//------------------------------// // Just 7,000 Words of Pure Shipping Action // Story: Rarity, Contessa di Mareanello (?) // by JimmySlimmy //------------------------------// In all fairness to the Yakalaska, there had indeed been a time in which she had, in complete sincerity, been the unmatched standard of the seas. Once the fastest ocean liner afloat, the single-screw steamer had, at full speed ahead, cut across the white-capped waves of the ocean at a highly respectable sixteen knots, all while coddling its passengers in Canterlot’s finest luxury. Years ago, it was common to see duchesses, captains of industry, and other ponies of import clack-clack-clack their way across the smartly polished wooden floors of a grand ballroom and engage in the sort of dressed-up carousing that passes for high-class social events, eventually, after much revelry, retiring to well appointed staterooms so sumptuous as to be fit for a princess, which, as the ship had once carried a young Cadence around an inter-ocean tour, was naturally fitting. But that was two decades, three owners, and several million bits of ignored maintenance ago, and now the Yakalaska spent its days at half speed, crawling across the ocean packed not with nobility but, primarily, with the very poorest of transoceanic travelers, mostly Bitalian peasantry longing for the seeming stability of the homelands. On return trips, the ship was only thinly populated with deadhead crew and those with absolutely no other choice in transport. And, this time, two deeply unfortunate mares. Rarity and Rainbow Dash, in what had, upon boarding, once been aghast horror, now surveyed their miserable cabin with mute acceptance. There wasn’t much to survey; a porthole showed scenes of twilight-darkened water, while a single light bulb shone from a wall-mounted lamp across two bunks hanging from the wall, one of which was suspended by conspicuously rusted chains. The unicorn attendant tucked a letter marked “Värend” into his vest pocket. “I’ll make sure this gets to the telegraph desk, miss.” A cough. “Anyway, the heads are down the hallway. Water is rationed, so it’s one shower a week, and a brush once a day. Any questions?” “Can one smoke in the cabin?” “No. First class passengers may use the cedar room before the grand saloon.” A slight twitch of derision. “You are welcome to join the other steerage passengers upon the decking of on the stern.” “On the stern?” Rarity sighed. “Oh, how pleasant. And here I thought I would miss out on the lovely sensation of biting sea spray with every cigarette. Are electric lighters provided, at least?” A nod. “Required, actually, that or magic. Too much of a fire risk with oil, you see.” Rarity shrugged. “Could be worse, I suppose. Do leave us, yes?” Another nod, and the stallion backed out of the cabin, shutting the door behind him with a whoosh of magic. With the throwing of the bolts on the door, Rarity crumpled to the ground, splayed out flat against the painted metal flooring of the cabin. Rainbow Dash shucked a bag onto the floor, turning towards her friend. “Do you, uh, want some help with–” “Gods, yes, please, obviously,” Rarity moaned. “I think my spine will never recover, but we can at least make my upcoming paralysis more comfortable.” “That’s the spirit.” Rainbow Dash examined the laden unicorn, eyes flicking across the mosaic of straps. “So, do I start with the side, or with the top, or…?” “The back. I can get the rest.” Rarity bent down towards a buckle on her chest. “Just pull the straps by the case’s attachment points, then unbuckle the ones around my midsection, yes?” “Midsection, huh?” Rainbow Dash approached the laden form of Rarity, ducking underneath the larger mare. “Oh, great. Should be nice and sweaty, then!” “With one shower a week, I would posit that such, er, unpleasantness is going to be something of a common theme.” Rarity deadpanned. “Start at the top, remember?” “Yeah, yeah.” Rainbow Dash extracted herself from the tangle of limbs, repositioning near the case. She gave a strap a tug, letting it fall away slack. “Like that?” “Yes, now just, ah, go for the – no, not that one yet, the other – Rainbow!” Rainbow Dash, buckle in mouth, pulled away. She spat it away. “What? You said start at the–” “CLONK.” The case fell sideways off Rarity’s back, smacking into the floor with a bang that seemed to resound from the walls of the cabin. Rainbow Dash looked between the case and Rarity, then shrugged sheepishly. “Uh, my bad?” Rarity took a deep breath. “… Well, we almost had it.” A light sigh, more defeated than angry. “Honestly, with how nice the walnut is on that box, it probably did more damage to the floor than anything else, so I wouldn’t worry too much.” Rainbow Dash peered at the mirror-slick surface. “How nice is nice?” “Thirteen hundred and forty nine bits, exactly.” Rarity stepped out of the front of her harness, shaking the back straps down her hind legs with inelegant shudders. “And that was the budget option. Mahogany