• Member Since 29th Oct, 2020
  • offline last seen Last Friday


Thus sayeth the ʟᴏʀᴅ: All-Star, over easy, sausage, raisin toast, scattered-smothered-covered, double pecan, coffee, no cream and no sugar.

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Found 12 stories in 17ms

Total Words: 145,001
Estimated Reading: 9 hours

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This story is a sequel to Pray Tell: Who Inscribed All These Bollocks Upon The Walls?

Poor little Cadance.

What little filly wouldn't be miserable under all the pressure of being the world's only other alicorn princess? Say goodbye to a normal life, normal school, normal friends, and, maybe worst of all, your only role model is the literal perfect pony. Rough life, huh? To get back at auntie, she's going to, armed with a screwdriver and a knowledge of school desk graffiti, make her quite literal mark on the palace.

Celestia is a princess out of her element: running a country is easy. Raising a filly is hard. She is also, incidentally, something of an expert at vandalism.

Maybe there's a lesson here after all.

Unapologetically saccharine sweet. Chronological prequel to the fic listed. You probably don't need to read it to understand what's going on, but you should.

T rated for general content. Very tame, really.

Chapters (1)

Oh noes!!!1!!11!!1!!11! Equestria has, through horrifying circumstances, ended up at war with a particularly pesky principality of perpetually pissed-off griffons! Ponies of all kinds have been called up to serve their remaining princesses and fight off the beaked menaces, in locales as varied as tropical beaches to, at the extreme end, parched desert. Luckily, the love of country has rendered even the softest, most insipid, most utterly ordinary ponies into a well-oiled fighting machine.

Unfortunately, it turns out that the love of country has rendered the most utterly extraordinary ponies into a complete and total liability. Oops.

Lowbrow comedy. Something of a spiritual successor to my first (bafflingly successful) story, A Cursory Background Check. Contains acts of violence, paragraphs of sex jokes, and a general level of intelligence about five standard deviations below the mean.

Chapters (2)

"Despite what the layman might think, the damage caused by hooligan activities is actually inversely proportional to the top speed of the vehicles involved. Celestia help us if they ever get their grubby little hooves on a bulldozer." – Reflective Vests, ROSHA director.

Something silly.

Chapters (1)

Out of milk for his late-night breakfast cereal, one Cloudsdale bachelor takes a short trip to the store. Along the way, he'll break an entire book's worth of traffic laws, take a several hour detour, and might save a life.

A slightly experimental one-shot about the pleasures of a late-night drive. (flight?)

Chapters (1)

What do you get when you combine an empty Ponyville library, government cost cutting on strongbox locks, and a particularly mischievous unicorn? Sweetie Belle with a top-secret list of military tele-spell network addresses.

What do you get when you combine three clever fillies with terrible official password discipline? The Cutie Mark Crusaders with access to the central strategic armaments computer.

What do you get when you combine two-factor activation with a tremendously short-sighted and very arrogant Celestia? Nothing good.

Takes place in the same universe as, and is set immediately after (but isn't "canon" to), Fluttershy: Royal Game Warden (?). You don't need to read that one. You should, because it's a Certified Hood Classic, but you don't have to.

Death and Violence tags are general. No blood and guts, but if you're faint of heart, there's an intentionally squicky sequence that probably hits a lot harder if one has a fear of hypodermic needles, so be aware.

Chapters (1)

This story is a sequel to Fluttershy, Royal Game Warden (?)

Ever since Rarity was a wee filly, she has always fantasized about the life of the nobility. The inestimable glamour! The fabulous balls and galas! The magnificent castles! Even after running roughshod into the very worst of highborn snobbery at the Gala, that little foalish tingle keeps dragging her mind back to that particular whimsy in the quiet times.

Incidentally, Luna needs some poor gullible idiot she can ennoble before throwing them into the very foulest political cesspit in Bitaly on a wild-goose chase for nine million bits. How convenient!

Reading the previous story is highly recommended, not only because this one won't make much sense without it, but also because it's a 100% certified banger. Obviously.

Chapters (12)

The developers of the new hottest arcade flyer, Gran Pegasmo 4, say that the quirky "Coffee Break" events are a fun little diversion from the struggles of the main game.

They are also, as it turns out, sadists.

Yet another silly little story.

Chapters (1)

Twilight Sparkle is pretty dang smart, but she just ain't got the right kinda brains for oval track racin', that's for sure.

A tremendously silly and ludicrously detailed story about overestimating one's abilities out on a racetrack.

Chapters (1)

Rarity goes out for a spot of frou-frou nonsense. Typical elegant stuff.


A one-shot character study about the particular pleasure of traditional marksmanship.

(NOTE: NOT FUNNY. However, gunhaver Rarity is part of a comedy - check here for that.)

Chapters (1)

Did you know Fluttershy was made Royal Game Warden of the last remaining Royal Game Preserve in Equestria? Of course, she only has that title because the newly winged Twilight needed something with which to defraud the government, and that "preserve" is, due to centuries of neglect, actually the Everfree Forest, but that's not really important.

Until, of course, the Griffon Ambassador showed up at her door demanding her services as a hunting guide for his lunch.

Then it was a little important.

Chapters (8)