Great, long-awaited addition to the story. There were a few errors, such as where you referred to Spike as "her", but nothing we can't ignore. I look forward to the next chapter! Keep it up!
583254 ...that neither I nor anybody who proofread it caught that is shameful, ta. 582808 I'm trying to play it as sort of "Loyalty taken a bit too far"--but yes, it makes her very hot.
thank you so much TAW, your update came just in time! This chapter definately lived up to expectations, surpassed them even. And I can over look amy mistakes made by such a brilliant author! 9002/10
To late(3:30 AM) to write a fullblown post/review, I'll do that tomorrow... but I wanted to note this as I would forget it over the night "Twilight had once told her once that at the moment of Sonic Rainboom"
double use of the word "once" in there. Thought you might like to know.
I'm really enjoying this, and I don't even like clop.
I'm not kidding you I'm skipping over the particularly /croaks out in an old man voice/ Eeeerrrroooottttiiiiiic \ends\ parts just so I can get back to the exceptional humour and drama writing.
Great stuff, great and very realistic and totally in character ending. Loving it almost as much as Dash loves Egghead. ALMOST.
Finally, someone else who hates that abominable term. I cannot stand marefriend. If I went about calling my significant other my Womanfriend, she'd probably smack me--I don't see why it would be any different in Equestria.
586305 It would work as a direct translation, but it also sounds stupid.
And I refuse to use "Special Somepony" in any situation that doesn't call for the reader rolling their eyes at how uncharacteristically sappy they're being.
Precisely! The word we should be using is fillyfriend--hell, it even sounds better than marefriend. Now if everyone could be reasonable in realizing they're using the wrong damn word, we could all live in peace and harmony and bask in the literal correctness of our ponified terms.
586347 I personally like the terms (both of them), but since the show itself has used the word Girlfriend in the H&H day episode, that's perfectly valid (moreso than the ponified version). Anyway it was an excellent chapter, and you capture their characters extremely well. I certainly cannot wait for the next one.
Also, small niggling thing, I did see the use of the term "footsteps" in there. Not sure if it's intentional or not, just pointing it out.
586509 It's something I'm still struggling with. I'll use "Hoofsteps" if I'm describing the actual stepping of hooves, because footsteps absolutely doesn't work there and I am describing a specific action. In the usage here, it's describing the sound, and I think more people know what footsteps sound like than hoofsteps. I dunno, it's something I spent far too long thinking about!
589717>>589607 Yeah, it was always my intention to tell more of a story with this one. At its core, it's a shipping fic, but that doesn't mean there can't be external story elements too!
Bucking amazing my friend! I like this story more than i should: it is like "Building Bridges" or "Flying High, Falling Hard", but with sex too. Can't go wrong with that! I'll say that FH,FH has a lot more drama/romance stuff to it, it is in its 20-odd-th chapter. Meh. Lovin the story, probably more than i should yep, for the sex Don't judge me! ... god I'm talking to emotocons of ponies. What is wrong with me. OH RIGHT not reading fanfiction about ponies
Just a couple of points. I think I noticed one or two spelling/grammatical errors in there somewhere, but I've since lost them; if you're going through it, just keep in mind that they're (probably (possibly (not very likely (entirely plausibly not actually)))) there.
And the other thing: Star Spokes had a very powerful aura through his speech, even when he admitted his misgivings. All of that seemed to suddenly drop away with his very last line - it seemed just a bit contrasting, a bit too lax compared to his earlier lines. That may have been your intention, but it threw me off a little while I was reading it.
I'm not trying to push my writing style onto you - you're clearly a much better author than I am - but that's what I thought as a reader, not a writer. Yes, they're tiny little things, but sometimes they make all the difference.
Otherwise, utterly brilliant as always. Keep the good stuff flowing.
606818 Oh, there are most certainly some errors in there. I could probably catch them if I proofread harder, but... I'm lazy. I'll hit the whole thing when it's done, but that'll probably take a few days.
As for Star Spokes, that was intentional, albeit a little heavy handed. It was meant to show that he was fairly laid back and approachable when it came to his work and that Twilight wasn't being mislead at all. Heavy handed, I admit.
Damnit TAW, stop making me have feels in my clops... at least this one didn't make me want to cry soon after being aroused, but still the point is there
648162 Don't try too hard on my account. You already succeeded in making me cry after clopping in Chapter 5... it was a very... odd... experience, and not one I'm eager to have again
So.. I noticed that I never posted that comment I had promised, let me make it up to you.(Been a while since i read this, but I guess there are some things which are still on my mind)
The chapter was nice and I liked how it contiunes where the other part left off. Giving it a feeling of purpes and not just running in circles.But there were a few things I did not like all too much,(though it might just be personal taste) sadly I forgot most of them... The only main thing I remember is that it felt a bit contrived how the whole thing was resolved. The fact that it came down to someone being simply lazzy and a misunderstanding GREATLY harms both, the credibility of those mages in the tower and even the respect for Twilight to some extent.(as honestly, someone who puts such great weight on a group of people THAT useless.. doesnt speak good)
I guess my point is, the simple resolution to it does not do justice to any of the characters involved in the conflict, it makes all of them look silly to some extent. Which like I said, might be personal taste... you could argue going for comedic value, but as this is starting to follow a set continuinty I felt like bringing it up.
