• Published 1st Apr 2013
  • 21,248 Views, 1,057 Comments

Twilight's Harem - KnightMysterio



Twilight has to get a harem in two months or lose the crown. Plus, her friends are questioning themselves...

Comments ( 118 )

Klaatu Barada Ni-cough cough!

Trixie is gonna be a sexy, bound and gagged pinata. I LOVE IT!

6663517
Ok... how many of the same fics do we follow? This is like the 4th one I've seen you in today.

Good work, keep it up.

6663537

Uh... hell if I know, I've got like 1200 favorites and 200 tracked. o-o;

Thank you KnightMysterio for the update! I just adore this story, and very much look forward to seeing just how wrong Dashie's last statement is :pinkiecrazy:

We need either Limestone or Marble Pie to show up later on.

Yay! It's back!

6663509 нет! It is not yet silly enough!

That was fun, may I have another? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.

I dropped my phone when I saw that this had updated. :derpytongue2:

:pinkiehappy: EEEEEEEEeee@@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes I can finally get this story off My dead or waiting list :yay:

Oh by the way Rainbow Dash. That remake of yours about it can't get any sillier. I only have this to say to you ..."want a bet":moustache:

womanhood

What are these alien words?

And I'm glad Twilight got around to talking to Zecora about how she got her to join the harem don't get me wrong I understand why its just kinda a low blow if you ask me but I'm glad she ask Zecora that.

I think it can get sillier

Yeah, they haven't even broken out the clown suits yet. :trollestia: 6663820

6663705 So did I...which is kind of odd, because I don't HAVE a phone.

2362548 Silly bird. Pegasi are the true rulers of Equestria.

6663895 hahaha well done. But yeah it took my mind a little bit to process the fact that the story had updated.:pinkiehappy:

6663517
NO! that's how you get skeletons!

“Some smokeable medicinal herbs I have as well. Relaxing weeds, if I must tell.”

medicinal my ass

6663958 *whistles innocently*

And just to be fair, I'll invite the other girls and Discord

If I wasn't already insane, that would have gotten the job done.

“...To show you how serious I am about what I say, I will not rhyme it,”

Translation: "Rhyming dictionary, you have failed me for the last time!"

Aye... I came to this story thinking it was Celestia's Harem for some reason. The amount of ellipses is a giant turn off for me. I'm outta here.

6663936 Yeah... the IC thing... that... went out the window when I figured out where I wanted to go with the story's ending... There's a reason Twilight's behaving the way she's behaving.

Upon rereading this chapter I have to ask: Why does Rainbow Dash seem to be the prude out of all of them again? Been so long I forgot why.

6664012 Because I found the idea of Dashie being the prude hilarious.

6664031
There's also the fact that to some extent, it makes sense. Rainbow Dash doesn't need any of that stupid mushy crap! Gross!

“This CANNOT get any sillier...” she muttered.

Famous last words...

Still thinking of that Spike's side story?

6664326 The verdict?

6664142
*Twi gets some of that Big Snake*
Twilight, what happened? Answer me! Twilight? Twi!? TWIIIIIIII!!!!

Finally an update!

My GOD IT LIVES!, seriously though this is definitely one of the best clop fics I've read. It would nice to get a little more frequent updates. The ending of the previous chapter has me intrigued, is it something specific to Fluttershy that Discord and the Princesses felt or something more vague?

Favorite moment of this story:

Dialogue of Zecora and Twilight. Great show of character development for Zecora. It's also nice to see Zecora not rhyme for once.

Second Favorite:

Rainbow head banging to a table. It's just too funny. Great Comedy.

Really happy that we finally got another update, seeing everyone's reactions to the party is m going to be worth the wait!

…that being said, I wouldn't mind if the next chapter was centered around Spike's little misadventures at camp… think of it as a small firecracker that leads us into the massive fireworks that will occur during orgy party.

6663984
Random prediction for the ending: Equestria becomes the harem country.

Silly I know but then again, with the rate that the harem is growing... Hey, it could happen.

6663984

So, full review of everything so far, Short Version:
Pros:
-Funny and absurd commentary
-A few good clop scenes
-More story and characterization than you would get with most clop based stories
-so much potential!

Cons:
-Mary Sues (Major Issue that makes stories generally less interesting as it ruins any tension based around the mary sue characters. Characters that are not truly challenged by the obstacles they are given or the challenges they are given are circumvented by something else, making the challenge a moot point or very easy to win. Characters that are generally given advantages or biases either in the way things just keep happening to turn out or in the way other characters treat them despite how they would normally act towards non-mary sue characters.)
-Minor grammar and spelling errors throughout the story.
-literally no main antagonist actions have been taken since the start of the story.
-Description claims to be trying to act IC but the characterizations are generally much different from the norm.

