Meeting Your Expectations
Family is the closest bond one shares with another. Since childhood, parents often set expectations of their children from time to time and are ready to praise them when they meet them or comfort them when they don't. Ponies return to their homes, waiting to be welcomed in by the open arms of loved ones. This comfort was not there for the teal Pegasus. As Lightning Dust slowly approached the home she grew up in, she could hardly keep her head raised. What was she going to tell her? How could she look her own mother in the eyes and tell her what happened? Before she could think of a possible answer, the door swung open to reveal an older Pegasus.
"Lightning Dust? Lightning Dust! Darling, welcome home!"
"Hi, mom." Lightning couldn't think of anything else to say. What could she say? She probably doesn't know about the incident yet. Of course she didn't hear about it, she's in too good of a mood.
"Is that all? Just a simple, 'hi?' Oh but it's so good to see you! Come in, come in." She put her hoof around Lightning Dust and gently herded her into the house.
She'll understand, right? She's my mother and I'm her daughter, she'll love me no matter what, right?
"Dear, sit down and tell me all about it. You haven't responded to any of my letters so I had no way of knowing what you've been up to." The elder mare motioned her to sit beside her on the couch.
Lightning Dust just stood where she was. This is it. Here goes everything, "Mom, about that."
"Yes?"
"The Wonderbolts..." Lightning Dust's lips began to tremble, "I am not a part of them." Lightning Dust dropped her head in shame. There was nothing but silence for a brief moment.
Lightning Dust looked up to see that her mother had gotten up and was standing at the door. "Get out."
Lightning Dust's eyes widened in shock. This can't be happening.
"M-mom..."
"Get out!" She said, on the verge of tears.
"Mom, please... I-I'm sorry..." Lightning Dust tried choking back her tears, but failed.
"You wanted to make your father proud! You failed him! You failed me! I don't want you to ever set a hoof in this house."
"Mom-"
"I'm not your mother!" Her words hit went straight through Lightning Dust's heart and tears began freely flowing down her face, "You're not my daughter anymore!"
Lightning Dust was destroyed. Her own mother, the mare that raised her since she was a filly, disowned her. What happened? She used to be so loving and kind. Ever since her father died, she's been under a lot of stress. Lightning Dust wanted to give her mother hope. She decided to join the Wonderbolts, just like her father and she failed. Lighting Dust walked out the door. She turned to look at her mother. The moment their eyes made contact, she turned away. Lightning Dust dropped hen head again and flew to the one place she could talk freely.
***
Lightning Dust flew through the clouds, occasionally wiping tears from her eyes. The wind against her face made her tears chill her heart.
She eventually came to the one place she felt comfortable in, the graveyard. She walked along the many headstones until she came to one with a lightning bolt and a carving of a saluting pony on it.
"Hi dad," Lightning sighed, "if you've been watching me for the past few days, then I don't need to explain what happened." The Pegasus looked up to the cloudy sky, "I'm sorry that I screwed up my chances to be a Wonderbolt like you. I just got so caught up in trying to show them that I've got what it takes, that I only thought about myself. I was selfish." Lightning Dust reached into her jacket pocket and brought out a single cigarette. She put it in her mouth and chucked, "heh, yea, I know I really shouldn't smoke, but I can't help it," she lit the tobacco, taking a deep draw, "I wanted to be just like you, I guess ruining my health wasn't a stopping point for me."
The wind blew gently through her yellow mane. She tilted her head up and closed her eyes, "I'm sorry dad, I really am. I wanted to be more than I am. I guess I never really had what it takes to be like you, a proud member of the Wonderbolts." She took another draw on the cigarette, "because of my selfishness, mom now hates me," Lightning Dust flicked the cigarette onto the ground and stomped it out, "you probably hate me too, don't you? I wouldn't blame you for hating me. Especially since I hurt mom so badly."
Lightning Dust stared at her fathers' tombstone, as if awaiting a response. She was fully aware that the stone carving will never speak to her verbally, yet she still finds herself staring at it, hoping it will, from time to time.
"I'm sorry I couldn't meet your expectations. I made it my life dream to one day fly alongside you, not as your daughter, but as a wing pony. I didn't want to be just your daughter. I wanted to be your teammate," Lightning Dust knelt down, "I guess that's not possible anymore." Lightning Dust stood up and looked at the now Amber sky.
"It's getting late, dad. I suppose it's time for me to go home now." Lightning Dust gently began flying away back to Cloudsdale. She looked back to the graveyard, "I love you, dad. I'm sorry."
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Touching... now no one will know where she went if she were to... disappear... on her way home
3289421 esreality.com/files/placeimages/2012/90421-Disgusted-oh-god-why-text.png
Lilith... You so creepy...
3289434
I know, I'm just good like that
The tag says sad.
The fic delivers on this.
I'm probably only feeling it as hard as I am because of something personal and similar but whatever, it works.
Okay, not bad.
Usualy, I'm not a fan of fics below 1,500 words, but this one proved me wrong. There is deffinatly room for improvement though.
I liked the story. I'm a big fan if Lightning Dust so it is always nice to find a good fic about her. I enjoyed 'feels' from this story.
This story seems to lack... life. It was a little plain and needed more details. You need more thoughts in the story, LD's internal struggle could have been better explained and expanded. It was also quite rushed; slow down, explain more and show more through actions. I myself still struggle with not rushing a story.
This story deffinaly has potential to be longer then a oneshot. There is so many things that you could elaborate on in this fic! If It wasn't for that fact that I am writing my own fic with Lightning Dust I would write an extended version of this (with your permission of corse). I highly recommend making a sequel or a rewrite. This story has so much potential.
With this all considered, this was a good fic. I enjoyed reading it. Your grammar and format was pretty good, nothing really stood out. Keep it up!
~Michael A.
That escalated quickly!!! Her mum SUCKS!! Poor Lightning Dust.......
Lightning Dusts mom is now worst pony in my books.
That is quite a feat my friend
>suicide time
The sad tag would be put to a far better use if Dust's mom and dad were developed in to their reactions. Everyone does things for a reason, her mom's bound to be undergoing stress and depression from the death of her husband so recent in this case that she erupts on her daughter, it'd be cool to actually see it from her side. For whatever reasoning and development, you can make this situation far more tense than this, which comes off to me more as a random event than a tragic loss of support from your parents.
Wow the mother is a bitch. But would be nice to know her a bit at least.
I hate that mother. Also, can we get a follow up?
3289421
Touch her and ill make sure YOU'RE the one disappearing!