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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Grinding that one out was a bit grueling.
I actually enjoyed this chapter. I got to say that I enjoyed Harmonia's personality and her interaction with Eric. She's motherly, playful, caring, yet she doesn't tolerate disrespect and can be threatening. I didn't like how she occasionally threatened Eric, but I found it hilariously whenever she tease him and flirted with him...especially in front of her daughters and Etpinego who didn't like her flirting with Eric. The backstory of Harmonia and the Elements was interesting and I did find the solution to fixing the Elements regarding the Mane 6 to be a shocker. Lastly, I was really laughing watching Harmonia acting like a human, eating meat, flirting with Eric in front of his girls, demanding a grandchild, and promising to visit the girls (and this scaring Eric) for four months. Gilzia, Pyre, and Etpinego's interaction with Harmonia was great, especially how flustered they got when they found out that Eric can impregnate them. The ending of the chapter with Eric having to please Pyre, had me laughing, though a small part of me wishes to see them spend some sexy times together and an even bigger part wants to see Harmonia appearing again soon. Congratulations because this is the best chapter yet.
Unexpected. In a good way. That's how I would describe this chapter. As for the Main Six as Alicorns. Doesn't really phase me. Although in the first couple of chapter there was a part that hinted at the Biblical God and Harmonia had known each other and I always thought that would be a cool relationship to expand on in the story.
5734670 Yeah, sorry about that I guess I'll try and not make too many chapters in the future this long. No promises though.
5734686 Harmonia's character was fun to write, although I had to go through this chapter a couple of times till I got a personality that I liked. Plus I wanted to show that even though she's very powerful she still has faults and quirks to her personality. Yet she isn't above using her strength to ensure certain things go her way. We'll be seeing more of the Queen and get to see more of her back story as the story progresses.
5734689 I figure most people won't care if the Mane 6 are alicorns but I know there was quite a rift among the fandom when Twilight became one in the show. Had never seen it done in a HiE fic, much less a MiE fic, and it just seemed like something fun to do.
The Old God and Harmonia idea was something I was kicking around at the beginning of the story, which was used in the different Mythos of the species of Equus to explain how things happened that are unknown to them. I even thought about making it that Harmonia was this unknown God's wife/ lover/ etc. and they were both part of a parthenon for a brief period of time, and all the species were created by them together, including humanity, but in the end, however, I decided agains it Instead going with the point that these were the stories and myths that have been told for countless generations of events that were never recorded. So more than likely some details have been exageratted or made up over time, including the parts of Gods having a hand in it.
Geez when I was reading about Celestia and Luna being reunited with their mother Stevie Wonder's isn't she lovely was playing on the radio. My feels took a hit that felt like it was delivered by Muhammad Ali. In his prime.
LLAP Leonard Nemoy.
Ha-Ha-Ha, Eric got the little blue pills.
Course, that could mean he doesn't get to see how far the rabbit hole goes.
*New chapter*
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I’m not entirely sure the first point applies to heat, but let’s say it does.
I can say that, since the size doesn’t matter but hilting ability does, a human male’s endurance would absolutely floor any mares and humiliate the stallions. Mares - stallions are quick to reach orgasms too, so we’d give them multiple ones.
harmonia is nice yes, but to be honest i dont really like the whole alicorn six that much. feels like you just pulled a deus ex machina on the story
neat chapter, it was very interesting to read thought i am weary about the idea of an all alicorn main 6 how that would all work. it just strikes me as being something that is going to be really hard to write for considering now so many important characters but the protagonist have a proverbial nuke button attached to their forehead.
one thing that did strike me as odd though was Why. at the start of the chapter Harmonia made it sound like some big bad was about to happen and she needed Eric's help rather then wanting him to just fuck her daughters which was already happening and she knew it, then mid chapter it felt like she was going to give him some sort of gift which i guess the pills count but again it still doesnt fit the building considering she was going to just drag all the mares there anyway and do what she did. She has complete control in that pocket dimension so she didn't even need Eric to play the mediator between the two groups.
What i guess i am trying to say is she had no real reason given to us for dragging Eric there other then purely exopistion dump for the reader and a rather over-played sex joke at the end of the chapter
When you said controversial everything, but mane six super horse team go(!), came to mind. I'll be honest I was silently hoping for you to make ageless, happing ending and all that.
I'd say it's not controversial enough, get the drama bomb going.
MANE. SIX. ALICORNS?!?
