Interlude: Fluttershy Remembers the Basics of CQC at Twenty-Three Hundred Hours
A week and a half later…
Princess Luna, ever the picture of punctuality, stood in front of the door of Fluttershy’s cabin. The lights downstairs were off, which seemed odd to Luna considering she was ostensibly expecting visitors, but the light upstairs shone through the window, from which soft incomprehensible voices could be faintly heard. Satisfied that this was sufficient evidence that Fluttershy was, indeed, home, Princess Luna, after a final look at her levitated Bakelite novelty wristwatch (fifteen bits at the palace gift shop), gave the cabin’s door a few solid knocks.
The voices upstairs ceased for a moment, then resumed. The lights downstairs stayed off.
Assuming that the cabin’s occupant may not have heard her, Luna gave the door another few knocks, this time a little louder.
The voices once again stopped. After a minute or so, the light downstairs sprung to life, accompanied by the hurried sounds of hoofsteps down a stairwell.
Prescient of the hinge direction on Fluttershy’s front door, Luna stepped backwards to avoid being hit in the face. A moment afterwards, the door flung open, revealing the flustered and disheveled form of Fluttershy, whose sweat-soaked mane hung straight down and whose tail was, curiously, hiked way into the air. A clipboard sat in her hoof, from which she read whilst she wiped a line of slobber from her mouth with a patchy wing. “Please list the symptoms in order of severity you have noticed in your pet, um–” she looked up to examine her late-night patient, spotting, to her immediate despair, no such animal.
Luna waved politely. “Greetings and goodnight, fair Fluttershy! Shall we depart on–”
“What in the flying FUCK are you doing at my house, Luna.”
“–er,” Luna recoiled slightly from the sheer exasperated vitriol of the statement. “We are, er, simply convening at our previously agreed hour?”
“What are you talking about?” Fluttershy flicked an irritated ear, tossing away her clipboard as to free up both hooves for any potential fisticuffs. “First you completely skate on our lunch plans earlier, and now you show up at this Celestia-forsaken hour at my– oh, fuck.” A sudden moment of horrible realization. “You meant–”
Luna cocked her head in confusion. “Er, pray tell, Fluttershy, did we not agree to meet at half-past eleven?” She levitated a few letters out of a burlap saddlebag. “We could confirm it, if you wish…”
Fluttershy smacked a forehoof into her forehead, rolling it around and taking very obviously strained deep breaths. After a final sigh, she pulled her hoof away. “ … The other eleven, Luna.”
Luna thought for a moment. “Ah. We see.” She levitated the letters back into her saddlebag. “T’would make for more convenient hour for luncheon for a diurnal creature such as yourself.”
“No, I suppose it’s my fault for not specifying.” Fluttershy moved a forelock out from in front of her eye. “I, um, guess it would be prudent when writing to the ‘Princess Nocturnal.’”
“Nonsense, our apologies.” Luna waved a hoof in dismissal. “So, shall we depart? We believe our fellow Princess Twilight is waiting for us to appear at her domicile, and we do not wish to disappoint her.”
“No, uh, we shall not.” Fluttershy, suddenly bashful, shook her head. “At least, not yet.”
“Prithee, why is that?” Luna shook her head. “We will surely be tardy if we tarry.”
“Because I have, er, somepony over.” Fluttershy rubbed her back hooves together, looking to the side and blushing. “And we’re not, um, finished with business.”
“Oh! We did not realize you were entertaining company.” Luna chuckled. “We shan’t cause you to cause offense in your houseguest by leaving without delay. Feel free to render a goodbye.”
“Uh, yeah. Entertaining. That’s a word.” Fluttershy bit her lip. “Shouldn’t take long. Just, um, give me twen–thirty minutes, okay?”
“Thirty minutes?” Luna asked, a little surprised. “That is more than a brief farewell, Fluttershy.” She looked into the cabin. “Can we at least enter and sit down?”
“Um, no. Sorry.” Fluttershy smiled sheepishly, stepping away from the door. “But there’s a really comfy tree stump over by the corner of the yard, and a very friendly stray cat!”
Luna looked towards said tree stump. “Oh, well, we suppose that is not too bad.” She turned back towards the door. “What is the name of the–”
The door was already closed.
The voices resumed shortly.
“We must agree with your assessment, Fluttershy; ‘tis a superb cat that you keep.” Luna, mid stride, shook out a back leg. “Though, we will have to disagree about the comfort of the stump of which you spake, the diameter of which is a bit small for our posterior.”
Fluttershy, fresh from a quick shower, trotted alongside Luna up to Twilight’s door. Her mane and tail hung in loose buns, visibly damp, but, despite her somewhat unkempt appearance and the ungodly hour, a serene smile rested assuredly on her face. “Yes, he is, isn’t he? I found him outside Rarity’s house, locked in a staring match with her cat through a window.”
“Ah!” Luna chortled. “Such silly little creatures! We have kept the company of so many over the centuries, yet we still fail to tire of their antics.”
“They’re always fun to watch, at least.” A polite cough. “You did, uh, tell Twilight that we were coming at night, right?”
Luna shrugged. “We figured the ever prepared Twilight Sparkle would assume it. We are the lunar princess, after all.”
Fluttershy tilted her head slightly, a thoughtful expression on her face. “Well, I, um, guess it’s possible, but I didn’t.”
“True,” replied Luna. “But, unless our fellow princess suddenly acquired the disguise skills of a lifetime of roguery, you are not Twilight Sparkle.”
“Fair point.” Fluttershy gestured to the door. “After you?”
Luna raised a hoof. “If you wish.”
She gave the door a few firm horseshoe-shod knocks.
No lights came on. The library remained dark.
After a few moments, Luna turned her head to Fluttershy, raising a hoof in front of the door in question.
Fluttershy stepped back from the door, looking through a darkened window. She looked back to Luna. “Well, I, uh, guess you can knock again. I don’t think anypony’s home.”
Luna knocked again, this time a little harder.
Once again, the library remained dark. More awkward moments passed, the silence broken only by occasional coughs and fidgeting wings.
“Uh, princess, I don’t think Twilight is coming to the door.” Fluttershy backed away from the door. “I guess she didn’t think of that after all.”
“What a shame.” Luna looked at the upstairs window. “We suppose we, both in the plural and singular sense, could try the upstairs window, but that would likely be overly invasive of Twilight’s solitude.”
“Yes, it would.” Fluttershy eyed the same window. “It’s probably better if we didn’t, uh, knock on her bedroom’s windows.”
“Understandable.” Luna frowned. “But we would hate to waste the considerable effort we expended traveling to this town.”
Fluttershy bit her lip. “Um, well, I really shouldn’t be flying yet, but…” She thought for a moment. “Well, I guess one little knock wouldn’t hurt.”
“WHACK!”
The windows of Twilight’s house visibly bowed inwards under the force of Luna’s kick, silver shoes skating off the wooden frame with splinters in tow. Some sounds of movement could be heard inside, although it was difficult to tell if it was a pony trotting along floors or a piece of furniture falling away from the awesome power of the Luna’s once legendary dragon-slaying back-kick.
Fluttershy cringed away from the impact, holding mostly steady in a somewhat lopsided hover. She could just about fly on her patchy wings, but it still took quite a bit effort than usual, and new feathers were both very sensitive and very fragile. She peered around the princess, staring into the still-dark home inside. “That sounded a little, uh, heavier than necessary, Luna.”
“Well!” panted Luna, breathing heavy from the effort of full-bodied kicks while maintaining flight. “Methinks that if she wanted intact window panes, she should not have disregarded our appointed time for meeting!”
“I mean, it’s not exactly a hard mistake to make–”
“SLAM!”
