• Member Since 27th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 2nd, 2018

The Lunar Samurai


If you are enjoying my stories, I thank you. Nothing means quite as much to me as someone really appreciating what I put out into the world. So, from the bottom of my heart... Thank You.

T
Source

As a passenger in a rapidly falling airship, Storm Chaser must make a difficult decision, one that may cost him his life or risk the lives of everyone aboard.

This is a one shot specifically for the One Shotober contest group. 1 down, 30 to go.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 12 )

Wow, this is actually really good! I kinda wish it could be extended into something longer.

3250463
GAHHHHH! DONT ENCOURAGE ME TO WORK! :pinkiesick: I already have enough to deal with One Shotober. Maybe once it is over I will add chapters or something like that.
But thanks for the compliment. It made me smile. *gives cookie to you*

Not bad my friend. Kind of rushed, and the formatting isn't really aesthetically appealing. We didn't really get a lot of time to get to know the characters and feel the loss and sacrifice. Would have been nice if we could have seen all seven ponies arguing and clamoring to be safe, and we see Storm Chaser just step through the bickering crowd without a word and give his life to save them. I think that would have had a deeper impact. Still, pretty good.

3250778
Awesome, thanks for the feedback. This was my first ever attempt at a one shot. You are right about building the character up more, that's something I will definitely look into for the 30 other one shots I'm doing. Quick question though, what is wrong with the formatting? Ive run this formatting template through my editor for over a year now, have we both missed something?

3250829
I generally find that when formatting, it's a good idea to indent /and/ put a space between paragraphs. It makes it look less like a wall of text that way, and give a little resting area for the eyes between paragraphs so that they don't get strained by looking at a constant stream of text. This, of course, personal preference. Also, if you need any help with characterization or something like that, I'd be happy to help. Anything to help encourage my fellow One-shotober participants to improve! :twilightsmile:

3250840
I have one in progress right now that I'd love for you to look over once it's completed. I'd hate to be a bother though. One Shotober seems like a crazy difficult challenge and I don't want to hinder you from getting your 31 in as well. ;~;

3250857
Oh, do not worry my friend. I'd be more than happy to give it a once over for you! :twilightsmile:

3250858
Awesome bro, this is a huge help.

3250867
If you have a Skype, add me. That way we can chat and I can help you with your stories easier. My Skype name is electreXcessive. :twilightsmile:

I liked it but it felt to rushed. Other than that, great job!:pinkiehappy:

3254123
Yea, it was adrenaline fuelled to the max. Hopefully I will be able to reattain my typical level of quality with my next submission.

That isnt how airships work... The thrust of an airship would be uneven if it lost an engine, but the airship wouldnt crash unless there was a large leak in the ballon part.

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