• Member Since 27th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Sep 28th, 2017

AppleJared


Future USMC Officer.

T

Twilight has trouble coping with her new lifestyle. Sure, her friends are there for her, but there is only so much friends can do. In the midst of self-doubt, tragedy strikes her life. With her life crashing down around her, she does something desperate, only to be met with challenges and a few surprises along the way.

This is in the style of a diary Twi writes.
If you fav, please upvote.
Also, I couldn't find the artist of the picture I found but whoever you are, please stand up. Credit is due where it is due.

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 22 )

I like this story. I don't know why it has as many dislikes as it does. A story shouldn't be graded on grammar, just on the whole plot and idea of it. Frankly, the idea was good, writing a first-person perspective diary about Twilight Sparkle after her coronation.
Now, the diary concept is far from new, I've never read one about after her coronation, and that's what pulled me in. Stories like this need more recognition in my opinion. Great job!

Well, this is an interesting find. I saw this and thought, "Hey, what the hell. I am bored, and might as well read something." I came in not expecting much, but you have certainly made an impression. I like the idea a lot, and you created an interesting dynamic because of it.

But there are a few things that you need if you are going to let this story take off. Well, really only one thing: an editor. While your grammar is not atrocious, I will point out a few places that you need to fix, pronto:

like we were a tight knight family.

Nice try, but it is "tight knit."

I was as usually if anything:

This sentence makes no sense whatsoever. I have no idea what you are trying to say.

These are just two places that I saw that need immediate attention. The other problem you have is with commas. While I understand they can be tricky, they are not that hard to figure out when you get the hang of them. I wish I could offer my assistance as an editor, but I edit for eight people; I don't have enough time to take on anymore people. I can send your way someone, if you would like. But I cannot personally do anything.

If you go here, you will find the largest editor's group. But my personal choice would actually be this one. I have a friend that is in that group, so I know it fairly well. I can vouch for it being satisfactory.

Joining groups shouldn't be a hard process. It is straightforward. But that is all the help I can give you there. Good luck finding an editor!

I was never too close to them growing up. I was never abused in any way, and they always provided for my needs so if you didn’t look too close it seemed like we were a tight knight family. We were not. Mother and Father were both… mediocre people.

To end this, I would like to say that this is a very interesting idea, but also very insightful; it seems that someone was paying attention to the show. I like this idea a lot, though it seems rather sad that it could be true. But I do like that it is here because it just adds to the personal conflicts that Twilight has, adding to the dynamic you have.

Keep going with this; I can see good things for it. I will try to stay around for this as much as possible.

2829212
I really appreciate your comment here. I went and fixed those typos immediately. I also joined the editing group and asked for an editor.
I also appreciate your comment on Twilight's character. It's not really something I picked up on the show, rather, I was an actor in high school. Characterization was one of my solids. It would make sense for someone like her to feel that way.
Once again, thank you. Feel free to come back for further chapters.

2828832
I responded to your PM but I thought I'd do the same here as well.
The story has downvotes because of my grammar (most likely). And my, what terrible grammar I have. It doesn't bother me though, mostly because this isn't anything I plan to make a trade out of. I am a musician/producer by trade and that it what I do best in. This is just something to waste time with.
Still, I appreciate constructive criticism of all kinds. I also enjoy the compliments when they come by, so thank you! There is much more of the story already written and it gets better from here.
Here, have an Applejack :ajsmug:

2829718
It is certainly no problem. It would have been easier if I could have just taken to editing, but as I said, I edit for too many people, and can barely do that. (Note to self: Don't try to see how many people you can edit for before it is too much)

And I will certainly stick around for more chapters. Just keep them coming, and I am sure things will be fine.

And now Twilight's off to do somepony that isn't her brother.

Or maybe Cadence was just calmed by that activity because she is the alicorn of love and Twilight will be calmed by whatever she is the princess of.

Or maybe I'm just overanalyzing Trollestia.

2853857 I'd say the first option for sure. :coolphoto:

Very nice! I can see the improvement in the writing, and I am pleased with the results.

But on to the story. Things are really getting sad up in here, really. It is unfortunate, but I know that not everyone has a happy, perfect life. Either way, great chapter. And I hope you like Icarus! I actually pointed him your way personally. I am not sure who you would have ended up with had I not sent him. I trust the guy and his English ability, so you are in good hands... hooves... claws. Something around there, surely.

Interesting indeed. I suppose that this is the continual downward spiral, where she keeps going down until she finally hits bottom. And then, it is make or break. She either finds something that makes her feel good or she stays in perpetual depression. I like the setup here.

Continue to make good chapters!

2901034 Thank you for your continued support. I really don't deserve that at all. I am very pleased that you like the story. I apologize for not responding sooner, but I just got my computer back from Dell and I have been PC-less for a week until today. Writing will commence again soon and there is a large chunk of this story being edited as we speak.
I won't give out any spoilers but I have a lot in mind for this story. I just have to watch out for making it too long. Also, there is another character that will be introduced later and I will add the tag accordingly when the chapter introduces said character. The sad/boring parts will be over soon enough, I Pinkie Promise. :pinkiecrazy:

Wow, um . . . I wasn't expecting this. So much sadness all of a sudden. . . . I hope Twilight can recover from it, especially after reading that this line:

However, alicorns can still be murdered, and some choose suicide.

Once more into the fray.
To the last good fight I'll ever know.
Live and die on this day . . .
Live and die on this day . . .

Much wow

Very feels

4705146 Such thanks
Much appreciate
Wow
Amaze

Oooooooooooooooooooh discord

Mother and Father were both mediocre people.

Ponies

Great story so far!

4799333 Wow I'm surprised no one has spotted that yet. Thanks!

Oh gods I need you to write more!!!!

This is a pretty awesome story other then being a little fast paced I guess you might say. Can't wait to read more.

4808479 Thanks, things should slow down a bit here soon in the story.

So Twilight just became a real alicorn that is so I really don't know what it is but in a way weird and awesome to just become a large alicorn out of nowhere

Poor Twilight. Seeing as I've had to deal with a family member dying, I can sympathize very well with her situation. It didn't take me days to cope with the loss, but it did take time.

There are few words for how much I am enjoying this story, though simply saying that it is great will have to suffice.

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