It wasn't easy, being an advance scout. So far from the swarm, having to rely on a manufactured personality for sustenance... true, if a drone was really lucky, they could get into a relationship and have endless love to feast upon, but there was also the risk that they'd go rogue. Add to that the sheer loneliness of the position...
Sometimes, changeling 802802 wished she was still a nymph, unpupated.
Still, she had a job to do. Today, more so than any other day. She was in the process of carrying a cocoon between her wings, all the way back to her home base in Ponyville. It was, to be honest, still some distance away, and she wasn't exactly sure she could hide it from the locals, but orders were orders were orders.
"Well, at least I've got you to keep me company.... for now." The drone chuckled, patting her payload reassuringly. "So, how are things back in the swarm? Queen Chrysalis still going on about her unending reign? Don't tell anyling I told you this, but that girl needs to relax. She takes herself waaaaay too seriously--"
Her ears perked and she dived into the bushes, scaring a flock--swarm--a heck of a lot of butterflies out into the open. Somepony was screaming nearby! She couldn't be seen like this.... the screaming seemed to be getting closer. And... coming from the sky?
802802 could only stare as the very butterflies she had scared out of hiding caught a flailing pegasus filly just before she hit the ground. It was.... bizarre, weird, and just plain strange. Even for ponies.
How the hay did the butterflies even hold that lanky girl up?! Freaky pegasus magic...
And then the filly began singing some nonsense about the world being wonderful. Just like a pony, really... Anyling that did that would be considered daft by the swarm.
The changeling took the moment to make her escape, hoping that the filly would be to distracted with her melody to notice the rustling in the bushes. Well, she couldn't go straight back to Ponyville now, not without being seen. She could just shapeshift, of course, if it weren't for this stupid cocoon she was carrying all the way from the stupid swarm on the orders of that stupid queen with her stupid superiority complex...
And then all of the sudden this loud booming noise! What was WITH today, it was like the world WANTED her to get caught or something! AND WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT THING IN THE SKY?! A rainbow... ripply... THING!
Intellectually she realized she should probably get away.
But... she was a scout. And scouts were chosen for their curiosity.
"....by the Hive, I swear if I get caught I'm going to tell these ponies everything."
Grumbling under her breath, the changeling adjusted her package and trotted toward the source of the rainbow ripply thing. Soon enough, she stumbled across a crater, fresh if the dirt clods all around it were any indication. What could cause something like this?
"...uuunnnnghaaa...."
HOLY SILK IT WAS ALIVE.
Cautiously, 802802 peered into the impact zone. Anything that could survive that had to be dangerous...
...oooooor maybe it was just another pegasus filly. What, did the weather crew schedule a foal rain?
The changeling peered at the mangled pony, somewhat surprised that she was still alive at all. There was a heck of a lot of blood, and she knew that most ponies couldn't survive being bent in some of those ways. The fact was, this girl was dying--
Wait.
She glanced at the cocoon on her back, and then looked at the filly again.
The girl was dying.
This.... THIS WAS PERFECT!
The changeling giggled to herself as she danced down into the crater. She could accomplish her mission, sneak back into Ponyville, and hey, she didn't even have to kill anypony! Cause, well, the girl was already dead (practically speaking). Heck, she might even get the girl to go along willingly, now there was an idea. 802802 took a moment to brush the filly's surface thoughts, picking a form and shifting into it. Then she turned the pegasus over, scrunching up her face at a few of the squelching noises.
The filly looked up at the changeling with bleary eyes. "...M...Mom?"
Oh. Oooooh. Well, it was difficult enough to construct a persona, so... "Nah kid. I'm a shapeshifter, I just took this form off your mind." Better to be truthful than caught in a lie.
"Oh." The filly covered her mouth, coughing up some blood. After a moment, she brought it to her eyes. "Heh... looks like I'm kinda messed up."
"Yeah, you're pretty much screwed." The changeling shrugged. "Broken bones, cranial damage, I think that over there is your... yeah. You'll be dead in, I don't know, seven minutes? I'm guessing here."
"Dead? As in--" She coughed again.
"As in rotting, gone to meet your maker, joined the hive, whole shebang." 802802 grinned. "But hey, you went out great! You did that whole... ripply rainbow explosion thing, that's neat!"
"...I did a sonic rainboom?"
"Is that what it's called?" She shrugged. "Sure. Let's go with that, kid."
"Wow..." The filly managed to smirk. "And I don't even have my cutie mark yet--FLUTTERSHY!"
The changeling tilted her head. "Who?"
"Fluttershy, a, a yellow pegasus, she--" Another coughing fit interrupted the filly, a bit of bile joining the blood.
"Wait. Lanky, pink mane?"
The filly, unable to reply because of her coughing, nodded.
"Small world! I just saved her life, got some butterflies to carry her." Technically true...
"Oh." The dying pony took in a deep breath. "Thanks."
"No prob."
They stood there in silence.
"...so. I'm dying."
"Yep."
"Great." A vague hoof waved at the sky. "I lost the race, my best friend got saved by a shapeshifter, and by the time they find me--"
"If they find you." The changeling glanced around. "There's a lotta wild animals in these parts. Fresh corpse means fresh meat."
The filly glared at her. "Gee, thanks."
"Hey, just saying how it is."
