If you are enjoying my stories, I thank you. Nothing means quite as much to me as someone really appreciating what I put out into the world. So, from the bottom of my heart... Thank You.
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A stallion enters the Everfree forest in search of the ancient ruins and their stories. Little does he know his life would soon be plagued by a mysterious being that lurks in the shadows.
-Just as a side note, I am officially dedicating this story to both the fandom and my girlfriend. MLP G4 premiered on October 10th (as most of you probably know) and we started dating on October 10th
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Getting this one published has proved to be quite the challenge.
I like the format, I like the plot, I like the themes, I like the tropes. I like this story.
It's written in a simple style, which is exactly how a journal should be unless the protagonist has some strange tendency to always write in a prose most purple (which some people do).
Anyway, good overall and I was even a bit creeped out when I got into it. Nice work.
3326331
Why's that?
3326932
There were too few references to the MLP universe when it was first published.
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Ahh, that I understand. Same thing happened to me with the first story I tried to submit. The beginning ran on ambiguity, and I hadn't written more yet, so it wasn't clear enough where the story took place. I abandoned it eventually.
Not bad.
3328677
Indeed.
Well done.
There is a lot left to interpretation, as there should be with journal style writings. I get a feeling that the adventurer was ill prepared for the trip. If the pony had believed the directions to be true, then preparing for a single day journey would have been a poor decision. Though it would seem that the directions were bad to begin with seeing as the 6 main characters traveled the same distance in little less than a night with no supplies. This leads to thinking that the grandfather was either deceitful or cruel; perhaps vindictive over some previous grudge, hoping to cause the demise of his grandchild. With out further knowledge of the grandfather it is hard to infer his intent, so it may have just been bed time stories (thought they must have been very detailed stories if the pony was able to derive directions from them).
It would have been nice to hear how the fight with the stalker turned out. With out dates or a reference of finding a beat up journal, it would possible to assume that the pony will continue his journey and up date the journal appropriately. However I am positive that the intended purpose was that the fight did not go well and we are reading of an event that has long since transpired.
I enjoyed reading this, thanks!
Diary of the Stalked
Grammar: 10 (note that I stink at grammar, but I found nothing so you deserve it.)
Pros.
I like how this story progressed on the Unknown protagonists discomfort, even to the point of insanity and the lack of writing when he is in that state.
The Idea of being watched is a common notion, but you portrayed the concept very well.
The story in of it self was enjoyable to read, I like how you ended it. Like giving the reader the feeling of being watched.
Cons.
The one thing that kept popping in my head was Why is it taking the guy so long to make it to the castle? so the big question is, what direction is he going and where did he enter the forest from? or maybe you left that out for an important reason. I don't know.
All in All, I enjoyed this story, the concept is pretty neat. I think I will read other works you have done.
Good job.
Mr. Flare
P.S.
Could you read through one of my stories, and give me a review?
Memorioums of a Mad Pony Thanks, hope to hear from you soon.
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http://www.fimfiction.net/story/141323/the-house-on-the-water
Followup IIRC