I see now why you had a sad....this is depressing as all hell. The resolution will be one heck of a thing to read though and I look forward to it. As always TAW this is an amazing piece of literature, very well done.
This went from one of the happiest Twi/Dash fics I've read to / my friends don't love me anymore sad. Really can't wait for the next chapter(x) to hopefully see this resolved and the two get back together, stronger for going through this. Great (if depressing as hell) as always.
Well this will end in a hospitalization or angry make up sex. Either way, should be fun to watch. By the way, and I'm not sure if this is on your end or the websites end, but the ePub download of this story does not work. At least on an iPad.
YES!!! Updates!!! I shall read this in a bit and return with comments!! <-(this no longer fits)
*Edit* Well fuck... I am now rather depressed... Poor Dashie... I would have to take her side in all of this. I men she tried her hardest both for the 'bolts and still made room for Twilight. But despite that, Twi was too thick to notice how much Dash was hurting and missing her. I honestly feel that Dash was right in saying the things she did it was all in my opinion justified. Good riddance to the damn crystals! Maybe now amends can be made and hopefully people (including a certain lavender mare) will understand why Dash exploded the way she did. Other that n=how much I hated this, it was still a very well done and written chapter and I hope to see more as soon as possible. Keep it up TAW!!
Would I be accused of being a bad person if I said this felt to me like the weakest chapter in the story? The characterizations felt like they were slipping a bit, and some of the drama--not all of it, mind you, but some of it--felt a little forced. I'm not saying this was a terrible chapter and I want the thirty or forty minutes of my life back that I spent reading it; this is still quality writing, and I enjoyed some of Pinkie Pie's scenes here. It just doesn't feel up to the bar set by the rest of the story so far.
I believe I remember you mentioning that you were having a little trouble moving forward in this, TAW, and I think it shows. I hope you can pull out of it well enough to bring this story to the kind of conclusion it ought to have.
Love the emotion as always and the plot is just amazing. and i know you will do right by the end of thee plot. a road can never be smooth and must have its occasional bump and pothole that trow it of course.
Right in the feels.... built up and up being happy and.... I don't know what to say. This is certainly interesting and I'd rather take a bullet than miss the next chapter, but this hurts. Seeing work tear apart such a great relationship...
If I am reading the timeline correctly Rainbow Dash has been a Wonderbolt reserve for over 2 years. Twilight has gone Lesson Zero mode for an unknown amount of time and Celestia has decided to watch the world burn through a strict hooves off policy.
I am hoping you go into how this situation came to be so completely opposite to the preceding story as it seems like there must have been a rather long lead up to get to this point.
>you will never go through a time of strife in your relationship with Twilight, though deep down you both love each other more than anything
I don't even know why I still read this all that I feel is the pain of never going through thick and thin with Twilight however long our fleeting existences allow
Oh wow, this chapter.........so intense. Almost hard to believe that part one ended with a happy wedding. You've really outdone yourself with this story TAW, all of your stories have been great imo but this one......I dont think great can properly describe it. I'll be waiting with baited breath for future updates and my fingers crossed that things work out. Nopony would want an amazing Twidash fic to end in sour apples after all.
1044517 Just a few months, as she mentioned to Pinkie at the start. Celestia isn't strictly hooves off, just in things where the ponies involved have to learn their own lessons. And yes, that will all be elaborated on. 1042579 I don't think I'm capable of not writing a happy ending for them, honestly. 1043035 Good. I'm not sure who's side people are meant to take, and I'm not sure who's side I take, because the problem is between both of them. Glad to see people /are/ taking sides, though. 1043111 No, it wouldn't. I'm not very good at writing sad things, unfortunately. The upshot is that this is by far the most traditionally sad chapter, even if there might be a little frustration in the future. 1044053 Give them time. They're hurting right now, but time heals all. 1044197>>1044266 [youtube=61OzwXZiDo8] happened to come on while I was writing the first draft of the end. I'll begrudgingly admit, I cried little girl tears.
wow did NOT see her getting booted from the bolts, that hit me anyways... another brilliantly written chapter, im conflicted between wanting two things: 1. them to just make up and everything be ok again because they were so happy together 2. more drama so this fantastic story can continue for longer whatever happens i cant wait to read it
Wow. I had a feeling that the crystal transportation network wasn't going to be quite so simple, but that's a hell of a complication. Hell, I loved this story before, but now I'm going to be clapping my hands and giggling with glee every time it updates.