The windows of the house, encased in violet glow, flew open, revealing the bedraggled shape of Her Majesty Twilight Sparkle, scrap parchment stuck to her face with drool and horn charged with crackling spellpower. Without so much as a look out of the library, she loosed the spell, a violently sparking ellipsoid of purple magic, directly at Luna. After no more than a fraction of a second, Luna’s horn lit, sliding a line of blue in the spell’s path and deflecting it into the ground with a cacophonous “BOOM” and cloud of dirt.
Twilight, eyes now adjusted to the dark, looked between Luna, the ground, and her own horn. “Uhhh….”
“Hah!” Luna barked out a laugh. “Fine aim, Twilight Sparkle. We admire your fiery spirit, and your caution to anticipate a waylay so late at night is an assumption which may very well save you from grievous harm at the hooves, wings, and horns of assailants.” Her gaze darkened. “Unfortunately, your choice in battle spells is pathetic. Pages in our time could have quite easily deflected that stunning spell, and any number of harnesses we once possessed in our armory could have absorbed it into the enchantments with naught but a slight tickle. Frankly, we believe a princess should be able to perform better.”
“W-what?” Twilight shook her head vigorously in an attempt to clear bleary eyes, absentmindedly flinging the parchment stuck to her face into the air. “What do you mean pathetic? I saw that spell straight up blow up a changeling! And I wasn’t even an alicorn then!”
“To annihilate a changeling is not particularly difficult, Twilight Sparkle, considering that a drone’s carapace is only as sturdy as the top of a crème brûlée.”
“Easy for you to say!” Twilight retorted. “Not all of us are ancient warlocks, you know!”
“A considerable head start does not excuse ignorance of the basic components of magical combat.” Luna shook her head in disappointment. “Did you not take to heart our considerably less adept but nonetheless still impressive sister’s tutelage?”
“What tutelage? Celestia taught us lots of things, but she didn’t teach us how to make ponies explode or anything like that!”
“Truthfully?” Luna “tsk’d” in disapproval. “What an immense disservice. It is understandable to have not instructed you in higher level dueling, considering the softness of this present era, but to have not taught you even the most elementary basics? Shameful! No magically adept foal’s tutelage is complete without a firm understanding of at least a few of the classic codices.” Luna’s horn lit, creating ethereal depictions of long-forgotten texts in the air as she rattled them off. “The famous Haachen Lance manuals? Red Beard’s treatise upon kriegsmagie? We would not diminish these by calling them merely important, but, verily, mandatory, in our eyes.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Great, thanks, I’ll be sure to remember those the next time I have to obliterate a princess outside my window.” She pointed a wing at Luna. “What are you doing kicking the shit out my windows at midnight, anyway?”
“Is it not the appointed hour of–”
“And what is she doing here?” Twilight, horn once again sparking faintly to life, pointed her other wing at Fluttershy. “You aren’t welcome here.”
Luna looked at Twilight, confusion across her face. “Er, she is simply accompanying us on a social visit, which, as I stated in our correspondence, was to take place at half past eleven. You must forgive us for our tardiness.”
“What?” Twilight put a forehoof to her forehead, then pulled it away, gesturing in confusion. “What do you mean a social visit at half past ele–.”
“Er, this one.” Luna clarified. “We are beginning to believe we should have specified.”
“Oh.” A pause. “Oh! I remember something like that. I was wondering why you didn’t show up, but I guessed you just got busy with princess stuff.” Twilight snorted a quick chuckle, quite a bit less incensed than before. “My bad. I guess I should have expected that.”
“Our domain is the nocturnal, after all.” Luna chuckled in kind. “Still, take heart in that fair Fluttershy did make the same mista–”
“Yeah, wait, no, hang on a second, I wasn’t done with her!” Twilight growled, face suddenly masked with fury. She bared her teeth, snorting in anger. “Why the hell did you bring her along? Don’t you know what that yellow cretin did to me?”
“Extracted, by our recommendation, some considerable financial restitution, primarily, as we recall, through the form of precious consumables?”
Twilight shook her head viciously, wild bands of unkempt hair flinging about. “No, she and that other treacherous bitch ransacked my house! They completely emptied my cellar!” A hoof stomp. “All of it! Can you believe that?”
“Er, quite easily, yes.” Luna tilted her head in confusion. “Did we not previously confirm to you that I was aware of the circumstances?”
“No, you said–” Twilight’s face lit up in understanding “–wait, hang on, you told her to do that?”
Luna sniffed. “Quite.”
“Wh-wait, so it’s your fault?” Twilight shot back, taking a step back from the window frame in abject confusion. “You made her do it?”
“Nay, we merely offered it as a possible choice,” Luna countered. “Fair Rarity and Fluttershy did decide on a course of action solely based on their own desires.” She tapped her head with a forehoof. “Although we suppose we did perhaps recommend it at a particularly low point in their lives, so mayhaps we should have been a smidge more judicious with our offers.”
“Why?” Twilight spread her tragically unkempt wings in befuddlement, temporarily lost for words. “Wh-why? Why would you tell her to do that?”
“Because we, which, we must specify, includes you, ourself, and our sister, owed Fluttershy and Rarity a considerable sum due to our actions.” Luna turned her head to Fluttershy. “Did you not elucidate to Princess Sparkle the particulars of the situation?”
“N-not really, no,” panted out Fluttershy, the effort required to use her lopsided wings beginning to seriously fatigue her. “We didn’t get that far.” She hovered closer to the window. “Uh, anyway, Twilight, I’m sorry to intrude, but can I come–”
“Hell the heck no you can’t come in!” Twilight’s horn lit, grabbing the window panes in her field. “What, are you trying to steal my stuff again? I don’t know what Luna’s talking about with owing you anything, but I can’t see what else you’d be here for. What are you going to take, my toothbrush? Spike’s leftover lasa – whoa!” Twilight pointed a hoof a Fluttershy, whose left wing had seemingly sprung a leak. “What’s wrong with your wing?”
Ignoring the question, Fluttershy, breathing heavily and in obvious discomfort, addressed the question’s premise instead. “Look, I’m sorry, but I really need to land, so, um, sorry.” Fluttershy, teeth gritted in pain, half-flew, half-fell through Twilight’s window, muscling her aside. As soon as she set her hooves to the floor, she, after a few labored breaths, threw her face under her dripping wing, itself already partially blood-slick.
“Aw, gross!” Twilight took a step back, revolted. “You’re bleeding all over the wood! It’ll take me ages to get that out!” It wouldn’t take her any time at all, actually, because Spike would be doing it once he got back from … wherever he was, but Fluttershy didn’t need to know that.
“Too bad,” murmured Fluttershy from under her feathers. After a violent motion of her head, she pulled back her red-coated muzzle, broken feather in her teeth. She spat it onto the floor, smacking her lips a few times to clear the taste of iron, then turned to address Twilight. “Sorry about that again, but that had to come out. I’ll clean it in a, um, minute or two.”
“Augh!” Twilight wrinkled her nostrils in disgust. “You’d better! And what do you mean ‘had to?’ Couldn’t you, y’know, not do that on my floor?”
Fluttershy raised an eyebrow, in sudden near-disbelief. “No, because if I stayed airborne I would have hemorrhaged.” She wiped her muzzle with her already besmirched wing. “I already apologized. Would you have preferred if I died mid-hover?”
“Depending on how bad you wrecked my floor? Yeah, maybe I would have.” Twilight’s horn lit, levitating a dish towel from somewhere behind her and tossing it at Fluttershy’s hooves. “Last time I checked, it’s not my fault you’ve got some kind of weird leaky wings. What’s wrong with you, anyway?”
“What’s wrong with me?” Fluttershy asked, incensed. “What’s wrong with me is that I was flying on two week old pin feathers because I had half of my wings ripped off by a manticore and I broke one.”
