Am I the only one who can't stop an eyeroll whenever 'The Nobles' are built up as the villain in a story? I know that this isn't the focus of this fic, but it'd be nice if one of them could at least try to argue their case; in a way that makes it concievable that somepony might actually believe they're doing the right thing. I highly doubt they are a monolithic block of evildoers, twirling their collective moustaches.
Now that I think about it: If Equestria has an existing nobility, they'd most likely come in two flavors. a) Uninterested, and apathetic as a result, and b) Engaged, capable, and competent.
Why? Cutie Marks. Noble scions will either get a Cutie Mark in something that has nothing to do with governing, or one that means they not only want to rule, but are actually good at it.
The last point is something I've never seen adressed in any work. Why, though? Wouldn't it make sense to include and explore this dichotomy? Ah, but perhaps this isn't the best place to elaborate too much on this. My apologies.
Well, things are moving faster then anticipated. That's five down... I believe she has twenty more to go... wow, that's a lot of ponies... so if her friends finally decide to join that leaves... Hmm... a lot.
“When... When I was training with Princess Luna... she used strap-ons... I lost my hymen to them, but none of them were this big...”
Oh come one! They got magic so powerful to move entire planets and even mess with Cutie marks and then they can´t spell a fake dick or even a real one onto themselves? Espically given that Twi´s five friends are straight it would make their conquest much easier if Twi could give them the D. Or who knows even get them pregnant. After all who said Celestia was the mother in Blueblood´s bloodline?
I dunno about this story. I really like the premise but Twi feels out of character going all mistress this and mistress that. The sex scenes are really very short and the pacing is Formel 1 for a "taking it slow" fic. The reasoning of the characters is sound and makes sense but they are still "flat" as in "doesn´t make sense they *give themselves/their old lives up* to join Twi´s harem". For example Lotus reasoning and acting makes mostly sense, though that´s due the crush thingie and her submissive desire, Big mac on the other doesn´t: He can have sex with every mare in town given what he said/his boasting, he´s not at all submissive, he even dominates Twi in their short sex scene, he´s just in for sex yet for that he´s ready to give up what belongs to him of the farm which is either half or a third depending on what Applebloom gets. Same for the Cakes, just being pervs but then giving up what they have build up to be owned by somepony else, even if said somepony is a nice/good one and a hero, is really weird given what responsibilities they got espically towards their children who one day might have taken over the backery but that´s now impossible as it is no longer their parents property.
Plus the mistakes like two time lets lets and such. And then the whole Twi likes being dom and yet we hardly see why or how she came to have such a personality and it really doesn´t make much sense given how she submitted to Big Mac so readily. It would have made more sense if she had liked it and let him dom at the beginning but then turned the table on him and made him her bitch and him liking that.
But all i see so far are only pervs with Twi being megaperv while her five friends are the last sane ponies left in Ponyville asking themselves what the fuck is going on in town. And if even Pinkie Pie does so then that says alot. XD
Not saying its´bad, but right now its not great either. Hopefully it will make more sense in future chapters as well as flesh out more stuff.
2642803 Thanks for the honesty and I'm glad it's not entirely unenjoyable. I'm still experimenting, I freely admit I'm not the best at writing sex scenes, and am willing to take any advice offered.
2642713 You have seen the nobility in the show right? They are either jerks who flaunt their importance over those who are not nobility or don't seem to be have any way, shape, or form of importance, or are the very rare awesome stallion and/or mare Like Fancy Pants and Fleur De Lis. And from how things look, Fancy Pants and Fleur are in the minority.
On another note, why am I getting the feeling that will be having his own harem very soon consisting of most of the fillies in Ponyville.
you manage the comedy parts with brilliance and silliness, i was almost rolling on the floor at the first part of the chapter, the clop is not stellar, but you are doing a good job nonetheless, i was so happy to see the update some part of me was afraid that this would be one of those stories that had great potential but died too young
if you get complains about the characters being too OOC, don't mind them, the way you are writing the plot allows you to do so, since Twilight is on a predicament that is forcing her to do something that she wouldn't have imagined at first, but learning on the way and enjoying it, like it was clearly shown on the BigMac part and Lotus too.
