The Replacement

by VeryConfused

Scientific Progress Goes Boink

Any allocated alliteration allowed always attains an absolutely astonishing allure... albatross.

Ahem.

Alright.

A crowd of ponies looked onward at the giant wooden stage in front of them. Ponies shifted around in anticipation, and conversations sparked throughout. Mist burst from the stage, and Cog appeared before the audience, a wide grin on her face and a microphone at hoof's length. The audience clapped politely and murmured, while Cog bowed deeply.

"Helloooooo, Fillies and Gentlecolts!" Cog's voice emanated from the speakers.

"You have no idea how happy I am to be here today." She took a deep breath before speaking again. "I'm having trouble staying professional, just fighting the urge to sing!" A few ponies laughed.

"Gah, buck it."

Audience members shared bewildered glances as a full orchestra suddenly lifted from beneath the stage and started to play.

Hey, you lovely folks, It's Cog Apple here

and, I just have to tell you that I'm an engineer.

You see, we solve problems in your daily life

Why must we always deal with so much daily strife?

Here's a problem for you:

Isn't long distance travel always such a fight?

It doesn't have to be that way, am I right?

I sat from atop the roof of one of the nearby buildings, searching for any signs that the assassin was around. Briefly, I wondered if anypony had done just what I was doing right then on one of my previous jobs. Yeah, probably.

The crowd started to get into the song, stomping with the beat and cheering. Sure, it was corny and unconventional in business announcement type events, but Cog Apple was anything but a conventional individual. It was a bit jarring, thinking back to it. One second she was ending a tiny life to prove a crazy, homicidal point, and the next she was singing a cheery song to a crowd of eager ponies.

Now, a little tidbit about song in general. The oral tradition of spontaneous song dates back to long before Luna and Celestia ruled over Equestria, historians claim. Equinologists say that it stemmed from a mating ritual in the early development of speech in equine species. A pony with good vocal chords was a pony in good health, and in turn was good partner for making a baby with was the ancient thinking. Later, coordination with other ponies while in song became a factor. Most ponies become flustered if the theories behind spontaneous song are explained to them. I'm guessing that the idea that such a common public occurrence stemmed from a mating ritual is a bit awkward to consider. Well, a lot awkward. Like, elevator awkward.

Have I mentioned I hate elevators? Well I do, with all their dumb unspoken social codes, tight spaces, and security magic watching, scanning with unblinking eyes, always just about to notice me...

I started tapping my hoof to the beat of the song, it was pretty damn catchy.

After the song ended, there was a low humming noise that reverberated throughout the area. A massive gold colored object rose dramatically from behind the stage, slowly revealing more and more of itself. This was Cog's airship, a massive vehicle that looked like a large, sleek boat attached to two enormous balloons with propellers. The crowd looked on in awe.

Cog grinned madly.

"This is The Ursa. My masterpiece. It is the biggest, fastest, safest, and first commercial air travel vehicle."

I looked through my binoculars at the enormous vessel. It's edges gleamed as it eclipsed the sun, casting a shadow on the mass of onlookers below. As it grew larger in my view, I noticed a silhouette standing on top of the balloon. The figure seemed to be looking into a sniper rifle. Cog was right. I pulled on the rope that would raise the red flag, signalling Cog to cut her presentation short.

"Enough from me, now for some of the ponies who worked on the construction of The Ursa." Cog said before hurrying offstage.

I flew as quickly as I could over to the airship, being careful to stay behind clouds so that I couldn't be spotted by the sniper. I set foot on the airship, barely catching myself before slipping off its slick exterior. The sniper seemed to hear my hoofsteps, as their ears perked up. From the distance, I could see the sniper in greater detail, they were dressed from head to hoof in a black suit, with a sort of ninja mask. They quickly packed the gun up into a bag and began to run away. I shot after them rapidly, fast enough to make my eyesight blur and my eyes dry out. I considered shooting out a stun spell, but it would probably slow me down, and my aim wasn't great anyways, so I continued forward. Just as I was close enough to grab them, they dissolved into thin air. I fell onto my stomach, sliding across the airship's surface. The pony reappeared behind me, and ran in the other direction. Just feckin' how were they doing that disappearing shit?

I turned around and galloped towards the disappearing pony, and once again, just as I got close, they disappeared. My ears twitched, I head something, a faint buzzing sound, like a fly near the ear. I turned towards the source. A patch of air shimmered in my view. Gotchya. I lunged after the invisible pony, tackling them down. They slipped out of my hooves, and ran to where a ladder was. I galloped after them. They climbed down the ladder and threw open the door to the cockpit area, I followed as quickly as possible.

"Hey, you can't come in here!" I heard the pilot shout.

"Sorry!" The invisible pony replied.

"Woah, a changeling!?"

"No, I'm just the... local... airship... uh, hygiene inspector. Yeah, that."

"I could've sworn that I saw a changeling. Sorry to bother you sir, you can get on with your inspecting, now."