Long version, SPOILERS (duh) (also warning, the "good stuff" is at the bottom):

So right from the start, I notice that Twilight is acting OOC. Normally I would totally ignore this in the name of it being a story and the author being able to characterize people however they please but the description specifically said they you were trying to keep things IC as possible and the fact that so much of the story has characters acting not only OOC but seeming to bend to Twilight's will to the point of her becoming a full blown mary sue. People fall over for her left and right and oddly the only people with much forethought or reluctance are her closest friends which are still actually pretty much ok with everything going on despite how knowingly insane everything gets.

For example, Derpy, the first one to join, joined because she was out of money and fired from her job. She's been trying to get a new job but nothing is working out. Her experience was literally "that one time in college" and Twilight practically forced herself onto her even though she had expressed that she was nervous about the sex itself and just needed the money really bad. Her daughter is generally told to be smart enough to catch on to things and her awkwardness puts her at odds with much of the town.

Yet with all these issues, not a single one is really explored. Instead of Derpy expressing conflict over literally selling herself into sex slavery despite being somewhat unsure of her sexual identity, despite her reputation being uncertain and the fact that her becoming a literal sex slave may hurt others opinion of her, despite her daughter's opinion of her ability to support their family seeming to be on shakey ground, none of these possible issues are really even brought up beyond a passing worry throughout the story. Nothing happened, nothing was explored, there was little interesting conflict or even perceived conflict where Derpy so much as cried over what other people might think of her, what they might think of her children, what her children might think of her. There hasn't even been so much of a "So I heard your mom was a royal whore!" Nothing.

The next four? All were told straight up not even after a few hours by her friends that twilight was having this very personal problem and decided to throw themselves at her on the same day (day two of the story for that matter, which she conveniently runs into one right after the other)

Next comes Trixie who challenges Twilight to a combat duel, actually puts up a decent fight and then twi "cheats" and she gets magical tentacle raped, exhibitionist style in front of cherilee (but that's ok because she had a secret fetish or something plus clopfic logic so no repercussions or even much protest) Wasn't really sure how to feel about that because with all the harping on how "good" twilight is and how much they can trust her, she totally raped trixie into submission and slavery just then... in front of someone else no less. Ya, trixie was squealing in pleasure and didn't really put up much of a fight after twilight picked her up and started molesting her with magic but she didn't exactly agree to it either and if she would have put up more of a fight... just where is the line drawn twilight? When she's already screaming "No!" and crying as she's forced to feel things she didn't want?

Also Zecora happens to spill dragon aphrodisiac on herself and twilight ends up deciding the best course of action after finding there is no cure is to literally throw herself onto the zebra mare and have sex with her, ending in her becoming another harem member... this actually somewhat goes somewhere to some extent, if only for it to be twilight asking how zecora felt about that and them agreeing that, yes, Twilight took advantage of her condition but also Zecora kind of needed her too because the alternative was to lose her mind in lust and probably become the town slut anyway. There was an actual heart to heart moment there and in the end, it felt that ya, the situation wasn't ideal but she was still happy to have a friend who she could trust to take care of her despite it's unusual requirements.

Really, this story seems to all go Twilight's way. Every incident, big or small, doesn't force Twilight to stop and reconsider or find a unique way around things (unless you count her using the literal solution of "fuck it"). There is no ethics play by politicians trying to make her look bad for going through with this in certain ways, there is no set backs causing her to be majorly inconvenienced, there is no social or personal quandaries looking at the way the world seems to be ok with these old laws (including the one that lets derpy use sky jewels she literally stumbled on to make a bet that allows her (and by extension, Twilight) to PERMANENTLY own two wonder bolts who just happened to be less attentive at the track that day and made the wrong bet never mind that the wall eyed ex-delivery pegasus that is regularly impaired by her vision spotted and knew enough about professional flying that she could know that the chubby pegasus would win somehow.) The laws are even laxed in the 3rd chapter, conveniently going from implied lifetime slavery to one year and then it's volunteer.

