Rainbow's Choice

by Metaphor

Chapter 13

Rainbow sat on her haunches staring at the wall at the foot of her bed. She had been there for hours, studying the layer of paint for imperfections at a microscopic level. So far she hadn’t found any and neither had the numerous questions flying round her head been answered.

She felt numb and dislocated, as if she existed in a totally different world to the one around her. She just couldn’t get her mind to focus. What was she going to do? She sighed lightly and turned her attention from the wall to the floral pattern on the bed sheets instead. Life had always seemed so simple and now she just didn’t have a clue.

For the first time since she had discovered her pregnancy Rainbow felt lost. Until now she had always known, or thought she had known, what her next course of actions was but now she just didn’t know. It was an odd sensation having always been a pony of decisive action and leaping where other feared to tread. There had only ever been one way of doing things, her way!

“What do I do?” she asked the wall in front of her.

The wall didn’t reply but her stomach gave a gurgle. She hadn’t eaten breakfast that morning. In fact she hadn’t eaten dinner the previous night either. After her encounter with Twilight she had retreated to her borrowed room and hadn’t been seen since. Rarity had knocked a few times but Rainbow had ignored her on each occasion, pretending to be asleep. Sleep; Rainbow wished she could get some but every time she closed her eyes her mind would fill with images, thoughts and problems that jolted her awake again like a lightning strike.

Her stomach gurgled again. Rainbow gave a small sigh; if sleep was eluding her then she could at least fulfil another of her body’s requirements. Slowly she hoisted herself from the bed and opened the door. As she walked down the corridor her head hung low, her tired eyes heavy with doubt and uncertainty; she didn’t even have the strength to lift her tail from the ground. As she neared the top of the stairs though she perked her ears slightly, she could hear voices talking in a hushed tone. For a moment she was slightly curious but it faded quickly, in truth she just didn’t want to know. Descending the stairs she entered the kitchen, the voices more apparent but still Rainbow didn’t pay them much attention.

“Rarity? Is there anything to eat?” she asked slowly as she walked in.

The voices stopped, the room so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. Rainbow looked up slowly, her gaze meeting that of Rarity. The unicorn looked shocked, stunned almost, but it seemed to be more than being startled by Rainbow’s appearance in the doorway. It took her a moment to recover, Rarity giving a small cough as she spoke.

“Rainbow darling, uh, did you sleep well?” she asked.

Rainbow didn’t reply. Her gaze had since moved to the second pony in the room. Sitting across the table from the unicorn was an orange brown coloured earth pony. Rainbow didn’t need introducing to the pony, he was a regular sight around Ponyville.

“Caramel?” she asked slowly, “What are you doing here?”

Rainbow’s question was valid but perhaps a little blunt in its tone. The earth pony seemed to cringe at the question, looking away sharply and swallowing. Rarity sighed slightly as she got up from her seat.

“Caramel just dropped by to see you,” she said plainly as she gave the pony a pat on his shoulder before heading to the door, “I think you have a lot to discuss.”

For a moment Rarity looked back at Caramel, the earth pony looking back at her nervously. She nodded firmly to him and then trotted past Rainbow into the next room. For a moment the silence returned; Rainbow stood motionless in the doorway looking at Caramel, who in turn just looked back at her sheepishly.

“What do you want Caramel?” asked Rainbow finally as she turned towards the kitchen itself and started her hunt for a snack, “Come to rub salt in the wound?”

“Huh? What? No…I…” stammered Caramel in response, “Why would…”

“Why would you do that? Why not? It’s not like every pony else has been shy about giving me their opinion on the matter.”

Rainbow opened a cupboard and pulled out a bag of oat cereal. She didn’t feel up to this right now, she was hungry, tired and just wanted to be left alone. Caramel didn’t say anything for a moment, the pony tapping his front hooves together nervously as he stared at the floor.

“I…I heard about…what happened,” he said slowly.

“Huh! I doubt there’s a pony in all of Ponyville that doesn’t know,” replied Rainbow harshly.

“Rainbow…do you remember…how it happened?”

“How I got pregnant?” replied Rainbow as she began pouring herself a bowl of cereal, “What does it matter anymore?”

Rainbow stopped in her actions, staring at the cupboard in front of her. At first the question s of how and who had been forefront in her mind. Who had done this to her? Why couldn’t she remember? But after weeks of thinking and questioning herself she had given up on ever getting answers. Since then the question of what to do next had been her main focus and now she didn’t even know what the answer to that question was.