“And?” Twilight drew closer, wings rustling restlessly in half-understood instincts. “How is you being mauled by wildlife my problem?”
“How is it YOUR problem?” Fluttershy stomped a hoof in involuntary rage, wings likewise raising a hoof-width or so above her side, one coated in ugly stains of crimson red. “Y-you-you made it happen!” Fluttershy pointed a hoof at Twilight, close enough it was almost a prod. “Your little ‘free money’ you got me almost got me murdered!”
“Free money? I don’t remember promising you anything,” Twilight scoffed. “And isn’t it your job to be good with wildlife?”
Fluttershy, eyes wide, snorted in rage, raising a hoof for a scathing retort, mouth writhing in a frantic effort to secure the right words. After a moment, she exhaled, taking a few measured breaths and relaxing slightly, evidently realizing the confrontation wasn’t worth it. “…Fine. It’s not worth it anyway, and I’m not going to do this with one of my friends who obviously doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” She took a small step backwards, turning to Luna, who still hovered silently outside the window. “Sorry, princess, but I’m afraid I must leave before I do something I regret.” She turned fully around, peeking back over her shoulder to address Twilight one more time through clenched teeth. “Goodnight, Twilight.”
She hadn’t made but two steps down the hallway before a purple field surrounded her, lifting her, much to her outraged shock, off the ground.
“Nuh-uh, no you don’t.” Twilight spun Fluttershy around, positioning her directly in front of her just a little off the ground. “I changed my mind; I don’t need you to clean, but you’re leaving back the way you came. You’re not destroying more of my house.”
“Twilight,” said Fluttershy through barely-contained violent indignation, breathing labored and eyes wide with fury. “Let. Go. Of. Me.”
Twilight extinguished her horn, dropping Fluttershy onto the wood with four soft hoof-clicks. “Sure. Just as long as you fly out of the window like I said.”
“I already told you, I can’t.” Released from their magical bindings, Fluttershy’s wings were now fully splayed in challenge.
“Too bad.” Twilight’s horn lit, once again surrounding Fluttershy. “Guess I’ll have to fling you out of my–”
“SMACK!”
Fluttershy’s left hoof collided at a measured pace with Twilight’s cheek, rendering a slap more intended as a social warning than as a serious attack.
Twilight, her horn unlit and smaller wings held aloft, held a hoof to her cheek. “Di-did you just slap me?”
“Yes.” Fluttershy very deliberately placed her hoof back onto the ground. “And I will not tell you again. Do not, and never, hold me like that aga–”
“SMACK!”
Twilight’s own hoof, held straight in a punch rather than askew in a slap, slammed into Fluttershy’s jaw in a right hook. While she had managed to move her head as to not catch it directly on the bottom of the chin, Fluttershy still reeled back.
“On the contrary, Fluttershy.” Twilight shook out her hoof, horn sparking to life. “I’ll do what I see fit.”
Fluttershy dropped into a fighter’s stance, powerful hind legs coiled up to launch her at her opponent and wings held firmly forward to propel a tackle. She worked her jaw back and forth. “Okay. Have it your way.”
“Try me, bitch.” Twilight rolled her head from side to side, cracking her neck. Her horn corona began to spread towards Fluttershy. “I had Shining show me the best the guard – oof!”
Not bothering to hear the rest of Twilight’s spiel, nor foolish enough to allow her to grab her with potent telekinesis, Fluttershy launched herself down the hallway, colliding with the smaller princess in a brutal tackle. The two skidded down the wood, a few purple feathers dragging themselves out on the various knots and gaps of the wooden floor.
Twilight’s horn began to relight, a faint sparkling corona surrounding Fluttershy. Having learned her lesson, Fluttershy smacked a hoof into Twilight’s horn, rendering, with a scream of pain, her unable to use her magic temporarily.
“I told you.” Fluttershy held back another strike, forehoof cocked back. “I will not hesitate to do it ag–”
Unable to utilize her preferred method of attack, Twilight went for an alternative, and thrust a back hoof into Fluttershy’s side, colliding with Fluttershy’s left bottom two ribs with an unpleasant crack. Fluttershy fell backwards onto her wings, grabbing her side with the opposite forehoof. Seeing an opportunity, Twilight picked herself back up, rushing over to deliver another strike; standing over Fluttershy and eyes running with involuntary tears, she threw a wild punch at Fluttershy’ face, which the pegasus skillfully dodged with a jerk to the right.
Fluttershy, wincing through ragged breaths, exploited her opponent’s overexposed stance by driving her right forehoof into Twilight’s wing joint, straight into the tightly bundled nerves and sensitive muscle fibers that controlled the appendage. Twilight’s knees buckled, falling onto Fluttershy, who took advantage of the situation to deliver a swift headbutt to Twilight’s nose, which crumpled with a distinct crunch and sent a fresh spray of alicorn blood across the floor.
Twilight reeled backwards, swearing around two rapidly filling nostrils. “Muthur-fugger!”
Fluttershy, similarly wounded, staggered to her hooves as best she could on three limbs, ragged wings still proudly displayed in threat posture. “Had–” A distinctly wet cough, then a spit “–shit – enough?” she asked, eyebrow raised.
Twilight answered Fluttershy's question quite firmly in the negative by flinging herself into the air, nearly scraping the ceiling as she pitched into an attack dive. Fluttershy sidestepped the attack, extending an iron-firm right foreleg for a brutal clothesline which Twilight sailed into. Rather than attempt to stop Twilight’s momentum, Fluttershy was more than happy to allow Twilight’s trajectory to continue directly into the floor, at which point Fluttershy mounted the smaller mare in a wrestling hold, placing Twilight’s wing in a dangerous wing-lock; a back hoof near the base of the wing as a fulcrum, a foreleg near the wingtip to apply force.
Faced with a panicked realization that she was seemingly about to experience an extremely painful set of compound wing fractures, Twilight's usually saturated brain resorted to its basest instincts, preparing to roll her head back with force to allow her horn to perform its most primitive function; to gore, in this case, directly into Fluttershy’s chest. She rolled her head forwards, ready to sling it back with enough force to perforate a sternum.
“Enough.” A voice, gentle but certain.
A sparkling sea of navy blue surrounded the combatants, gently but firmly rendering them immobile. They began to drift slowly apart, each one squirming against their restraints and voicing their displeasure.
“She’s – gasp– done!”
“Leg-goh! I hadh hur!”
Four horseshoes landed on Twilight’s floor, one rendered silent by a puddle. “We would be inclined to agree, as it were.” Luna spun the other two mares around, pointing them towards herself, matching fury-filled eyes with ones that displayed a very slight amount of amusement. “Unfortunately, ‘having her’ meant, in the case of your bout of fisticuffs, permanent disfigurement and expiry. We took the liberty of assuming the death of a dear friend was not your preferred result of a spat.”
Twilight and Fluttershy, in dawning horror at the near-killing of each other, ceased squirming, eyes wide in realization. Each one stammered in shock.
“Oh my–”
“I didn’t mean–”
Luna held up a hoof. “Cease your explanations.” She smiled gently, in a halfway decent impression of her sister’s resolutely matronly resting expression. “Ye needn’t explain to us what it means to be fight-drunk.” She spun the mares in her field around onto their respective hooves, setting them down gently as to not cause any additional pain by aggravating one of a myriad of injuries. Each one took a few cautious steps apart, switching gazes between each other and Luna.
Satisfied that neither one would launch herself at the other, Luna fully relaxed her field’s grasp on both. Not extinguishing her horn, she levitated the washcloth Twilight flung at Fluttershy before to Twilight, placing it gently on her now profusely bleeding snout. She pointed a wing at Twilight. “We would recommend you address your injury overtop a watercloset. Tilt your head down and gently apply pressure from each side. Clotting should begin shortly.” Luna gestured towards Fluttershy, preempting Twilight’s next question. “Worry not for her, as we shall address her injuries in your absence.”
