Money Trouble
So what’s it like, living with a talking pony? Actually, she’s not that much different than any other roommate. She plays her music too loud, she leaves fur clogging the shower drain, and she’s always bringing girls home from the bars she goes to.
Yes, I said girls. Fillies, I guess would be the right word. Anyway, whatever ideas you have in your head about me and her, you might as well forget them now.
What’s a typical day in the life of Apartment 13? Let me show you.
I woke up, like I often do, to the sounds of an aging electric guitar, and an off-key voice belting out an old power ballad like she thinks she’s Bret freaking Michaels.
“Every rose has its thorn... just like every night has its-”
“Key Lime, if you do not stop that right now, I will goddamn muzzle you!”
Needless to say, I’m not a morning person. An insufferably cheerful equine face poked into my room. I scrambled to pull my covers over myself.
“I made you breakfast!”
Argh. It’s only been two weeks at this point, and already she’s figured out how to get away with murder around me. Apparently, women are the same no matter where you’re from. “Fine. I’ll be right out.”
She disappeared back behind the door, and I threw on my clothes from last night. It was a Saturday, so I could afford to be a little sloppy. The sound of steel strings and a cheesy thirty dollar mini amp had already resumed by the time I left my room. I still don’t know how she convinced me to buy those for her.
“And now I hear you found somepony new... and that I never meant that much to you...”
I winced a little as she butchered the line with one of her odd, ah, let’s call them Equestrianisms. I let her finish the song before I poked my head into her room on the way by. “It’s not that awful bacon you made out of beans and buckwheat again, is it?”
“It tastes exactly the same!”
“It tastes like plants.”
“You’re imagining things.”
If there’s one difference we’ll probably never be able to reconcile, it’s our diets. She won’t eat meat, which I guess is pretty normal for a horse. Me, give me beef, chicken, pork, fish... yeah, I’m a meat lover. I’m not ashamed of it. It’s the natural cycle of life, right? Still, I gotta admit, she’s not a bad cook. And it’s not fake-bacon this morning, it’s pancakes. She makes damn good pancakes. She must want something.
“Sooo, Davey?”
Called it. She never calls me that unless she wants something. I figured I might as well enjoy the pancakes while I waited for her to spit it out. “Yeah?”
“Can we get a computer?” Oh boy, techno-lust strikes again. I admit I’m behind the times - more out of lack of money than lack of interest - but from what I’ve been able to gather, most of the stuff in the place she comes from is somewhere around the 1960s. Modern technology fascinates her. “It’s just, I’ve seen commercials for them on the television, and you can do all kinds of neat things on them... you can look up words, and play card games, and talk to other people with computers, and the ones with the apples on them can even help you make music!” She was actually bouncing up and down on her hooves a little at this point.
“Yes, Lime, I’m aware of what a computer does. But there’s no way I can afford something like that right now, I’m barely keeping up with the rent, which I should remind you I’m still handling alone.”
Her face fell, and she trotted back into her room without a word, head down.
The pancakes tasted like guilt, but I finished them anyway.
The rest of the morning was quiet. I spent it in my room, working my way through The Law of Nines. Good book, if you haven’t read it. It seemed particularly appropriate, too, given the situation. Dealing in parallel universes and all that. I found myself wondering how Alex would have reacted if he’d met a talking pony, instead of a human from another dimension.
Anyway, it was just getting on toward noon when it started to register that it was too quiet. And, because there’s obviously some kind of universal rule, that was the exact moment that there was an excited knocking at my door.
“What now, Lime?”
“Can I come in?” She sounded far too excited. What had she done?
“...alright?”
She immediately burst inside, grinning like a fool, and a stack of dollar bills was shoved in my face.
“Gah!” I scrambled back from the floating wad of cash, bumping against the wall. “Don’t do that!” I can’t help it, her magic freaks me out. I don’t know about you, but where I come from, things don’t fly around just because you have a horn and ask them nicely.
“Sorry!” Her grin faltered for a moment, but then returned in force. She deposited the bills in front of me. “I did it! I made you money!”
“That’s... great?” I eyed the money suspiciously. Something was off. I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I didn’t even know why yet... wait... yes I did. “Hold on. Made money, or made money?”
Her widening grin told me all I needed to know.
“Lime! You can’t just create money like that...”