The sniper galloped down the hallway, passing row after row of red cushioned seats with windows, and I chased after. They ran behind a set of curtains, and closed them in my face. I fumbled with them for a second, and eventually got them open, only to find that nopony was behind them. I sighed, exasperated.

"You're above me aren't you." I stated flatly.

"Eep!"

I looked up to see the invisible sniper with their limbs stretched out and wobbling, trying to stay clung to the ceiling of the aircraft, before falling on their face in front of me.

"Hehe, uh.. hi." The pony said, standing slowly and rubbing the back of their neck sheepishly.

"What was your plan in all this? Are you stupid? You're an earth pony, what are you doing up on an airship with no way down!?"

"Kind of a funny story actually..." They said, their voice was soft, high pitched, and lightly accented.

I pulled the pony's mask off, revealing a whitish pink young mare with brown eyes and a half blue, half green mane. She flinched, her eyes closing for a second, and her head moved downwards. She had this innocent look in her eyes, and I found it strange that anypony with eyes like that would do something as horrible as killing somepony. She must have been manipulated or something.

"You're just a damn kid! What are you doing with a bloody sniper rifle!?"

"I'm a really good shot. Shame that I don't look it, innit?" She said earnestly. Maybe not...

"Ugh. I'm gonna let go of you now, just know you have nowhere to run, lest you want to plunge to your messy, untimely death out of an airship door."

She scurried to one of the seats and sat down. I went over the pilot and told him to land the airship, to which he complied, he had to land in a few minutes anyway. I went back to find the mare still sitting in the same spot, looking out the window. I sat down in the row across from her. She turned to stare at me with wide eyes as I sat down. The quiet hum of magic filled the air.

"You're a changeling!" She blurted out.

"No shit."

"I mean, I've seen changeling goons before, but they don't think for themselves. You seem, like, intelligent."

"Yeah, smarter than you, evidently."

"You don't have to be so bloody mean, you know."

She pouted a little bit, and stopped staring at me. A moment passed.

"So," I asked. "How did you end up on the airship?"

Her ears perked up slightly.

"I was hiding in a box, waiting for a good moment to run, and some ponies loaded me on board. When I popped my head out of the box, I was a hundred feet in the air."

"That is kind of funny."

"I know, right?"

Another moment passed.

"How were you disappearing out there?" I inquired.

"It's the suit, it has a neat-o little enchantment on it, it only lasts for a few seconds and has a pretty long recharge time, but its definitely useful."

"Oh."

"So, are you gonna kill me once we land, or what?" The sniper asked.

"No, I'll just take you to Cog."

"Then, she'll kill me."

The ship landed and I heard the door open and somepony step inside.

"I'll try not to let that happen."

"Why do you care at all? You're just one of Cog's minions."

"Hey! I'm a freelancer! This is a one time thing. Cog scares me, anypony who wants to kill her, however dumb they are, probably has good reasons to do so."

"What? I 'm not-"

Cog walked through the isles towards us, and the sniper stopped speaking abruptly.

"Bravo, changeling. You've done well. I thank you. Come along, and bring the assassin with you." Cog said, turning around and trotting in the other direction. "Oh, and tie 'em up." She tossed me some ropes.

We walked and the sniper was carted into a dark room under the stage. Cog lit a few gas lamps, and the room was illuminated dimly. Cog pulled up a chair and had me tie the sniper to it. The ground rumbled slightly, and the sniper glanced left and right worriedly.

"Okay, first things first. This will all be so much easier for everypony if you'd just tell the truth immediately." Cog began, walking in circles around the chair. "Who do you work for?"

"I'm sorry, but I'm not authorized to to give you that information." The sniper replied.

"Really, the first question? You mess that up?" Cog massaged her temples. "Changeling, there is a hacksaw on the table to your left."

The sniper's eyes widened immensely and she began sweating.

"Really!? She's just a kid! Can't we do this in a more civilized manner?"

"I'm actually a stallion." The sniper interrupted.

"Wait, what? You're- Ugh! You're really not helping your case here! I don't want to see you killed, at least not like this!"

"I stole his wallet when you brought him in, his student card says his name is Taffy Trickshot Sweet, he's male, and graduated from university just last year." Cog chuckled. "I guess I still have some skills left over from my kleptomaniac years."

"Why in Celestia's name did you bring identification to an assassination!?" I yelled.

"I'm not trying to kill anypony! And do you really think Cog here would care weather I'm a filly, a colt, a stallion, or even a damned foal? She's a psychologist certified sociopath." She, er, he asserted. "Oh, and thanks for trying. I see that the changeling has grown a heart of its own, you even wear a hat to show that you are an individual rather than just part of the mindless masses! That's adorable! Can I hug you when I get out of these ropes?"

"No."

"Aw..."

Cog looked increasingly impatient with the both of us as we spoke.