With a slight nod of thanks, Twilight set off to her bathroom.
Once she rounded the corner, Luna turned to face Fluttershy, who stood on three shaky hooves, one clutched to her side. Fluttershy, bravado from earlier significantly diminished, looked away from her gaze sheepishly. “S-sorry about, um, ruining your v-v-mrph-visit, Luna. I should have, uh, just done what she said, I guess. Didn’t mean for i-i-it to end up like that.”
“Ruin? Ha!” Luna gave a light laugh, eyes twinkling. “On the contrary! It has been far too long since I have lain witness to a good brawl, and that was a fine bout indeed. We must commend you both on your, er, shall we say unexpectedly superb skills in close action, even if your willingness to maim friends does bear some consideration.” Luna took a few steps towards Fluttershy. “However, we must admit that we would be inclined to agree with Twilight that she did, in fact, ‘have you.’ She would never fly again, but you would have likely perished via a horn through the breast.”
“I, um, saw the wings and, uh, p-planned for a pegasus.”
“We figured as much. ‘Tis a mistake easily made, and one which our sister and we did exploit with a fair regularity in our wilder years. For what it is worth, had that been the case you would have been quite successful. Few pegasi would have risked a permanent grounding.”
“I guess so. I know–” Another wet cough, this time, after a firm expression of pain, dulling presence of adrenaline wearing off, punctuated with an uncouth spit of bloody phlegm. “–oh shit, that hurt,” muttered Fluttershy, sitting back onto her haunches and wrapping her left wing around her side. She spotted the results of her coughing fit, eyeing it with worry. “Oh, that’s, um, bad.”
“It is.” Luna closed the distance, mirth replaced on her face with deep concern. She stood directly in front of Fluttershy’s seated form, head above hers, and ran a hoof down Fluttershy’s left side, stopping directly above where Fluttershy’s hoof rested.
Fluttershy looked up at Luna. “What are you–”
“Move your hoof, Fluttershy,” Luna murmured gently into the pegasus’ ear. “We would wish to palpitate your injury so as to redress it.”
Slowly, Fluttershy moved her hoof down. The impact site had already begun to turn an ugly shade of blue beneath her yellow coat. Wordlessly, Luna removed the horseshoe on her left forehoof, letting it clatter to the wood below, then ran a careful hoof-tip across the spot, prodding gently. The last two ribs moved more than a little too far, hinging across a common axis. Fluttershy flinched away from the contact, squirming against Luna’s other hoof.
Luna removed her hoof. “Twilight’s strike clove two of your lower ribs in twain.” She stepped back. “Likewise, your coughing up of blood is worrying, and we be remiss to not check your lungs for perforation.”
With a start, Fluttershy quite suddenly remembered a very important bit of medical knowledge. She ran her wing across her neck, noting, with some relief, that her windpipe had not deviated towards her injury, a sure sign of serious lung collapse.
“We noticed as well.” Luna gave a small nod. “We suppose we should not be surprised that you are at least reasonably adept at bonesetting.”
Fluttershy gave a small smile. “Sure. ‘Ponies are b-but animals writ large.’”
“We see you’ve read the classics. Four Humors was a dear friend in our youth. Wrong, but a dear friend.” Luna’s horn lit. “We beseech you to open your mouth, if you would.”
Fluttershy raised an eyebrow.
“Far-touch magic cannot exert force nor sensation through an object, Fluttershy. ‘Tis a fundamental constant,” explained Luna. “Fortunately, what constitutes inside is mostly a matter of perspective, and an open mouth renders even the lungs topologically identical to a simple tube. All the caster requires is a deft touch, and none are defter than we.”
Seeming reasonable, Fluttershy opened her mouth.
“Our thanks.” Luna stepped back over to Fluttershy, this time turning around to face the same direction. She wrapped her left wing firmly around the smaller mare. “We will warn you that this will be uncomfortable in the extreme.”
Without so much as another word, Luna’s field snaked down from her horn into Fluttershy’s open mouth, swerving through her respiratory system. For a few seconds which passed like hours, she was subjected to the immensely disconcerting sensation of her lungs being manipulated from the inside, occasionally spiking with shards of agony around the injury. Her knees gave out, but she remained upright, held up by Luna’s wing.
“We are nearly – there!” Luna’s horn extinguished, removing the alien presence from Fluttershy’s trachea. Luna let her slip from her wing, guiding her onto the floor. “Worry not, Fluttershy; our did efforts did confirm your lung is unpenetrated. You are suffering from naught but a bit of bruising.”
Fluttershy said nothing, presently occupied with whimpering on the floor.
Luna, noticing the lack of a response, looked down, spotting the wretched form beneath. “Oh, dear, oh…” She ducked down to her level, laying her head across Fluttershy’s withers, a wing spread across the poor pegasus’ chest. “Shh-shh-shh, fair Fluttershy. ‘Tis finished,” she added, barely above a whisper. The sobbing continued under the sheet of midnight-blue feathers. “We do apologize, but ‘twas a necessary measure.”
From somewhere under the wings, Fluttershy gave a sniffle, composing herself enough for a single statement. “T-t-that was–”
“Awful beyond all measure? Indescribably discomforting?”
Fluttershy nodded, wiping a tear, accidentally, with her besmirched wing, leaving an ugly smear.
“We are aware, as we have been subjected to exactly that on uncountable occasions.” Luna shuddered. “We alicorns are inherently unaging, but our immortality has to do much with our skills with knife and horn. In our early days, when the world was wild and we wrought Equestria from naught but wildlife and barbarians, ‘twas not particularly uncommon to spend the night after a skirmish pushing broadheads out of each other’s breasts.”
The sobbing tapered off. “R-really?”
“Oh yes.” Luna removed the wing across Fluttershy’s breast, revealing her face. “Whilst our body did lose the majority of our scars during our re-transformation by the Elements, there are still a few deeper ones whose echoes are still present under out coat.” She subconsciously rubbed a hoof across one of said sites. “But our marks pale in consideration to our sister’s. The old maid is fortunate a white coat hides much in the way of disfigurement, for across her body one would find nearly more blemishes than healthy skin. In fact, the peytral she is not oft seen without is, we believe, designed to specifically cover the remainder of an ax wound received from–” she shook her head “–we digress. To go into morbid detail would be unnecessary, and would only serve to upset you further.”
Fluttershy said nothing, staring at the floor.
Luna stepped back, taking the opportunity to deftly reaffix her horseshoe to her hoof. Those were expensive, after all, and her sister would be most cross if she left one. She sat back onto her haunches, looking Fluttershy in the face, if not the eyes, which remained cast to the floorboards. “But, then, we sense that your disquiet is more than just an immediate reaction to the physical discomfort you are experiencing.”
“It’s not totally.” Fluttershy looked up. “This is all, um, extremely painful.”
“It is, yes. But pain does not misery necessarily make. You could just as well have become incensed at the course of events, cursing the name of the treacherous princess who attempted to defenestrate you whilst you lick your wounds and plan another skirmish. ” Luna paused. “That would have been an utterly reasonable course of action, of course. To use magic to bind one who hasn’t the gift of spellcraft is a grave offense.”
Fluttershy shook her head. “It’s not that. I’m not, um, stewing.”
“Of course you are not. To plot is not in your nature. To stew requires bitterness, all consuming vitriol that takes up every moment of the day. You are frustrated, exhausted, and angry, both at yourself and the world. Distinctly not bitter.” Luna levitated her tiara off her head, spinning it around and staring at it. “No, you are, if not quite sorry about your actions, at least remorseful about the course of events.”
