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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Huh, thought they used magic. Instead they're telepathic. Nice!
3477993 Yeah needed someway for the princesses to speak with him being as magic has no effect on him. Seemed like making mental connections would not be above a goddesses natural abilities.
3478558 LOL classic.
.... I wouldn't complain about the whole mind reading at all.
It would be interesting
3478806 We'll see how interesting Eric finds it as time goes on. It'll also be fun to see if the bond last and what are the full parameters of it being as it's never been done before.
3479170
.... That would be interesting the bedroom situations...
.... That could lead to some serious multiways....
This should go well
3479314 If it eventually leads that way :insert evil laugh:
But seriously, not sure if he's even going to form any relationships beyond friendship, as much as I may want him to end up in a sexy harem by the end of it.
3479333
Either way, I wish I was in his situation
3479456 I agree entirely.
3479486
I had a witty and humorous reply, sadly I was distracted by a burrito moment with a girl...
3479922 LOL
3480004
And kyrsp33dy
3505813 LOL didn't actually think that someone would actually try and break the cipher but good job. Hoping that foreign languages are done for awhile, but be warned that it will be in future chapters.
Seems good so far, will like and fav
3510759 Thank you I'm glad you like it so far, and hope you continue to enjoy it.
3511296 Btw, I am totally pro-Blueblood-torture.
3511330 LOL I will keep that in mind. As much fun as it was to do that to him and I look forward to writing some more interactions between him and Eric. I'm still on the fence about how he will end up in the end.
3511359 With one less royalty please
3511381 We shall see. Maybe I'll start to explore some positive traits with his character, because I find it hard to believe that one raised around Princess Celestia in such close proximity like the fandom protrays would not have somekind of good side.
I may just be a real douche and give him a hero's death if and when he dies.
3511395 Sacrificing himself to save Rarity would be alright.
3511561 Not bad.
3514648 That would be correct Alex in Equis does mean "what."
I'm a maintainer and I do it because FUCK YEA GENERATORS N SHIT!
Great story, I personally dislike Humans in Equestria in every sense. And by dislike I of course mean I will stab you to death with a spoon.
HOWEVER, by some other-worldly force I sat down and read this. And enjoyed this. Greatly.
Have a thumbs up.
3525427 Thanks for the positive comment and hope you continue to enjoy the story. Wish I could update it faster but getting ready for another deployment and have been extremely busy.
My hope is to stay original and not do the cliché thing when it comes to a HiE story (still not entirely sure that's possible considering the whole concept is kind of cliché) much less one with a human who is in the military. Because I didn't want Eric to be somekind of spec ops super solider who saves Equestria single handedly and gets all the girls swooning over him. Plus they always say best to write what you know and I know crew chiefing.
So he will struggle and most of the time things may not work out for him. But in the end I would like for him to come out on top and maybe even find a little love in the process. Or I may just say f**k it and kill him mercilessly.
3525893
I actually find the events perfectly plausible. You know, assuming anthropomorphic ponies do exist and all. And being in Electrical Power Production (in training here at good ol Sheppard) myself, all of this stuff is painfully familiar (AIR FORCE SEXUAL ASSAULT).
The only thing I can actually say is keep on doing what seems good at the time, and I'll keep watching!
3525923 Will do and good luck with Sheppard (I'm assuming tech school), been about 9 yrs now since I've been to that base.
So when are gonna get to the part where we can actually like the main character? Everything else so far has been pretty good though can do with the cliché "Attacked by animals" bit. My only gripe so far has been he main character itself. Seen a lot of normal stuff you'd expect from a normal person what with the sexual thoughts and such given the situation but have yet so see anything really likeable about him. His quickness to anger really is off putting if it's just gonna keep making him do stuff that would make me say he was an idiot to him personally .
Only other nag I'd have is the utter incompintence of the guards. Really hope there is a point to them being easly just shoved off other than to make the main character look better or the fact that he is just taller than them.
3527143 Hopefully he should start getting more "likeable" as things begin to calm down and he's not so stressed about being in a strange land with no outlook of getting home.
As far as the guards I've tried to not portray them as incompetent, because I'm of the mindset that even though the royal guards position is more ceremonial they are still drawn from regular military units. My hope is that they haven't been viewed as incompetent because they were able to still keep Eric under control despite the fact of him being bigger and stronger than them.
