the stairs. "Oh, dear..."
"What's a shave, aunt Luna?"
Only a moment after I had reached the bathroom door and opened it, I found myself staring through the open door like a complete idiot.
What was behind my door, was not a bathroom. At least not mine. Instead, I found myself staring into a complete bathhouse; with royal crests all over the place.
At first, I didn't know what words I should choose to express my surprise at this situation. But then, I found them in the form of a scream.
"LUNA!"
I was mildly disappointed when he didn't follow his thanks with 'especially since it's your fault that this happened to me'. Also, maybe a small bonus chapter of changeling drone pretending to be Chuck getting vaporized by Celestia's super voice?
Alicorns seem to have a problem holding back... in all senses of the word.
There is a reason, even when guys and girl share a bathroom, that they tend to have their own sides.
A man's bathroom is his fortress, and it should never be desecrated.
Celestia uses FUS RO DAH, it's super effective!
Excellent. Normally I don't read comedy fics, but this is one that I highly enjoy.
a little bit too short. but what ever.
Luna, you cheeky bastard. When will it work for him?
Luna... One doesn't simply change a Mans home without his consent... unless your married and for some reason wear the pants in the relationship.
4013827 second!
Awesome, but seriously, when is he gonna realize that Twilight was the one that hit him with the spell?
He should be smart enough to realize it by now...
4013898 he probably has.
"Goodness, Mister Woodchuck! I did not know that bearo... I mean humans knew how to use the Royal Canterlot Voice."
4013916
Huh, to me he acts like he hasn't figured it out yet but I guess that's just me...
When he went down the stairs I was half expecting that he would find the entire first floor of the building missing with the second floor just floating there like something out of the Looney Toons.
4013892
My God...
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You're right! Never mind Luna, you are perfectly within your rights!
Oh suck it up, a new hot tub is nothing to complain about.
Can't view my own story... too many people viewing and writing comments at once... server overload!
Awesome!
:D
Nice Luna, how'd she even FIT a royal bathroom in his store?
The story's picture looks like Adam Sandler. :o
I wouldn't be complaining.
4013934 he never says he knows it, but the constant repetition mKes me think the author is showing us him noticing all these hints, and that means he suspects or thinks something.
4013827 Thirded!
4013981 4014064
Of course you guys wouldn't mind the changes to the bathroom... but Woodchuck does. Remember, this is a guy who just wanted to live a nice, quiet, and some might say even 'boring' life running his shop in Shoretrot. He didn't want any of these Mane 6/FiM shenanigans.
4014088
Possibly...
It's obvious that he suspects something but he hasn't made it obvious that he knows who it is yet I think...
I dunno, maybe I'm think this through too much. :/
4013827
I third that... Darn I mean. I fourth that!
I love this story!
These mini chapters aren't so bad as long as they come steady.
But yeah, Luna should really have just built an apartment above his.
Whatever this story suggests,
Luna is best pony :3
Not the best roommate though :/
Am I the only one who see's this as extremely unfair. The guy wants nothing to do with any of this, I know that if it was me I would just say fuck it then pack up and leave.
Then again the story would be awfully boring without it so continue onward...
4014363 Whatever she is, this looks to be a very promising relationship... for us at least.
4014011 easy, spacial manipulation, and possibly a linked door to her bathroom in canterlot.
4013934 this is him telling a story in the past tense. he voiced his idea that twilight hit him with the spell in the last chapter.
4014428 their pain is out happiness! >:)
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Aneurysm in 3... 2... 1...
Dude, thank her! I bet there's even a jacuzzi in there somewhere!
4014440
Good point, I wasn't so sure about that but you confirmed it...
Still, I want to see what happens when he confronts them about it.
4014559
he does.
4014560
Dammit, oh well, there goes my hopes and dreams.
Crushed...
4014563
*pats back and gives a giant lollipop*
4014570
It better be Watermelon...
Bitches love watermelon...
4014574
Its grape.
Its always grape.
nasty, false, fake grape flavor
4013987
Loving it!
Basically, this is the sort of thing that happens when you leave an alicorn, one who has been an unquestioned god-queen for millennia, to 'use her initiative' about interior decoration.
4014628
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A Mans house is his castle, the toilet his throne... never mess with the porcelain throne, Luna.
The gods of awesome demand more.
I hate to be overly dependent on other people's good ideas, but what he needs is a cowards weapon. How about something to help him run away more easily, like a nice big wooden chest... With hundreds of little legs.
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