so i guess Spike will get his own Harem as a semi-prince? maybe nothing sexual for a couple of years, but yeah, spike you are the dragon
P.S. when can we expect the next chapter and now you got me wondering just who is going to be next to join and who of her friends will be the first to join and convince the others, i have my bets on Fluttershy
2642837 I actually agree with James. It just seems like everyone is rolling over. Now yes, some have motivations that make sense, at least as far as sex goes, but with everything else it entails, it just doesn't make sense. You mean Mac is willing to give up his share of Sweet Apple Acres... just for a regular supply of sex... that he could most likely get on his own... and he doesn't seem to have had a problem getting in the past? More than that, the thing with him and AJ... look, being sexually intereste with a sibling isn't a switch you can flip. I don't know about you, but I feel violently ill if I even think of the word sex inthw same DAY as I have spoken With my sister.
Back to the point, submitting sexually is one thing, but total slavery? So, Twi now has legal rights over Dinky, since Derpy had up everything about herself to Twi? And the business that, I assume, the Cakes built with their own hooves is now no longer theirs, and neither the official well-being if their kids? I don't care how powerful you are or how well they would be cared for, I wouldn't want anyone having say over my kids. Now, you can argue that they know and trust Twi, but it's more he principle. None of them seem to have even had a second thought!
And yeah, Twi has slipped into the Dom roll WAY too easily. I want to see her stumble a bit. Show her struggle to maintain it, or have her be a bit neurotic during it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you need to maintain conflict. If everyone just rolls over and accepts Twi as their lord and savior and sex goddess, you lose all conflict, and the story becomes boring. All you would have to lean on then would be the sex scenes which, if I'm being brutally honest, are not exactly stunning. Already I think I am see where this is going: all the main six be her sex slaves, incest between AJ and Mac, and probably Twi and Shining. Now, this may not be the case. I for one would love to see what would happen if one of them does it, but changes their mind later on. What kind of reprecussions would that bring? What if there's some clause that says they can't back out? One of her best friends being a slave now against her will would be really cool to see how they handle it. Maybe AJ once Twi tries and make her have sex with Mac...
2642864 What makes you think they were nobles? They were socialites, yes, but the only pony we definitely know is a noble was Blueblood. With whom Rarity shared what seemed like an amicable time, even after what happened at the Gala. He's been a ponce and a boor, yes, but they seem to have made up in the meantime.
But even if we assume all of Fancy Pant's circle were nobility, there's this little fact: One out of three important events Rarity was invited to was a charity auction. That doesn't exactly scream 'evil' to me. Neither does a gallery opening, or an airship christening, or even a dinner party. Jet Set and Upper Crust are jerks, Fancy Pants and Fleur are nice, that makes two for two- and the rest are just ponies going about their business, and being starstruck around Fancy Pants... much like Rarity herself, by the way.
It kind of proves my point, really. If these are the much maligned 'nobles', do you really believe they'd go out of their way enough to anger a Princess of Equestria? I doubt they'd even care! Or, much more likely, look around with uncertainty, see Fancy approve of her, and rally around him, harrumphing approvingly. They'd fall under category a): Not caring enough to expend the energy on a dangerous political gambit, since all they want is to have their little (or not so little) social events with their friends in peace.
To your second point: Heh, why not? He's been raised by Celestia herself. There's probably some strange bylaw covering that... well, maybe not let him have all the girls. Leave some for the rest of the colts, they deserve some love too. Or let Spike take on some of them as well!
2642954 weeeeell, we just saw her faint, we never got a glimpse of her internal monologue who is to say she is not incredible interested in sex but her nature just makes it hard for her, and the sudden realization that she got the chance in a lifetime to go for her desires with a mare that she trust completely something about Fluttershy being interested but shy about the whole thing is endearing for me and for some weird reason when i see pics of humanized Fluttershy i always imagine her with small boobs
This must be continued... should you refuse to comply then I will have to have a... Friend... pay you a visit to change your mind. We wouldnt want that now would we?
All jokes aside I really enjoy this story and cannot wait for the next chapter.
26429552642803 I have a view on why Big Mac would jump for this opportunity. While he does get around he probably wants more sex than he normally gets and this would easily allow that. Also, it comes with a nice big weekly payment, even if he hasn't been having sex with Twilight or the others in the harem at the time. Also, being under the protection of Twilight would prevent anything like what happened with the Flim Flams in the future, not to mention that part of the farm becoming hers would help prevent that as well.
