• Published 23rd Oct 2013
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Diary of a Store Clerk - GnollReader



Living in Equestria under a false name and racial identity is one thing. Finding out you're not the only one of your kind stranded here is another... especially when that someone and the element bearers are looking for you.

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Chapter 11: Alicorn standards

"Oh, you are up?" Luna gave me a polite smile and a nod of her head. "It is good to see you are alright. We were all very worried when Twilight-" Luna broke off suddenly and by the way she was looking next to me I am almost certain Silver Blossom was making some sort of frantic gestures with her face. "...When you were struck by that unfortunate spell." Luna finished the sentence with a slightly nervous smile and walked closer towards me, making it difficult for me to take my eyes off the bobbing underwear on her head.

She took a step closer towards me and slightly inclined her head, her makeshift crown only inches from my face. "I am Princess Luna. It is a pleasure to meet you, Woodchuck."

"A pleasure..." For a moment, I simply stared at her. "May I ask..." I finally asked when I could no longer stand the awkwardness of the situation. "Why are you wearing that?"

"This?" she pointed to her head and put on what could only be described as an attempted silly smile, which faltered quickly when she saw my frown. "I apologize," she replied nervously. "I found it in one of the laundry baskets, and it was simply too curious an object to ignore..." My frown was growing with every word that left her mouth. "It," Luna finally seemed to realize her mistake, "It is not a hat, is it?"

"No," I replied and slightly shook my head. "No, it is not."

"What is it then?" Silver Blossom asked and tilted her head in wonder.

"Those," I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples with a small sigh. "Those are underpants."

"Underpants?" Luna asked with confusion. "What are they for?"

I looked up over my hand with an exhausted face. "They're for covering... certain parts." I noticed Luna's empty face and a small groan escaped me. "Certain, indecent parts."

For a moment, Luna simply stared at me and I think I could actually see the gears in her mind working. Then, the coin seemed to finally drop; at least judging by the way her eyes widened and the flush that spread over her face.

"Oh!" she quickly took the underpants of her head and handed them towards me with an abashed face. "I apologize. I realize that certain cultures..." she seemed to have difficulties finding the correct words, "have different practices concerning the topic of clothing."

"No kidding." I sighed and let my head drop forward.

"I don't get it," Silver Blossom eyed the piece of clothing in my hands with curiosity. "What are they for?"

Before I could even start to wonder as to how to explain this certain subject to her, Luna beat me to it. "Certain cultures," she started to explain, "have different practices on the topic of clothing, Silver Blossom. Basically, in these cultures it is considered indecent to not cover ones..." she hesitated, "ones private parts."

At first it seemed that Silver Blossom didn't understand what Luna was telling her, all the while my head was turning more and more red in the process. But then, she suddenly looked down herself and her eyes widened considerably. "I'm indecent?!"

"No!" I quickly held up a hand to interrupt her. "You just don't know it any different! There's a difference!" I sighed and put down my hand. "Back where I come from, it is not socially acceptable to run around in the nude. You've been raised differently, so it's in no way indecent for you... but for me it is... a bit strange." I sighed and looked up at her. "Look. I won't mind if you run around like you want to, but it would make me feel a lot more comfortable if you'd wear some underwear around me. So... just consider it?"

Silver Blossom's face was beet red at this point. "Uhm... okay." she mumbled and quickly nodded. "I'll think about it."

"Gods," I sighed and carefully got out off bed. "This is just getting stranger and stranger by the minute... Let's just pretend this just didn't happen and go downstairs, okay? I'll have to open up the store again or I'll lose my customers."

Fun fact number five; my customers are very loyal. The last day I kept my shop closed on a regular day about half the town showed up fearing I was dying from fatigue.

I just wanted to get out of the bedroom and away from the awkwardness as quickly as possible. What I had not accounted for though, was that the situation was only going to get more awkward from here on.

"Downstairs?" Luna asked with sudden dread before swallowing and trying to act calm.