The best things about this fic is that it has some good sex scenes and good comic relief (or at least the sueness of the characters all just going "okie dokie, guess we'll just accept all these normally socially abhorred things now because fuck it" adds up to moments so absurd that I have to laugh at them)

Looking back at all this... I sound bitter... and to some extent, I am. It's because this story had and even still has all the build up to make a staggering comeback because everyone knows and regularly acknowledged that the things happening here are abnormal. Everyone regularly points out just how weird it is that twilight is suddenly the conquering seductress of Ponyville, how weird it is that everyone is ok with what's happening, how a few of them are really only ok with it because no one else seems to be freaking out. There is a dark force on the horizon, a kind of weird dominating side to Twilight, and everyone else is slowly getting used to the idea that sex is totally an open and publicly acceptable topic/activity and that the world is just going crazy.

All hell could still break loose and reality could come crashing down on them all at once just as soon as people in the story take a moment to process and fully come to terms with what all these actions mean. Trixie could still corner Twilight with questions on just how far was Twilight willing to take that fight, Derpy and her daughter could still have unaddressed issues bubble over or even just herself begin to wonder what was the REAL price she paid now that she spends so many nights in bed with her master and not at home with her daughters. Lotus could still come to find herself feeling neglected, her "honeymoon stage" wearing off leaving her feeling lonely and unappreciated or even worse, her obsession could turn to possessiveness or even possibly yandere if he wanted to get really dark. Relationships such as hers aren't always the healthiest for a reason. Applejack might find herself in a tough spot down the road if she ends up accepting twilight's offer and ends up sleeping with her brother. What would the rest of her family think? What would everyone else think? How will fluttershy's relationship mechanic work out? What if one of them falls in monogamous love with someone else but their contract isn't up yet or what if the person will only accept them monogamously or perhaps doesn't return their feelings because of the choice they made to join the harem? What if a few members have a falling out and have come to hate each other for personal reasons? What if they are forced to chose between their master and their own views?

so much could happen to set off the intense drama... and yet nothing has happened yet. That being said, the comic relief is there. It's absurd, it's goofy, it doesn't always make sense, but you laugh at it anyway because taking a story too seriously will only lead to impossible standards. I've already said this has poetical and it does. It a bit buried but not so much that I can't forgive it. Even the mary sue bits are forgivable when I get some pleasant distractions along the way to remind me that it's not all about that.

How dare you tempt me with a short chapter?!:flutterrage:

I'm kidding. I LOVE this story.:twilightsmile:

Finally caught up and I must say, I'm enjoying this a lot. The hilarity and randomness is incredible. The whole situation has become so chaotic Discord can't help but relish in it, alongside Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash who had just about had it. Good job!

6663984
I'm not sure why you were worried about IC and OOC moments with Twilight especially, because to me throughout the whole story, all the characters seem to be in line including her. Twilight did say in the first chapter that she had 'special instruction' from Luna and Derpy was the first to agree to the harem, so how can she not be OOC after one month of training? Twilight was simply putting her training to use. Chapters later Twilight has become more adventurous and comfortable with the situation, and even then Twilight is still Twilight. That's how it came across to me anyway.

6664522
Still I would agree with this guy of how everything seems to be going Twilight's way, with little obstacles to go against, and how there's a lot that has happened to set off conflict and yet nothing happens. But I can't help but feel that so far this story is still just building up and that there is still opportunity for drama and conflict for this story. That just shows how much I enjoy this story thus far.

Finally, I don't mean to be imposing like this but I can't help but make a suggestion. Please, PLEASE, have MOONDANCER get her Twilight-senpai to finally notice her. Also I would like the feisty SUNSET SHIMMER who practically thinks of Twilight as her best friend, and is a major character in the story. Of course, as the author of this story, I anticipate how you'll have this story play out and so far it has been great. Again, good job!

6664487
That moment when Twilight unknowingly gets pony HIV/AIDS and it spreads like wildfire through her whole harem...

YES! New chapter and I'm already excited for what's to come. Can't wait for another one,is just such a master piece.

I wonder if Discord is going to join the harem?

“And I... I think I'm starting to like wearing this,” Soarin said in his feminine voice, blushing a little. “It's... surprisingly comfortable.”

I can agree with that. Feminine clothes tend to feel more comfortable and freeing.

Discord snickered, while Rarity just rolled her eyes. Applejack chuckled nervously, while Rainbow Dash just kept banging her head on the table.

“This CANNOT get any sillier...” she muttered.

Don't say that! It will get sillier! It's too late! You've jinxed them all!

Let's see now...

The Offering... check
Sacrificial Dagger... check
The Altar... wait a minute... Who was this altar dedicated to again...

Author please enlighten me. To which demon/god/elder being should I offer this sacrifice in thanks for reviving this story?

Zecora paused in her stirring. “...To show you how serious I am about what I say, I will not rhyme it,” she said, looking Twilight straight in the eye.

More cursed word have never been spoken Rainbow Dash:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

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