Fics recs, July 5th: Reread edition! · 4:07pm Jul 5th, 2021
Hey hey, it's another themed blog! This time, it's a bunch of stories that had been sitting on my RIN forever, that specifically had their title and author written out, which is not what I usually do. These were all things I read years and years ago, before I started reviewing everything I read, and I was able to scrounge them up and give them a proper burial review finally. :) So everything's like, 2013 tops? Old stories, but some good ones, and a lot of really weird ones.
H: 0 R: 10 C: 14 V: 1 N: 1
Author, Author! by Pascoite
Genre: Meta
Pinkie has always been able to see things other ponies can't. It's when she started going to the homes of the watchers that her troubles began.
We begin with one of Pascoite's oldest stories. The really impressive, surprising thing about it is that Pascoite takes a (now old) meme, of Pinkie breaking the fourth wall and knowing she's in a story or cartoon, and actually uses it to give her an existential crisis while still writing a story that is upbeat and ultimately positive. There's not even a mention of mane flattening. Might not have aged well, but it's still a good piece and a good way to start off.
Recommended
A Zebra in the Bed by Pen Stroke
Genre: Slice of Life
It's true the Apple Family always treats guests like one of their own. But did Zecora have to be put in Applejack's bed?
So who remembers Kiki? She was a sick little girl connected to the fandom somehow in its early days, and one of the many goodwill efforts fans threw together for her was the Hearth's Warming Care Package, a collection of fanfics that would be uplifting for a little girl struggling with illness. I wonder what happened to her. Did she make it? I don't recall. c.c;;; So, as for the actual story we're reviewing, it's cute! Applejack maybe comes off as overly abrasive, but that's kind of the whole point and is addressed by the end. But Pen Stroke definitely has a knack for writing stories for children (something this event taught me I lack!), and he predicted Somepony to Watch Over Me, so that's fun too. Ultimately makes its point well.
Recommended to Read to Kids
There Will Never Be a Last Laugh by Pascoite
Genre: Bittersweet
The princesses have planned a lovely parting gift for Pinkie.
Nothing gets me a-bloo-bloo-bloo'in quite like the reassurance that ponies will lead happy afterlives when they die. How dare Pascoite write a story that finds a way to take so much joy in a character's death. ;_; It's not fair.
Recommended
A Taxing Situation by Pascoite
Genre: Drama
Derpy decides to exploit a little-known tax law: she's going to put on a play.
Y'all know I've been a huge proponent of Pascoite since day one. I count him as a friend, and I've always been impressed by his writing. So it's honestly rather humanizing to be able to look back and say, this wasn't his best work even though it's a good story. Even good writers grow over time. :) But yeah, this is still really good, an emotional piece drawn from what another author might have turned into a comedy. (This is the only serious ponyfic I've read about taxes.) The inciting incident is a very unique piece of world-building, the way ponies react to what Derpy's doing is heartwarming, and what Derpy ends up accomplishing is pretty darn cool. A real feel-good kind of piece, taxes or no.
Recommended
Ashes of a Phoenix by FanOfMostEverything
Genre: EQG Drama/Comedy
Every night, Sunset dreams about her inner demon.
Number one, I thought I'd read all of these before, but this one isn't marked as read? Maybe it's here because Writeoff? Number two, this is easily the newest story on this list, having come out after Rainbow Rocks, what the heck. Number three, this was good. :) The drama and comedy parts are pretty forcefully separated by a scene break, but this also contains an object lesson in using purple prose for comedy's sake. And most importantly, it has something interesting to say about Sunset Shimmer's development as a person.
Recommended
Apple Slices by Dashiel
Mature: Sex
Genre: REDACTED
Boy, nothing like trolling yourself from nine years ago. This is the one (?) story on this list that I had actually downvoted once upon a time, and so that got me thinking that this might not have lived up to the Dashiel standard of horrible troll fics. I needn't have worried. Though you do have to wade through a fairly earnest, extremely purple incest clopfic to get to it, once things look like they're about to get even worse, the twist comes and with it, catharsis. Of course, the twist is still really awful and gross, but at least you weren't reading an earnest foalcon incest clopfic!
Recommended Only for Horrible People
I Ci What You Did Der by Casca
Genre: Comedy
It's 2021 and I finally figured out why Casca titled this story the way he did. 