"Yeah, downstairs." I replied with a raised eyebrow and started to head for the door. "Where my store is?"

"Oh... Oh, of course!" Luna gave Silver Blossom a meaningful glance. "Let us all head downstairs... into your store."

"Okay..." I shook my head and decided to ignore the strange response. I walked down the corridor and followed the stairs to the lower floor, a suddenly very quiet Princess Luna and Silver Blossom hesitantly following in my steps. And as I continued my way downstairs, I strangely found a slight feeling of dread start to spread over me. When I got down there, would I find my store in ruins?

Much to my relief, when I reached the bottom of the stairs and entered my store; everything was in perfect order. The shelves were organized and clean, not a single grain of dust or anything out of order. The windows were clean, the counter was ready and my apron was waiting for me... Everything was perfect. Too perfect.

It took me a second to realize it, but sure enough and ever so slowly... I started to notice something.

"Alright," I sighed and let my arms drop. "What happened?"

"What do you mean?" Silver Blossom carefully asked. "Is something missing?"

"Yes, Woodchuck." Luna put on a nervous face. "Isn't everything in order?"

"No," I replied. "Everything is in top condition... and that's just it." I started to point to things as I accounted for everything. "That shelf had three scratches on the end from when I carried in a new cupboard. There was a dirty spot in that window I could never remove and I know for certain that the counter had a dent from when I set down a box of cans too hard." I turned to the two of them, and the sheepish look on their faces only made me frown. "So... what happened?"

Luna tried to hold the impassive face for another moment, but then she finally gave up with a small sigh. "We... had to do some repairs. Celestia and myself had hoped you would not notice, as we did not wish to cause you any more stress. So we repaired everything while you were sleeping."

"They used a repair spell," Silver Blossom offered with a small smile.

"Okay," I replied with a dry voice and turned back to Luna. "So why did you have to use a repair spell?"

Luna let out another sigh. "When my sister returned here to see you once more, she found a changeling drone acting as you instead... and doing quite a poor job at it too, if I may add."

"And I assume she wasn't very happy about that?" I mused.

"Not at all," Luna confirmed with a slightly bitter face.

"What did she do?" I continued to ask.

Luna seemed to consider her answer for a moment, but then she started to form her reply. "Let us just say, that there is a very good reason my sister does not use the Royal Canterlot Voice anymore."

I stared at her with a blank face. "Are you telling me... she shouted my store to pieces?"

"Well," Luna cringed slightly. "Shouted is not really the word I would-"

"She was screaming!" Silver Blossom spoke up with a big grin and made Luna drop her head with a quiet sigh of defeat. "We could hear her all the way over to the station! She even blew the windows out!"

"Alright," I rubbed my face with an exhausted sigh, making a mental note never to get Celestia angry enough to shout at me. At the same time, I couldn't help but notice I was starting to sprout quite the stubble. "Everything seems to be in order, so thank you." I turned to the two of them with a smile of my own. "Also, thanks for getting me out of there. I really appreciate it."

"It was no trouble at all." Luna replied with a slight bow of her head while Silver Blossom only smiled at me.

"Good, good." I continued to rub my chin in thought. "As long as everything is in order and back to normal, I'm happy." I started to head upstairs again. "Now, I just need a shave."

Luna watched me ascend the stair with a befuddled expression. "Where are you going now?"

"I need a shave, so I'm going to the bathroom." I explained even as I continued to head upwards. "Can't greet the customers looking like this, can I?"

"To the bathroom?" Luna's voice started to sound strange as I reached the top of the stairs. "Oh, dear..."

"What's a shave, aunt Luna?"

Only a moment after I had reached the bathroom door and opened it, I found myself staring through the open door like a complete idiot.

What was behind my door, was not a bathroom. At least not mine. Instead, I found myself staring into a complete bathhouse; with royal crests all over the place.

At first, I didn't know what words I should choose to express my surprise at this situation. But then, I found them in the form of a scream.

"LUNA!"