If anyone wishes to argue differently, you are welcome to. It has honestly been way to long since I read this and I am just speaking of kind clouded memory.
681508 I suppose it was resolved rather quickly, but I think the only people with egg on their faces were the Corral--and even then you can't really blame them. The letter Twilight sent in wasn't professional or well backed up and her claims were extraordinary, turning it down is fairly sane. It's an element that'll probably recur later as Twilight's discoveries start to really make waves.
I'm loving this new dynamic scientific part. It takes 15 years to train a scientist, so it doesn't surprise me that even someone as gifted as Twilight would improperly document early in her early marehood. I'm sure she'll come around though, judging by Star Spokes' rather positive discourse.
Magnificent. I've always been fascinated by the way different authors depict how magic works within a fandom. Your description was startlingly accurate (like every single other word of your writing) and fulfilling. Not to mention the hottest hornjob scene I've read to date. Bravo.
Yeah... What is there to say that hasn't already been said?
I think I'll just say this: The reaction of Star Spokes when he finally gets the crystal in his hoofs, and what he says afterward. I can't explain why, but I think it was really great.
this lacks ponyisms, I saw girlfriend and anyBODY when it should be marefriend and anypony
582106
I've never liked "marefriend" as a term--but that anybody should indeed be an anypony, ta.
yay
Probably best chapter so far. I'm now convinced this isn't cheap clopfic.
Great chapter, and I shocked dash was not locked up LOL
he read a book i like, he must be a pretty cool guy.
582275
TAW will be hurt you don't consider this cheap clopfic.
But seriously, very enjoyable chapter. I love Dash's assertiveness being the antidote to Twilight's instinctive submission to authority.
582106
Watch hearts and hooves day. Girlfriend FTW.
Yay! More happy fun stuff! I love agressive Dash here; it's hot, apart from the sex.
Great, long-awaited addition to the story.
There were a few errors, such as where you referred to Spike as "her", but nothing we can't ignore.
I look forward to the next chapter! Keep it up!
583254
...that neither I nor anybody who proofread it caught that is shameful, ta.
582808
I'm trying to play it as sort of "Loyalty taken a bit too far"--but yes, it makes her very hot.
thank you so much TAW, your update came just in time! This chapter definately lived up to expectations, surpassed them even. And I can over look amy mistakes made by such a brilliant author! 9002/10
To late(3:30 AM) to write a fullblown post/review, I'll do that tomorrow... but I wanted to note this as I would forget it over the night
"Twilight had once told her once that at the moment of Sonic Rainboom"
double use of the word "once" in there. Thought you might like to know.
585090
derp derp derp
thanks
I'm really enjoying this, and I don't even like clop.
I'm not kidding you I'm skipping over the particularly /croaks out in an old man voice/ Eeeerrrroooottttiiiiiic \ends\ parts just so I can get back to the exceptional humour and drama writing.
Great stuff, great and very realistic and totally in character ending. Loving it almost as much as Dash loves Egghead.
ALMOST.
585602
I'm actually considering doing a sfw version of it once it's finished and I'm doing a full editing sweep anyway!
582129
Finally, someone else who hates that abominable term. I cannot stand marefriend. If I went about calling my significant other my Womanfriend, she'd probably smack me--I don't see why it would be any different in Equestria.
585837 Then by that logic, fillyfriend would work fine.
586305
It would work as a direct translation, but it also sounds stupid.
And I refuse to use "Special Somepony" in any situation that doesn't call for the reader rolling their eyes at how uncharacteristically sappy they're being.
586305
Precisely! The word we should be using is fillyfriend--hell, it even sounds better than marefriend. Now if everyone could be reasonable in realizing they're using the wrong damn word, we could all live in peace and harmony and bask in the literal correctness of our ponified terms.
586347 I personally like the terms (both of them), but since the show itself has used the word Girlfriend in the H&H day episode, that's perfectly valid (moreso than the ponified version). Anyway it was an excellent chapter, and you capture their characters extremely well. I certainly cannot wait for the next one.
Also, small niggling thing, I did see the use of the term "footsteps" in there. Not sure if it's intentional or not, just pointing it out.
586509
It's something I'm still struggling with. I'll use "Hoofsteps" if I'm describing the actual stepping of hooves, because footsteps absolutely doesn't work there and I am describing a specific action. In the usage here, it's describing the sound, and I think more people know what footsteps sound like than hoofsteps. I dunno, it's something I spent far too long thinking about!
This is quickly becoming one of my favorites, a mature story that actually has a good story, that's only happened about.... three times?
