• Member Since 27th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Sep 28th, 2017

AppleJared


Future USMC Officer.

T

Simple things have the biggest tendency to go awry. Habits have the biggest chance of being interrupted. "Jack" has a business meeting like any other quarter-year, yet it does not go as it always does. History has a funny way of repeating itself as she is reminded of her high school days during the predicament.

(There are other characters in this story but I don't want to ruin the surprise.)

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 7 )

TAB KEY. USE IT. :flutterrage:
Now that that's out of the way, I really Enjoyed this.
-Original concept (as far as I know)
-Excellent story telling
-3 Dimensional characters (most writers can't pull that off)
I only found a few Grammatical errors. I suggest finding an editor. :twilightsmile:
Another thing is some mistakes in pony anatomy. They're not bad, but enough to be noticed and take the reader out of the scene.

arriving to the dance hall with her arms around him.

You could say ponies have arms, but the common name is "foreleg".
I thoroughly enjoyed this. You have excellent skills in making your environment surround the reader. New writers, pay attention to this guy (or girl:twilightblush:).

3191454

I USED MY TAB KEY IT JUST DIDN'T TRANSFER TO FIMFICTION BECAUSE IT HATES MS WORD. :fluttercry:

I knew I would make grammatical errors and by God I waited for someone to edit this but they never had the time and my patience ran out. (See author's note)
I thought about writing in "forelegs" instead actually but I feel like that would actually take out the connection with the character, and most importantly the situation; as well as that phrasing is pretty awkward if you read it aloud.
To answer your non-question: I have male genitalia.

Regardless, I am eternally grateful for your kind words :twilightsmile: I'll focus more on one-shots like this from now on because they are more fun to do.

PS. YOUR OCTAVIA IS ADORABLE. :moustache:

3191637 Usually, I'll write directly into fimfiction because it's easier to use italics, bold, underline, spacing, paragraphs, etc.; but to each his own. :pinkiesmile: I completely understand being impatient on a story, as I'm currently working on one estimated to be ~10,000 words in the first chapter because of the way I have it planned out:facehoof:. On the arms, I understand using arms as it flows better, but that's just a pet-peeve of mine. I enjoy your writing and hope to see more from a writer of your caliber.

For some reason, you're the first person to comment on 'Tavi, here.:applejackunsure:
(P.S.: I do not own the picture AT ALL)

3191692
That's a darn shame 'bout 'Tavi. I had a friend make my pic for me and it's supposed to be a pony-me. Pretty spot on, really. :ajsmug:
Once again, thank you for your kind words.

It's time to up vote and favorite! :heart:

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