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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Oh snap, two in one day. I like this.
EDIT: I think the mention of fluids and the genital grinding action may call for a mature tag. I don't know, I'll let the more experienced decide that.
ugh i hate herds and i dont know why but it always bugs me when an MC gets involved in one, o well great story keep up the good work.
3832577 Meh can't hurt to change it anyways I guess, better to be safe than sorry I guess.
3832698 Yeah I can see where your coming from with the whole herd thing, but hopefully in the end it doesn't draw too much away from the story for you.
At least I don't plan on making it a "let's see how many mares we can get into this thing" type of herd story.
Awesome
3833061 Yeah I didn't like how it ended so I fixed it and it's back up.
3833411 True and I don't believe that the princesses are above deceit, afterall they still haven't told him the real reason for forming the bond with him in the first place. Sometime in the future I hope to explain more on Gilzia's prior knowledge of humanity, especially that part of her knowing how to write a sentence in a language that didn't even exist prior to the other species arriving at that world.
3834537 Yeah thought someone in the military other than fighter pilots, spec ops, and marines deserved a chance to go to Equestria and who better than a maintainer, the Al Bundy's of the military.
3833789 Crpbasket's someone's catching on.
3832847 Yeah I know. Really need to sit down and find a proofreader/editor before I continue on too much further, because when I read back through old chapters I'm finding more stuff that got missed than I would like there to be.
3835272 Glad you like.
I have to admit, I think I like this ending better. It shows the conflict between the man who is falling in love, and the warrior who has his duty to perform better than the previous ending.
Goddammit cockblocked again!
3839300 And that's why I changed it. I originally didn't intend for any kind of romantic interaction like this from the princesses till about two more events had happened, or was it three? Anyways, it would have been closer to the three year mark which would have made it more conflicting for Eric. But somehow the whole relationship thing came up as I was setting up this Ball thing and I decided to put it in now and hope for the best. Thanks a lot Vivmay , and also didn't help that the princesses are currently going through their heat
Now he just has to try and make it up to the two mares that he made cry, and decide if he's willing to give up his past to start a relationship with them. Providing nothing else happens , yup nothing else. Damn it!
3840758
You know the oath. We can't give up until we've exhausted every impossible option to get back in contact with the States. Even then we are still expect to uphold our oaths until our dying breath.
Still, I think he could figure out a loophole to exploit, if he put the time into thinking about it. I figure, that as long as he has a way to get and stay in contact with the US, I don't see why he couldn't just become the advanced scout for whatever diplomatic party they'd send over. Nothing like fostering healthy relations with the leaders of a foreign power
3839347 Yeah it'll happen a lot to the poor guy. If he's not being evesdropped on by a pair of alicorns who share a mental link with him , another alicorn who drops in on him in the shower , royal guards who wind up next to him in bed, or a certain apple farmer who's the world's biggest cocktease with that firm backside of hers
If only there was a way for him to relieve all that pent up sexual frustration without any consequences? hmmm
Oh well, till that happens it's back to the gym for more lifting.
3840793 So much "possible" shipping, and I'm not even done introducing all the characters yet. Still have to get our poor maintainer to stay in Equestria, or I may not let him choose any of them andsend him back home.
3840795 Yes after many hours of long, hard, and difficult debating I can see it now, "TSgt Eric Broussard, the only conqueror in history to conqueror through breeding"
His oath to the Air Force last for the length of his enlistment, but we both know that doesn't technically end till he's discharged and kind of hard to get your discharge paperwork when you're lost on some alien world. Don't think there's an APO address for Equestria yet Still for some princess booty down the line I'm sure he'll find a loophole, or do like any good 7-lvl maintainer and just say, "Fck it!"
He's already technically the ambassador of Earth because he's the only representative from there. Which means... oh dear God what have I done! I made a maintainer their world's first ambassador
Eh, I'm sure it'll be okay
3840906
Not so much a loophole out of getting those discharge papers (I'm fairly certain that is sealed up tighter the drawer with those Humvee keys and Chem-light batteries), but rather, the need to head back State side to report to his CO everything that has happened, brief POTUS and State on the new species he came across, and that he is the first and only human to ever go skydiving without a parachute, and survive to tell the tale. Though he will need to head back eventually, the Green Weenie still has his phone
3840975 If he's able to go home?
Green Weenie , you crazy Marines, oh that's a good one. But I'm sure if Eric ends up with even just the princesses he'd make any excuse he could to return to that pair of booties.