Looking forward to more
that was my reaction to Rainbow hitting that "impressively solid magical barrier"
589717>>589607
Yeah, it was always my intention to tell more of a story with this one. At its core, it's a shipping fic, but that doesn't mean there can't be external story elements too!
589887
And succeeding wonderfully! the stories that have shipping, but do not necessarily revolve around them are often the best ones for that reason.
Bucking amazing my friend! I like this story more than i should: it is like "Building Bridges" or "Flying High, Falling Hard", but with sex too. Can't go wrong with that! I'll say that FH,FH has a lot more drama/romance stuff to it, it is in its 20-odd-th chapter. Meh. Lovin the story, probably more than i should yep, for the sex Don't judge me!
... god I'm talking to emotocons of ponies. What is wrong with me. OH RIGHT not reading fanfiction about ponies
And suddenly, Dimension hopping Sweetie Belle appears!!
Awkward...
I love your story, in particular the small tips on how twilight and rainbow are quite powerful
Just a couple of points. I think I noticed one or two spelling/grammatical errors in there somewhere, but I've since lost them; if you're going through it, just keep in mind that they're (probably (possibly (not very likely (entirely plausibly not actually)))) there.
And the other thing: Star Spokes had a very powerful aura through his speech, even when he admitted his misgivings. All of that seemed to suddenly drop away with his very last line - it seemed just a bit contrasting, a bit too lax compared to his earlier lines. That may have been your intention, but it threw me off a little while I was reading it.
I'm not trying to push my writing style onto you - you're clearly a much better author than I am - but that's what I thought as a reader, not a writer. Yes, they're tiny little things, but sometimes they make all the difference.
Otherwise, utterly brilliant as always. Keep the good stuff flowing.
Oh, and keep writing, too.
606818
Oh, there are most certainly some errors in there. I could probably catch them if I proofread harder, but... I'm lazy. I'll hit the whole thing when it's done, but that'll probably take a few days.
As for Star Spokes, that was intentional, albeit a little heavy handed. It was meant to show that he was fairly laid back and approachable when it came to his work and that Twilight wasn't being mislead at all. Heavy handed, I admit.
Damnit TAW, stop making me have feels in my clops... at least this one didn't make me want to cry soon after being aroused, but still the point is there
646958
I'm working on the tears. You'll break eventually.
648162
Don't try too hard on my account. You already succeeded in making me cry after clopping in Chapter 5... it was a very... odd... experience, and not one I'm eager to have again
649016
Woo!
So.. I noticed that I never posted that comment I had promised, let me make it up to you.(Been a while since i read this, but I guess there are some things which are still on my mind)
The chapter was nice and I liked how it contiunes where the other part left off. Giving it a feeling of purpes and not just running in circles.But there were a few things I did not like all too much,(though it might just be personal taste) sadly I forgot most of them... The only main thing I remember is that it felt a bit contrived how the whole thing was resolved. The fact that it came down to someone being simply lazzy and a misunderstanding GREATLY harms both, the credibility of those mages in the tower and even the respect for Twilight to some extent.(as honestly, someone who puts such great weight on a group of people THAT useless.. doesnt speak good)
I guess my point is, the simple resolution to it does not do justice to any of the characters involved in the conflict, it makes all of them look silly to some extent. Which like I said, might be personal taste... you could argue going for comedic value, but as this is starting to follow a set continuinty I felt like bringing it up.
If anyone wishes to argue differently, you are welcome to. It has honestly been way to long since I read this and I am just speaking of kind clouded memory.
681508
I suppose it was resolved rather quickly, but I think the only people with egg on their faces were the Corral--and even then you can't really blame them. The letter Twilight sent in wasn't professional or well backed up and her claims were extraordinary, turning it down is fairly sane. It's an element that'll probably recur later as Twilight's discoveries start to really make waves.
Dash started, before walking towards Twilight and squeezing inside her hole.
By Odin, how did I miss that line the first time through? That was about five minutes ago, and I've only just stopped laughing.
Well played, sir.
Dash-i-chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!
I'm loving this new dynamic scientific part. It takes 15 years to train a scientist, so it doesn't surprise me that even someone as gifted as Twilight would improperly document early in her early marehood. I'm sure she'll come around though, judging by Star Spokes' rather positive discourse.
Lovin' that library sex too.
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw5004-Fluttershy_sort_of_want-n1309740560665.png
Magnificent. I've always been fascinated by the way different authors depict how magic works within a fandom. Your description was startlingly accurate (like every single other word of your writing) and fulfilling.
Not to mention the hottest hornjob scene I've read to date.
Bravo.
Yeah... What is there to say that hasn't already been said?
I think I'll just say this:
The reaction of Star Spokes when he finally gets the crystal in his hoofs, and what he says afterward. I can't explain why, but I think it was really great.
This is The Best Story Ever... I wish it would never end
2864893 this story is truly wonderful every chapter has satisfied me and kept me entertained despite a lack of drama (of the typical sort ie: fight )
"To" should be "too."