1044891Yea sometimes when the right song is on, at the right time, during my reading or writing, I'll get kinda emotional. It is amazing how much of a difference it makes.
Aw man, now my feels are all... feely. Freaking loved this chapter, and I sincerely hope that the story can end on sloppy pone makeouts and sticky horse sex.
So far this feels heavily in favor of Dash being in the right. I think it's mostly due to having Dash and Pinkie's view point for this chapter but it's still clear. We see Dash reaching out to Pinkie for help, Dash trying to make time for Twi, and Twi being dismissive and distant. Twi's dialog at the end even sounded like phony rationalization in parts becasue she really seemed to be taking Dash for granted and then suddenly waterworks.
We hear that Dash is snapping at Twilight and being distant as well but that comes from Twilight who's credibility, at least to me, is already tarnished by the time she says anything to Dash. If this is meant to be more neutral we really need to see more of Twilight's point of view.
1045413 You're right. Internally I'm coming at it fairly neutral, but the actual outcome is poisoned by viewpoint and lack of exposition. You aren't *meant* to be completely sure what just happened yet. It'll become more clear as they try to piece together what exactly lead up to it.
I'm completely devastated right now There are thing that should never be invented, and the crystals are one of these things for Equestria. I hope this will get taken care of in one of the next chapters
What is the "Timeline: Two years, six months later" at the top of the story referencing? That is what lead me to believe such a large time skip happened. Even though other time references were made in the chapter that heading forced me to try to reconcile them based on that initial number.
Excellent story – I love the new direction – but this chapter really feels rushed, like you crammed two or three chapters worth of events into one. There is a lot of jumping from occurrence to occurrence or dialogue to dialogue without any general narrative to ease the transitions. Slow down a bit and flesh the story out, and it would be an incredible tale.
Well, you can't have a proper story without conflict, otherwise it'd have been too perfect. Not that I'd have minded, though. Perfect stories are nice :P
I liked the way it was before. It was just so perfect before. The senselessness, recklessness, the sort of "doesn't matter; in love" kind of manner you were telling the story. Public setting? Doesn't matter, let's have sex with the absolute perfect mare of your dreams. Because you love her that much, so much that you really don't care about being caught, you just want to please her, make her happy, because that's all that matters right now, being with the one you love and making sure that she's happy beyond reason.
Being a hopeless romantic, I've just been drinking this up like you wouldn't believe. I wish fairy-tale love like this was a real thing; it'd be so beautiful. Sadly, it isn't that way.
I'd be lying if I said I'm not depressed now. This hit me very hard. I hope things get fixed! Much love, TAW, you're my favorite writer for a reason.
Well... as far as feely feels that feel feely go, I'm not generally affected. Therefore, I have the reserved mind, still, to comment on something else...
*SPOILERS OR SOMETHING MAYBE, IDRK, I'M NOT THE AUTHOR, OBVIOUSLY*
The "True Love" cupcakes... they weren't just a one-time thing... You mentioned them repeatedly... Hay, they were even italicized! So~ 1. I thought Pinkie was going like... Gypsy Magic mode and trying to get it on with Dash in the beginning there, thus causing a LOT of drama. (Which obviously didn't and most likely won't happen.) 2. I saw what you did with the whole "These just taste bitter..." thing. (Brilliant, btw...) 3. Possibly a remedy for later. (If not, they'll almost definitely be introduced again later and Dash will think they taste better.)
*END OF SPOILERS OR SOMETHING MAYBE, IDRK, I'M NOT THE AUTHOR, OBVIOUSLY*
Continuing on, great chapter as always... However, you said "somebody" when Dash/Pinkie and Spitfire were arguing. Just so you know. (Even though, technically, it does still, completely work... so it doesn't even really matter... but whatever...)
1049560 I can actually completely relate. Writing this chapter hurt. I was very careful with my motivations to ensure all the pressures on them were external. Hopefully I can fix it in a believable way, and leave them stronger for it. Anytime you build anything, it should be stress tested so you know its limits. This was theirs. Now they can be rebuilt stronger than ever before. Imperfection is pervasive, even in cartoon horses, but... well, they'll get through it. I couldn't write it any other way.