That bizarre bit of wordplay is just a taste of the weirdness that lies within this piece. The narrator is weird, the plot about yeast in a cider barrel gaining sentience and forming societies is weird… God, this whole thing is weird, and I love it. There's just no way to describe it, and given the reveal at the end, it just… wow. What was this guy on?
Recommended
Lipogram by NorsePony
Genre: Light Shipping?
Rainbow Dash can find no ardor for any of Rarity's fashion abstractions.Tried to write a lipogram description, sorry, I couldn't do it. :B Update: I doo'd it. :D As the description will inform you if you're not familiar, a lipogram is a story, or really anything, written without use of the letter E. Think about that. You can't use 'the'. You can't end words in -ed. You can't use 'he' or 'she' or 'her' or 'they'. You can't write about Pinkie Pie or Fluttershy, or mention a whole lot of places in Equestria. It's quite an effort for a writer to pull off, and in doing so, one must make some concessions to prose, because the end result is going to be awkward and stilted no matter what you do. There are just so many words that need an E. This is a roundabout way of saying, I really, really appreciate the craftsmanship at work here, and the sheer effort NorsePony put into this to pull it off, but it does sound really weird, especially Rainbow's dialogue. Like, just use some contractions, those would be fine! But really, I can't complain.
Recommended If You Like Experimental Writing Exercises
Ships That Pass in the Night by EbonMane
Genre: Shipping Melodrama
Lately, Twilight has been leaving the library open late in the hope a certain pony will visit.
The author admits this isn't the best story, and yeah, it's not. The writing's good, and it's honestly pretty cute, but look at the tag I gave it. It's just super weepy.
Recommended for Shippers Only
When Aliens Attacked by Alexstrazsa
Genre: WTF
So aliens come to Equestria and ask Lyra to take them to her leader.
So this starts off as kind of a goofy but otherwise reasonable story. Then it gets grim. Then it gets what. Then it gets really what. This might be the definition of an author running out of ideas. I don't know. I really don't.
What
Obnoxious Writer and Clueless User Get Edgy by Tactical Rainboom
Genre: Meta Comedy
Two ponies bicker about how they're portrayed in blog posts.
You want context for this story? Go ask Wanderer D. Otherwise, sit back and enjoy the weirdness. People don't write shit like this anymore, and that's mostly because the site rules forbid it! :V Thank goodness.
Recommended If You Like Weird Meta Shit
Crusaders of the Lost Mark by midnightshadow and Tenure
Genre: OC Fic
A blacksmith comes to town and catches the interest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Nothing quite like anticipating an episode title, not that the reference was much of a stretch, I suppose. :) This shows its age, mostly in how little we understood about cutie marks once upon a time, but nevertheless does itself a service via solid writing and a decent story about an old, sad stallion and the things he's left behind. The story maybe leans a little bit too hard on evoking sympathy out of his situation, but the canon characters are written well and the plotting is quite good, clearly following something similar to an episode structure. So yes, a very strong story, and cute as well.
Recommended
Humanverse: An Unimpressive Tale by Vimbert the Unimpressive
Genre: Humanverse
Oh boy. How to explain this one. Okay, so, once upon a time, when the EQD pre-readers were a large community of people, they got together and decided to start a Thing, wherein we would all take a pony and write stories about our actual selves, kind of, from the perspective of that pony. It… it was a thing. Or rather, it wasn't, as I believe this was the only story written. (I was Sweetie Belle. <.< My thing was writing in all caps.) Now, as to the story itself, how willing are you to accept the idea that Twilight Sparkle would write really bad fanfic? Because that's basically the joke! That and stealth Twilestia, 5/7 would not recommend. >.>
What
Twilight Sparkle Has Sex With a Lobster Man Starring Nicolas Cage by Chuckward
Mature: Sex
Genre: Crackfic
You ever look at a story title and find yourself hoping the author deleted all their work sometime between now and when you originally wrote it down? c.c;;; Anyway, he didn't, so what the fuck???
Recommended Only If You Do Not Require Things Around You to Make Sense
Crumbling by EbonMane
Genre: Sad
Celestia returns here every year, to mourn.