Fluttershy flicked an ear, looking away with her eyes. “Well, um, no, it’s more, um–” she bit her lip in frustration, trying to find the right words. “–yeah, I, um, guess that’s pretty close.” She kicked the ground softly with a forehoof. “I-I tried to break my friend’s wings.” She sniffed. “A-and she’s right anyway! Rarity and I did just, um, ransack her house. And she didn’t really even know why!”
“That she lacked the presence of mind to remember her own grave errors is not your fault. While in hindsight somepony should have elucidated to Twilight–”
“–You.” Fluttershy interrupted. “You should have.”
“…Perhaps, although we would remind you that we did attempt to contact her beforehand. Nevertheless, we suppose we are as guilty as any.” Luna shrugged. “In any case, her deprivation of libations is certainly not sufficient cause to treat you as she did.” She ceased spinning her tiara, instead placing it in line with the open window and the moon. The aquamarine glowed faintly, open backs of the setting catching scant light. “As for the wings? We would tend to agree that it would have been rather excessive, although we would also point out that Twilight was similarly, er, efficient in her style of combat, so you were more or less responding in kind.”
“I don’t care about that!” Fluttershy threw out her wings in exasperation. “I don’t care about fairness or ‘responding in kind.’ I’m the Element of Kindness!”
Luna raised an eyebrow. “So?”
“So?” Fluttershy snorted a laugh; a bad decision, as it turned out, as snorting tended to place quite a lot of stress on the lungs. She mostly hid the resulting wince. “So I’m not supposed to be going out and doing … that! Any of that! I’m supposed to be better. I have to be better!”
“Have to?” Luna shook her head. “Nay, you needn’t have to be anything. You are Kindness, irrevocably. You are virtuous, not infallible; a god you are not.”
“… Rainbow says we are,” murmured Fluttershy, a slight look of amusement bubbling under a dour expression.
“You prismatic friend is an idiot, Fluttershy. Lovable, loyal, but an idiot. You are not a god.” Luna chuckled. “And whilst we would quite like to inform you on who and what exactly constitutes divinity, as we have met with things out there which very likely are divine, there is a far more important distinction to make here.”
“Which is?”
“That it matters naught. Even if we temporarily disregard the very convincing principle that the kindness wrought by you towards your temporarily crippled friend which was funded by acquisitions from Twilight far exceeded Twilight’s injury, you have nothing to be ashamed of.” Luna turned to Fluttershy. “For that you feel remorse in the first place means you are very decidedly not a bad pony.”
“Anypony can feel bad, Luna.” Fluttershy eyed Luna skeptically. “That doesn’t make them good.”
“Verily? 'Anypony?'” Luna turned back to the moon. “Can you be sure that is the case?”
“How would you know?”
“Because we have been that pony, Fluttershy.” Luna glared at her celestial object. “Do you know, Fluttershy, what we did for fifty score years in our exile?” She didn’t wait for a reply. “Confronted by the knowledge that we attempted to extinguish our sister? We seethed. We plotted, and cursed, and swore her name, and fantasized about splitting her ribs and mounting her bones to the spire of our old castle and using her hide as a doormat.” A few tears ran from her eyes. “And we walked, we walked around that rock uncountable multitudes of time, and know you what we did not once do?”
Fluttershy said nothing.
“We did not once regret.” Luna gave a wet sniffle. “We tried to kill our own blood and for a thousand years we did not once feel the slightest pang of remorse.”
Fluttershy paused for a moment, thoughtful. “But weren’t you, um, possessed?”
“The aberrant construct which did plague our mind and body was strong, but not absolute. ‘Twas many times in which we felt intense remorse over the wondrous landscapes we destroyed in our fit of rage, or the innumerable guards which we slayed with naught but an idle thought, or the pegasi which we distorted for our imagined future. We were perfectly capable of feeling immense remorse over the grave injury which we caused our sister.” A shaky breath. “We never did.”
“Oh.” Fluttershy wasn’t sure how to respond.
“Worry not about causing offense, Fluttershy.” Luna snorted in derision. “There is no opinion you can express that we have not said to ourselves.”
“No, I’m not going to, um, chastise you.” Fluttershy shook her head. “But, um, out of curiosity, have you ever actually apologized to your sister?”
“Of course we have. We do so every time we see her, and we will continue to do so until the end.” Luna wiped an eye. “Even if our sister is an incorrigible glutton, brusque conversationalist, perfidious hypocrite, and general…” she tapped a hoof “–oh, what’s the word the Viscount used? ‘Cunt?’ One of those.”
Fluttershy giggled. “Siblings can, uh, be like that.”
“Quite.” Luna returned the giggle. “No, even if all of that is true, she still gave us a thousand years to say sorry, and we could not even give her that. And she still forgave us.” Luna looked down at the ground. “So while we are aware that my current situation is … sub-optimal, and our sister is, in part, to blame, as far as we are concerned? She has nine hundred and ninety seven more years.”
“Well, um, Luna, that’s all fair and good, but I think she could still be doing better.” Fluttershy rolled her eyes. “I think limiting soft drinks is a step beyond sub-optimal.”
“Of course she could. But she could be doing worse with just as much ease. And as we left her to rule from a single throne for a millennia, we suppose we cannot fault her for laziness.” Luna looked back up at Fluttershy. “But we suppose we may ask about the soda. ‘Twould make a good start.”
“It’s, um, worth a–” Fluttershy paused, noticing an unfamiliar weighty presence atop her head. She looked up, spotting a glint of silver from the slightly oversized tiara which rested on her brow.
“You would have made for a fine princess, Fluttershy.” Luna, head uncovered and mane flowing free in an unseen wind, looked down with a slightly forlorn gaze. “Mother knows you would have made for a finer one than we, for once the task of laying low the wheat is done the sickle is but an unwelcome presence in the farmhouse. Equestria did not need a warlock a thousand years thence, nor a warlock now.”
“But some of us need a friend.” Fluttershy gave her a gentle smile. She looked up at the tiara. “It’s heavier than I thought it would be.”
“Weightier still than you can imagine, Fluttershy.” A rueful chuckle. “The crown rests weightier still.” Luna levitated the crown back, placing it into the crease of her mane. “Now go wash up. We believe Twilight has a set of public facilities downstairs for use by the patrons. We would advise you to remove the blood from your wings before it ruins the wax.” She took a few steps towards the bedroom. “In the meantime, we will tend to Twilight’s injuries and, er, inform her of the circumstances.” She smirked. “And perhaps pilfer some tea, while we are at it.”
Fluttershy and Twilight sat on opposite sides of a tea table, both pointedly avoiding the gaze of the other in the sort of awkward silence that can only result from an overabundance of things that need to be said.
Judging by Twilight’s now mostly straight snout, as well as the screams from the upstairs bathroom clearly audible, much to Fluttershy’s discomfort, over the sound of the guest’s sink, Luna had performed a similarly rudimentary procedure on Twilight’s nose. Both mares held bags of recently frozen ice – a neat trick of Luna’s – to their respective injuries.
A clock ticked overhead, the only thing audible besides wind through the open hallway window.
After a few more moments had passed, each mare, as is seemingly always the case, began to speak at the same time.
“Fluttershy, I–”
“Uh, Twilight, I–”
“Oh!” Twilight waved Fluttershy off with a wing, not trusting the integrity of her nasal protection for a head-shake. “Nuh! Nu-no! You go ahead.”
“Uh, okay, well, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about–”
“You’re sorry?” Twilight exclaimed, holding a hoof to her chest. “Fluttershy, I’m the one who should be sorry! I mean, just to start I had no idea about what happened a week ago, a-and then there was that whole thing with Spike – where is he by the way – and honestly I should probably be thanking you for the whole thing with that box and I mean honestly–”
“Hey.”