1050126 I always say somebody unless it's actually a pony speaking. The omniscient narrator is human. In dialogue they speak as they do, but otherwise I speak as we do unless inappropriate. And yes, I'll admit, I put those cupcakes in entirely so the flavour can mirror the state of their relationship.
I like the portrayal of Celestia's considerable pegasus powers. Too often we only see Celestia's magical prowess; it's nice to see her wings give her more than the ability to fly.
Ehh, I don't really buy Dash not managing to work as a team player with the Wonderbolts (and especially not getting kicked out because of it). We've seen her fly in formation with Ponyville weather pegasi too many times in the show for me to find it believable.
Sure, she's generally been leading the formation when we've seen it, but you usually don't become the leader of that sort of team without having spent your time among the grunts. If she really dropped out/was kicked out of flight school as mentioned in Sonic Rainboom she almost certainly had to work her way up through the ranks, so she most likely knows how to follow orders.
Twilight, on the other hand, I completely buy getting lost in her projects and research.
I like how its more serious and the new direction you are taking it.
SO much drama but I digress...
Keep at it
if dash dosent come back by the next chapter i am going to break the 4th wall to fix all dis shit
Damn. I hope Twi and Dash can work this out. They deserve to be happy.
well fuck; so much for kids at this moment
also you somehow managed to turn a very fun and silly clop into a very serious story
I see now why you had a sad....this is depressing as all hell. The resolution will be one heck of a thing to read though and I look forward to it. As always TAW this is an amazing piece of literature, very well done.
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/9772093.jpg
More I say!
This went from one of the happiest Twi/Dash fics I've read to / my friends don't love me anymore sad. Really can't wait for the next chapter(x) to hopefully see this resolved and the two get back together, stronger for going through this. Great (if depressing as hell) as always.
Damn I hope this has a happy ending, otherwise I will just break down
Such a cute couple should stay together until the end of time
ugh fuck twilight life is horrible
Noooooo
Hmm, seems interesting. I'll add this to my ever growing list of Read Later.
Well this will end in a hospitalization or angry make up sex. Either way, should be fun to watch. By the way, and I'm not sure if this is on your end or the websites end, but the ePub download of this story does not work. At least on an iPad.
YES!!! Updates!!! I shall read this in a bit and return with comments!! <-(this no longer fits)
*Edit* Well fuck... I am now rather depressed... Poor Dashie... I would have to take her side in all of this. I men she tried her hardest both for the 'bolts and still made room for Twilight. But despite that, Twi was too thick to notice how much Dash was hurting and missing her. I honestly feel that Dash was right in saying the things she did it was all in my opinion justified. Good riddance to the damn crystals! Maybe now amends can be made and hopefully people (including a certain lavender mare) will understand why Dash exploded the way she did. Other that n=how much I hated this, it was still a very well done and written chapter and I hope to see more as soon as possible. Keep it up TAW!!
Would I be accused of being a bad person if I said this felt to me like the weakest chapter in the story? The characterizations felt like they were slipping a bit, and some of the drama--not all of it, mind you, but some of it--felt a little forced. I'm not saying this was a terrible chapter and I want the thirty or forty minutes of my life back that I spent reading it; this is still quality writing, and I enjoyed some of Pinkie Pie's scenes here. It just doesn't feel up to the bar set by the rest of the story so far.
I believe I remember you mentioning that you were having a little trouble moving forward in this, TAW, and I think it shows. I hope you can pull out of it well enough to bring this story to the kind of conclusion it ought to have.
Love the emotion as always and the plot is just amazing. and i know you will do right by the end of thee plot. a road can never be smooth and must have its occasional bump and pothole that trow it of course.
sad
icons.iconarchive.com/icons/icondrawer/happy-valentines-day/128/heart-arrow-icon.png
Right in the feels.... built up and up being happy and.... I don't know what to say. This is certainly interesting and I'd rather take a bullet than miss the next chapter, but this hurts. Seeing work tear apart such a great relationship...
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Please make it better. For them. And us.