It's wild, coming back to an old fic after 9+ years to see how the fandom envisioned the end of the show. Like, here we have a story where Celestia and Luna eventually retired from ruling! That was crazy back when this was written! But it turns out to be the most believable part of the whole scenario. I will say this gets a bit mopey and melodramatic in the midst of its deep, emotional conversation between a bitter pony and a bitter pony who's doing everything she can not to wallow in her bitterness. It's a pretty good fit for the two of them, though.
Recommended If You Want to Read Something a Little Melancholy
The Conversion Bureau: Together by midnightshadow
Genre: TCB
Two brothers come for Conversion and offer a unique challenge to the ponies and scientists overseeing it.
Say what you will about midnightshadow, he wrote stories that stuck with me through the ages via approaching the world from a unique and frequently creatively disturbing lens. And say what you will about the Conversion Bureau, this is the most original of its stories, bar none. Just by taking a situation that is based in reality but so rare it almost doesn't exist, midnightshadow gives us a story of science (and magic) overcoming the bizarre. The end solution is so clever, so original, you almost forget that it's probably someone's fetish. <.< I mean, there's a line in here that sums it up, you'll know it when you'll see it. And then this story will be stuck with you, too. :)
Recommended
Twilight Sparkle Teaches Pinkie Pie Equestrian Jurisprudence by Amit
Mature: Sex
Genre: Weird, Shippy, Cloppy Comedy
If you're not familiar with Amit, he was known for writing really esoteric stories. Strange, thinky, often a bit of both. And this sure is one of them. I'm really not sure how to feel about it, the consent here is dubious at best, and it's all setup for what's otherwise a really hilarious punchline. Probably not for consent sticklers.
Recommended If You Don't Like to Think About Your Clop
Lily’s Medication by NTSTS
Genre: Psychedelic
In which Lily goes from taking anti-anxiety medication for the first time directly into hallucinations.
Boy, this one sure is a thing. I have to wonder if it's based off any personal experience, and on that note, I really have no way of determining whether or not it's a realistic portrayal of a severe trip, so I basically assume it is. Really strange stuff, check it out if you want to read something you never have before. And always follow the directions on your prescription medication!
Recommended If You Like Weird Stories
With a Spark by NinesTempest
Genre: Sad Shipping
A chance encounter with Spitfire after the Gala leads to the best night of Rainbow Dash's life. Or does it?
Wow. I was all set to revisit an old favorite ship that I just don't see that much anymore, and then this had to go and have feelings and end on a real down note. Suffice to say, it will not satisfy shippers, but that doesn't make it bad!
Recommended If You Don't Need Your Shipping to Have a Happy Ending
The Loving Spoonful by MoronSonOfBoron
Mature: Sex
Genre: Just Plain Creepy
"This story is well written but [it's] wrong," says one of the early comments. I have to agree. Perhaps it's just due to recent site drama, but I have to wonder why I never put more of a critical eye to this piece beyond a simple downvote. (The answer is probably along the lines of "author draw big tiddy".) This isn't about sex, but it is sexual, and Silver Spoon is foal, you monster.
Not Recommended
Crown Jewels by Dashiel
Mature: Sex, Gore
Genre: Troll Clop
Since Cadence's pregnancy, Shining Armor has been roaming further and further afield. Time for her to do something about it.
If you read the other Dashiel story in this blog, you know what you're up for here. And if you haven't, maybe read this one instead! It's honestly a better story, and also doesn't feature incest or foalcon! Amazing.
Recommended for Terrible People
Snailsyphus by Filler
Genre: Sad
Snails carries a rock up a hill.
Remember when stories could be under 1k words? This is short, but it's got plenty of punch. The whole story is in why Snails is doing this thing, and his reaction at the end. It's short and cute and sad and tragic all at once.
Recommended
Taxing and Waning by Daffodil
Genre: Comedy
A thousand years is a long time not to pay taxes.
I guess tax comedies were big back in 2012. This is about what you'd expect it to be, except it never went where I expected it would. There are a few obvious nods to things that were fairly new or unknown at the time, like Trixie's last name, that don't have the same effect today, but the punchline works regardless. And it just… He just threw it in there, it's great.
Recommended for Laughs
Party Rock by Casca
Genre: Light Comedy
Humiliated after losing a race to a tortoise, Boeing the falcon finds himself talking to a rock.