was double.” “That seems like a lot for a coffee table, Rares.” Rainbow Dash offered skeptically. Of course, she lived in a house made of clouds, so she had never actually bought furniture, but she had an inkling it was probably less expensive than a door-sized slab of steel. “It’s not a – never mind.” Rarity shook her head. “I’ll show you later. It’s something of an ordeal to unlock without magic.” “Suit yourself.” Rainbow Dash shrugged, shucking off a saddlebag onto the floor. “I’m not really that interested in your box of dresses or anything.” Rarity paused, ceasing to fiddle with her own set of baggage. “It’s not dresses, either.” “It’s not?” Rainbow Dash looked between Rarity’s various pieces of luggage. “Then where are they?” “Where are what?” “The dresses and stuff,” Rainbow Dash responded. “Duh. You’re here, so there’s got to be at least three or four bags of all that girly crap.” “Once again, I can only complement you on your choice of diction. It’s impressive that you’ve managed to smear my entire portfolio of work as ‘girly crap.’” Rarity managed to get one of her saddlebags unlatched, sending it to the floor. “For what it’s worth, I don’t have much in the way of that anyway, I’m afraid. I packed lightly.” Rainbow Dash froze, staring back in abject confusion, as if Rarity had just informed her that she, in fact, was a frequent visitor at the monthly Sweet Apple Acres greased-pig wrestling competitions. Rarity raised an eyebrow. “What?” “… Packed lightly?” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Rarity, you don’t pack lightly. You can’t pack lightly. Like, I think you’d cause some sort of magical anomaly if you showed up to an event with anything less than four separate pieces of luggage.” Rarity thought for a moment before deciding that, yeah, that was probably correct. “… Fair enough, actually. It is somewhat out of character.” “See!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “But! There is a reasoning behind this, as always. A full half of my luggage was always dedicated to mane care products, which I obviously have no need of yet.” “Oh.” Rainbow Dash cocked her head. “Why don’t you need them, though?” Rarity, after a pause of befuddled disbelief, took off her hat, gesturing with the other hoof at the former site of her mane. “Oh, uh, right.” Rainbow Dash replied sheepishly. She shook her head. “But don’t you still need that stuff for your tail?” “Of course not. That’s what tail care products are for, Rainbow – wait!” Rarity gasped. “You don’t mean to tell me you use the same product for your mane and tail?” “Uh, yeah?” “Eugh!” Rarity winced in disgust. “Gods, you really are a barbarian. And next you’ll tell me you use one of those ‘nine in one’ shampoo, coat washes, conditioners, and toothpastes, too!” “What! No. C’mon Rarity, have a little respect.” Rainbow Dash replied defensively. “Seven in one, tops. I can buy my own drain cleaner separately.” Rarity snorted a laugh. “Oh, I see! That’s the limit, then? Drain cleaners and fast acting styptic solutions are just too far?” “Only cause the drain cleaners burn my eyes. It seems kinda dumb to combine that and contact solution, but I guess the smarty-pants at Quills and Sofas know better.” “Somehow, I doubt that.” Rarity muttered. “Considering that they once sold a combination sofa-quill, I have serious doubts as to their critical thinking skills.” “You’re probably right.” Rainbow Dash chuckled. “They’re not the sharpest bulbs in the knife drawer.” She removed her other bag. “Okay, so, that’s half the luggage. Where’s the dresses, then?” “I don’t have any,” Rarity answered casually, as if she was unaware of the gravity of that statement. “… What?” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “No, wait, what? No dresses?” Rarity thought for a moment. “Well, I suppose there’s a slip in there, if you count that, but it’s really more of an undergarment than anything.” “Okay, no, sorry, still not getting it. No dresses?” Rainbow Dash continued. “Rarity, I saw you bring six dresses to go camping.” “Of course, but that’s entirely different.” Rarity removed her other bag. “That was camping, and this is Bitaly.” “So? You’d never need a dress camping, and you brought six,” Rainbow Dash responded. “But I can think of all kind of fancy stuff in Bitaly, where, y’know, you’d need a dress, and you bring none?” “A dress? No, one would not need a dress. One would need a Bitalian dress, Rainbow. To show up in a decade old style from the Old Country? What an enormous faux pas!” Rarity chuckled. “No, there will be plenty in the way of dress wearing in our, and I repeat myself, our future, but it will be in dresses we acquire in situ.” “…Okay, sure, yeah.” Rainbow Dash shrugged, not willing nor desiring to get a further explanation of Rarity’s perception of social dress dynamics. “But I’m still a little surprised you didn’t bring something to show off over there, y’know? Get your name out there?” “To attempt to get one’s name out with a few dresses in