A series of word prompt drabbles centered around the elements of Laughter and Honesty. ApplePie.
Chapters (2)
DarkwingSnark
Joined 31st Mar, 2013 ·
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What's up with the bomb of downvotes? This is actually pretty nice
Following!
I actually rather enjoyed it. At times it seemed rushed but it didn't draw away from the story so far. You've certainly earned my following.
D'awww. (I'm convinced there's a handful of people who follow the shipping folder just to downvote everything, really.)
2366777
Meh. Different strokes for different folks. Downvotes don't bother me much. I'm more surprised by the thumbs up. Haha. But really, thank you. Drabbles are just easier for me to write right now, because I am busy moving to a new apartment. So these are all just moments that pop into my head throughout the day.
2367283
Oh man, thank you so much! Yeah, I can see what you mean. Especially in the drabble involving Fluttershy and Discord. I was so focused on just getting it out of my head, that the ending just sorta poofs and is gone. I will try to put more effort in the future. :)
2367747
Haters gonna hate. Don't worry about them. I'm just glad YOU enjoyed it. :)
I approve of this project very, very much! Scrumptious!
2368242
Nothing better than a good ol' slice of ApplePie. ;p
But seriously, thank you for taking the time to read! Much appreciated.
Hey, these are some nice drabbles. I look forward to reading more, or just rereading these when I need a dose of fluffy cuteness.
Man, this is excellent! I'm going to have to check out your other work. Meanwhile, faving and watching.
EDIT: I just came back from your page. It looks like you don't have any other stories. There is only one remedy for this. Write Moar!!
2369909
If I don't you will give me the Fluttershy stare, huh? Lol. I promise I have more in the works. Meanwhile, thank you for the comment and the love. <3
2368359
Haha, I may never get to writing more if I am stuck on reading your work all day. :p However, I appreciate the sentiment and hope to not disappoint. Thank you.
2373810 Oh, you....
I will never be disappointed in cute ApplePie. (Pinkie Promis, even.)
I'm really enjoying the mental image of Pinkie going little sister on Applejack until she relents. Apple Bloom's argument with AJ is entirely in-character with the misunderstandings the two of them have in canon, and I couldn't stop smiling at Pinkie's balloon antics.
((Don't worry- she has two sisters and they never said if she was younger or older than either of them.))
Great little drabble, looking forward to any more that happen.
It's interesting--as an eldest sibling myself, I've always subconsciously assumed Pinkie was older than her sisters. Funny how one can project their own circumstances onto their headcanon.
I'm always a sucker for a good sister-versus-sister conflict. Sisterhooves Social is one of my favorite episodes for this reason. I like the idea that Applejack's protectiveness could lead to conflict with Apple Bloom, and Pinkie defuses the situation nicely. The idea of this scene is quite compelling, and well in-character for Apple Bloom, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack (despite the fact that her actions were only indirectly referenced).
Mechanically, though, this one could use some polish. Parts where Pinkie says something, it moves to a new paragraph, and it's still Pinkie talking make the dialogue hard to follow. Add to that the fact that a lot of the spoken lines aren't tagged (There can be stylistic reasons to do this, but the way it is used here doesn't really add anything to the story), and the prose comes off as more difficult to read than it needs to be.
A bit of cleanup on the prose would do this particular drabble a world of good. As ever, it's wonderful to see more Apple Pie from you.
2396445
May I ask what you meant by spoken lines being tagged? I'm asking so I can know what to try and fix. (I'm also up for anyone helping me with editing. I currently don't have full access to computers, so any help would be very appreciated.)
As for how I have Pinkie's dialogue chopped up...I was just always taught to change paragraphs when a character is changing subjects. It helps to prevent large clumps of texts. Buuuut, I'm willing to hear suggestions on how to handle this as well.
Onto the part about Pinkie's family arc...I honestly have no idea where that came from. I'm a middle child, like Applejack. I think I just wanted to find a way for Apple Bloom and Pinkie to connect. And nothing says connection like being the baby of one's family. Lol. Plus I kind of like the idea of them tag teaming and annoying AJ. Makes for comedy gold, I think.