Twilight looked down at her muzzle, a yellow hoof held in front of her lips. She looked back up at Fluttershy.
“I forgive you,” said Fluttershy with a soft smile. “It’s okay.”
Twilight looked back in confusion, hoof held awkwardly mid twirl. “But I didn’t even get to the whole–”
Fluttershy shook her head. “I. Forgive. You.” She lowered her hoof. “Can you forgive me?”
“I, uh, yeah, sure, I guess.” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “But aren’t you still, y’know, mad about, like, everything?”
“Mad?” Fluttershy shrugged. “I guess maybe a little. I’m not happy about how things turned out. But that’s not what I said. I said I forgive you.”
Twilight thought for a moment. “Then yes.” She nodded gently, so as to not worsen her injury. “I forgive you.”
“Then that’s all I need.” Fluttershy gave another soft smile.
The clock ticked on a few more counts, both mares content to let a moment pass.
“…Thanks, Fluttershy. I’d give you a hug, but, y’know, the, uh, whole, uh, kicking thing.” Twilight pointed at Fluttershy with a wing, concerned. “Are you okay, by the way?”
“Uh, no, not really. You broke two of my ribs.” Fluttershy squeezed the ice-pack a little tighter in. “Luna made sure I was going to be, um, mostly fine, though.”
“Oh, uh, sorry.” Twilight ran a hoof through her mane, sheepish. “I didn’t think I could really do that, actually. Guess I should have listened to Shining better.”
“Don’t worry about it. I would have done the same.” Fluttershy waved a hoof in dismissal.
“Thanks.” Twilight sighed in relief. “You’re pretty good, by the way. Where did you learn to fight like that? Animals? Because I’m pretty sure you don’t have a brother in the guard.”
“Animals?” Fluttershy chuckled. “No, not from animals. They’re a little too frantic. They just swing with their claws, anyway.” She shook her head. “No, I, um, read a book back in school.”
“A book?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “You learned that from a book? A book you willfully read back when you were a teenager?”
“Yes. But I didn’t really mean to. I was a little, um, confused as to what it was about.”
“…Explain.”
Fluttershy blushed slightly, averting her eyes sheepishly. “Oh, um, it’s kind of embarrassing, but, uh, I used to have a lot of trouble with, um, stallions, right?”
“Used to?” Twilight’s question wasn’t based on a disbelief that Fluttershy once had trouble with stallions, of course, but that the trouble had ever ceased.
“Yes, absolutely. I would, um, lock up around ones I thought were cute, and if they talked to me I’d just freeze up, which was bad, because then I couldn’t, um, respond.”
“Uh-huh.” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “And the book helped you stop doing that?”
“Uh, no, not really.” Fluttershy shook her head. “I, uh, got over that by just kind of, um, reevaluating my worth to stallions.”
“By what means?”
“A couple ways.” Mostly by growing up to look like that and the possession of a mirror, but that was besides the point. “But, uh, anyway, so, I thought I needed to be, uh, ‘tougher,’ so I got this book from a secondhand store titled “Get Tough”. Do you have it her?”
“I don’t think so.” Twilight levitated one of many inventory scrolls present in her bedroom over, giving it a quick scan. “Who’s the author?”
“Uh, I think it’s ‘Gutter Fighting.’” Fluttershy scrunched her face in thought. “Some kind of guard in a rough place in the east. Maybe in Shanghide? Does that sound right?”
“I don’t know. There definitely were some guards sent to Shanghide about a hundred years ago, but I don’t know about that name.” Twilight lowered her scroll. “There’s a pony named Gutter Fighting?”
“Apparently.” Fluttershy shrugged. “So, anyway, I read the book, but it wasn’t really a self-help kind of thing about, uh, mental toughness.”
“It wasn’t?” Twilight sent the scroll back. “We don’t have that one, by the way.”
“No. It was mostly about how to kill things as efficiently as possible in hoof-to-hoof combat.”
A pause. “And you finished it?”
“It was interesting.” Fluttershy offered with a shrug. “And I thought it might come in handy some day.” She coughed politely into her hoof. “Which I, um, guess it did.”
“Fair enough.” Twilight levitated over something else, this time a quill pen and piece of parchment, upon which she wrote the name of the book. “I guess I can’t blame you, considering that I learned from Shining for the same reason.”
A new voice, from behind. “If you did learn from your guard-stallion brother, we would have to complement him for his exceptional skills, especially in comparison with the average pony-at-arms.”
Fluttershy peeked around Twilight, who turned all the way around. Princess Luna stood in the doorway, levitating three cups of tea upon a tray in front of her.
Twilight eyed her fellow princess suspiciously. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Since the both of you did begin speaking.” Luna trotted over, cups held steady in the field in front of her. “The whole exchange was rather heartwarming, as an aside.”
“Uh, thanks I guess?” Twilight cocked her head. “Where did you get tea?”
“From your cupboard.” Luna placed the tray in front of the mares, then sat down at the table. “We hope you enjoy, as we must, with no small amount of pride, boast that we were trained by the finest tea-bearers in the world.”
Both mares eyed the cups placed before them, Twilight’s a stemless affair intended for unicorns, Fluttershy’s with a wide handle. The murky liquid within did, in all honestly, mostly smell like tea, although the color and, more disturbingly, texture were all wrong.
“Uh.” Twilight stared at her cup intently. “Princess, where, exactly, did you learn to make tea?”
“At the court of a dowager princess of the Celestial Kingdom – no relation to our sister – on an official visit, near to the time of the founding of Equestria.” She tapped the side of her head with a hoof-tip. “I believe it was one, ah, ‘Dongzhen,’ which would be ‘Eastern Jewel” to us, if you are familiar with your history.”
“Can’t say that I am familiar.” Twilight swirled her cup with an idle twirl of telekinesis. “And you said they were the finest tea makers in the world?”
“Without question. Why, they had only invented it a decade prior!” Luna scoffed. “No, there is no doubt we learned from the best.”
“Uh-huh.” Fluttershy sniffed her cup inelegantly, snout wrinkling slightly. “Uh, princess, how did they make tea, exactly?”
“The one always does, of course.” Luna took a hearty sip of her cup. “Cut leaves, let them dry for a year, preferably with a small amount of intentional fermentation, muddle the now-dried samples at the bottom of a cup, add infernally hot water, serve.” She placed her cup back onto the tray. “We must say that the level of fermentation upon the curiously bagged tea you stock was generally unsatisfactory, but we do know a spell to replicate some of the acidity and astringency.”
“Wait.” Twilight shook her head, befuddled. “You cut the teabags open, then dumped the leaves into the cup?”
“Precisely.” Luna levitated her own cup. “How else would one brew tea?”
While Twilight attempted to mentally organize the, at first count, fourteen other ways one would brew tea, Fluttershy, seemingly braver than her purple-coated compatriot, took a cautious sip of her tea.
“We see one of ye possesses a satisfactory amount of courage.” Luna took a sip of her own tea, swallowing with a satisfied sigh. “So, did we, ah, ‘nail it?’”
Fluttershy, who in this time had gone through the facial positions of abject confusion, then slight discomfort, then a pucker of astringency, followed by wide-eyed surprise, finally swallowed her mouthful, finishing with a few loud tongue-palate smacks, brow furrowed in thought.
“Well?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “How is it?”
“Well, it’s, um…” After a moment’s pause, Fluttershy shrugged, lifting her tea up for another sip. “It’s better than Rarity’s tea, at least.”
“…Good enough for me.” Twilight took a sip, face contorting through the same emotions.
“And for us as well. We would consider that quite the successful effort, then, especially considering the near eleven-hundred years that have passed since we did last perform the act.” Luna placed her cup back onto the tray. “In other news, we must express that we are delighted to learn that the unfortunate troubles between yourself and your two fellow bearers are more or less settled amicably.”