Bitaly would be like throwing a bucket of water into a lake, Rainbow Dash. One needs decades of exposure to even make a dent into the cabal of Bitalian fashion intelligentsia.” “Yeah, but, nothing? Really?” Rainbow Dash scoffed. “Come on, you’ve got to have brought something.” “I did bring something.” Rarity gestured towards a saddlebag. “There’s a few flat-packed hats in that one, as well as a few pieces of jewelry, for both myself and you.” “Aw, gross, what?” Rainbow Dash cringed away. “You brought jewelry for me?” “Yes, Rainbow, I did.” Rarity dug in her bag for a moment, then removed a lovely silver necklace looped around her foreleg. “And the usual response when someone offers to share precious objects is ‘thank you,’ not ‘aw, gross.’” “But it is gross.” Rainbow Dash backed away from the offered item. “I hate wearing that crap. Why would I need any of that stuff?” “Because, oh, I don’t know,” Rarity sighed, exasperated, “your duties as escort to a countess may very well involve accompanying her to something, I don’t know, fancy? Wherein to appear unadorned with accessories would mark you immediately at a rube at best and an interloper at worst?” Rainbow Dash paused for a few moments as she tried to think up a retort, eventually giving up with a shrug. “…Okay, fair enough. I guess you’re probably right about that.” She pointed to the other bag. “If all your girly stuff is in that bag, what’s in the other one?” “Thank you, and to answer your question: ten boxes of cigarettes, one lighter, a bottle of cognac, and earplugs, because you snore and I would occasionally like some sleep.” Rarity gave a smug little smile, returning the necklace to her bag. “Anyhow, so long as we’re playing ‘interrogate your friend over her luggage,’ may I inquire as to what you brought?” “Oh, you know me. Just the essentials.” Rainbow Dash threw the top of her bag open, removing items and throwing them onto the bunk suspended on solid chains. “One bar of combination soap, a tooth brush, a book on Bitaly I stole from Twilight, another book I stole from Twilight, aaaaaand–” she gave the bag a few more shakes, dropping, on the final one, a pair of spectacles “–reading glasses, because I’m a real pegasus, so I’m farsighted.” “So I see.” Rarity squinted a little. “I’m glad you seem to have remembered the at least half of the basics of oral hygiene, although I must wonder if you also managed to bring the other half, that being toothpaste. Is it in your other bag?” “Uh, duh!” Rainbow Dash shook the bar of soap. “Seven in one, remember?” “Oh, of course, my mistake. And here I thought you had the other kind of seven in one, with the grout stripper.” Rarity chuckled. “What’s in the other one?” “A pack of gum and a hoofball.” Rainbow Dash pulled the ball out of bag, giving it a twirl in the air. “I figured I’d show these Bitalian jabronis what a real sport looks like.” She turned to Rarity, snickering as she gave the ball another toss. “Up for a little game of catch, huh, Rares?” “Yes,” answered Rarity, with an unexpected amount of confidence. “I most certainly am.” She pulled a pack of cigarettes from her bag, stepping out of the cabin door. “Meet me up top in ten, yes?” Rainbow Dash gave a few slow blinks. “…Wait, wha–” Rarity watched from under the muzzle of her now-beloved manticore headdress, watching through harsh arc-lamp light as Rainbow Dash crested the top of the stairs onto the deserted stern of the ship. She took a final drag of her “Mare-you-can Spirit” (now with extra nicotine!) before crushing it beneath a forehoof. “Took you long enough. And here I thought I would be stuck up here on this gods-forsaken deck by myself.” Rainbow Dash pointed dismissively behind her with a wing. “I had to stop by the can.” She shuddered. “Just in case you were hoping it was any different, it’s terrible, by the way.” “Oh, great. Just the thing to keep up with my meticulous hygiene.” Rarity scanned her friend with her eyes. “Where’s the ball?” “Under my wing.” Rainbow Dash shifted her left wing, rolling the ball into her opposite hoof. “You were serious?” “Deathly.” Rarity stretched out a foreleg. “Hoofball is no laughing matter, Rainbow.” “Ha! Yeah, sure.” Rainbow Dash snorted a laugh. “What do you know about that?” Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Must I remind you who my father is?” “Yeah, well, he knows about it.” Rainbow Dash pointed with her wing at Rarity. “What do you know about it?” “A considerable amount, actually.” Rarity countered. “I’m no professional, but I know my way around balls – oh, please,” Rarity preempted. “Don’t.” Rainbow Dash swallowed a quip, letting lose only a few chuckles. “Okay, okay, fine. Low-hanging fruit anyway.” She shook her head. “But, what, you saying you played or something?” “Yes,” Rarity confirmed, to Rainbow Dash’s immediate shock. “Not anything serious, obviously, just recreational leagues in my youth, but I did for a number of years.” “What, you? Hoofball?” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “You’re bullshitting me.” “I am most certainly not.” “Okay, then it was some kinda wimpy spot, like place-kicker.” “Place-kicker?” Rarity scoffed in mock hurt. “You wound me, Rainbow Dash. No daughter of my father would ever stoop so low as to kick.” She straightened up a little. “I was a free safety.” “Really, you?” Rainbow Dash looked Rarity over. “But you’re so … slow and unathletic.” “And fat?” Rarity questioned. “Getting there, yeah.” Rainbow Dash nodded. “Tactful as ever. Thanks.” Rarity grumbled. “Rest assured I was once much more trim.” She pointed a forehoof, sweeping back and forth across Rainbow Dash’s lithe frame. “Not quite you trim, but trim nonetheless.” “Uh-huh, sure.” Rainbow Dash replied, slightly skeptically. “Were you, like, any good?” “I was decent enough.” Rarity shrugged. “I played regularly, and it wasn’t anything too serious anyway.” She sighed wistfully. “Truthfully, I must admit I do miss it sometimes on my more unpleasant days. There’s something supremely satisfying about predicting an opposing quarterback’s actions and cutting a route off, and it’s a sensation not quite filled by dressmaking.” “I’ll take your word for it. I never played much, but it was always on the other side of the ball.” Rainbow Dash snorted a laugh. “Sorry, still can’t get over this. Please tell me there’s film of this.” “Probably so, yes.” Rarity rolled her eyes. “On the occasions when he was home, father would take an eighth-hoof width camera to my games. A few have gone missing, but I’m sure there’s still some in the attic with heartwarming notes written on tape.” Rarity chuckled. “‘Daddy’s favorite little filly gets a pick!’” “Oh, wow, no way!” Rainbow Dash guffawed. “Promise me you’ll show me the highlight reel when we get back?” “If you insist. Not much to it, I’m afraid. With hooves like these, catches were few and far between.” “I’m more surprised you had any, honestly.” “Well, I did play under Central rules, so magic was permitted with a damper ring,” Rarity clarified. “And good form can make up for bad hooves.” Rarity shrugged. “It comes expected with the territory regardless. If cornerbacks and safeties had ‘good hooves,’ as it were, they’d be receivers.” “Fair enough.” Rainbow Dash pointed towards the edge of the deck. “You want to step out there?” “Heavens, no, of course not.” Rarity shook her head, shuddering. “You can, if you would prefer. I will be staying away from the railing at all costs.” “Why?” “Outside of the whole ‘drop the pass into the ocean’ thing?” “Good point, but yes, besides that.” “Because I hate the ocean, and I would greatly prefer to stay as geometrically far away from it as possible,” Rarity answered. “Which, in our instance, means staying exactly here.” “Hate the ocean?” Rainbow Dash, accommodating Rarity’s request, strolled towards the railing. “What, do you just hate fish or something? How does somepony hate the whole ocean?” Rarity rolled her eyes. “I don’t hate the whole ocean, Rainbow. Beaches aren’t too bad, I suppose, so long as one stays above wither-height in the water.” “What’s the difference?” Rainbow Dash spun a foreleg back and forth in lazy circles, leaning up against the railing. “It’s the same ocean, last time I checked.” “It’s different when you can’t reach the bottom, you know. It’s not the same when one cannot simply walk along–” Rarity shook her head. “Never mind. Let me just tell you a story, okay?” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “So long as we can throw at the same time.” “Thank you.” Rarity smiled gently. “And you may begin when you wish, of course.” Rainbow Dash nodded, taking up a quarterback’s stance before, after a moment tossing a ball in a lazy loop towards her friend. Rarity, watching the ball in its high arc, positioned herself in the correct spot. The ball landed directly into her waiting hooves, but bounced out despite her best effort to haul it in. After a quiet swear, Rarity picked the ball up. “My fault, of course,” she apologized, somewhat sheepish at her flub. “Perhaps I did not quite remember how much Central rules aided me in my efforts, no?” “Understandable.” Rainbow Dash stuck out a waiting hoof. “You were saying something about a story?” “Oh, right!” Rarity, in a somewhat less athletic stance, chucked the ball at Rainbow with her left foreleg, falling more or less neatly into her opposite’s hooves. “Well, my father once took us – and this was a smaller us, as Sweetie wasn’t quite around yet – to join him on an away trip in Jack’s-Ville, you know, the donkey town?” Rainbow Dash nodded in affirmative, tossing the ball to her other hoof. Satisfied, Rarity continued. “Yes, well, anyways, we all went as a family out to the little rock-beach near there, and mother and father were, ah–” she tapped her forehead in thought, “–well, I’m not sure what they were doing exactly, but nevertheless I was left unattended for a brief period of time.” She beckoned with a forehoof, prompting Rainbow Dash to toss another lob which, after