Eh... Maybe. What I keep coming back to is the pride issue. Mac seems very much the type that wouldn't let anyone lord over them, especially not in exchange for something as silly as sex. I can't help but feel the principle of the issue would prevent him from just handing over the biggest thing he ever got from his ma and pa. That is the Apple family legacy, and if both he and AJ "submit" then it's out of their name now, since we can assume they own the deed and not Granny Smith. Even past THAT, can YOU see Big Macintosh being submissive at all? Say, for instince, he and Twi are in some market, and she says, "lay down and spread 'em, I'm going in dry." Can you see him just going eeyup?
Problem is we don´t see that in the fic. All we see is him hopping into the harem for the hopes to one day fuck his sister and cum inside her by Twilight´s orders no matter how much AJ protests against it. That is if she agrees to enter it in the first place which i doubt once she hears that her big bro is in.
Frankly, I must agree on the two main points of criticism given. The pacing is much too quick, and OOC moments are becoming a problem.
I'd say you wrote yourself into a corner when you dropped 25 as the number needed for a harem. A chapter for each could kill the mood with monotony. Yes, you could reduce the number of chapters needed with Twilight picking them up in groups, like the Cakes, but that's still a lot. Too many chapters would kill the mood and incur a feeling of repetition unless you go into fetishes. Too few would produce what happens here: the sex scenes comes and goes too fast, tarnishing the motivations of the harem.
That's one of the problems here, and it ties into the OOC moments. I could understand if everypony wants to jump her bones for a quick lay, but that's not what occurs. Becoming a part of her harem carries serious repercussions, yet ponies are doing so for vague, vain reasons. Big Mac has been shown to be seriously protective of his family, yet he would give them up just to get laid? The Cakes would give up their business and the inheritance for their kids, simply because they're kinky? The benefits do not seem to equal the consequences. Derpy I can understand due to her financial troubles, just like the spa pony's crush, but the others?
It also comes into play with Twilight's inexplicable horniness. I don't see Twiight here, only someone who wears her title. Why is suddenly so affectionate in public, even when she knows it makes her friends uncomfortable? Why is Pinkie acting so normal?
I want to like this, but there are a dozen tiny things nagging at the end of my consciousness. I admit, writing a clop my be a little out of your comfort zone, but I've said my piece.
Now that I look at it, it's not a very good piece, but I'm really hungry.
2643135 Actually... I kind of can. I really doubt Big MacIntosh is a forceful, let alone dominant personality. It's always been AJ's farm, pretty much. Of the two of them, his sister is the one who has the last word. He seems very passive to me.
Your other point, I perfectly agree with. Heck, he'd probably try to talk Applejack out of joining herself, since he appears to consider her the head of the family... apart from Granny Smith, who's asleep a lot of the time. It would leave Apple Bloom with keeping up the family legacy, and she doesn't even have her Cutie Mark yet. What if it turns out she wants to do something completely different with her life?
2643221 I'm going away for a bit to buy some food. I'd share with you, but I don't know where you live. I have a nagging suspicion that it'd be too far away anyway. So, only thing I can offer is a cookie. /cookie
Thank you for the constructive criticism. This fic is still very experimental (I'm extremely uncertain when writing porn in general), and I am still playing with ideas. You and the others who've pointed out issues have raised several valid points, and I will do my best to take them into account for future chapters.
...Although your questioning Pinkie's sudden sanity is making me want to add the line 'I think somepony is stealing my crazy' later on in the story.
And to answer other comments about my 'taking it slow' remarks as opposed to the fast pacing of this chapter, by taking it slow I mean that this fic is low on my priority list of 'stories that need finishing.' Updates to my other stories will be seen more often that updates to this one.
2642981 Honestly I sort of expect Fluttershy to be the first one of Twilight's friends to join barring Pinkie Pie, because she's Pinkie Pie. I imagine the reasoning behind this to be somewhat similar to Lotus's feelings for the purple pony princess but, with a combination of financial troubles as well. She literally has no canon means of employment, so she'd probably be living off her savings or something as the whole pet care things isn't her career obviously as there is a canon veterinarian pony, as seen in Secret of my Excess.
