Twilight Sparkle Hates a Book

by Xenos

The Book

Twilight Sparkle Hates a Book

It was Twilight's birthday and naturally she had been delivered a pile of books. Of course, being Twilight; that was the last her friends would see of her until she was done.

What? She had offered to let them read with her you know. They didn't know what they were missing out on.

The pile loomed high over her blotting out the light; you'd think that Nightmare Moon had returned. Twilight licked her lips ferociously, near drooling at the sight of so many new books.

Yes. Please.

She levitated the hefty volume off the top and started to read. It was finished in 10 minutes.

Next one? 5 minutes.

Another? Finished quicker than Spike eating a gemstone (which was actually happening behind her). The stack quickly diminished in size and soon she was staring at the final cover.

Twilight quickly opened the book and read.

Woah.

WOAH

She toppled backwards and hit the floor prompting Spike to turn round, mouth full of gems, to see what had happened.

“It's okay, Spike. I'm fine,” said Twilight before returning to the book.

Where was the riveting plot? The memorable characters? The interesting and useful facts? This book possessed none of those qualities.

Twilight turned the page and struggled to read the next few lines, her horn quivering and her magic faltering. This could not be. What was going on? Was this even a book?

She flicked back to the front cover. It wasn't just a book. It was a bestselling book. Sweet Celestia, if somepony was playing a prank they would be turned into a gemstone and fed to Spike. Nopony got between her and her reading. But why was she struggling to read this? No amount of science could could possibly prove this to be possible. Yet it was possible.

It had to be enchanted. Yes, that was it. It was clearly full of dark magic and was not fit for reading. A reasonable excuse. No wait, what was she saying? It was not an excuse it was most certainly a fact. She could feel the curses and their aura radiating off the cover; almost causing her to pass out in fright.

“I declare this book unsafe to read,” said Twilight out loud, pushing the book away defiantly.

“What was that? You don't like your new book?” Spike called.

“No, no, of course I do!”

Twilight was panicking now. She couldn't let her reputation suffer and was thinking of the consequences if somepony found out that she intentionally hadn't read a book.

Well for starters, Celestia would probably be disgusted and demote her. Her own heavy depression would soon follow that. Not good.

Twilight opened the book again and moved closer to read. No, this was ridiculous. She could practically hear the ensnared souls screaming at her from between the pages. Twilight looked around to see what Spike had to say. He sat there quietly, absorbed in his own activity. How could he let his guard down at a time like this. She was dicing with death here! Twilight dared to let her eyes rest on the words once more which held unheard acts of hate and treachery

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you – Twilight was near certain that was some sick, evil, time-warping spell.

The abyss drew her in and she snapped her eyes away quickly.

This crossed the line. No, the line had already been crossed. This obliterated morality entirely.

This thing had to be removed right away before she fell to the undead and their nefarious ways. It was a clear health hazard to all. Twilight was this close to hurling it into the fire.

But what if somepony asked of its contents? What would she say then?

It had to be disposed of by accident. Twilight would of course say how she tragically tried to save the book but fate denied her. How though?

It fell into the bucket of water she just happened to have beneath her desk? Cerberus returned and took the wretched thing back to the bowels of Tartarus where it belonged? Spike?

Spike.

There he was, eating a tub of ice cream. Perfect.

“Spike come here for a moment I want to show you something.”

Spike mumbled something discontentedly before lumbering over. Twilight noted how he did not flinch at the vile book and its dastardly temptations. Perhaps dragons were immune to the filth that this thing contained.

“Sneeze.” Twilight held up the book.

Spike looked up.“What?”

“Wah!”Twilight yelled.

“WAH!”Spike yelled, startled, before exhaling a small flame.

Twilight felt it singe her hair. She hadn't exactly thought this plan through: Spike was still watching.

“Go back to eating, Spike,” Twilight sighed.

Spike gleefully returned to his ice cream.

Twilight placed the dark artifact on her desk before washing her hooves; this thing was on par with the Alicorn Amulet. She turned her head and looked back at it lying there. It was repulsive. Which “friend” had even given it to her?

Pop. A wild Alicorn appeared

“Greetings, my most faithful student. I thought I would take a break from my daily routine to personally say 'Happy Birthday'. Well, Happy Birthday Twilight Sparkle!”

“Err, thank you Princess Celestia! I am most grateful you took the time to come and visit me.”

“Ah I see you already received my birthday gift,” said Celestia, gesturing towards the book on the desk. “It is one of my personal favourites; a quite delightful read.”