a considerable amount of bobbling, ended up securely in Rarity’s hooves. “Better already!” Rainbow Dash joked. “I’m more inclined to chalk it up to luck,” Rarity sighed. “As I was saying, I, left unattended, proceeded to do exactly what any blank-flanked little filly would do: get into trouble as fast as possible.” “What, did you get arrested?” “Wha – No, I didn’t get arrested! What kind of ‘blank-flank filly’ could manage to get arrested by the authorities in a minute of being unatten–” Rainbow Dash gave her a look of “really?” “Oh, right, of course.” Rarity matched her look with one of defeated understanding. “How could I forget about our three favorite ones.” An irritated huff. “Well, I’ll have you know I was still a little younger than they are now, and I was never as…” she paused for a moment, trying to think of even a slightly charitable descriptor for her sister. She gave up. “…generally dangerous as she.” Rainbow Dash snorted a laugh. “Neither is a rattlesnake, honestly. What’s she up to now, six?” “Just five felonious arrests, so she’s still two behind yours, mercifully.” “What can I say? It comes with the wings.” Rainbow Dash stretched out a back leg. “Mind giving me a little bit of a route to run?” “But of course. And here I thought we’d be stuck on an elementary game of catch.” Rarity drew a horizontal line in the air with her hoof. “Just run a crossing route, oh, halfway down the deck, yes? I must confess I never had much of an arm, but I will try my damnedest.” “Thanks for the diagram, because I have no idea what a crossing route is.” Rainbow Dash trotted to the side of the deck, parallel with Rarity. “What?” Rarity responded in disbelief. “Didn’t you say you played a little?” “I was, like, twelve, Rares.” “So?” Rarity shook her head with an amused smirk. “It wasn’t like I asked you to run something hard. We’re not running hitches out here.” “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Gosh, it’s like talking to Twilight about nerd crap, except it’s, like, jock-nerd crap.” Rarity set her stance. “Is that worse?” “It’s not better.” Rainbow Dash dropped into a sprinter’s stance. “Ready?” Rarity nodded. “As I’ll ever be. Go when you wish.” After a moment, Rainbow Dash bolted out of her crouch, charging down the deck before turning sharply inwards, running horizontally. As she crossed midway, Rarity threw the ball; a little wobbly, and a little high, but still quite catchable with a little bit of a leap. Rainbow Dash snagged it out of the air, skidding to a halt along the rough-hewn decking. “Oooh, admirable catch, Rainbow!” called out Rarity. “‘Admirable?’” Rainbow Dash groaned, still prone along the boards. “C’mon, that was better than ‘admirable.’ That was an awesome catch.” She stood up, twitching a back leg. “Also, I wouldn’t recommend doing that, because I think I have four splinters in my legs.” “Duly noted.” Rarity chuckled. “Throw it back, please?” “Yeah, sure. What were you saying, again? Something about trouble on a beach?” Rainbow Dash reared back, tossing the ball in a somewhat less lazy arc towards Rarity. Rarity made an inelegant catch, hugging the ball clumsily against her chest, looking pleasantly surprised at her success. “Oh, right!” She took a deep breath, composing herself slightly before continuing. “As I was saying, I, as any little filly would, decided that I wanted to do something dangerous, right?” “Sure.” Rainbow Dash trotted back towards Rarity. “I mostly flew into cloud banks, but I get the idea.” Rarity nodded. “Exactly. Well, my little foal-brain decided that this would be a perfect time to do exactly what my parents forbade, which was to swim unattended. Thus, armed only with a pair of swim-goggles and a garish blue swimsuit, I hurled myself into the ocean, paddling out beyond the point wherein I couldn’t even bob on the bottom.” Rarity sat down, putting the ball under a forehoof. “I don’t know if you’ve ever been our to Jack’s-Ville, but the currents are brutal in the ocean. It couldn’t have been more than thirty or forty seconds and I found myself just surrounded by water, endless blue in every direction. No shore, no city, no nothing, just whitecaps.” Rarity looked up from the ball, visibly shaken. “And I swam and swam and swam and screamed and nothing. Just endless water, as far as the eye could see, and I could swim as hard as I wanted in any direction and it wouldn’t make a lick of difference. I was completely powerless, just absolutely helpless, in the mercy of an unimaginably vast ocean which didn’t even know I was there.” “...Oh.” Rainbow Dash walked over to Rarity, sitting down beside her. Her smaller stature was most apparent when seated, her head a comfortable hoof-width shorter than Rarity’s. “That’s, uh, not a very fun story.” “No, it’s not.” Rarity took a deep breath. “It’s, perhaps, the opposite thereof, actually.” Both mares sat in silence for a while, nothing audible over the crash of waves except for a quiet clattering of the steam engine below decks. After what seemed like a few minutes, Rainbow Dash broke the silence. “I kind of feel like that all the time, actually.” “What, surrounded by water?” Rarity turned towards her friend, who continued staring outwards. “That’s not normal, Rainbow. I think you might have vertigo, or an inner ear infection.” “No, not, like, literally.” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Like I’m swept up in some kind of riptide or something.” “My apologies for missing the metaphor.” Rarity coughed. “Do tell.” “Well, y’know, like…” Rainbow Dash tapped on her head with a forehoof, thinking. “It’s like how you said you just swam out a little bit, and you ended up way off shore, right?” Rarity nodded. Rainbow Dash continued. “I think that’s kind of how our lives are, honestly, because I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t thinking ‘gee, I really hope I’ve gotta save the world like five times in three years’ when I grabbed a raincloud to spray off this weird chick covered in mud, y’know?” Rainbow Dash turned to face her friend. “I mean, you, what, just welcomed her to town, right, and then all of a sudden we’ve got to save Equestria from Princess Dark n’ Stormy?” Rainbow Dash paused for a moment. “I mean, look, I not complaining, because we did save the world and I made four amazing friends and also you and I’m now apparently some kind of god of loyalty or something, but it’s still completely freaking bonkers, right?” “And also me?” interjected Rarity, smirking. “Yeah, well, the jury’s still out on you. We’ll see after the whole jewelry thing.” Rainbow Dash answered playfully. “But you get what I’m saying, right?” “Actually, yes,” Rarity answered. “And I must say I’m impressed. This is a borderline Twilight-esque extended metaphor.” “I told you, Rares, the brains work in bursts.” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I don’t know. I just can’t believe what’s happened sometimes, you know? It’s like I just barely stepped into the extendedly-metaphorical ocean and got sucked into this kind of stuff.” “Boat rides? Late night chats over hoofball?” “More ‘going with your buddy to Bitaly to do … something.’” Rainbow Dash thought for a moment. “What are we doing, actually?” “Getting elected as duchess of Marelan, apparently.” Rarity frowned. “The princess and minister were unfortunately scarce on the details, so I’m assuming it will be self explanatory. Something about the nobility.” “Fair enough. Sorry about interrupting your story, by the way. How did it end up, anyway? Did you drown?” Rarity eyed Rainbow Dash skeptically. “Did I drown?” “Yeah. I mean, you said there wasn’t anyone around.” “No, I didn’t–” Rarity smacked her forehoof into her face, rubbing it side to side softly. “Good goddess, you weren’t lying about the sprinter thing.” Rarity straightened up. “Rainbow, if I drowned, how would I be here?” “Oh, right.” Rainbow Dash blushed slightly, spreading her wings wide in a sheepish grin. “My bad.” “It’s only your nature.” Rarity shook her head, amused. “No, eventually a lifeguard pegasus flew out and got me. Again, it felt like hours, but it truthfully was likely only a minute or two. I don’t think my parents were away long.” “Well, that’s good, I guess. Glad you made it.” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Mostly because if you didn’t, somepony else would have had to be generosity in Ponyville, and I can’t really think of anypony else.” “Neither can I. Judging by how they farthing and dime me over the simplest job, they’re all a bunch of stingy fucks as far as I can tell.” Rarity snorted a laugh. “Well, anyways, you missed the worst part of the story.” “Oh yeah?” Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “What, you get bitten by a beaver-shark or something?” “No, worse.” “Worse than a beaver-shark?” Rainbow Dash raised the other eyebrow. “What, two beaver-sharks?” “No, that would have been at least quick. This was unimaginably worse.” Rarity shuddered. “I still had to go to a Jags game afterwards.” “Oh, dang, that is horrible.” Rainbow Dash shuddered in sympathy. “What year?” “The winless one.” Rarity blinked slowly a few times, as if to clear repeated mental pictures of no-point scoreboards. “Honestly, I wished I had drowned at the time.” “I was a little too young to listen to the radio back then, but, c’mon, that bad?” asked Rainbow Dash skeptically. “Yes, that bad,” confirmed Rarity. “It was like some sort of experiment wherein one team was comprised exclusively of invalids.” She peered up at her own forehead. “Although I suppose I am living proof that even invalids are capable of performing the bare minimum of hoofball activities, which is more than can be said of that team.” “You’re not an invalid, Rarity. An invalid can’t leave their house. You’re just … temporarily less-valid.” “Fair, although I believe that a unicorn permanently rendered unable to use magic – which I may or may not be, truthfully – counts as such for government purposes.” “Still nothing