• Member Since 29th Oct, 2020
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on da horse words, strait up "readin it" ... and by "it," haha well. let's just say. My commints.


~~~You asked, you receive. Bonus chapter up~~~

Twilight has successfully created fake government jobs to help her terminally broke friends be less, uh, terminally broke. All they have to do is pass a simple little background check, just an easy little formality really. Should be no problem for these national heroes, right?



I guess the constituent parts of the cover art might be property of the federal gubbermint, but, honestly, I feel like I've spent enough on ATF tax stamps to make me stealing their crisp PNGs an equal exchange.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 210 )

At that moment, Twilight knew. They never should've been able to use the Elements of Harmony, let alone beat Nightmare Moon that first night. Not with these rap sheets.

Twilight also Pinkie Promised to never, ever make her friends alicorns. Equestria would survive longer with Discord in charge.

I love the story by the way. Just couldn't help it.

Thanks for the feedback and the favorite! Very much appreciated.

Fucking genius mate best new fic I've seen in a long time
Good writing and all that hope you write more

Thanks, I really appreciate it. Feedback is always nice. I've got some other stuff coming, but this was the first one I was able to get into something postable.

I absolutely love when the main sixhave to take psych eval‘s and background checks

I have no words to express my appreciation for this fic other than these

Hey - Twilight said it herself.

Do what's best for her animals. At least 49 times.

Shortly after, all the bars liquor stores would be picked clean and rather wealthy all of a sudden.

Twilight herself would not be seen in over a month.

She swears those two incidents are not related.

~Skeeter The Lurker

One would hope she at least learned to make sure that any subsequent drunken brawling should be kept away from trash sacks full of glass.



“Hey! I’ll take that! That’s a minor misdemeanor! I’m sure with your money sometimes you have to do what’s best for your anima-



:twilightoops: ...I...I think Twilight and I might need to lie down.

Applejack looked at the little princess with no little disdain. “Ah, dammit Twi, you know I don’t engage in usury ! We all know banking is a tool of-”

The Chinese Communist Party

See, I watch Fox News.
I know the score.


I am irrationally disappointed by the use of ponyslaughter instead of mareslaughter. :twilightsheepish:

Now let's see Twilight's rap sheet, hm?


Twilight sure does love her books.


Well, I always knew there was a reason I liked Rarity.

Dang, imagine Starlight Glimmer's rap sheet.

wouldnt their fight against nightmare moon count to assult against the crown for all of them as she was still tecnicly royalty of the country?

She was a traitor, and they were essentially under command of the other princess to fight her. Even if they were charged, surely Celestia would have pardoned them for that.

I find it hilarious that Rainbow Dash had the least fucked up stuff, she was just a teen in a riot. Pinkie, however, should probably be not allowed near the general public or any children

So the Elements of Harmony consist of a drunken murderer, a former juvenile arsonist, a tax-dodging hooker, a clinically insane party terrorist, an animal fucker, and a neurotic and soon to be blitzed off her ass princess.

I love it! :rainbowlaugh:

Hey, I know stallions don’t have equal rights, but they’re still ponies!

Everyone has a few skeletons in the closet... but that's no excuse for filling it with more calcium than air. And the thing about physical embodiments of virtues is that they only care about those virtues, not anything else you may have gotten up to.

Horribly funny and funnily horrible. Thank you for it.


Well, to refer to Twilight herself...

She makes the laws now.

~Skeeter The Lurker




No counts.

Starlight's commentary: "What? You didn't think I was stupid enough to have my village within the borders of Equestria, did you? ...and there isn't technically a law against aggressive time travel. ...and I was trying to keep out of the sight of the Princess's ponies. Not having an official record is important for a serious criminal, you know?"

“2700 bits a month.”

THE SCHOOL RARITY. Your sister has to shit in a BUCKET at school because we were short FIFTY-SIX FUCKING BITS. YOUR FIFTY-SIX BITS RARITY. A BUCKET RARITY! A BUCK-

I find it hilarious that Twilight is willing to misappropriate 13500 bits of government money to help her friends while schools lack the funds to build basic infrastructure. Kleptocracy at its finest!

We need... a future chapter but WITH the rest of the cast... right now

I love this but there could be so much more done with this

HAHA, o god this was brilliant. I love Twi’s freak out over Rarity’s tax evasion and then the fact that Twi literally can’t commit a crime. That’s just too good.
Brilliant work my dude

Is also except several hundred cases of neglect, considering how often she left Spike at home

but something of note is luna and by extention nightmare moon was in 50/50 control of equestria while it could be argued as she was a trator would it also be true that celestia was a trator in that regard aswell?

If there's anything an anarchist knows, it how to avoid the law.

This is pretty pathetic compared to the old rulers of Equestria to be honest. I know we never get a list of Celestia’s war crimes but Luna has treason and attempted genocide (is that even listed as a crime?) under her belt!

Anyways, lovely story!

Stalking a minor, violent abuse of minor or pet, possibly child slavery, crimes against species (unethical science experiments)...

And one late fee.

I'm tempted to add breaking and entering and violation of spacetime, but at least one instance of both was a result of a predestination paradox, which makes them not count.


She also experiments on wild animals which cannot be ethical. Like that one e0isode where she turns a frog into and orange.

I mean she is the absolute ruler. Surely she can just rubber-stamp the background checks.

Still hilarious.


What about Sunset Shimmer? Literary pulling a Yoshi in tax evasion

Doesn't Twilight have the power to grant pardons?

NM was levying war against Equestria. Titles don’t protect you in such circumstances.


She tried to overthrow history and Equestria's government and has repeatedly attempted or performed dubious at BEST mind control magics on national defense assets. The only reason she isn't in pony Azkaban is nepotism. As it is, she's basically in Twilight's custody in lieu of a prison sentence.

Charles Stuart sure thought they did. And under the law, he was right.

That's a lot of killin' with sharp glass edges right there.

Applejack: "I'm not letting you take care of Winona anymore."

I hate to be that guy....but this makes me question what Harry the bear actually does for Fluttershy other than being muscle... and now excuse me I need to go grab some brain bleach.

Twilight slammed her face into the table. “You pissed on his corpse. One of my very best friends killed someone and pissed on his corpse.”

For the love of Celestia hahahah

Nightmare Moon's technically in either full rebellion or active treason at that point in time depending on if you need an army for the former. That's the stuff that gets the elements medals for going above and beyond in defense of the nation and NMM some bronze statues south of the Mason-Dixon.


Just 3...???
Can't be right!

We need a Bonus chapter just for Starlight!!

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