*Produces bunker busting missile* AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Turning the Mane 6 into a bunch of fucking Mary Sues… with this I completely lost all my interest in this story, bye.
5735696 I can't think about other 4 mane. i mean twilight like B mac.
Rarity have a herd. well. i don't know about 3 mane.
Soo, how will the other Bearers' parents react to their daughters extra limbs?
Btw, humans did not evolve from a predator species, we evolved from vegetarian apes that gained an around 30% increase in brain mass after getting used to digesting meat due to its high energy density and our new need to hunt without natural tools and instincts. It should also be said that it was only a group of humans who changed their diet to omnivore and those who didn't died out.
You know nothing
John SnowHarmonia.No backlash from me. Curious to see what you are going to pull out of a hat since they'll all outlive Eric now.
5735981 Other than Neanderthal (carnivore) the current consensus is that the ancestors of humanity were obligate omnivores that ate meat fairly regularly.
The Journal of Human Evolution has a lot of studies about it actually, including a neat one about cut mark data on bones from the Olduvai Gorge where hominids used tools to strip (abundant) flesh from bone. This does cover H. Habilis, Paranthropus Boisei, and H. Erectus timeframes.
5734933 Glad you seemed to like it
5735093 Yes!!! Someone got the reference.
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5735388 Hope I got what you're saying but yeah the pills have nothing to do with the act. They're more like fertility drugs to help them conceive a baby. But yeah going with the fact that while Eric may not be as massive as a stallion his endurance and sexual knowledge makes him better in bed. The way I'm going with it is that it is the mare's heat that triggers a male's arousal, and the mare is the one who initiates sex. So being as the mares are already primed, so to speak, due to their heat they pretty much just jump right on into it. Kind of Wham! Bam! Thank you ma'am! That's why Luna/Pyre was so surprised that Eric didn't jump right into it, instead performing oral, much to her eventual enjoyment.
5735468 Lets hope not In the end I look at is as the characters are the same they just have a couple of new features and abilities now. None of them are going to be using the abilities that they weren't born with right away or with any competence anytime soon. It will be a learning curve for them, along with trying to transition from their normal lives to now having to deal with being royals and second in power to the throne only to Celestia and Luna.
The Mane 6 becoming alicorns has always been in the plans for the story, just the original draft would have had it happen more at the end of the last arc before the final conclusion. But I think I can still work with it as it is now, because I'm sure some other countries won't like the fact that Equestria wields so much power now.
5735566 So is the problem with first person stories I've come to find.
She mentioned that there are threats out in the multiverse that could make their way to Equus's universe, but she wasn't strong enough to ensure the integrity of the barrier any longer and needed the Mane 6 to take up their roles so that she could devote her power more to the barrier and her duties.
The rest of the Mane 6 might have the ability to become all powerful...eventually. They're not going to know how to use any of this anytime soon. Right now they're just more durable and immortal, not invincible. I mean even Celestia has been shown able to be beaten. So don't expect Applejack to start flying or using magic anytime soon. Same goes for the others.
5735567 I think I can do that.
5735696 MWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
5735862 sorry it wasn't what you were looking for, and thanks for giving it a chance.
5735896 Those may or may not be worked out as the story progresses, but it may only be in exposition from Eric's POV
5735981 Harmonia: m.quickmeme.com/img/e6/e6024f006648618cf4f00fbbf9f01cd3795c328b1fae163aab81f05f26f6d511.jpg
5736036 Yeah, we'll all have to see, myself included
5736140 I agree and might do it in another story. Like I mentioned in an earlier reply I wanted to make Harmonia and the Old God part of a group of deities that all of human and Equus mythology was based off.
We'll see if that was the right choice as we go along.
5736419 We still didn't evolve from predators, we were prey who turned hunter gathers.
5736481 Truth.
You couldn't resist, could you?
Also, I love those little hole-in-the-wall restaurants. They always have the best food.
5736641 Not really. I try to add one reference per chapter if I can.
+1 on the ma and pop restaurants having the best food and atmosphere.
5736718 They do. The old airstream diners are great! I really love the little mom and pop truck stops. When I was little, dad drove for a quarry. He would make regular runs to one of their outlying supply quarries to get slabs and boulders or sandstone. On our way back, we would stop at a place that made THE BEST pancakes and waffles. It had the old white and black tiles, stainless steel up the wazoo. The kitchen was visible through a rectangular window with the order wheel. The pancakes were so fluffy and light, it felt like chewing on a cloud. The Chef always put a smile of whipped cream on the top. Dad and I were regulars, so when the waitress saw us, she only asked "the usual?". God I miss going to that place. It was always packed with truckers. I saw several dads who were taking their kids with them there. For the life of me, I can't remember the name of the place, or if they are still open.