3841002
I'm fairly certain with what he's got waiting for him once he gets those DD-214 papers, he'd pimp-slap the Devil in the middle of Hell to get them
3841011 Amen to that, and he may just have to in the end
3841036
Well, if he fails, I may know an ex-infantryman willing to give them a shoulder to cry on
3841045 Yes tears would be shed over many an alcoholic drink.
"I saw perfection in both of its forms and held them in my hands. Do you hear me in my hands! " and then he would proceed to drink Jaegerbombs, and hard liqour till he passed out in someone's yard three counties away.
Yayyy!
Blueballs for everyone!
3841297 Yeah I'm such a sadistic bastard.
Well, overall I enjoyed the story. Despite its premise being somewhat generic and overused, it had that something that kept me wanting to read more after the end of each chapter
As for the technical matters... you could use some proofreading help
Your main gripe it punctuation. You quite often write run-on sentences and forget to add commas where they are needed--and a sentence can mean many different things with commas placed in different spots, so I often had to reread those punctuation-less fragments a few times to get their meaning.
Also, sometimes your sentence structure seems to be all over the place and it is difficult to discern what did you want to relay in them. Here is an example from some earlier chapter:
Anyway, I will be looking forward to future chapters
3877276 Thank you for the critique and I have to agree with you whole-heartedly. Unfortunately sentence structure has always been my weak point and I realize that the story could use a proofreader/ editor, but so far my search for one has not garnered any results.
Still it is my hope that the story still compels you to continue to read it, as I am compelled to write it.
3875616 The language is a mix of two different ciphers that I use on normal English to create the made up language of Equis. Wanted the races of Equestria to speak different languages from us, because I found it hard to believe that a society that had been completely cut off from our world would be speaking any kind of language from Earth, much less English.
3841297
Nice name
3892783 I think it would be a cool sight to see as well
Hmm....best words that could be applied to this from the Scottish language
"Close yir een an remember me"
I bet ten dollars that someone knows what I am quoting from.
3923178 "We Were Soilders" by Sgt Mackenzie. The only real reason I know this, other than the fact that it was a great movie. Is back in BMT our MTI would play this song everytime he was about ready to punish our flight. Needless to say I heard it alot. Still better than "Reveille" at the buttcrack of dawn.
3923569 I don't question it, I just roll with it thanks to Crooms
NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3931582 Is that a good no or a bad no?
Dude, you are extremely talented. Clop doesn't have to be pointless, as it can contribute to the plot. What you could do is start a separated story with clop scenes, and that is the chapters. Just clop where it could happen.
Goddammit, this is making me groan in frustration and pity. Just fking do it already, migod
You, sir, are truly a talented writer. Have some mustaches
5104131 LOL thanks, don't worry it gets worse for poor Eric before it'll ever get better
Story: still plausible. Good shit you're breaking records man.
Surprised there's no "right in the feels gifs" in the comments.
So I say this...comment section...have your fun.
He conquers his desires yet again. A little backlash this time, so there's that. When will he fail at anything and fail big?
You stupid bastard! What the he'll is your problem you jackass!!!
Well that makes sense. Since they are effectively immortal they are the ultimate black widows. So when they say "for life" they mean your life. They don't have to kill their spouses, time will. Doesn't mean they don't love them while they are there though. And since, currently, the sample size for alicorns is effectively five (if you count Harmonia) they can say they mate for life all they want. Especially since no one will outlive them to tell them otherwise.
Also, six if we count little Flurry and she turns out to be a thing here.
5361689 media.giphy.com/media/7hdxWL8FAJfmU/giphy.gif
5104550 "LOL..." "gets worse. .."
Lol it only gets worse, just a little.
Out of context your comment is entertaining as hell.
Eric Broussard is a cad!
To refuse heartfelt love, just because he has this belief that he will... somehow return to Earth... even though no one, NO ONE, is working one this problem!
And, he refuses his own love for them!
No wonder he is single.
8042001 the whole "mental bond" thing probably isn't helping much though
8042001
To be fair though, it will still cause them immense grief in the end cause they are ageless while he has a limit on how long he lives, while judging by how Luna said that she had other lover's we can't know for sure how much she loved them compared to Eric and same goes to celestia, if they loved so much more than there previous lover's you can guess they will enter a state of critical depression.
If I was in his place, I would do the same cause it's better they find someone like them who is ageless and immortal than me who would die in the next 30-40 year's which is miniscule compared to the alicorns.