• Member Since 13th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 14th, 2013

thatguynamedaxel


T

Twilight wonders why she has not seen Fluttershy in a while she soon finds out why

cover art by Magic-Suzanna
http://magic-suzanna.deviantart.com/

by the way please before you downvote this read the whole story or at least tell me why you downvoted it

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 17 )
Alicorn #1 · Apr 18th, 2013 · · · 1 ·

First off, you need to edit this.

Second, this is far too rushed. Slow down.

You have a good idea but just edit it. :duck:

Ditto with alicorn... Sorry

2446805

trust me it gets better

Alicorn #4 · Apr 18th, 2013 · · · 2 ·

2446850 I bet. I'm just saying you need to edit this, that's all.

I feel like this could use some editing. I'm willing to help, if you'd like. Message me if you want to take me up on that.

2448515
what exactly whould need editing?

2450482 There's a lot of closely repeated words, and the story goes by fast, so it seems a little rushed. As well, there's some spelling errors.

why do you guys hate this?

its probly people that hate to have fluttershy cry

weird people on da liked it
and that was before I proffread it

:applejackunsure: what comes after ditto? use it as constructive critisisim. :twilightsmile: like helpful advice. try starting out by pacing the story better, give the reader a chance to process what happen in the setting that you put them in. start with that and wait for some feedback on what you come up with. :pinkiehappy: then go from there. :yay: just trying to be supportive.:twilightsmile::pinkiehappy::yay::moustache:

This story is great but you need to describe the setting a little bit, slow down, and give the characters a little personality. There are gramatical errors but I like it. I'm one of the few people that can see potential in stories no matter how it is written. I'll give you a like, you need/deserve it!:pinkiehappy:

2455663
Edit, ponies, EDIT! There are still errors! But whatever. Why dont you check out both of my stories?

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