• Member Since 13th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 18th, 2017

FlutteringShy


T

Rainbow Dash has some hard lessons to learn about life, at the expense of Ditzy Doo and her coltfriend, Big Mac. Along the way, a heart is broken, a dream is crushed, a few fillies left sobbing, and a family ripped apart by strife and prejudice. Can the two unlikely lovers get past it all and truly be happy together, or will there always be some new trouble around the corner?
All is not well in Ponyville.

(A.N : Pretty please comment, regardless of what you think. I adore feedback, truly I do.)
(A.N #2 : Rated Teen for minor language, intense (Hopefully) emotion, violence (Albeit cartoon-like), and minor sexual suggestion. )

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 69 )

GO FLUSHY! Tracking and favorited. :twilightsmile::heart:

287057
Ooooooh, I can delete your comments.
... Why is there no evil-grin-Pinkie-Pie on here? :ajbemused:

Anyway, thanks for the favourite/track! I'm glad to be the second story you're tracking besides Memory Pending :raritywink:
I'm not a stalker, by the way. :trixieshiftleft: Not a stalker at all. :trixieshiftright:

Oh! Do you need to read the introduction or not? I can't remember how different the edit is from the original, cos I've editted it a few times since I sent it to you :rainbowhuh:

Azu

a great introduction, it drew me in and now i want more. :duck:

tracking for sure. :twilightsmile:

287062

I will admit it, i shamelessly stalk people who i see often in comments or post stories i enjoy. :scootangel:

i figure its a good way to find more inetresting things to read and, i dunno, i'm just a curious pony. :raritywink:

297876
We both have the same logic then, I do the same thing.
Me and 'Kela are friends for more than stalker-purposes, however :pinkiehappy:

Oh, and thanks. I try :heart: Still working on Chapter 1, since I want that to hook people after the gentle pull of the introduction, much like Memory Pending did to me :rainbowwild: I want my first Chappy to be purrrrrrrrrfect
:trixieshiftleft: :trixieshiftright:
uhhh.
:rainbowhuh:
WHY NO OPAL FACE!?!?!

Azu

297886

i'm hardly a "read and run" type of reader. i comment on stories i enjoy and send messages to the people whom write them thanking them, and telling them what i think of the awesomeness that is their stories. :yay:

i figured as much. :pinkiesmile: there's a few people here helping me along with my story, mostly Kiroberos. he has helped me tremendously with brainstorming. i have built a small shrine in his honor of inspiration and awesomeness. :derpytongue2:

i too was really grabbed by Memory Pending. it stole an entire night from me! :twilightoops: (slow 'take it all in' reader)

so far i would say your intro is defiantly great at pulling! it does it's job well. :raritywink:

i have only just started my intro, i have a loooong ways to go. :pinkiecrazy:

oh! and i agree, we need more faces. I DEMAND MORE FACES! :twilightangry2::flutterrage:

A good start, Flushy. :twilightsmile: Oooh, I see a lot of familiar faces in this comment section, too!

325186
Yup yup :pinkiesmile:
297933
YES. MORE MORE FACES

Aww, come on!
I was just looking forward to reading your story, and look at that!
600 words!
That's really mean!
And you said you were almost done with the first chapter 15 DAYS AGO!


Sorry about that, I'm not angry. Take your time.


The first sentence. Is that hinting at something, or am I just over-analyzing it because the story is tagged as [Romance], and it was just meant as a normal adjective?

So far, you pull off the characters quite nicely. (Although I guess there is no canon for Derpy (Not really), but I like it)
This story has a lot of potential, and it's probably gonna become one of those that frustrate the hell out of me, because of complicated relationships and such. I have a feeling I'm going to love it.

I won't write a long comment, as I should probably rest my hand after commenting a lot on 'The Worst Idea Ever' [Sponsored by Akela Stronghoof] (Not really)

I'm looking forward to the rest of the story :pinkiehappy: (But now what should I do? Read Memory Pending for the third time? [Sponsored by Kiroberos] (I wish))

345977
You mean the "hard" part of the first sentence?
I don't do clopfics. Sorry. :twilightsmile: Ponysex does not interest me.. Only adorable romance :heart:

Yeah, I know, updates and whatnot, but I have lots of work to do. School is being sadistic! :raritydespair:
Thanks for the love, and I'm sure 'Kir and Akela would happily sponsor advertisement for their stories, with a great pay too. :trollestia:
I'll try update this weekend, but I've got training for Kokoda on Saturday, but you'll definitely have at least something by 32 March :heart:

346321
Waah!
I wasn't talking about clopfics, just a slight double-meaning or something. :fluttercry:
32 March? :rainbowhuh:

346392
Oh well. :rainbowwild:
32 March is the day when everything that has ever needed to be done, has been done.
But no one knows about it.
:rainbowderp:

345977
346321
Oooh, so your mysterious new reader is Egthoridon. :rainbowwild: Quite a wonderful reader, I might add. You're very lucky.

374208
Guess what I have is worse than just a bad cold, I'm hallucinating right now.
I mean, I just imagined that Kiroberos called me a 'wonderful reader.'
Can you imagine that?

... *clap*... *clap*... *clap... *clap*.. *clap*.