"Yeah, we've had to pick up her routes... Stupid Blueblood. It's not Derpy's fault he gave directions that were vaguer than any semblance of authority he has...” You do realize how much you split my sides with that line, right? Definitely gonna be awesome.
maybe thats the reason luna used a strap on, after all she doesn´t wanted to make things more complicated for twi than necessary^^. but yes magic dicks would help and twilights best defense against bickering nobles would be producing a own set of bickering nobles
i'm liking this story! the fact that some of the people act differently when it comes to sex, actually makes sense to me. i mean, everybody has secrets, and someones sexual preferences sounds like a BIG secret. and you did a wonderful job capturing the mane six's personalities when it comes to this situation.
"Little known fact: unicorn horns are extremely sensitive."
Little known my ass. Have you ever even read an OctyScratch (maybe LyraxBon-Bon) sexytime fic? That's how the sexytimes start. Octavia accidentally touches Vinyl's horn. Please tell me that this was only little known to her, and this statement wasn't aimed at us...
"would be like to rut with a man, but " How does she know what a man is?
2644623 That... OR she was just very recently a sexually repressed nerd who had never once been laid and has now become a goddess princess and was broken in by a skilled goddess princess of the night and now she is trying to make up for lost time while also getting her harem together.
What else needs to be said other than "d'oh hohoho!"
Season 4 premiere: Ninja Zombies!
Am I the only one who can't stop an eyeroll whenever 'The Nobles' are built up as the villain in a story? I know that this isn't the focus of this fic, but it'd be nice if one of them could at least try to argue their case; in a way that makes it concievable that somepony might actually believe they're doing the right thing. I highly doubt they are a monolithic block of evildoers, twirling their collective moustaches.
Now that I think about it: If Equestria has an existing nobility, they'd most likely come in two flavors.
a) Uninterested, and apathetic as a result, and
b) Engaged, capable, and competent.
Why? Cutie Marks. Noble scions will either get a Cutie Mark in something that has nothing to do with governing, or one that means they not only want to rule, but are actually good at it.
The last point is something I've never seen adressed in any work. Why, though? Wouldn't it make sense to include and explore this dichotomy? Ah, but perhaps this isn't the best place to elaborate too much on this. My apologies.
Oh why... Why must I be at work when this updates! I don't get off for another 18 minutes! How will I ever bear this... 17 minutes... torturous wait!
That's not even mentioning the commute home, which will add another 5 minutes!
Oh... 15 minutes left...
Well, things are moving faster then anticipated. That's five down... I believe she has twenty more to go... wow, that's a lot of ponies... so if her friends finally decide to join that leaves... Hmm... a lot.
Oh come one! They got magic so powerful to move entire planets and even mess with Cutie marks and then they can´t spell a fake dick or even a real one onto themselves? Espically given that Twi´s five friends are straight it would make their conquest much easier if Twi could give them the D. Or who knows even get them pregnant. After all who said Celestia was the mother in Blueblood´s bloodline?
I dunno about this story. I really like the premise but Twi feels out of character going all mistress this and mistress that. The sex scenes are really very short and the pacing is Formel 1 for a "taking it slow" fic. The reasoning of the characters is sound and makes sense but they are still "flat" as in "doesn´t make sense they *give themselves/their old lives up* to join Twi´s harem". For example Lotus reasoning and acting makes mostly sense, though that´s due the crush thingie and her submissive desire, Big mac on the other doesn´t: He can have sex with every mare in town given what he said/his boasting, he´s not at all submissive, he even dominates Twi in their short sex scene, he´s just in for sex yet for that he´s ready to give up what belongs to him of the farm which is either half or a third depending on what Applebloom gets.
Same for the Cakes, just being pervs but then giving up what they have build up to be owned by somepony else, even if said somepony is a nice/good one and a hero, is really weird given what responsibilities they got espically towards their children who one day might have taken over the backery but that´s now impossible as it is no longer their parents property.
Plus the mistakes like two time lets lets and such. And then the whole Twi likes being dom and yet we hardly see why or how she came to have such a personality and it really doesn´t make much sense given how she submitted to Big Mac so readily. It would have made more sense if she had liked it and let him dom at the beginning but then turned the table on him and made him her bitch and him liking that.