“Oh, no, I definitely didn’t say that.” Twilight glared over the rim of her cup. “Fluttershy and I are settled up. I said nothing about Rarity.”
“We see.” Luna chuckled. “Hopefully your discussions will involve no more fractured bones.”
“I make no guarantees,” Twilight snarked, placing the cup back onto the tray. “Where is she anyway? I think I haven’t seen her in a week.”
“Oh, she’s in Bitaly. Luna sent her and Rainbow Dash over there for something.” Fluttershy, quite taken with the tea, finished her cup. “I think it’s, uh, some kind of bank thing? It wasn’t all that clear.”
“Wait.” Twilight gave her head a quick shake. “You sent her on a vacation to Bitaly?” She rose slightly in her chair. “What, as some kind of reward for robbing my house?”
“No, not a reward.” Luna waved a hoof. “A task for her whilst she recuperated and found herself unable to work. We figured that her incapability was a result of our action, and thus it was our duty to provide a replacement. Rainbow Dash, after a bit of convincing, was delighted to serve as an escort.”
Twilight levitated her cup back into the air. “That’s fair, I guess.” A sip. “What, exactly, are you having them do?”
“Simply something light.” Luna twirled a hoof in idle dismissal. “More or less a bureaucratic measure to deal with a particular element of our finances in Marelan.”
“Marelan?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “That’s kind of a rough city, but it should be fine unless–”
“–Oh! We did forget to mention!” Luna interjected. “Due to the particular necessities of her task, we were required to elevate Rarity to a position of petty nobility! You are no longer the sole–”
“CRASH!”
“–Er.” Luna looked at the floor, where the shrapnel of Twilight’s teacup had only just ceased scattering across the floor. “Twilight, we must inform you that you seem to have–”
“You did WHAT?” Twilight slammed a forehoof into the table. “You gave Rarity a title? In Marelan?”
“…Yes?” Luna cocked her head. “Is that a problem?”
“Is that a – I don’t know, Luna, that depends!” Twilight threw out her wings, eyes wide in bafflement. “Are you trying to have her killed as fast as possible?”
Fluttershy, who had been listening intently, placed her cup back onto the tray. She didn’t want to drop it, of course, but she was also beginning to realize she might need that forehoof for something more important.
“Nay, nothing of the sort!” Luna shook her head. “Pray tell, what are you talking about? We were not informed of any serious danger she may face whilst performing her appointed task.” Luna, had, in truth, heard the viscount’s statement about ‘knocking off a few barons,’ but she had believed that, as most would, to be a joke.
“Any serious danger? Are you – hang on a second!” Twilight’s horn lit, corona flaring in power. The sounds of book shelves crashing emanated from out of the door of the room. After a few moments, and a few more crashes, a weighty and frankly unpleasantly dusty tome neatly ‘fwip’d’ into Twilight’s waiting hoof. “Look at this!”
Luna peered in. “‘A Condensed History of Bitalian Noble Assassinations.’” Luna pulled back, somewhat unimpressed. “Well, Bitaly has been a subject of the crown for, er, what, nine hundred years or so, correct? We always mess up our histories of the world post-exile.” It wasn’t exclusively her fault, of course – the only source she could get her hooves on was a children’s history textbook pilfered from what had likely been a younger Twilight’s instruction materials. “We would posit that, while the tome is indeed sizable, it is generally to be expected for nine hundred years of history.”
Twilight, not taking her eyes off Luna, blew the dust off the cover of the book, revealing a subtitle.
Luna once again read the cover. “‘ A Condensed History of Bitalian Noble Assassinations.’” She looked a little closer. “‘Part One of T-T-TWENTY SIX?”
“Yeah, twenty-six.” Twilight, with another flick of her horn, sent the book careening back through the door. “You couldn’t have put her in more danger if you had tied meat to her and thrown her in the Amanezon River, or dressed her in gold chains and sent her to East Clovenhoof!”
Fluttershy felt her wings subconsciously begin to rise, chafing against her chair. She also felt herself beginning to believe that she probably broke the wrong princess’s nose.
“We didn’t know!” Luna pulled back from the table, straining against the back of her chair. “W-we don’t know anything about Bitaly! There wasn’t even a Bitaly a millennia thence!” She threw up her hooves in exasperation. “And we have most certainly not heard anything from our sister about some part of Equestria so dysfunctional they have twenty-six codices worth of backstabbing!”
“You didn’t do any research?” Twilight pointed an accusing forehoof. “You just sent them off without the slightest care?”
“Of course I cared, Twilight Sparkle! ‘Tis the furthest from my intentions to cause your friends harm. But we had no reason to believe that our sister had grown so much in incompetence as to render a part of our realm so dangerous.”
A pregnant pause.
“Okay, well, perhaps there was some reason to believe, being that her present nature would seem to suggest something of the sort.” Luna admitted. “But still! Can you judge us too harshly for the offense of sending a pony on what we assumed to be tantamount to a vacation, nor a desire to finally acquire both a source of income and nine million bits? ‘Tis humiliating to be reduced to scrounging the floor for currency whilst the maids and servants laugh openly.” Luna, emboldened, straightened up, matching Twilight’s posture and thus towering a head or so higher. “Can you blame us for that, Twilight? We think–”
“Ahem.” Fluttershy, hitherto silent, made her presence known. “Luna?”
Luna, confidence almost visibly leaking out, didn’t so much turn as swivel to face Fluttershy, shrinking back down into her chair. “Ah, yes, Fluttershy?”
“I believe you.” Fluttershy, terse, wings held forcefully to her sides, spoke in measured, even tones. “I understand your problem, and I believe that you didn’t know.” A steady breath, nostrils flaring in contained rage. “Partially because I believe that you wouldn’t have known about Bitaly, and partially because I believe that you are a fundamentally good pony, and fundamentally good ponies wouldn’t lie to me about trying to kill my friends.”
“…Thanks?” Luna let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, dropping her guard. “We are gladdened to see that you believe our account of–”
“But.”
“…Oh dear,” squeaked out Luna.
“But, that does not mean we are in any way satisfied.” Fluttershy pointed a hoof. “You are going to fix this.”
“Of course!” Luna nodded vigorously. “We would be happy to perform nearly any penance you would require!”
“Great.” Fluttershy gestured towards the window of the room. “Because you’re going to Bitaly to do your own dirty work and get Rarity and Rainbow Dash out of there.” Another gesture. “Now.”
“Now?” Luna shook her head. “Fluttershy, even if I could afford to sail across the sea, our vessel would arrive in Bitaly nearly a week after her arrival. If the level of danger is to be believed, our friends would have surely already perished.”
“I don’t give a shit, Luna.” Fluttershy, grip on her temper slipping, swore through clenched teeth. “Fucking fly if you have to. But you are going.”
“One cannot fly so far without rest, Fluttershy; surely you know this. And the clouds over the ocean are far too thin to allow for a quick slumber.” Luna pantomimed with her hooves and horn, depicting a pony falling through a field of blue. “One would plummet to a watery grave!”
“I don’t care if you have to swim the whole way, Luna.” Fluttershy stomped a back hoof against the wood, squirming in her chair. “You. Are. Going. To. Bit–”
“Why don’t you just take an airship?”
Both mares turned to Twilight.
“Airship?” asked Luna.
“Yeah. Airship.” Twilight nodded. “You know, big flying things? Takes three days to get across the ocean? Would be perfect for what you need? Those?”
Luna furrowed her brow. “No, we have no knowledge of such,” she added after a pause.
Fluttershy rolled her eyes. “Yeah, it would be perfect, Twilight. Except for the part where she couldn’t even afford a normal ship.”