Anyways, very nice intro, already got me in! I AM PROUD THAT I TRACKED YOU BEFORE YOU EVEN PUBLISHED THIS INTRO!!! RARGH!
(I don't know :applejackunsure:).

I love the story so far, 'thumbed up', fav'ed, etc.

Nice, 72 views at this current time, and no dislikes! I am proud of you! :raritywink:

555494
All 72 of those people are hipsters, because this isn't even visible on my freaking profile yet.

But still! Mreeep! :heart:
Going to attempt to write a little more now. Wish me luck, love, tolerance, and maybe some booze to help my.. ahem, creativity. :raritywink:

557043 lawl.

You should have a victory song! Mine are always dubstep :rainbowkiss:

FLUSHY

YA DIDS IT

MAH BRAINS ARE TRYIN TA EXPLODE

HOORAY

374263

Oh, we all love you, Egthoridon.

Hmm... what shall I put as my first comment on this site ever...?

This caught my eye, and I'll keep an eye on this. It's got promise. c:


THERE.

589917 [ JosephNightwind]
I feel special now
o(≧▽≦)o

589933
You have used a Japanese happy icon.

You are now kawaii. :rainbowkiss:

589940
Dear god.. .

What have I gotten myself into!? :rainbowderp:

Hmm, I will not say this is bad, not at all. It's good, but what's bothering me is that there don't seem to be any page breaks.

Personally, the transition from Big Mac to Ditzy watching him, and then back to Mac and finally to Dash, felt. . . "Wrong" you know?

If you had separated the two different scenes, (and personally, there happen to be about two or so, since one scene takes place on the ground, and another in the air, but that's just opinion) with something like ~*~ which my girlfriend and I use, the scene transition would feel smoother, but that's just me.

I'm not saying you didn't try to use a page break while writing it, but that maybe the page break vanished, and you didn't notice. A small edit to the intro with ~*~ or something similar to break up multiple scenes, in my opinion, would make this chapter, and future chapters an easier read.

Gonna have to keep track of this though, seems interesting :twilightsmile:

PS: I hope I helped, even slightly :scootangel:

589977
You're right, it didn't show up! :pinkiegasp:

I think I'll leave it in, just to tick you off though. :raritywink:
Yeah, in all seriousness, I'll get on that soon.

Thanks for the feedback :pinkiesmile:

Not a bad chapter, felt rushed though.

And bland.

You could have put in detail regarding the background and the sort. What was the weather like and the sort. A little detail can add to the atmosphere :twilightsmile:

Also utilizing the five senses could help too, if you can find a place to do so.

Maybe do a bit more "Showing" rather than "Telling" in the future? The fic is not bad, I just think it has a lot of potential that has yet to be unlocked :twilightsmile:

Again, hoped I helped, even a little :twilightsmile:

589999
It was rushed.
I made the intro a few months ago, and put it up. I only recently submitted it, but the intro had still been up long enough for 75 viewers and like 12 favorites or something like that.

I also didn't get it proofread, like a genius :trollestia:

So yeah. When I realised "Oh god, I need to update this sometime soon!", it was a rather... interesting moment.
This accurately describes my reaction.
i.imgur.com/BZkaJ.gif

Thanks for the advice!

Azu

It's here! :yay:

no longer hiding, but for all to see! :rainbowdetermined2:

589951

I was kidding. xD
But still, I hope this story goes along swimmingly. :yay:

590517 [ Azu ]
:rainbowkiss: You bet it is!
591284 [ JosephNightwind ]
It shall, it shall! :pinkiehappy:

I like it so far i cant wait to read what happens in the story later.

608620 [ Aluminaughty ]
Gosh, thanks :heart:

609406 [ tubaguy ]
:rainbowkiss:

Nice beginning! I'm interested to see where this goes.

660010
New reader! :flutterrage: VICTORY WILL BE MI - ... :fluttershyouch: Oh.. uhm.. hi there..

:rainbowkiss: Thanks! I'm trying to think of a way to get to the meaty stuff but it's hard!

672065 D'awwww, thanksssss :heart:
I appreciate the feedback! The plot gets better yet later on, don'cha worry :raritywink:

693446
Dat flank. :yay:



and yes. Yes it does. :rainbowkiss:

I like the progression of the story so far
keep it up:moustache::moustache::moustache:

789893 [ Aluminaughty ]
Thank you very much, dear.
:rainbowkiss:

And enter a sudden update pop up.
Seriously, happy to see more of this. Had totally forgotten this :fluttershbad:

790837 [Hydkore]

D'awww, thank you!
I've already got a good portion of the next chapter planned out, thank goodness. After that... well, I'll burn that bridge when I acknowledge it exists after a long period of hiding, procrastination, and ignoring it. :pinkiecrazy:

this won't end well.

807740 [ jar'o'mayo ]
It will, surprisingly.
I can't say how just yet, that'd spoil the ending AND the sequel :raritywink:

807761
You needed me to soothe your fears of a sad ending to favorite?
Dang. That's why no one likes this story then. :twilightoops:

807767 I just don't enjoy either Dash or Derpy being sad.

807885 [ jar'o'mayo ]
The story is marked sad.
It obviously gets better, I'm not going to do a super massive story not to end it with a happy ending, even if it is tagged sad. I'll save that for the oneshots. :raritywink:

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