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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Excellent as always! Honestly, I don't see much, if anything, that could really be improved. Excellent chapter!
Cock blocked by an Element of Harmony necklace. Maybe it knew they were slightly tipsy, or some other thing.
Brillant chapter as always, looking forward to see what happens next.
4241145
Could it be that the one who made the Elements, Celestia and Luna's mystery mom, programmed them so they'd attack humans?
Before I read on, I have to say this before I forget.
simplesignshop.com/images/150/dangerous_curves_sign.jpg
4241013 Thanks hope to continue the trend.
You and your freaking cliffhangers. I sentence you to PT
But I'll just accept your standard PT as payment. That shit sucks. Good chapter though
4241145 Yeah, I bet Eric is wondering if he's ever going to get some tail. As far as why the Element did what it did. Well let's just say the EoH don't like him for one reason or another.
You have exceeded my expectations! Although, I hate you for the damn cliffhanger!
4241279 Eehhhhh maybe but I'm not saying
4241469 Yeah I know I'm a terrible person and I should probably feel bad about myself. But I don't Might even make it a reoccurring theme.
4241435 Aw yeah man, that just means I get to spend more time in the gym getting my swol on. (Yes I just said that. )
4241481
That is almost a "Yes." I'll take it!
4241512 We'll see
I got to say that this chapter was worth the wait. Eptinego demonstrated more social grave than Eric, which is a pleasant surprise given that she's normally characterized as uneducated. The interactions with the dignataries were entertaining and I found the dance scene and the moments with Eptinego to be the best part. I got to admit that Xud'i and Baghali are interesting characters in my opinion and it would be nice if they could appear more to trade Eric, The fact that Eric and Eptinego were about to get it on before the Element of Honesty violently cockblocked him makes this into the biggest plot twist in the series. Anyway, this is a great chapter and I hope that the next update comes soon. Thanks for the work you put into writing this chapter.
So the element of honesty is a fuck protector?
4241639 Oh that's a good one. Now I have visions of the Elements of Harmony working like the Trojan Man.
"Want to make sure your little filly isn't getting it on with a human. Then get her an Element of Harmony , to ensure the ultimate in protection."
"HARMONY!"
Oh I need to go to bed.
4241614 Yeah I do believe that even though she may be considered a "salt of the Earth" type of character. She would still know how to act polite and courteous. Plus if she was attending fancy parties while she stayed with her kin in Manehatten then I'm sure she would have been instructed on the proper way for a lady to act. Which would be lessons that she would still know.
I also like the characters Princess Xud'i and Baghali and would like to bring them and some of the other nobles back as Eric continues to live and explore the world of Equus. But we'll just have to see.
Update. This chapter was well written and worth the wait.
4242465 Glad you liked it
I've respected queen cheese legs from the vary beginning. She choose to invade her worlds 'super' power to feed her people. A respectable decision, a vary human decision.
4241425 if i may take a swing at the reson the elements dis like him. Is because they can't handle his swagger or humans are to sexy for the magical rocks to comprehend?
4243286 maybe
Celestia and Luna are scared shitless probably. Feeling his conscious drifting away instantly.
So.... that was a funny ending.
4093677 alltheragefaces.com/img/usercreated/5038a18b9d283.png
4243416 I'm sure they are. What with an unknown alicorn about that might have plans for Eric, and now he's knocked unconscious. I'm sure they're going to be very interested in what happened to their poor human/ stallion.
4243458 Glad you liked?
4243488 Now I'm scared
J/K
4243495 I did
4243503 All's well LOL
You want to do what to who now?
One thing you might want to work on for future chapters is trimming down your wordiness. It's a problem I have as well, and unfortunately it can make a story either awkward to read or seem overly dry.
One example:
The first sentence is very long and unless there's a specific reason for it, you probably want to trim it down and break it up. Something like:
The second sentence is a bit indirect. "Needless to say, after that," would seem to refer to them being out of breath but "the afternoon" leans more toward the applebucking, yet isn't completely clear. It can be figured out by context, but it can take some thinking which detracts from reader immersion. Something like:
The one thing to really watch out for with "overly wordy prose" is dialogue. Individual speech patterns get lost and the characters can easily become bland when every one sounds like they're lecturing or are the epitome of politeness. It's the one gripe I have with the story "A Different Viewpoint of Equestria."
Some examples of overly-formal speech when the characters probably don't need to be:
4243707 Wow thanks for the critiques and I shall take that to mind as I go on
I'm honestly surprised that you don't have atleast 600 upvotes for this story. It's very well made and shows a different view from most of the military humans in equestria. I wish I could upvote this story more than once
Good on ya
4245438 Wow, thanks a lot. I've been honestly overwhelmed by the positive reaction from everyone here at my attempts at writing. Just hope I continue to meet everyone's expectations as we continue to go on.
the elements of harm-mony.
had to go there
4245518
I believe you've met our expectations that we didn't even know we had already
4245688 Indeed
4245934
I wonder if the element connected him to that magic translator field or if it attacked him due to our chaotic nature. Or if it was something else.
4262782 no, maybe, and we'll see Questions will begin to be answered next chapter.
4420440 Sorry those points weren't to your liking, but they were important to the plot I have planned as a whole. Still, those aside, I hope you've enjoyed it so far and thanks for the read/comment
I dont want to rush you, but will the next chapter come soon?
4506189 Sorry for the delay, been swamped lately. Trying to get the chapter off to the editor this weekend (work and school providing)
I can't say the title without sound a bit russion
Sorry for the seemingly out of place comment, but what kind of plane will he build? I hope he doesn't start out with a hot pursuit plane right off the bat! Although, a P-40 first try would be impressive.
Also, what is your favorite warbird?
Dear mother of Zeus, it's a triple negative!
May the God of Grammar have mercy on your soul.
He's too well-adjusted, imho. He is becoming an extension of the harem and it grates on my nerves. I shall continue.
READ: BB threw a pebble at my chest... I watched it bounce off then responded with Mjolnir.
4880686 He should be concerned about Grammar Nazis like me
4598299 My favorite warbird is the rental Cessna 172 ... XD no, my favorite choice is either the P-51 or the P-40E.
https://youtu.be/QQ-i0ZfoQVg
https://youtu.be/HoTcL-L_y1Q
Well he's dead, good story.