“It matters because…” Caramel took a deep breath, “When I heard I found it hard to believe but as more and more ponies told me the same thing I started to think.”

“About what?”

“I went to the hospital yesterday and submitted a…sample…” continued Caramel, “…I’m the father.”

The clattering of porcelain hitting the tiled floor resonated around the room as the cereal bowl Dash had been holding exploded into pieces spilling its content across the floor. Rainbow’s face had gone white, frozen in the moment of shock as the news had been revealed to her. Caramel looked sheepish, a mix of nerves and fear.

“F-Father…” murmured Rainbow as the colour began to return to her face, “But that’s…that’s not possible! I’ve never…with you….how…”

“Don’t you remember? It was at Sweet Apple Acres after you came back from the Wonderbolt Academy. There was a big party and we were all celebrating.”

“Party? I remember the party…well…most of it…”

“You…got into a drinking contest with Big Macintosh,” replied Caramel sheepishly, “Don’t think I’ve seen a pony drink so much cider before in my entire life.”

Rainbow ran a hoof down the side of her face before pressing it into her temple. She remembered that night. After arriving back in Ponyville Applejack had hosted a party, organised by Pinkie Pie, at Sweet Apple Acres. They had been celebrating her success at the Academy and Rainbow hadn’t been shy about enjoying herself. Having found Big Macintosh enjoying a private stash of last season’s Apple Family cider Rainbow hadn’t been able to resist. Never one to back down Rainbow had accepted the challenge and twenty four pints of cider later Rainbow had been victorious.

At least she thought it was twenty four pints. She couldn’t remember anything until sometime the next day when Pinkie Pie had awoken her from her slumbers. Rainbow rubbed her head again, straining to remember, and yet there was nothing. Nothing between cider and waking up.

“I thought you just didn’t want to talk about it,” said Caramel after a moment, “When I woke up the next morning you were gone. I…I hate to say it but I was really upset about it for a while. Call me a sentimentalist but I honestly believed all that stuff you said that night.”

“…said?”

“About how being a lead pony was a tough job and that you needed someone to take care of you. About how you had always found me cute but were too nervous to say anything. About how you wanted your first time to be with somepony special…and that pony was me.”

Rainbow’s eyes were as wide as saucers, was it true? Had she said all those things? Had it really happened like that? As her mind raced to find an answer it found something else. With renewed vigour her eyes flashed with anger. The answers to her initial questions of who and how had been discovered and with then the pain of those first few days returned in an instant.

“Lies! You’re lying! That never happened! You…you…you must have used me! That’s what you did!”

Caramel was shocked by the outburst, momentarily leaning back in his seat before his own emotions made an appearance.

“I used you?!” he replied, his voice shaking slightly, “How dare you say that! You were the one who came onto me! You couldn’t wait to get me into bed! If anything you used me! You practically pinned me down!”

“That’s not true! I’d never do something like that! I…”

Rainbow stopped as a flood of memories rushed back to her. Whether it had been a mental block formed by an overabundance of alcohol or simply an unhealthy amount of self-denial didn’t seem to matter in that moment. Images, feelings, words, emotions…they were all disjointed and scattered; like looking at somepony’s life through a photo album. With each one that flashed through her mind Rainbow backed away, her rear finally pressed hard against the counter top as she tried to retreat from her own memories. It was true; but why? Had she wanted this? Was there a part of her that wasn’t totally devoted to her life goal? In that drunken state had she betrayed herself? She shook her head slowly as fear, disbelief and horror passed across her face like mist on the wind.

“No…” she murmured.

“Rainbow…” replied Caramel, the earth pony slowly taking a few steps towards her.

His voice was enough to bring Rainbow to her senses and in that moment the most dominant of her emotions took hold; fear. Without saying a word she bolted for the doorway, running full tilt out of the Boutique and out into the streets. The door was left hanging by a single hinge as the Pegasus smashed her way straight through it without stopping and several of the mannequin pony stands in the shop lay scattered across the floor. Caramel didn’t see any of it, he hadn’t moved from his spot in the kitchen. He stood silently, one of his hooves raised towards the doorway as if reaching out. As Rarity raced back into the room she could only watch as Caramel’s expression dropped. He screwed up his face, trying desperately to hold back the tide but ultimately it was futile. With great reluctance the tears finally appeared, Caramel looking down and slamming a hoof against the floor as his tears began to flow.