Please?
this was a great chapter and oh how i wish i was a good artist ive had great ideas from all the stories but i just cant make them on paper
Heart break sucks. This is why you don't prioritize work over those you care about.
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/tumblr_ll6325dp3a1qk6ak2o1_500.gif
This lonely road of broken dreams is a sad a unhappy one.....
[youtube=aGzgoSg5OZg]
Better song....(more fitting to the chapter.)
[youtube=Khcn9yOBUnA]
1043951
Was totally going to post that...
But otherwise.... Shit. This sucks!
If I am reading the timeline correctly Rainbow Dash has been a Wonderbolt reserve for over 2 years. Twilight has gone Lesson Zero mode for an unknown amount of time and Celestia has decided to watch the world burn through a strict hooves off policy.
I am hoping you go into how this situation came to be so completely opposite to the preceding story as it seems like there must have been a rather long lead up to get to this point.
>you will never go through a time of strife in your relationship with Twilight, though deep down you both love each other more than anything
I don't even know why I still read this all that I feel is the pain of never going through thick and thin with Twilight however long our fleeting existences allow
Oh wow, this chapter.........so intense. Almost hard to believe that part one ended with a happy wedding.
You've really outdone yourself with this story TAW, all of your stories have been great imo but this one......I dont think great can properly describe it.
I'll be waiting with baited breath for future updates and my fingers crossed that things work out. Nopony would want an amazing Twidash fic to end in sour apples after all.
1044517
Just a few months, as she mentioned to Pinkie at the start. Celestia isn't strictly hooves off, just in things where the ponies involved have to learn their own lessons. And yes, that will all be elaborated on.
1042579
I don't think I'm capable of not writing a happy ending for them, honestly.
1043035
Good. I'm not sure who's side people are meant to take, and I'm not sure who's side I take, because the problem is between both of them. Glad to see people /are/ taking sides, though.
1043111
No, it wouldn't. I'm not very good at writing sad things, unfortunately. The upshot is that this is by far the most traditionally sad chapter, even if there might be a little frustration in the future.
1044053
Give them time. They're hurting right now, but time heals all.
1044197>>1044266
[youtube=61OzwXZiDo8]
happened to come on while I was writing the first draft of the end. I'll begrudgingly admit, I cried little girl tears.
wow
did NOT see her getting booted from the bolts, that hit me
anyways... another brilliantly written chapter, im conflicted between wanting two things:
1. them to just make up and everything be ok again because they were so happy together
2. more drama so this fantastic story can continue for longer
whatever happens i cant wait to read it
Wow. I had a feeling that the crystal transportation network wasn't going to be quite so simple, but that's a hell of a complication. Hell, I loved this story before, but now I'm going to be clapping my hands and giggling with glee every time it updates.
1044891Yea sometimes when the right song is on, at the right time, during my reading or writing, I'll get kinda emotional. It is amazing how much of a difference it makes.
Aw man, now my feels are all... feely. Freaking loved this chapter, and I sincerely hope that the story can end on sloppy pone makeouts and sticky horse sex.
So far this feels heavily in favor of Dash being in the right. I think it's mostly due to having Dash and Pinkie's view point for this chapter but it's still clear. We see Dash reaching out to Pinkie for help, Dash trying to make time for Twi, and Twi being dismissive and distant. Twi's dialog at the end even sounded like phony rationalization in parts becasue she really seemed to be taking Dash for granted and then suddenly waterworks.
We hear that Dash is snapping at Twilight and being distant as well but that comes from Twilight who's credibility, at least to me, is already tarnished by the time she says anything to Dash. If this is meant to be more neutral we really need to see more of Twilight's point of view.
1045413
You're right. Internally I'm coming at it fairly neutral, but the actual outcome is poisoned by viewpoint and lack of exposition. You aren't *meant* to be completely sure what just happened yet. It'll become more clear as they try to piece together what exactly lead up to it.
I'm completely devastated right now There are thing that should never be invented, and the crystals are one of these things for Equestria. I hope this will get taken care of in one of the next chapters
1044891
What is the "Timeline: Two years, six months later" at the top of the story referencing? That is what lead me to believe such a large time skip happened. Even though other time references were made in the chapter that heading forced me to try to reconcile them based on that initial number.
1045752
Yeah, a large timeskip happened, but other things happened during that too.