2395427
I had way too much fun imagining Pinkie just floating around town. Balloons should be incorporated into every day occurances. Life is the biggest and longest party, after all!
2398845 I have gotten advice similar to that in terms of paragraphs in dialogue, but I generally only use it in a monologue situation, generally when there are more than five sentences in the moment of speech, and when the subject change is a bit more broad than you have here. Small talk tends to stay in the same paragraph, and a lot of your single sentence paragraphs like
could be condensed.
By no means am I implying that you're doing something wrong here. In a normal situation they would be unusual, but with the FIMfiction formatting (double-line skip, no indents) these tiny paragraphs interrupt wordflow and detract from the story a little bit. Which is a shame, because the story itself is a very nice one.
2396445 I tend to see Pinkie as an eldest sister as well, but my headcanon is entirely adjustable and designed to stretch four ways...
2398845 By 'tagging' spoken lines, I mean putting something like "Pinkie said" or "Apple Bloom remarked" in to make it clear who is saying what. You can get away with leaving out that stuff once in a while when the conversation is flowing well enough to follow without, or leave them out intentionally when you want to use a lack of information to build suspense or something, but it generally makes dialogue easier to follow if it's got a few "he said, she said"s attached.
For the paragraph-spacing, 2398926 has got some sound advice. Basically, if the spoken lines are short enough that the dialogue has got some back-and-forth going on, giving two paragraphs in a row to the same character throws the reader off the rhythm of the conversation. It's worth ignoring a bit of topic-variation in order to keep that flow up.
It can be intimidating trying to find editors, but there are groups here on FimFic dedicated to making it easier. You can try The Proofreader Group if you like, or any one of the other groups on the site designed around helping writers out. There's about five of them on the first page if you just browse all groups. One of the things I love about this community; there's always someone out there ready to help.
2398926
Perhaps it's just because Pinkie got her cutie mark before her sisters did?
2399464 I think it's the whole "Let Auntie Pinkie Pie take care of things" attitude she has that does it for me. She reminds me of some of my older sibling friends in the way she tries to take care of everyone in her own screwy way. And the stuff she did around the Cake twins to make them laugh? Total big-sister thing going on.
2398926
I did some editing to the story, taking in what both you and Else Ynopemos said. Is this satisfactory? Or should I change it some more?
2487781 The flow is infinitely better reading it this time 'round. Nice job on the rewrite. There's a few nitpicky things I noticed, although you can feel free to ignore them if you so choose... here goes:
The correct conjugation of this verb is shone..
and then this:
makes it sound like the noises are a living, breathing thing that has a job and a wife and two and a half kids or something. I'd recommend using a different action than "carrying on its usual routine here. That implues things like brushing teeth or making checklists, not existing.
But this is definitely a huge improvement and I really appreciate the effort you're putting into this. Those two little things don't really affect the piece, but they're there if you want to do anything about them. Cheers!
2488831
And corrected! Took a minute to figure out how to fix the second suggestion, but at least now it should sound less confusing. Again, thank you for taking the time to help me out! Funny thing? I actually DID have "shone" there when I first wrote it. But then I was like: "....that doesn't sound quite right. Is that right? Or is it 'shined'? But...that doesn't seem right..." So not getting a response from the empty room, I just used "eenie meenie" to decide for me. XD
Though, I should probably learn how to be more patient, and should have waited 'till I had access to the internet to look it up. But sometimes I get so excited about writing something, I just want to share it with people. But anyway, now I'm rambling. Point being to all of the efoort I'm trying to put into the corrections...I DO want to be a better writer. Maybe not for career purposes, but I do want to tell the best story that I can. Even in little things like the drabbles I write. And I'm sure the better I get, people will tolerate what i write more and will actually give it a chance. Though, everything I write is really just for me. But it doesn't hurt to hope other people get enjoyment out of it too, I suppose.
Aaaand I rambled again. LOL. My bad.
Fluttercord friendship is best friendship.