“Who cares?” Twilight chuckled. “Just charge it to the Crystal Empire! That’s what I’d do!”
A few moments passed in silence as the other two mares absorbed the casual gravity of Twilight's statement.
“…What?” Luna cocked her head. “Charge it to the Crystal Empire?”
“Yeah! It’s easy!” Twilight levitated over a quill and stack of papers, each marked with Cadence’s letterhead. “The Crystal Empire has, like, unlimited money, Luna. It’s literally made out of money. There are doorknobs in the palace worth more than Applejack’s farm.” She placed one of the papers onto the desk, positioning the quill above the form, an expense sheet, and gesturing for Luna to pick the quill up in her own field. “They’ve never noticed before, and as long as you, uh, bend the truth about why you would be spending Empire funds nopony would ever think to care.”
Luna looked at Twilight suspiciously, but took the quill into her own field. “We refuse to believe this could be this easy.”
“It is very much this easy. I don’t think Cadence and Shining have ever looked at their expenses.” Twilight shrugged. “You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve gotten away with this, Luna. And there’s basically no limit, too! Both of you could fly first class on the newest airship in the fleet, and they’d be none the wiser.”
“First class, you say?” Luna looked at Twilight, then the sheet. “And the both of us could travel?”
“Easily.”
“Well! We normally have no such stomach for such underhanded fiscal actions, but we suppose we could make an exception.” Luna turned to Fluttershy, eyebrow raised “What say you? We seem to recall you were unable to leave town due to your obligations, but, perhaps, this shorter stint would be acceptable?”
Fluttershy thought for a moment. “I guess if it’s only a week I could swing it.” She pointed a hoof back. “But we’re going first class, got it?”
“Done.” Luna began to fill out the form. “Now all we must figure out is a way to justify our trip’s existence.” She looked up. “Either one of you have any superb ideas?”
“Hmmmm…” Twilight rubbed her chin with a forehoof, deep in theatrically enhanced thought. “Huh, doesn’t Fluttershy kind of look like Cadence?” A smirk. “Think ponies would fall for a younger sister?”
“I don’t know, Twilight.” Fluttershy bit her lip. “I, uh, guess that might work, but I’m, uh, kind of famous from that thing with Rarity and the cameras, so people might recognize me.”
“You’re only vaguely famous, Fluttershy. That’s even better.” Twilight looked out the window. “Now come on, do you want to raid Rarity’s for dresses and jewelry or not? I know for a fact she’s sized things for you before.”
Well, that did sound like fun.
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Wing.
Hoof.
Winghoof.
Commence Virtuous Mission.
Yeah, kind of important that Twilight knows why she's getting her muzzle broken.
Also, lovely bit with explaining why Luna is so forgiving of Celestia's neglect. Though given the harm it's indirectly done to the champions of the realm... one of these days, Celestia's refusal to let her sister do anything is going to come back to bite her horribly.
In any case, definitely looking forward to seeing where this goes. And how long Rarity can survive. And if Twilight's even aware of the state of Rarity's horn.
I love how Luna has the gall to question Celestia's competence, given her current actions. I also love that you bring up Flyttershy's braid stint as a model. I don't feel that that is brought up often enough, given that it happened in season one. I cannot wait for more. :D
I apparently need to make some time to read all before this chapter but uh...for some reason, I like a Fluttershy who...
A. Knows how to defend herself.
B. Can be fed up with other ponies' sh
Though her little heart-to-heart with Luna was lovely and I definitely ship them. n_n
Yeah, it's always worth remembering that Fluttershy lacks the confidence of supermodel but has the looks down pat without even trying.
Huh, I wasn't expecting this direction. Operation save Rarity's life before she dies of seven simultaneous murders is a go!
I'm really hoping somehow that the most deadly pony in Bitaly will be Rarity and the most dangerous Pony for Twilight will be the Crystal Empires chief accountant.
I love just how generally corrupt this universe is.
Poor Luna, constantly being the one getting the shortest stick in things. I know it's a whole theme with the story and all, but I do feel like we need to do something to change that at some point. You know, other than the obtaining of that darn money bag.
Has Luna conjured up a bag of popcorn yet? That seems like the appropriate thing to do at this point.
Also, remind me how these six are friends again?
That'd be Fluttershy's question, actually, but I'm sure Twilight would've answered in the negative regardless of who actually said it.
I mean...the whole Nightmare Moon debacle. You can't get much more fight-drunk than that, I think.
See, I knew she'd be eating popcorn all throughout that if she had any! I'm guessing the only reasons she didn't is because A: she didn't get the idea to in time, B: Equestria hasn't actually invented popcorn conjuring spells as of yet, in which case somepony probably ought to get on that, or C: Luna, being Luna, doesn't actually know the joys of popcorn yet much like how she didn't for pizza earlier in the story, in which case, again, somepony probably ought to get on that.
That I definitely agree with. I'll give Twilight some slack given the late hour and the unexpectedness she was dragged into all of this on top of that, but she was still, nonetheless, a bit of a jerk towards Fluttershy in all of this, and unreasonably so, too.
Another fair point! Luna's just full of them tonight!
She'd know, considering her own brother.
Ah. That's why they're friends. Answers my earlier question nicely.
Okay, admittedly, this isn't the direction I was expecting things to go epicly awry in. I knew they would go epicly awry in some manner of course, and that violence would inevitably have to get involved (because that's just the trend for all of this in general), but admittedly, I didn't think it'd go in quite that direction.
...Meh, oh well. Should make things all the more interesting.
I mean, she's seen Fluttershy fight before, knows details about how she came to obtain those skills that most wouldn't, so she naturally understands better than most just how much danger she's in, having Flutters' wrath turned upon her.
But nevertheless, considering that this IS Fluttershy that it's coming from, and that Luna's surely no lightweight fighter herself, this whole reaction just amuses me way too much.
Well, I dunno...how this all started seemed like a bit of an underhanded fiscal action in of itself. But who's counting?
That was all just an excuse for her to get even on Rarity, isn't it?
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Well, 'short end of the stick' is relative. I'd wager a tree stump sure beats the supreme awkwardness of listening to someone, as they say, "Doing It Like They Do On the Discovery Channel" a sheet of drywall away.
And thanks for spotting that typo! I often miss mistakes, so any help is always appreciated.
The set-up and response to the planned 11 o'clock meetings is great comedy. Despite Twilight's withdrawal symptoms and lost hoard, though, the intensity of the fight and incensed anger-blindness of Twilight seems a little much, but it's reassuring that they sat down in the aftermath. Thank you for the enjoyable chapter!
Very minor--> compliment (in this situation)
Oh no.
This story is going to end with Cadance and Shining coming to Twilight with grave concerns with the pony IRS auditing them isn't it?
The moral ambiguity of this entire affair will never cease to amuse.
I've said this before but I'm repeating it. These deeply flawed characters are a delight to read about, their voice rings clear from the pages while maintaining their basic archetype. Cartoons given depth quite well.
Man, the Crystal Empire is just sounding like a more and more attractive place to move to in this world.
Also, I smell a currency crisis down the road. Thanks, Bookhorse.
Now there's an idea for a tale. Luna decides to host mandatory combat training for Twilight and, by virtue (or vice) of them being Twilight's friends and the Elements of Harmony, the rest of them as well.
I was dreading a martial arts/marital arts gag. I'm glad it wasn't that.
Been rereading this before getting to the new chapter. Have to admit this might be my favorite chapter. Also I find it odd that I never really took the time to wonder who was visiting Shy.
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I think it was probably my favorite to write too. Cracked-out Twilight is my favorite awful character design I've ever made, and making her and buff Fluttershy beat the shit out of each other was excedingly fun to put to page.