then, huh?” Rainbow Dash poked at Rarity’s hat with a hoof. “None of the ol’ magic juice running yet?” Rarity swatted away Rainbow Dash’s hoof. “I don’t actually know what the medical term is, but I’m pretty sure it’s not magic juice.” She sighed. “And no, for what it’s worth. There’s almost … something, like it’s nearly there, but it’s just all so weird of a sensation that I can’t exactly tell you what or when something will happen.” She pulled off her hat, running a hoof around her much-abused horn. “It’s not like foalhood, that’s for sure. Back then, I could feel the potential, like the horn knew what it wanted and I just needed to know what to ask. Now, it’s like I’m trying to draw water from an empty well, except the well never had any water anyway, just a bunch of crude oil or something of that ilk.” She pointed at Rainbow Dash. “I’m sure it’s like your wings, where learning to fly is mostly a matter of mental technique.” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Not really. They mostly just run on pure bird-brain, actually, no thinking required.” She sat up. “Anyway, I’m bored. Want to run some more passes?” “Of course.” Rarity joined her friend in standing, doing a catlike stretch on the way up. “Mind throwing to me for a little bit? I’d like to relive some of my wilder years, as it were.” “Sure. Away from the railing, right?” “Absolutely.” Rarity tossed Rainbow Dash the ball. “On your lead.” “Oooh! Fabulous catch, dear!” shouted Rarity, coat slick with sweat from repeated sprints down the deck. “I especially liked the little loop on the aerial, very North Coast of you!” “Thanks.” Rainbow Dash trotted towards her friend, similarly gross. She paused ten or so paces away, mouth fixed in a mischievous smirk. “Er–”Rarity eyed her friend, cocking her head in confusion. “Aren’t you going to throw it back? That is the objective, yes?” “Sure.” Rainbow Dash pitched the ball into a hoof, raring back. “Think fast!” Rarity’s eyes shot wide in alarm “Wha–” Rainbow Dash hurled the ball at Rarity, who threw her hooves up in panic, her mind doing its best to protect her face. It was not successful, the ball passing between her hooves and boinking off her nose to the ground. Rainbow Dash fell backwards, clutching her gut in laughter. “Nice catch, dork!” “Rainbow!” growled Rarity in anger, a forehoof to her nose. “We were having such a nice bout of friendly bonding, and here you go and throw it away for a cheap prank!” Rainbow Dash sat back up, wiping a tear away from her eye with a wing. “Yeah, but you should have seen the look on – holy heck!” Rainbow Dash pointed a forehoof at Rarity’s head. “Your hat’s smoking!” “What?” Rarity pulled away her hat, examining it. The front of the hat, approximately the former location of the manticore’s brain, was smoldering ever-so-slightly. “Why is my–” Rainbow Dash continued pointing, mouth agape, at Rarity’s now exposed horn. Rarity looked up as far as she could. At the very tip of her horn, barely visible in her peripheral vision, was a little blue flame, no larger than a tea candle’s. “Is – is that normal?” asked Rainbow Dash. “I’m, er, not sure. It’s certainty new.” Rarity, still watching the tip of her horn, strained slightly in mental effort. The flame went out. “Whoa!” Rainbow Dash stood up, walking a little closer. “Can you make it come back?” “Well I’m, er, not sure.” Rarity spread her hooves slightly, closing her eyes and straining. Her horn stayed stubbornly unlit. “Urgh!” She stomped a back hoof in frustration. “No, I – I can’t quite get the feeling down.” She locked eyes with Rainbow Dash. “I need you to replicate what happened before. Scare me with something.” “Like what?” Rainbow Dash picked up the ball. “Like this?” “No, a word will suffice.” Rarity shook her head. “Something unfashionable or distasteful should suffice to cause enough mental shock.” “Oh. Darn!” Rainbow Dash huffed comedically. “And here I was thinking I could spike another ball into your face.” “Thankfully unnecessary.” Rarity answered. “Do you have something in mind?” “Uhhhh…” Rainbow Dash tapped her head with a hoof, thinking. After a moment, she smiled maliciously. “Oh, yeah, I’ve got just the thing.” Rarity nodded slightly in affirmation, then widened her stance, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes with mental strain. “Oh – okay, go ahead with whatever you’re going to– ” “CORDUROY JORTS” “Oh goddess, why?” Rarity physically recoiled, face contorted into a grotesque mask of abject disgust. “Why would you–” “It worked!