Excellent story – I love the new direction – but this chapter really feels rushed, like you crammed two or three chapters worth of events into one. There is a lot of jumping from occurrence to occurrence or dialogue to dialogue without any general narrative to ease the transitions. Slow down a bit and flesh the story out, and it would be an incredible tale.
Still love it though!
FUCK IT WAS FUCKIN' PERFECT UNTIL NOW.
Well, you can't have a proper story without conflict, otherwise it'd have been too perfect. Not that I'd have minded, though. Perfect stories are nice :P
I liked the way it was before. It was just so perfect before. The senselessness, recklessness, the sort of "doesn't matter; in love" kind of manner you were telling the story. Public setting? Doesn't matter, let's have sex with the absolute perfect mare of your dreams. Because you love her that much, so much that you really don't care about being caught, you just want to please her, make her happy, because that's all that matters right now, being with the one you love and making sure that she's happy beyond reason.
Being a hopeless romantic, I've just been drinking this up like you wouldn't believe. I wish fairy-tale love like this was a real thing; it'd be so beautiful. Sadly, it isn't that way.
I'd be lying if I said I'm not depressed now. This hit me very hard. I hope things get fixed! Much love, TAW, you're my favorite writer for a reason.
Well... as far as feely feels that feel feely go, I'm not generally affected.
Therefore, I have the reserved mind, still, to comment on something else...
*SPOILERS OR SOMETHING MAYBE, IDRK, I'M NOT THE AUTHOR, OBVIOUSLY*
The "True Love" cupcakes... they weren't just a one-time thing... You mentioned them repeatedly... Hay, they were even italicized!
So~
1. I thought Pinkie was going like... Gypsy Magic mode and trying to get it on with Dash in the beginning there, thus causing a LOT of drama. (Which obviously didn't and most likely won't happen.)
2. I saw what you did with the whole "These just taste bitter..." thing. (Brilliant, btw...)
3. Possibly a remedy for later. (If not, they'll almost definitely be introduced again later and Dash will think they taste better.)
*END OF SPOILERS OR SOMETHING MAYBE, IDRK, I'M NOT THE AUTHOR, OBVIOUSLY*
Continuing on, great chapter as always...
However, you said "somebody" when Dash/Pinkie and Spitfire were arguing. Just so you know. (Even though, technically, it does still, completely work... so it doesn't even really matter... but whatever...)
1049560
I can actually completely relate. Writing this chapter hurt. I was very careful with my motivations to ensure all the pressures on them were external. Hopefully I can fix it in a believable way, and leave them stronger for it. Anytime you build anything, it should be stress tested so you know its limits. This was theirs. Now they can be rebuilt stronger than ever before. Imperfection is pervasive, even in cartoon horses, but... well, they'll get through it. I couldn't write it any other way.
1050126
I always say somebody unless it's actually a pony speaking. The omniscient narrator is human. In dialogue they speak as they do, but otherwise I speak as we do unless inappropriate.
And yes, I'll admit, I put those cupcakes in entirely so the flavour can mirror the state of their relationship.
1050146 Ah, I couldn't remember if it was narration or not (and was frankly too lazy to skim through 10k words again at 6:00 A.M...
That makes sense, though.
And yay! I made a presumption of correct qualities!
I like the portrayal of Celestia's considerable pegasus powers. Too often we only see Celestia's magical prowess; it's nice to see her wings give her more than the ability to fly.
i.imgur.com/al29H.gif
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw5491-1338666996310.gif
Ehh, I don't really buy Dash not managing to work as a team player with the Wonderbolts (and especially not getting kicked out because of it). We've seen her fly in formation with Ponyville weather pegasi too many times in the show for me to find it believable.
Sure, she's generally been leading the formation when we've seen it, but you usually don't become the leader of that sort of team without having spent your time among the grunts. If she really dropped out/was kicked out of flight school as mentioned in Sonic Rainboom she almost certainly had to work her way up through the ranks, so she most likely knows how to follow orders.
Twilight, on the other hand, I completely buy getting lost in her projects and research.
1042550
You ?! And I thought what we had was special ! And yet here you are.
When is the next chapter coming ? Anybody know ?
1054817
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1054908
Betrayal of this kind will be met in turn