“Yes I can! It was easy actually, see, there’s this spell that unicorns use to copy books, and I realized, your money is made of paper, so all I had to do was-”
“No, I mean, it’s counterfeiting. It’s illegal. I could go to prison if I tried to spend these... wow, these are actually... pretty realistic.” I could see her perk up, and shook my head firmly. “No. Even if I could get away with it, that doesn’t make it right. Take these back and get rid of them.” I flinched as the bills glowed slightly and pulled themselves out of my hand. “And stop doing that.”
She trotted out of my room, head down, without another word.
“Dave! Can I sell these books you’re done reading?”
“Books? No, Lime, those are from the library.”
“Oh.”
“Dave! Do you have a car you’re not using?”
“Uh... no?”
“Oh. Never mind.”
“Hey Dave! Can you go out to the hardware store and get me twenty feet of garden hose?”
“No, and whatever you’re doing, stop it.”
“Dave! Dave! I just saw on the television that I can make thousands of dollars without leaving home!”
Sigh. “No.”
“Hey Dave, how do you feel about starting a petting zoo?”
“A... petting zoo?”
“I could be the star! The other humans would love it!”
“What? No. Just... no.” This had been going on all day, and it was starting to get disturbing. “Look, Lime, I know that you really want that computer, but sometimes you just have to accept that you can’t have everything you want. I’m not going to have any part of you selling yourself like an animal just to get a shiny new toy, okay? That’s just... that’s just crazy. ...what?” Her excited expression had disappeared, and she was looking at me with those big, soulful blue eyes of hers. I was pretty sure I saw a tear. Yep, those were definitely tears.
“B-but Dave... I wouldn’t be doing it to get a computer. I wanted to make money so I could help you with the rent.”
Oh. Well. Foot, meet mouth. “Aw jeez, Lime. C’mere.” She shuffled closer, and I put an arm over her neck. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed. You don’t have to help with the rent, okay? It’ll be fine.”
She sniffled a little, then looked up at me again. “What... what about gold? Is that worth anything to humans?”
“Gold? Well, actually...” That was right. The money she had originally tried to pay me with had looked like gold coins. Was that seriously real gold?
I won’t bore you with the details, but long story short, we discovered that the gold content in her coins was enough to cover her half of the rent with a little left to spare. Money got a bit less tight after that, and our pantry got slightly more variety than baked beans and Bisquick. All in all, life’s not so bad now. I guess it just goes to show, sometimes what you’re looking for has been right under your nose all along.
And after a bit of saving our pennies, she even got her computer.
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Random inspiration strikes again. Not as long as I'd envision a real "episode" being, but too much fun not to share.
I've never tracked a story that was on hiatus before. Here's to hoping you find more random inspiration!
I second that hope, this is pretty entertaining.
Gemstones seem pretty common in Equestria....................
254549
Incredibly common - they're more of a decoration and a food item for dragons than anything of value, it seems like. That was a big part of the reason that the thought of them possibly being valuable on Earth never even crossed her mind. The only reason she made the connection with gold was because she was trying to think of ways to turn her money into his. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
Hee. Fun little episode. More a vignette? Somewhere between.
Not sure you needed to elaborate sexuality (I personally prefer universally bisexual Equestria), since species difference is a common sense (lacking in this fandom?) enough reason to avoid the idea of interspecies romance.
Also ponies have hair, not fur.
Still loving how cute this story is and hoping to read more in the future!
This is quite entertaining. I like the concept. I hope to get to see more in the future.
Man! This is sweet, i like this!
Can't wait to read more! 
This is almost sickeningly cute.
Though I could see her being terrified by the internet.
I like.
Tracking in hopes of an eventual update.
Personally, if I were Dave I'd probably try to get some scientists over to study the whole "my apartment exists in two worlds simultaneously and my roommate is an alien pastel-colored unicorn pony that can use magic" thing, assuming they could interact with Lime the way that Dave can anyway.
No. NO! Why did the chapter have to end? I need moar! Why would you do this to me?!
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4496-BVqwB.gif
Faveing despite the story being on haiatus. Pretty amusing/interesting/well written so far!
I hope you continue this at some point. It was a nice story and I'd like to see more of it.
MOAR
The idea isn't much original, but the format and style make this story so deliciously worth the reading !
Please, find more inspiration to strike yourself with !
I'm still holding out hope!
Lime is cute wanna snuggle her and hug her and I want more of this! Like and faved.
How does the door work, is it a wormhole?
Find out next time!
Note to self.