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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The coloured text makes characters easy to follow.
I think filling in the words that the Airman here doesn't know is a bad idea. It feels as if suddenly he speaks the language as if he was a native, rather than someone who is still learning.
3764662 Agreed. My opinion is that I feel that doing it this way takes away from the original story. After I return from work I'm replacing the unknown words with the original Equis ones.
Before I read -YAY NEW CHAPTER!!!!
Having the chapter end seemingly abruptly was rather jarring. It felt as though there should be more dialogue after Eric's "What?" in response to Rarity's assumption that he was already in a herd.
That aside, if you're going to be providing the translation for us like this, will you be "declassifying" the cypher you used to create the other language in the first place? I found it interesting, and since we can't see the spoken words for most of the translated speech now(only places and character names are still in the other language), I'd like to be able to toy with the language filter myself, if at all possible.
3764573 The problem with the colored text is that some people use different background colors, and the colored text gets hard to read.
When he was fishing, this song was running through my head
I think you accidentally a few words here.
You need a period between "Mukwa" and "He". Two sentences are best here.
"Look" should be capitalized, and there should be a comma after "look", and after "Paxxila"
Need a comma between "you" and "and"
There are some more small grammatical errors here and there, but these are the ones that jumped out at me. Do you have a proof reader?
Otherwise, great chapter!
3764927 I have no idea what it means, but the cipher is an A=E and A=H, according to the author.
I approve of the herd! This is going to be good!
The text colouration is a bit over the top, but the additional descriptions of who is talking, or being talked/thought about, was spot on.
I'll look forward to the next chapter
Writing for Rarity`s character: you are doing it right.
3764927 At the end of the previous chapters that have the Equis in it I have posted a link to the translated version in the author's notes.
Like Railroad Brony mentioned the language is made up using a cipher on normal English. I use mainly a A=E cipher to get the letters to make the new words, and occasionally use a A=H cipher to either supplement the amount of letters I have to work with or make a word outright with it. I have a list of the words I have used already and will continue to add to it as the story progresses and new words are introduced.
This will continue with other ciphers for the other languages of the different species as they are introduced in the future Ball chapter(s).
Kind of wanted to end the chapter with that statement because it allows me to work into his internal thought processes in the next chapter as he tries to figure out if he is already in a herd, and if he is then that raises the question of "What kind of herd is it?" Is it a platonic one or do the Princesses view him as a possible romantic interest? Or maybe something else entirely. (I suck at being cryptic apparently )
3764980 Agreed, I am not a big fan of this colored text and I am seriously thinking about scrapping it. Because going through and editing the color in is almost as time-consuming as doing the Equis.
3764984 Love me some John Denver
3768219 Great artist, gone before his time, like Stan Rogers. I was only 2 when he died. I wish I could have seen him in concert. During storms when I was 3-4, my mom would come in and rub my back to help me sleep, and she would sing "For Baby" and "Sunshine on My Shoulders". It always worked. I grew up listening to John, and so many memories are set to his music. Rest In Peace John. You may be gone, BUT YOU ARE NOT FORGOTTEN!!!
3765017 Thank you for pointing out those mistakes and they have been corrected. I guess insomnia and proof reading go together about as well as oil and water.
I do not have an editor, mainly because of the fact that I am deployed currently and my hours and ability to write are all dependent on my job. So the best I can do is proofread the chapter a few times after I get done writing it, but even then I know I'm going to miss something.
3768280 Amen, always loved his songs. Especially his songs "I'm Sorry" and "My Sweet Lady". Great artist and will be missed.
Similar situation as you I grew up listening to all those great ballad players of the 70's
2 huh? I guess that makes me really old then, because I was 13 back when he died in 97'
3768121 Well that's a relief. I'm trying to channel my inner Scarlett O'Hara Yet finding it a little bit harder than I thought. j/k
3765618 Yeah it was bugging the cp out of me to so... it's gone And glad this story still seems to be meeting people's expectations.
3765468 Or is there a herd? Duhduhdunnnn
I'm an idiot and I apologize
3768930 Ain't no problem with that. The thing is, he should have NEVER gone for that flight. The fuel switch was in the behind the pilot's seat because the previous owner would always fly with a passenger, and they would switch it for him. It also was very tough to move, the mechanics who checked it's airworthiness for him had to use a pliers to move it. When trying to change tanks, they would kick the rudder pedal, sending the plane into a spin that was very difficult to get out of. And they were at a high altitude, too. He was at a low altitude, so he didn't have enough time to recover from the spin.
