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The Apples are working hard to try to stay clear of debt. Unfortunately, if they don't sell enough apples in the short time they have left, they will have to sell a part of their farm. In their favor, their cousin Braeburn has heard of their misfortune and given them a feasible solution.
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Red Gold is finally here! Hope everybody likes it!
I did enjoy the story, but there are things that could be done to improve the story. Now, I don't have all the answers, but I can gesture in a direction.
First off, the thing that bothered me the most was how much Big Mac talked. I know he had information to convey, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't picture him talking that much. I'd understand a couple of sentences that got right to the point, but all I heard was Big Mac whining. That's another thing. He was just out of character most of the story.
Applejack seemed a little out of character and was struck with the dumbs for a while, but she recovered. I understand this was between episodes 2 and 3 of season one? I also know in some fanon and not others, the conveyance of being a Bearer transfers some its power to the Bearer. She took almost everything at face value, even in suspicious situations.
The pacing was unbelievably fast. A lot of things weren't described 'correctly' or left out entirely. Actions and thoughts at the speed of light while the dialogue slowed to a drawl in some places. Character introductions were lumped together. The beginning few paragraphs felt like there was a background narrator instead of the story naturally flowing. It felt like a recalling of the story, not like it was happening in the moment.
I know this is eleven weeks to late, but you requested and I complied. I hope this critique was what you were looking for.
2841527
Yes, thank you. This is exactly what I was looking for. I'll make sure to use your feedback in future projects.
--TheRussianBrony
This story has been reviewed by the The Equestrian Critics Society
Story Title: Red Gold
Author: TheRussianBrony
Reviewed by: Charelzzz
Red Gold is a western adventure set in Appleoosa, starring Applejack and featuring Big Macintosh, Braeburn, and several original characters. At a brief 12,544 words long, it doesn’t have much fluff, but even so it is not terribly engaging. The action scenes aren’t exciting, the dialog isn’t witty, and the plot is contrived. This is a flawed story which needs a considerable amount of work to attract a broader audience. As is the case in mainstream literature, the western is one of the less popular genres of FIMFiction, The Riflepony Series by DiveBomb being a significant exception. Making an impact in this arid climate will require some very good writing to overcome the general lack of enthusiasm for the style of Mane Grey and Louis La Mare.
Score: 5.5/10
Full Review
2882851
I just noticed your review. Personally, I couldn't agree with you more. This is by far my least liked story. I don't want to start sending out blame, but I agreed to write the story around a solid skeleton made by a friend of mine. He really appreciated my work, and it was more of a private fanfiction project. You have however, pointed out things I will make sure to watch for in the future. Thanks again.
--TheRussianBrony
2882851
XD I'm planning on watching True Grit tomorrow. Maybe after I'm done with my planned projects I'll return to this fic, and rewrite it completely. I wouldn't mind an epic western in my collection.
--TheRussianBrony
2960435 Which version? They're both good IMO, but John Wayne is like a study in old crusty tough guy.
2980314
In regard to the classic story, I have to say the acting in the new one was flawless. I love Jeff Bridges acting, and his beard. I like beards in general, so the new movie strokes my back nicely.
--TheRussianBrony
2991445 Both movies are excellent, but remember that John Wayne FINALLY got his Best Actor Oscar (as well as a Golden Globe) for his portrayal of Rooster Cogburn.
Hmm... can't put a time parameter in the you tube link... it's at 85 seconds.
2882851
Me: Okay, let's make a fanfic.
Russianbrony: k.
Me: It's gotta be original.
Russianbrony: Like what?
Me: I dunno, a western?
Russianbrony: k.
Me: Okay, time to wing it!
And that's how Red Gold was made!
(On the other hoof, Kleptodash and Zecora's Exodus are some premium things)