Thanks for the critiques and I shall take them into advice to help improve my story.
i like it
3561963 Thanks, I'm glad you like it so far. Hope to have the next chapter done tomorrow or Mon.
I honestly hope the language barrier go's back up, at lest for names, that whole
Is really, really stupid. All names are words in some language, Eric is the Viking word for "Island Ruler" or something. I wouldn't feel comfortable if someone started to call me by my name translated into a different language because it wouldn't really be my name. Perhaps ponies are different and the meaning of the name is the important part, but wouldn't they be translating Eric's name into Equis?
Plus we still haven't heard Pinkies name in Equis.
3562089
...Do I even need to say it?
3574884 Sorry, busy week but I'm currently trying to finish re-typing the chapter tonight as I pack my bags for everyone to enjoy. Sorry
3575812
Uhhh... There, there everything will be alright. Ummm.. QUICK LOOK AT THE PUPPIES!
Whew, Crisis Averted
3575873 Yay, puppies!
But in all seriousness, desperately trying to get it posted tonight because after tomorrow I will more than likely not be available till sometime next week.
While you say that you are trying to write a normal person instead of a one-man army super soldier, you have still managed to write someone who thinks he is a super soldier.
Seriously, haven't this guy ever had any Conduct After Capture training?
While not exactly a prisoner of war or anything like that, he is stil lost in a strange land and very much dependent on help from the locals, on top of wich he has trouble communicating with.
Yet he continues to let his aggresion dictate his actions, instead of deescalating stressful situations.
His aggressive behavior in the cafe' when demanding answers from Twiligt, and then his attack on Blueblood, shows that Eric is completely incapable of reading the situations he find himself in, thereby lacking the opportunity to find a prober survival strategy.
Otherwise you have some very interesting things going for this story.
The stranger in a strange land is a very interesting story, and i liked his initial interaction with Applejack. I just do not like how he has conducted himself since then. I am not saying he should act meek and frightful, but there are better, and more tactful ways to interact with strange creatures.
Your idea of having clothes being optional is an unexpected, but actually somewhat locical conclusion when you anthropomorph the show. And tits are, as always, highly relevant.
I am going to read on to see wether i am going to favorite this story or not, but i just had to take a break to get this off my chest.
Edit: whow, sorry everyone, i acidentedly wall of text :(
Luna got jealous at celestia's hips, priceless
Note to self: throw Prince BlueBalls into a pit of parasites.
I wish I could see the image that he showed the two princesses that made luna blush and celly say she had to remember that lol
3704178 boooo don't be a party pooper dood! Just enjoy the story...daum bro
This story has a few interesting premises, like the language barrier and the magic immunity. But, there are a few things that makes immersion difficult.
1. Like others have said, Eric is way too hot blooded. He yells at Twilight when he knows she can't understand a word he's saying. He's too short with Rainbow and the guards, flipping out at the slightest touch. When Blueblood slapped him he escalated the situation by punching him in the gut, wrestling him to the ground and choking him. I can't empathize with Eric when he acts like a twelve year old with anger management issues. A trained soldier, and an aircraftman at that, should know how to handle stressful situations better than this.
2. Summary execution being a thing in Equestria. Sure, the princesses overruled Blueblood, but I can't imagine that a peaceful country like Equestria would have such macabre laws to begin with. They even give monsters like Nightmare Moon and Discord second chances. We're talking about a people who thinks catapults are for throwing pumpkins and baked goods at the enemy.
3. The feet. I know it shouldn't bother me so much, but it does. I just can't see how their whole society, which is almost perfectly anthro, walks around on bare, squishy, human feet. Sturdy hooves would make much more sense. You even did the fingernail hoof thing, which is pretty rare, so the feet really stick out.
I'll keep reading for a bit longer, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to get into the story.
6912025
1) He's way out of his element, and the entire situation is intimidating to high fuck. Like, "you have no idea" high fuck. I don't blame him all that much (though he should still be accountable for his actions, obviously). Still, I get the feeling that things may not go so much to plan as they all hope, and he'll get to relax into his new position, whatever it ends up being.
2) Blueblood's call for execution? Totally in-character, and if he has as much power as we're lead to believe, I don't see why not. There doesn't need to be a law for this, either - he has enough power to just demand it, and his word is law. I'm fairly sure the sisters have to run some form of damage control on his "rulings" ten times a week, like this. And on another note, attacking a member of royalty would probably carry a heavy sentence, all things considered - though Blueblood probably had to stretch the definition of "attacking" before he could get up to "execution", I assume.
My only problem with this particular chapter was the "Damn." at the end. You'd think he'd look her straight in the eye and go "Yeah." with a slightly lecherous smirk. ;]
6912025
You do realize there is an alternative universe tag that means the writer can do whatever the hell he or she wants with out keep the character the same copy pasta