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “Your horn works!” “It did?” Rarity looked upwards. Sure enough, the little flame had reappeared, now slightly darkening the bandages wrapped around her horn. “It did! Ha!” “Turn it off and on again!” Rainbow Dash took to the air, swerving around her friend and pulling up close to the incendiary appendage. “C’mon, try again!” “Uhhh.” Rarity bit her lip, deep in thought. “Okay, I think I figured out what it felt like. Let’s try…” With a grunt of effort, the flame went out. “Well, hey, that’s halfway there!” Rainbow Dash offered. “Do you need me to say something else?” “No, because I think if I try swirling with–” Rarity gave her head a soft flick. With a noise not entirely unakin to a gas range flicking to life, her horn lit again with a wisp of blue smoke and slight sense of sulfur. “You got it!” Rainbow Dash rubbed the side of her head with a hoof. “Although, uh, I’m not sure that horns are actually supposed to work like that, so–” “Never mind that! This is stupendous! Incredible!” Rarity shouted in glee. “Yes-yes-yes-yes…” “It is?” Rainbow Dash cocked her head in confusion. “I mean, it’s kinda cool I guess, but it’s not, like, incredible or anything.” “Of course it is!” Rarity grabbed Rainbow Dash by the shoulders, shaking her back and forth with a look of pure elation. “Do you know what this means?” “You can light your cigs with your face?” “No, better – actually, no, that is pretty great, but no, better!” Rarity shook her head. “It means I’m not stuck like some kind of barbarian forever! My magic is coming back! That means I can make dresses and use forks and live again!” Rainbow Dash gently shucked off Rarity’s hooves. “Okay, first off, that’s kind of tribally insensitive, Rares, and secondly, you aren’t exactly whizzing around crap Twilight style either. You’re basically just a high-maintenance lighter right now.” “Yeah, well, whatever, Rainbow.” Rarity waved a hoof dismissively. “I’m sure it’s just the first of my abilities to return.” “I’ll hope for the best, I guess.” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Hope is for suckers, Rainbow. I know.” Rarity, standing up, scooped up the hoofball from the deck into her left hoof. “Now, I don’t know about you, but I believe I’ll be retiring to the cabin. You’re welcome to make your own way down after this.” Rainbow Dash cocked her head. “After what?” “This.” Rarity reared her foreleg back. “Catch!” Rainbow Dash did not, in fact, catch. “That was low, Rares.” Rainbow Dash shut the door of the cabin, turning the lock’s bolt. “Turnabout’s fair play, Rainbow.” Rarity scoffed, still practically floating in joy. “And that was catchable.” “Yeah, yeah, whatever, dweeb.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. She paused, sticking her snout inelegantly beneath a wing before recoiling in a grimace. “Eww, dang,” “My thoughts exactly.” Rarity huffed. “I’m probably going to go insane from one godsdamn shower a week, but that’s for the future. Right now, nothing’s going to get me down!” Rainbow Dash ran her eyes around the room. “Not even the depressing crappy prison room we’re stuck in?” “Not even that.” Rarity pulled a pair of earplugs out of a saddlebag on the floor, inserting one into her left ear, then the right. “Goodnight, Rainbow.” “Yeah, you too.” Rainbow Dash sat on her bunk. “Try not to set the bunk on fire in your dreams or whatever.” “I’ll try my best,” Rarity joked. She sat on the other bunk, which was suspended by rusted chains. “Try not to–” “PING!” The chains on the bunk snapped, throwing Rarity to the cabin’s floor. Rainbow Dash, after a moment of confusion, held a hoof to her mouth in a futile effort to not bust into laughter. “Yes, I am okay, thank you for asking,” Rarity grumbled, standing up. She turned around to survey the damage. The bunk hung on its hinges parallel to the wall. “I – whew – I’m sorry Rares, but that was pure comedy.” Rainbow Dash wiped a tear from her eye. “It was just absolutely perfect, you should have seen–” Rarity turned around. “Scoot over.” “What?” Rainbow Dash looked at Rarity, then looked at the tiny bunk. “Rarity, what are you talking about? We can’t both fit on this!” “Remember what I said about nothing getting me down?” Rarity asked. “I lied. Sleeping on a metal floor would get me down.” She waved a hoof, then trotted towards the bunk. “So move.” Rainbow Dash herself against the wall, shaking her head. “Rarity, there’s literally no way you’re going to – oof!” Rarity, unbothered by concerns like geometry, hoisted herself into the bunk, squeezing Rainbow Dash against the wall back first with a satisfied grin. After a moment of wriggling, Rainbow Dash managed to free herself slightly. “Rarity you lardass, I’m getting squished over here.” A sniff. “And, eugh, you smell like a bar!” “Too bad. Goodnight.” “Rares, get out of my bunk!” “I’m the countess, I get the bunk,” Rarity scoffed. “You can sleep on the floor.” “I am not sleeping on the floor!” Rainbow Dash retorted. “Then shut up already.” Rarity moved the pillow closer to her. “Goodnight.” After a moment of frustrated groaning, Rainbow Dash weighed her options. On one hand, Rarity might roll over and crush her to death with her prodigious weight. On the other hand, the floor might kill her with tetanus. Deciding that a quick death was better than a slow one, she made her decision. She pulled as much of the pillow back as she could. “… Goodnight.” Rarity was already snoring.