I was talking to a mechanic at the local airport about the accident. Turns out, he was one of the crash investigators! He's an old WWII vet, flew Mustangs over D-Day. The stories he tells are amazing. The way he tells them, you can hear the roar of the Packard V-1650-7 liquid-cooled supercharged V-12 mixed with the AA fire and the machine guns. It takes you back.
During EAA, they base a P-51, a Hellcat, and a Huey out of our small airport to give rides. My dad and I went to watch them take off, and he (the mechanic) was standing behind the fence and his eyes misted up as he watched the Mustang roll down the runway, Packard screaming. You could tell he was back in Europe on a misty runway, waiting for his chance to take off. When the plane landed, the pilot walked over to him, and told him that it was his turn, on the house. This grizzled old pilot, who you could swear had a heart of stone, broke down in tears! Next year, I'm getting a ride in that Mustang, and then FiFi!
3768217
If you want, I've got a friend who is a programmer (I'd volunteer, but I just started learning Java and how to program). He might be able to write a program so that you can just enter a text and have it spit out the Equis translation. Also, he might be able to code it so that you can input new cyphers for different languages. Just let me know and I'll ask.
3776031 That sounds cool, but don't have anyway to pay them back for their time. Since creating a Equis-English document and after writing it so much, Equis has become fairly easy to translate and write. What takes the longest is doing new words and character names so that everything still sounds like it goes together.
The new languages I'm already working on so expect to possibly see some Griffonese, Minotaurish, and some other species in future chapters but I don't plan on overloading you ,the readers, with a lot of different languages. So they will be used sparingly during the Ball chapter(s).
That ending made me almost say, "No it's this.." then I realized that the logic was completely correct. heh. Mental herd.
3770280
Nice. I have always wanted to pilot a Mustang.
3778199 LOL yeah I'm trying to expand on the whole herd idea as it stands in the fandom. I wanted the concept to be more than just a form of marriage if I was going to use it in my story
3778247
Couldn't a herd be formed for almost anything group related? I say we form a Herd for Tacobell!
3778263 Technically yes, but I plan on expanding more into the boundaries of what makes it a herd.
3778315
Ah ok.
3778321 Sorry if that doesn't explain a whole lot yet, but the idea of a herd is similar to a pact or a kind of formal agreement where a group of individuals rally under the leadership of one central figure (lead mare or stallion), who makes the major decisions for the group, under a common banner. Examples range from informal herds like the Mane 6 who are in what is known as a bachelorette herd where it's more like a group of friends who are there to support and be there for each other, or you have the more formal legal binding herd similar to the types traditionally used in fanon.
So yes in a sense you could have a Taco Bell herd although it would all depend on the parameters of what the herd was formed under.
3778493 The language is a mixture of 2 different ciphers I use to create the Equis, while using English as the basis. Mainly I draw from an A=E cipher with hints of a A=H thrown in for words that didn't work with the first one.
So like Applejack's name if translated using the A=E cipher I get Ettpinego, drop one of the t's and it becomes her name when sounded out in Equis "Etpinego." And from there I have a total of three words I can use: her name, "Etpi" for apple, and "nego" for jack. Took a little bit of time to do the translated versions in the earlier chapters, but now that Eric is learning the language it's easier because I don't have to translate so many words.
Eventually it'll be phased out completely, but probably not till he's been in the land of Equestria for around a year or so.
3778746 LOL that mare can lift the moon by herself I don't think she needs a gym
Oh the naivety of culture clash...
You make for such dramatic irony.
3782490 Glad you seem to like it so far.
Different then most HiE stories I read as it has Anthro ponies instead of regular ponies, but I like how you have written it so far. I shall return upon its update.
3796526 Glad you like it so far, and I'm hoping that this story continues to forge it's own path and brings some sort of enjoyment to the people who have given it the chance. As a thank you for all the positive support I've recieved on this story I'll be giving my readers something a little extra when I post the next chapter, hopefully soon (work depending.)
3768902 Going through the story again. If you would like me to, I'll proof read for you. (By "proofread" I mean that I'll "copy the whole chapter and paste it in a Google Doc, run it through spell check for the spelling stuff, and then go through it correcting the grammatical errors, copy and paste the whole mess into a PM to you, where you can do the same to the chapter field.) Also, thank you for your service. Afghanistan?
I didn't know there was a den for loins
4054884 LOL Thanks for pointing that mistake out. It has been corrected.
What?....
world building.
Dude, you're weak.
"Ah, well... I guess I'll have to go someplace else, then... Obviously they will not be as good as yours... and everypony at the ball will clearly see that... But..."
4054884
Can you, uhm...
... point me?