But all i see so far are only pervs with Twi being megaperv while her five friends are the last sane ponies left in Ponyville asking themselves what the fuck is going on in town. And if even Pinkie Pie does so then that says alot. XD
Not saying its´bad, but right now its not great either. Hopefully it will make more sense in future chapters as well as flesh out more stuff.
Hey, it updated!
I couldn't help but laugh my ass off. At least, I hope that's the reference I think it is.
2642803 Thanks for the honesty and I'm glad it's not entirely unenjoyable. I'm still experimenting, I freely admit I'm not the best at writing sex scenes, and am willing to take any advice offered.
I think that went well......
Twilight gets all the ponies...
2642713
You have seen the nobility in the show right? They are either jerks who flaunt their importance over those who are not nobility or don't seem to be have any way, shape, or form of importance, or are the very rare awesome stallion and/or mare Like Fancy Pants and Fleur De Lis. And from how things look, Fancy Pants and Fleur are in the minority.
On another note, why am I getting the feeling that will be having his own harem very soon consisting of most of the fillies in Ponyville.
Good chapter, a lot of laughs and cant wait to see the mistress power go to Twilight's head.
i´m saying this completely serious, this fic is beautiful i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/225/400/sweetie%20belle%20that%20is%20beautiful.jpg
you manage the comedy parts with brilliance and silliness, i was almost rolling on the floor at the first part of the chapter, the clop is not stellar, but you are doing a good job nonetheless, i was so happy to see the update some part of me was afraid that this would be one of those stories that had great potential but died too young
if you get complains about the characters being too OOC, don't mind them, the way you are writing the plot allows you to do so, since Twilight is on a predicament that is forcing her to do something that she wouldn't have imagined at first, but learning on the way and enjoying it, like it was clearly shown on the BigMac part and Lotus too.
so i guess Spike will get his own Harem as a semi-prince? maybe nothing sexual for a couple of years, but yeah, spike you are the dragon
P.S. when can we expect the next chapter and now you got me wondering just who is going to be next to join and who of her friends will be the first to join and convince the others, i have my bets on Fluttershy
2642949
Shy would be my vote for the first friend to join. However, seeing how she fainted several times, I doubt it.
2642837
I actually agree with James. It just seems like everyone is rolling over. Now yes, some have motivations that make sense, at least as far as sex goes, but with everything else it entails, it just doesn't make sense. You mean Mac is willing to give up his share of Sweet Apple Acres... just for a regular supply of sex... that he could most likely get on his own... and he doesn't seem to have had a problem getting in the past? More than that, the thing with him and AJ... look, being sexually intereste with a sibling isn't a switch you can flip. I don't know about you, but I feel violently ill if I even think of the word sex inthw same DAY as I have spoken With my sister.
Back to the point, submitting sexually is one thing, but total slavery? So, Twi now has legal rights over Dinky, since Derpy had up everything about herself to Twi? And the business that, I assume, the Cakes built with their own hooves is now no longer theirs, and neither the official well-being if their kids? I don't care how powerful you are or how well they would be cared for, I wouldn't want anyone having say over my kids. Now, you can argue that they know and trust Twi, but it's more he principle. None of them seem to have even had a second thought!
And yeah, Twi has slipped into the Dom roll WAY too easily. I want to see her stumble a bit. Show her struggle to maintain it, or have her be a bit neurotic during it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you need to maintain conflict. If everyone just rolls over and accepts Twi as their lord and savior and sex goddess, you lose all conflict, and the story becomes boring. All you would have to lean on then would be the sex scenes which, if I'm being brutally honest, are not exactly stunning. Already I think I am see where this is going: all the main six be her sex slaves, incest between AJ and Mac, and probably Twi and Shining. Now, this may not be the case. I for one would love to see what would happen if one of them does it, but changes their mind later on. What kind of reprecussions would that bring? What if there's some clause that says they can't back out? One of her best friends being a slave now against her will would be really cool to see how they handle it. Maybe AJ once Twi tries and make her have sex with Mac...
2642661 This right here...Sums this whole story up nicely...and it made me full on laugh
2642864
What makes you think they were nobles? They were socialites, yes, but the only pony we definitely know is a noble was Blueblood. With whom Rarity shared what seemed like an amicable time, even after what happened at the Gala. He's been a ponce and a boor, yes, but they seem to have made up in the meantime.