“You? Wait, what? There's no soul-rending curse placed on it?!”

“I'm afraid I do not comprehend. This is a classic tale for younglings. No dark magic involved.”

Twilight was puzzled. Were they even talking about the same book?

Before she could answer, Celestia intervened: “I'm afraid I have a hectic schedule today, my most faithful student. I must now depart. Enjoy the book!”

Pop. Celestia fled.

All this time. Perhaps if she had just changed her mindset before reading the book. She had rejected it without thinking and conjured up some wild logic. There was no dark magic here. The point of the book was not the riveting plot line or the interesting magical spells that could be learnt but instead to bring a bit of joy, happiness and relaxation to somepony's life. Twilight wandered back over to the book and did not feel any life threatening waves of torment emanating from it. She would read it later at her own leisure when she wasn't rushing and just reading for the sake of reading.

Rainbow Dash then came in.

Spike ate ice cream.

“Oh hey, Twilight. I heard you got the new Daring Do book, well actually, I know you got the book. I was the one who gave it! Ooh what's this?” Dash said, pointing at the cutesy cover of the book Celestia had given.

“Oh that's nothing, just a little present from Celestia.”

“I remember having this when I was young!” Dash said before picking up the book and reading a line.

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard

As soon as she said these words souls of the damned erupted from the text. A thousand strangled screams could be heard as deformed ethereal figures poured out emitting ear-splitting noises. They merged together to form a loud, ominous, deep-pitched laugh as the black tendrils extending from the ghouls en-massed to create a dark, swirling vortex. It shook the floor and the wind reverberated off the walls forcing all life-forms in the room to kneel due to the sheer magnitude of terror.

The rotating vortex began go reverse; sucking everything in the room into its dark matter. The damned souls, ponies, dragon, books, ice cream and all were taken by the portal before the book slammed shut; condemning them all to Tartarus.

Oh.

Guess Twilight was right after all.

Comments

[untamedwaters]

It was... interesting.. Not bad, but... interesting.

[FancyPhoenix]

Wait, what..?
Okay... So it was pretty well written. I didn't notice any glaring grammar mistakes or nothing of the sort.
The idea's pretty good, but what in the name of Faust happened at the end?? Well okay.. I know what happened at the end, but that was... slightly abrupt...
And... Is that book Winnie the Pooh ? What do you have against him??!!
Just kidding. To be honest, it was a fun, silly little read. Earns an upvote from me. (Probably just because I'm tired... But take it and don't complain!)

[Madeline L-Equine]

Well, that was certainly... a thing. I think you could get a lot more laughs out of this story if you actually gave the book a title and included some of the horrendous passages from it. As it is, we know nothing about the book other than that Twilight hates it and both Celestia and Rainbow Dash like it.

With some more specificity and more things actually happening, this could be quite funny.

[Xenos]

2441163 Yes it was and I have nothing against him! Hes the best! Yeah I wrote this when I was hyped up for no apparent reason so...yeah...my excuse for whatever the buck happened.
Never intended to expand on this but might do perhaps.

[Bendy]

Is it Twilight?

Shall read later.

[Xenos]

2441169 The book is in fact a famous book (mentioned by someone below) and I have no idea why I chose it. I really dont know how I came up with this story hehe

[The1templar]

Lol I found this funny.

[Madeline L-Equine]

2441194
Okay. That's a bit of a strange choice, but it opens up a ton of opportunities. For just one example, Twilight could find certain stories or aspects of them offensive and end up leading a bit of a double life: pretending to like it when Celestia and Rainbow are around, but trying to form a movement against it in secret.

[funkyferret]

2441163
wut. I thought it was Twilight.

[Wingless]

That blew my mind. Very good!

[Princess of Stuff]

I thought the book was the Twilight Saga...you know, the one by Stephanie I Forgot Her Last Name?

[Xenos]

2477794 You may be confusing this with a Fic I saw posted by someone else earlier. I made this a week ago and some of the lines in italics are extracts from the book mentioned by Jamza below, not The Twilight Saga. Hope this clears that up. And I don't know the last name either, never read those books! hehe

[Princess of Stuff]

2477838 I've never read Twilight but it just sounded like it would be from there.

[Celestia]

This book could never cause such disaster by itself. It must have been cursed by some horrid magician.

[Xenos]

2496485 My thoughts exactly, your highness.

[GeodesicDragon]

Well that was random.

Good thing I like random.

[suppermug]

Whut??
Trololololololol they was fun