But Here's What Really Happened

The fanfic that promises to end the Derpy Hooves controversy once and for all!

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 7 )

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IraqLobstah

IraqLobstah #1 · Mar 3rd, 2012 · · ·

What i thought about this fic :

encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ9aePqzynFfUyVTineq-8ouNG06neUAoqDVQ_QKEQR1wTcz9uW

While this is playing in the background : DERP

Cheers
~iraqlobstah

Kaijutsu

Kaijutsu #2 · Mar 3rd, 2012 · 1 · ·

It was good in the beginning, but around the time when Derpy attempted to pick up her muffins, it seemed to speed up. You started making your paragraphs shorter and less descriptive and to be honest it felt rushed. The ending is especially bad. You rush through major events like the citizen's response to the revelation and how Twilight could possibly get that spell to work if her memory was erased. Also, the motivation of your antagonists is flimsy at best. Why do they want this? And why did they screw up Derpy's order? Their plan work have gone off without a hitch if they hadn't. This could work, it just needs improvement.

pjabrony

pjabrony #3 · Mar 3rd, 2012 · 1 · ·

282471

Thanks for reading. I was actually going for that pacing. This is a fic based around a central joke, that an obsessed fan is retconning everything to the ridiculous (and hopefully humorous) notion that the altered Derpy scene is actually a separate event from the original. So once I get there I want to A: go as fast as possible on that punch line and B: ramp up the crazy.

Kaijutsu

Kaijutsu #4 · Mar 3rd, 2012 · · ·

282493 As I was reading I though that it might have been a parody. However, it seems a little too toned down for that. I suggest going back and making that seem more obvious. I think it would help you avoid any others making the same mistake.

Greatandpowerfulnoah