But even if we assume all of Fancy Pant's circle were nobility, there's this little fact: One out of three important events Rarity was invited to was a charity auction. That doesn't exactly scream 'evil' to me. Neither does a gallery opening, or an airship christening, or even a dinner party. Jet Set and Upper Crust are jerks, Fancy Pants and Fleur are nice, that makes two for two- and the rest are just ponies going about their business, and being starstruck around Fancy Pants... much like Rarity herself, by the way.
It kind of proves my point, really. If these are the much maligned 'nobles', do you really believe they'd go out of their way enough to anger a Princess of Equestria? I doubt they'd even care! Or, much more likely, look around with uncertainty, see Fancy approve of her, and rally around him, harrumphing approvingly. They'd fall under category a): Not caring enough to expend the energy on a dangerous political gambit, since all they want is to have their little (or not so little) social events with their friends in peace.
To your second point: Heh, why not? He's been raised by Celestia herself. There's probably some strange bylaw covering that... well, maybe not let him have all the girls. Leave some for the rest of the colts, they deserve some love too. Or let Spike take on some of them as well!
2642954 weeeeell, we just saw her faint, we never got a glimpse of her internal monologue who is to say she is not incredible interested in sex but her nature just makes it hard for her, and the sudden realization that she got the chance in a lifetime to go for her desires with a mare that she trust completely something about Fluttershy being interested but shy about the whole thing is endearing for me and for some weird reason when i see pics of humanized Fluttershy i always imagine her with small boobs
This must be continued... should you refuse to comply then I will have to have a... Friend... pay you a visit to change your mind. We wouldnt want that now would we?
All jokes aside I really enjoy this story and cannot wait for the next chapter.
2642955 2642803
I have a view on why Big Mac would jump for this opportunity. While he does get around he probably wants more sex than he normally gets and this would easily allow that. Also, it comes with a nice big weekly payment, even if he hasn't been having sex with Twilight or the others in the harem at the time. Also, being under the protection of Twilight would prevent anything like what happened with the Flim Flams in the future, not to mention that part of the farm becoming hers would help prevent that as well.
2643107
Eh... Maybe. What I keep coming back to is the pride issue. Mac seems very much the type that wouldn't let anyone lord over them, especially not in exchange for something as silly as sex. I can't help but feel the principle of the issue would prevent him from just handing over the biggest thing he ever got from his ma and pa. That is the Apple family legacy, and if both he and AJ "submit" then it's out of their name now, since we can assume they own the deed and not Granny Smith. Even past THAT, can YOU see Big Macintosh being submissive at all? Say, for instince, he and Twi are in some market, and she says, "lay down and spread 'em, I'm going in dry." Can you see him just going eeyup?
2643107
Problem is we don´t see that in the fic. All we see is him hopping into the harem for the hopes to one day fuck his sister and cum inside her by Twilight´s orders no matter how much AJ protests against it. That is if she agrees to enter it in the first place which i doubt once she hears that her big bro is in.
You are awesome SO MUCH WIN
Well I think that's the first time I've seen Twilight + Cakes, ever.
Such a fun fic, keep it up!
Frankly, I must agree on the two main points of criticism given. The pacing is much too quick, and OOC moments are becoming a problem.
I'd say you wrote yourself into a corner when you dropped 25 as the number needed for a harem. A chapter for each could kill the mood with monotony. Yes, you could reduce the number of chapters needed with Twilight picking them up in groups, like the Cakes, but that's still a lot. Too many chapters would kill the mood and incur a feeling of repetition unless you go into fetishes. Too few would produce what happens here: the sex scenes comes and goes too fast, tarnishing the motivations of the harem.
That's one of the problems here, and it ties into the OOC moments. I could understand if everypony wants to jump her bones for a quick lay, but that's not what occurs. Becoming a part of her harem carries serious repercussions, yet ponies are doing so for vague, vain reasons. Big Mac has been shown to be seriously protective of his family, yet he would give them up just to get laid? The Cakes would give up their business and the inheritance for their kids, simply because they're kinky? The benefits do not seem to equal the consequences. Derpy I can understand due to her financial troubles, just like the spa pony's crush, but the others?
It also comes into play with Twilight's inexplicable horniness. I don't see Twiight here, only someone who wears her title. Why is suddenly so affectionate in public, even when she knows it makes her friends uncomfortable? Why is Pinkie acting so normal?