"Now that that's over, if you aren't here to kill me, what were you doing on my Ursa with a sniper rifle!?" Cog questioned.

"I can't tell you that, but I can tell you who did come to kill you today."

"Who?"

"Typhon."

Cog sat down and gazed at the floor forlornly. There was another rumble.

"What's Typhon?"

Suddenly, the ground rumbled and shook all of us violently, a hole was ripped in the ceiling, and a ball of fire shot through. We all ran towards the wall behind us to avoid burning to death, I was pulling Taffy's chair with me. The door swung open to reveal an angry, bruised and singed blue and white DJ.

"Celestia bucking dammit, Taffy!" Vinyl shouted. "You wont believe the shit I had to go through just to get here to save your ass!"

"Sorry!" Taffy cried.

"You!" I shouted.

"Yeah, me! I saved your life at the hospital, and you kidnap the kid to repay me!?"

"You saved my life!?"

"You don't remember!? Your seizure and hallucinations, the giant squid!? Ugh, whatever! I don't have to deal with this." Vinyl walked over to Taffy and cut his ropes. "And you're coming with me, you little shit."

"I said I was sorry!"

"I don't care! We just have to contain this thi- DAMMIT!" Vinyl was cut off by a giant, scaly black claw grabbing her and pulling her up through the flaming ceiling. "Not again! BUCK YOU!"

A deafening roar reverberated through the area, and I heard the scream of the crowd outside. Taffy ran over to where his rifle was and began assembling it. He grabbed his mask.

"You should run, I'll be busy detaining the monster." Taffy said, before putting on his mask. He ran over to me and hugged me. I batted him away with my front hooves.

"With any luck, I'll be able to hold it off long enough for you to run." Taffy disappeared into thin air. "I wish ye luck and good fortune!"

It was around then that it dawned on me how batshit insane my life was, and wondered vaguely if it was going to continue to be this strange, or if it would calm down eventually. At that point it also dawned on me that I should move out of the way of the jet of fire headed in my general direction.

I dove to the side, and Cog did the same in the opposite direction. A patch of ground between us burst into flames.

"We have to get out of here."

"I agree wholeheartedly."

I ran to the door and swung it open. Behind it was a squadron of ponies wearing white masks. I slammed the door, and held it shut.

"Uh, Cog?" A bullet shot through the door, narrowly missing my body. "Could you throw me that chair?"

"Alright."

Cog threw the chair to me, and I stuck it between the knob and the floor and backed away. There was repeated banging on the door, slowly loosening the chair from its position. I looked hurriedly around for something else to barricade the door with before looking up at the flaming ceiling.

"I'm going to fly out the ceiling."

"And leave me here to die?"

"That's the idea."

Cog pulled a shotgun from the table behind her. I should have really thought that through better.

"I'm afraid, while I can sympathize with your motivation," There was a bang on the door. "That I can't let you do that."

Cog's eyes were bloodshot, and she wore an unnerving toothy grin.

"Fine! I'll carry you!"

"How do I know that you're not going to drop me?"

The masked ponies burst through the door and swarmed inside.

"You have a shotgun."

"Oh yeah..."

Cog grabbed on to me and I took off. Bullets flew through the air near us, and light flashed from the hole we just flew through. Two masked pegasi took to the sky in pursuit.

"Point me at them!"

"I don't want to lose speed!"

"Do you want me to shoot you?"

I turned around, and Cog pulled the trigger on the shotgun. There was a flash of light and a loud bang, and then massive recoil. We were propelled backwards, and the flesh of one of our pursuers was torn from their bones, and they spiraled towards the ground, landing near a leg of the towering beast that grabbed Vinyl. It turned its head towards us and roared. An enormous claw reached in our direction. I sped up out of its reach, but the other masked pegasus was not as lucky.

I landed some distance away from the scene, letting go of Cog and dusting myself off.

"Beautiful," said Cog, marveling at the horrifying scene.

The once great stage was a wreck of smoke, ash, and flame, and the ground was littered with the bodies of the ponies who couldn't make it. In the center of the catastrophe stood a giant, it looked like a scaly minotaur with a mass of snakes for legs and great flaming eyes.

There was a green burst of smoke, and the colossus screamed, swaying back and forth before collapsing to the ground, shaking the ground beneath our hooves.

Comments

[Merchent343]

Well then... Okay.

[VeryConfused]

4173632 Was too much going on?

[Merchent343]

4174037

At the end of the chapter, it was mostly just a "Well then, that was strange." I got what was going on, but the ending was a tad unexpected... And slightly insane.

[VeryConfused]

4174431 I didn't mean to imply that I thought that you didn't get what was going on, sorry. Yeah, that's what I was going for, I don't think anyone really would have expected that. Thanks for the clarification, anyway.

[VeryConfused]

5774544
I apologize for the long wait, but even more for the accidental publication. I don't even know how that happened.

[D-F]

aw man, this looked like it had potential, shame its dead now