• Member Since 13th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen April 4th

jbond


Comments ( 18 )
T4
T4 #1 · Aug 5th, 2013 · · ·

What just happened?

Seriously...I'm confused.


In all honesty, I think it needs a bit of polish.

You probably would have been better off writing this in your native language then translating it with Google because honestly, the English here is very garbled. I can understand what's going on in the story but trying to actually figure out the prose is a no go.

Was this a trollfic? :rainbowhuh:

What you have done is wonderful, and I would surely marry off one of my daughters to you.

i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/005/954/wtf_is_this_shit2_RE_73_Million_Sharks_Killed_Every_Year-s468x349-71815.jpg
pornytoons.com/media/images/2013/06/14/Charlie-Brown-Cartoon-Porn-cartoon-porn-image-.png

Jesus...fucking...Christ...

I seriously hope English isn't your first language because if it is, you are in serious need of a re-education....like, Kindergarten re-eduation.
This is bad, there's no other way of putting it.

If a First-grader wrote a story in Japanese and then translated it to Dutch, French, Russian, Spanish and Vietnamese before finally translating it to English, this is what I imagine would be the result.

You are in serious need of a proof-reader. Your pacing is WAY too rushed (I think you maxed out my radar gun in some places), Fluttershy is way to out-of-character in some parts

Fluttershy looked at the horse and said:
"You have a beautiful dick."

She would never be this forward...ever...not even Assertive Fluttershy is this forward.

"Pinkie lick my belly, please!"

Again, WAY too forward for Fluttershy.

You need to understand the basic concept of 'character'; Fluttershy is very timid, shy and nervous...not blunt and forward like you portrayed her in this *ahem*story*ahem*

Mind you, all these are minor issues when we get to your down-right atrocious grammar. I won't spend too much time here because if I did, well we'd be here forever and nothing would get done.

"Dash, and your wings do not hurt the case?"
"Actually, they are too damaged to receive medical treatment and their."
"With joy!"

Okay, what the fuck are they saying here? Seriously, it's as if someone got really, really drunk...then took a double dosage of LSD...then tried to have a coherent conversation with someone else who had done exactly the same thing.

Fluttershy gently licked his device and then completely swallowed it and started sucking it like candy.
MacIntosh broke down and threw his sperm in her throat.

Okay, so from what I've read of this....
Big Mac suffered from mechanical failures, resulting in him breaking down. He then picked up his sperm and physically threw it down Fluttershy's throat.
......I'm sure that last bit classes as 'rape', even if she did want him to do it...

Pinkie began to lick her stomach, and Fluttershy asked her to come down lower and lower. Pinkie has not yet experienced in sex, she did not even know what it is, why did everything without hesitation. Fluttershy the plant and flowed. Pinkie felt strange salty taste
"It seems the cake was rejected, he some salty."

#1. I don't care what kind of headcanon people might have of Pinkie Pie. She knows what sex is. She might be immature and silly, and she might act like a 5 year old, but she's not a fucking idiot. She's a grown mare and knows what sex is.
#2.

"Fluttershy the plant and flowed

I'm not even going to try and decipher this......

Twilight gave a cloak for Fluttershy to another Fluttershy did not recognize her. Twilight sent her to a time when Fluttershy came to school. Fluttershy spoke to last them and explained to her that it is not worth the hassle and the other Fluttershy obeyed. After a couple of minutes Fluttershy returned to the present, and Twilight was surprised when he saw suddenly appeared girlfriend in his room.

This whole ending is just....I have no fucking clue, it's as if you unleashed a drunken 2 year old on the keyboard.

I seriously hope this is a troll-fic because if it isn't it should never have come into existence on this site....

She went into the room where there was a Big Mac,

mcdonalds.com/content/dam/McDonalds/item/mcdonalds-Big-Mac.png

But seriously, the fast pacing and poor translation to english made this my new favourite (troll?) fic. Keep up the good work :pinkiehappy:

2994146
Well if this was a trollfic...he did a darn good job lol

I always wondered what a clopfic written by Google Translate would look like.

Was this written for that aloud-reading-of-bad-fics thing too?

I m Russian. Jbond is Troll, dont read him.
Бля ты и тут свой мусор постишь. думаешь оценят что ли?

I don't know where your words are taking me...
No offense, but,
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE HECK I AM READING!

3016854
So we were right then? This is a troll fiction?

3102605
Srly no. He write this using googletranslate. And all Jbond*s fics deleted on russian funfiction. So he start write there... Pathetic.:pinkiesad2: P.S. sry for bad english.

3102873
It's alright man:pinkiehappy:

Thanks for responding:twilightsmile:That certainly clears a few things up for me:pinkiesmile:

Have a nice day:ajsmug:

2993426
In Polish!? The English was bad enough.

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