You can always count on a fandom to latch on to small, meaningless things and eventually turn them larger-than-life. Did we need to know the life story of Tom the rock from his perspective? Not really, but Casca walks us down that road with aplomb, ticking off a lot of canon and headcanon boxes but also making sure the experience comes off as fresh and realistic. Do mind the spot where Pinkie's dad's name suddenly changes. This was quite good, quite unique, and something of a blast from the past.
Recommended
Chef’s Dad Goes to Ponyville by Chuckward
Genre: South Park Crossover/Comedy
This story is incredibly stupid, and my comment from 8 years ago still stands. The last line saves it, but only just.
Vaguely Recommended
The Night Fluttershy Exploded by butterscotchsundae
Genre: Shipping
Fluttershy goes in search of the legendary Moonflower, and finds something even greater.
Much like knighty, this was one of the very first ponyfics I ever read, though on DeviantArt, of course. And I'm quite pleased to say this holds up well. The writing is thick with imagery, and the characterization fits what little we knew back around Dragonshy or so. Fascinatingly, it also predicted Luna's dreamwalking. The comedy tag is… I mean, I wouldn't call this a comedy, for all that the last scene is amusing. But that's about the only downside.
Recommended
I can answer that
Man, I haven't heard most of these names in for-fucking-ever. Also makes me realize that if the characters had aged normally in the show, Spike would now be older than in my first story which took place seven years post S2.
Dang, time flies.
I hope it's a good one.
But yeah, heck of a nostalgia trip with some of these authors.
5549593
aw, darn :( I thought so
Gosh. I haven’t thought about Buttersc0tch in years.
Yes, Vimbert was the only person to actually write a Humanverse story after a dozen or so of us pledged to. I picked Octavia, And I still have a line in my to-do list document saying merely "Pastavia." :/
"Author, Author!" was only the 4th or 5th story I wrote, and the first time I participated in a writeoff. I deleted the original first scene, which you despised at the time. And "Pinkie breaks the 4th wall" was even an old trope by then. It was the first of several instances where I wanted to see if I could take a cliche and make it fresh.
"There Will Never be a Last Laugh" is a bit of the same, using the cliche that the girls would pass on their elements to a new generation, though in my version only Pinkie's (so far) went to a relative, whereas fanon at the time was that their kids would uniformly become the new elements. And then canon destroyed them... Anyway, I can't recall at this point what my overarching goal for the story was. I guess just to write a death story that wasn't sad?
"A Taxing Situation" was a throw-in for a write-off where I'd already finished what I considered to be my main entry but still had time to write another. I still like the idea behind it, but yeah, the execution is only so-so. I just loved giving a reason for the episode screenshot I used as cover art, as the show certainly never gave her a reason to be there.
5549688
Despite not having remembered which pony I was supposed to be, I do remember that my plan for Humanverse was to wait until whoever Rarity was wrote a story, then write the same story, only considerably worse and in caps lock. :B It was perhaps for the best that nothing ever came out of that group.
And yeah, I strangely still have a memory of initially being negative over Author. Good thing I can't remember why. :)
5549834
In the write-off version, the first scene had her popping into a room with the writers, though only one of them noticed her. Another long-suffering thing in my to-do list was to write a sequel for it. I'll go ahead and spoil it, since I doubt I'll ever write it at this point.
Celestia sets up a system where a giant bingo-type ball mixer spits out a random pony's name, and another spits out a random thing she has to write to happen to that pony. This goes along through some good and tough times until one day, her system selects "Twilight Sparkle" and "death." She can't bring herself to do it, and she keeps procrastinating while feeling like a huge hypocrite. Then one day Luna asks her why she's looking so glum, and Celestia comes clean about it. I can't remember whether the plan was for her to be unaware of everything, or if she knew about the script writing and just didn't know about Twilight's name coming up. At first Luna tells her yeah, it may be hypocritical, but so what? Just skip that one. But Celestia can't bring herself to not do it either. Finally, Luna gets in a fit of pique and splashes ink across the page, saying there, every possible word is now on that page, so dense that it's solid black, and let the book sort out what it's going to do to whom. And it turns out that works.
5549845
That's pretty neat. :D
5549603
and now so does Spike. But yeah, some of those names alone were a hit of pure nostalgia.
5549849
Well, damn. That plot I just spoiled happens to fit the current "Imposing Sovereigns" prompt so well that I actually am writing it.