It is too bad that the mom and pop places are dying out.
5736806 Yeah, if I'm ever out somewhere I'm always willing to go to a mom and pops over the others. The problem is most of them are hidden and only known to the locals because the chain restaurants have all setup by the main thoroughfares.
5736826 Exactly! You have to search them out. If I can I always take the back roads, because that is the real America, and that is how you find those little mom and pop places.
Well ... you did worn us ahead of time that this chapter would bee different! And ... OH BOY where you not kidding when you said that Harmonia is there to mix thing's up!
My one problem is how Eric reacted at the beginning. I mean ... COME ON ... you have 3 beautiful girl's that are at you're feet and you ... react without the slightest bit of hesitation in regarding to going back home by geting angry for not beeing able to! . Man ... you spoiled him!
Thank you for making one of my biggest wishes come true. Eric get's to impregnate not one, not two, but TREE Alicorns (2 Future Queans and 1 Princes) . And let's not forget the 2 ambassadors from the Gala that are after Eric as well. The probability's for untold chaos in this alone is limitless and I think Discord would be jealous. Now, about the reference's (And boy are there a few in this chapter). They were well places (Loved the ones regarding the Matrix, Avangers and Stargate SG1) and I was under the impression in about 3/4 of the chapter that the TARDIS would appear and the Doctor would help Harmonia explain all the wibbly wobbly timey wimey ... stuff.
Regarding the mane 6 becoming alicons ... weeellllll ... I am split here.
On one side I am looking forward to seeing how the other character's well react to this news. But I am really looking forward on seeing how the other royal family members will react.
This is just a small imagination I am having now.
On the other side. I am not looking forward on how the other countries will react (The nightmare from chapter 22 comes in mind)!
All in all it was a great chapter and let's see what happens next!
5736371 no worries
5736248 Love it!
5737507 Eric has been shown to be an...well, emotional person, in sudden situations, and I think he was just excited in the moment at hearing that there was a way for him to return home, after seven months away from it and being told he wouldn't go home. I can say from personal experience after a few months of deployment, when you know your going to go home, you're excited to go so I can only imagine that he would be more so. I think if she did say she would send him home would the initial moment pass and he would remember his commitments to his herdmates, thus making his decision harder.
I'm sure the royalty of Equestria and the other nations of the world will be surprised by this sudden shift in power. Unfortunately it will only be told through expositions unless Eric is personally there. So is the issue with 1st person stories and why I've thought about switching to 3rd person for the following arcs because we will be expanding out from Equestria as a whole after this arc.
The kid thing I will continue to expand on and only hope it brings nothing but happiness to the young herdmates.
There is such a thing as Too Many Alicorns.
This whole language thing was interesting, but this chapter blows it completely... Or may be it's just me?
5739805 Maybe it is or maybe it's me. I just don't view alicorns as the all powerful god-ponies everyone else does for some reason. Strong, yes. Immortal, yes. Infallible, no. Invincible, no. I'll just have to see this story to the end and let you, the readers, tell me if whether or not all of you thought it was the right thing to do.
....Damnit,I didn't press the B button in time...they evolved.
5739975 nice
5739975
I tend to give mine everstones...
nice
5755961 Yeah decided to go with anthro mainly for the realism factor. That and I got a little lazy and didn't want to try and explain how a hoof could grasp things.
Never really said where he landed but it wasn't in the Everfree forest. That's why AJ was surprised by the arrival of the Timberwolves, because they weren't supposed to be there.
The language is a Caesar cypher I did on normal English till I got something that sounded foreign.
5755985 From one Southerner to another, there's noway I could write her without some kind of country dialect. So even in the language the way she pronounces words and speakd is slightly different than the others.
I think it's a matter of POV. Really not trying to make the ponies seem helpless, in fact trying to do the opposite by having AJ be the one to actually stand up to the wolves, and it's only after she's rendered unconscious that Eric could find the courage to actually fight.
5756008 Meh, who needs subtlety when trying to find a way to get home. The prime directive can bite it at that moment.
5756082 just barely, there are some ponies more his size or bigger, just your average pony is shorter. Mares are between 5' - 5'4" while stallions range around 5'3"- 5'8".
5756168 Small details that I forgot about honestly