Outside Rainbow raced through the streets. The quiet evening streets of Ponyville seemed to be full of black spectres that followed her every move. Each one taunted her, her mind filling with chants and cruel whispers as she continued to run. Despite this though one voice pierced through everything. A voice from deep inside herself, a voice that had been locked away and forgotten. A voice that said only said two words, your fault.

She continued to run, trying to escape the nightmares in her head. She turned one way and then the other, jinxing through the streets of Ponyville like a lost child. She didn’t know where she was going, she didn’t care…she just needed to escape, to be free of everything. Then it hit her, one solution, a way to rid herself of everything and be done with it forever.

She turned right, heading for the outskirts of town. The few ponies she did meet barely had time to look in her direction as she raced past them, her mind fixed on one thing alone. Then it came into view, a large building on the edge of town. Throwing herself against the hospital doors Rainbow tore into the lobby, the Pegasus nearly colliding with Nurse Sweetheart as she pushed a trolley of supplies across the foyer. Dr Stable, who had been stood at the main desk checking off files, quickly looked in Rainbow’s direction a disapproving look settling on his face.

“Rainbow Dash this is a hospital not a race course!” he scolded, “And what are you doing here anyway? Your check up isn’t for another three days…did something happen…oh my…”

As Rainbow turned to look at the doctor the well of despair and nothingness that Rainbow was feeling was plain to see in her eyes. Gone was the brash ‘I can do anything’ personality and with it the confidence and drive that Rainbow usually portrayed.

“Help me doc…” replied Rainbow, her voice almost cracking as she spoke.

The stern look on the doctor’s face fell away to be replaced by genuine concern. He would usually have treated Rainbow with a slightly heavier hand than other patients, she always tended to cause trouble in one way or another, but right now the broken looking pony in front of him looked more like a lost child than the would be Wonderbolt.

“Come this way, we’ll talk in my office.”

Stable quickly walked to Rainbow’s side, guiding her away from the reception and down the hospital corridors. His office wasn’t far and soon enough Rainbow was sat in a large padded chair in his room nursing a cup of tea between her hooves. She hadn’t spoken or even moved since they had arrived other than to accept the tea and take a small sip.

“I take it you’ve spoken to Caramel,” said Stable, finally deciding to break the silence.

Rainbow just nodded slowly.

“I’m sorry Rainbow,” continued Stable, “I was here yesterday when the tests were run. I encouraged him to speak to you considering your earlier behaviour but I didn’t know it would affect you this much.”

“It’s ok doc…” murmured Rainbow quietly, “It actually…helped…”

“Oh?”

“I…I always thought I could overcome anything that was thrown at me. I was going to be the best and nothing would stop me. But now…this is something I can’t just smash through. I always thought that somepony else was to blame, that this was just a test. But it’s not somepony else…it’s my fault. I did this to myself. All my plans for the future…all my dreams and aspirations…they are all in ruins. I don’t want that…I just want things to go back to the way they were…”

“Rainbow are you saying…?”

“I can’t do this doc!” exclaimed Rainbow, the cup in her hooves shaking along with her as she sat staring at its contents, “I want the procedure…now!”

“Rainbow we can’t just…”

“…Please…?”

Stable paused as he looked at Rainbow. She had looked up at him, eyes wide and pleading like a starving pony asking for food. She wasn’t demanding like the previous time, she wasn’t just being impatient or trying to ignore what was going on. This was her decision, made with the full knowledge of what it meant and what the consequences would be. Stable gave a small sigh.

“Very well…we can’t perform immediately as the operation will take some preparation first. I’ll have Nurse Sweetheart start preparations and we’ll start tomorrow morning. Until then I want you to try and get some sleep, it looks like you haven’t had any for days and you’ll need to be well rested.”

Rainbow just nodded and then went back to staring at her drink. In truth part of her felt disgusted that this was the choice she had made. She was running away, something she had never done in her life before. She felt useless and dirty as if she was nothing more than a piece of discarded litter. But what choice did she have? She just wanted life to go back to the way it had been before, she wanted everything to be normal again. What choice did she have?

Comments

[Wolfinsheepsclothing]

silly rainbow nothing ever goes back to normal even if you have an abortion.

[Stephen brown]

Just gonna give ya my Southern honesty I just can’t believe dash would resort to killing off the foal that just old fashion evil hate to say it but it is it’s evil

[PonyofEntropy]

Interesting story. Maybe more? Hope all is well.