I want to like this, but there are a dozen tiny things nagging at the end of my consciousness. I admit, writing a clop my be a little out of your comfort zone, but I've said my piece.
Now that I look at it, it's not a very good piece, but I'm really hungry.
2643135
Actually... I kind of can. I really doubt Big MacIntosh is a forceful, let alone dominant personality. It's always been AJ's farm, pretty much. Of the two of them, his sister is the one who has the last word. He seems very passive to me.
Your other point, I perfectly agree with. Heck, he'd probably try to talk Applejack out of joining herself, since he appears to consider her the head of the family... apart from Granny Smith, who's asleep a lot of the time. It would leave Apple Bloom with keeping up the family legacy, and she doesn't even have her Cutie Mark yet. What if it turns out she wants to do something completely different with her life?
2643221
I'm going away for a bit to buy some food. I'd share with you, but I don't know where you live. I have a nagging suspicion that it'd be too far away anyway. So, only thing I can offer is a cookie.
/cookie
2643221
Thank you for the constructive criticism. This fic is still very experimental (I'm extremely uncertain when writing porn in general), and I am still playing with ideas. You and the others who've pointed out issues have raised several valid points, and I will do my best to take them into account for future chapters.
...Although your questioning Pinkie's sudden sanity is making me want to add the line 'I think somepony is stealing my crazy' later on in the story.
And to answer other comments about my 'taking it slow' remarks as opposed to the fast pacing of this chapter, by taking it slow I mean that this fic is low on my priority list of 'stories that need finishing.' Updates to my other stories will be seen more often that updates to this one.
2642981
Honestly I sort of expect Fluttershy to be the first one of Twilight's friends to join barring Pinkie Pie, because she's Pinkie Pie. I imagine the reasoning behind this to be somewhat similar to Lotus's feelings for the purple pony princess but, with a combination of financial troubles as well. She literally has no canon means of employment, so she'd probably be living off her savings or something as the whole pet care things isn't her career obviously as there is a canon veterinarian pony, as seen in Secret of my Excess.
Guys
Guys
Guys
Guys
What if...
Here me out, OK?
What if... Nightmare Moon joined her harem...
...but Luna didn't?
Just saying
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maybe thats the reason luna used a strap on, after all she doesn´t wanted to make things more complicated for twi than necessary^^.
but yes magic dicks would help and twilights best defense against bickering nobles would be producing a own set of bickering nobles
The final chapter of this:
One MASSIVE orgy with everyone.
Still... This was worth the wait.
~Skeeter The Lurker
i'm liking this story! the fact that some of the people act differently when it comes to sex, actually makes sense to me. i mean, everybody has secrets, and someones sexual preferences sounds like a BIG secret. and you did a wonderful job capturing the mane six's personalities when it comes to this situation.
Very nice chapter :)
Oh, an update. About damn time!
I kid, I look forward to more.
anyone else listening to a song related to sex while reading this chapter?
OH YES!!!! OH F*CK YES!!!! NEW CHAPTER!!!! Commence read.
Edit: So much fun reading this, here have a
I hope the next chapter comes sooner. MUCH sooner. and involves the Mane6 a bit more
"Little known fact: unicorn horns are extremely sensitive."
Little known my ass. Have you ever even read an OctyScratch (maybe LyraxBon-Bon) sexytime fic? That's how the sexytimes start. Octavia accidentally touches Vinyl's horn. Please tell me that this was only little known to her, and this statement wasn't aimed at us...
"would be like to rut with a man, but "
How does she know what a man is?
Good
"All Royal personal assistants (AKA Spike) of a princess must have at least, a harem consisted of 6 to 8 members"
hope it gave you some ideas =D
2642981 So you're going with the fainting due to insufficient blood supply to the brain caused by extreme arousal? Seems legit.
Please tell me the next chapter is about Spike?!
By the time this is over Twilight's going to freaking own the entirety of Ponyville...
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...I couldn't help myself. Sorry.
Well, this is getting interesting.
aaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddd
she's about to go mad with power.
it's inevitable.
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That... OR she was just very recently a sexually repressed nerd who had never once been laid and has now become a goddess princess and was broken in by a skilled goddess princess of the night and now she is trying to make up for lost time while also getting her harem together.