"...I'm not going to get the chance to say goodbye, am I?"
"Nope."
Silent tears began to crawl down the bruised face. "They're all... all going to be hurt. Mom, dad, my brothers and sisters... Fluttershy... they're all going to be hurt because I didn't get to say goodbye."
The changeling tilted her head. "You know, they don't have to know."
A silent moment followed that.
"...what?"
"They don't have to know you died. I could take your place or, even better!" 802802 slipped the cocoon off her back. "This little guy could."
"...what do you mean?" The filly looked at the green object, uncomprehending. "What... is that another shapeshifter?"
"Yep! All she needs is a form, some memories, and voila! Brand new--um, whatever your name is."
"Rainbow Dash."
"Right! Brand new Rainbow Dash. I just cast a search spell on you, transfer your memories into her, then she shifts and I insert her right back into society. No fuss, no muss. Whaddaya say?"
The pegasus pondered the offer, rubbing her chin weakly. "...this was your plan all along, wasn't it?"
"Well, my original orders were to kill somepony, but you're dying already." The changeling waved a hoof. "Besides, I'm not really the killing type. I mean, if you didn't deserve to live you wouldn't be born, right? Right."
"Huh." Rainbow gave the cocoon a thoughtful look. "You... you're sure nopony will be able to tell?"
"Like I said. Shapeshifter, plus memory, equals New. Rainbow. Dash." 802802 leaned in. "I'm not going to lie, I could just take your memories right now. But if you let me do it, it's a lot easier for me, and a lot less painful for you. Come on, shake on it!"
The filly stared at the proffered hoof. "...show me your real form."
"Alright, dying request. It's not pretty." Green fire melted Rainbow's mother into a black, misshappen locust the size of a pony. "There, see? We look creepy. That's why we need to shapeshift, so ponies can accept us."
"I dunno, you look kinda awesome to me."
"...wow. Um... thanks, kid."
802802 fidgeted a bit.
"...you know what, I don't like being exposed like this." She shifted back into the form of the filly's mom. "So, um, do we have a deal or what?"
"Alright. Not like I could stop you anyway." Rainbow Dash shut her eyes. "Just... tell me when it's over."
The changeling lowered her horn to the filly's forehead, pulling the memories out and copying them into her own mind. The copy she sent to the cocoon, letting it seep deep into the other drone's mind. Conscious, unconscious, ego, supego, id...
The whole process took less than fifteen seconds, but she'd remember that strange feeling forever.
"Right. So!" 802802 tapped the cocoon twice, and grinned at the green glow that appeared in it. "She's shifted, aaaaand... there she goes! Teleported somewhere discreet." She turned to the dying filly. "Doesn't even know she's not the original. Congratulations, kid, you just won the race!"
"She thinks she's... me?"
The changeling laughed awkwardly. "Yeeeeeeah that's... kinda a side effect of the memory spell. But hey! No better disguise than thinking you're real, right? Your family will be happy, your friends will be happy, and... yeah."
"...I guess... that's fair, I guess."
"Well, it's been nice chatting kid. I'm, uh, going to have to hide your body anyway, what would you like me to do with it?"
Rainbow Dash sighed. "I dunno. I just.... look. I know, I mean, I get that you're not... really my mom. But..." She stared at the changeling, eyes watering. "Can you... can you hold me? I'm scared."
802802 blinked. She hadn't even considered stealing love from the dying filly and... here she was, giving her some. "I..." What was she supposed to do here?
The rose colored eyes shed a few red tears.
"...alright." The changeling wrapped her forehooves around the pegasus, stroking her mane gently. "Don't... don't worry, Dash, I'm here."
"It hurts, Mom. It... it hurts a lot."
"I know Dash. I... I know." Mom. Well, this... this was what normal drones did. Right?
"I don't want to die..."
She nodded. "Nopony... nopony wants to die, Dash. But we can't stop it."
"Can... can you sing me to sleep? I know I said it wasn't cool before, but... just this once, I... I think I can handle it."
Sing? 802802 couldn't sing! She didn't know any songs!
"...please, Mom? I'm really... really scared."
Well... maybe just this once.
"...hush now, quiet now, it's time to lay your sleepy head... hush now, q...quiet now, it's time for you to... go to bed..."
802802 looked down at the filly. She wasn't breathing anymore. All that remained of her was a smile on her bloodstained face.
It was quick work, telekineticly digging up a grave in the earth loosened by the impact. It was easy enough to wrap her... all of her, even the bits that fell out, into the now vacated cocoon, and lower her into the ground. Of course, she didn't mark it. It would have been stupid to mark the grave of a filly that nopony knew was dead.
The changeling walked to Ponyville, stopping to rinse her hooves in a nearby stream. She felt a curious sensation on her face, and brushed it gently.
"Huh... my eyes. They're wet...."
I'm always in favor of completing the cycle. Looking forward to the story of the world's most awesome erovore.
I got to admit, this is the first "Mane 6 is a changeling" story I've read, but if they are all like this I better make time for a 5 more fics! A little heartwrenching I gotta say. At least Rainbow Dash went out in style. And we will hopefully see more of 802802. I don't know how these fics go, but I'd like to imagine the quirky little scout will follow the adventures of Rainbow Dash.
However, there a few grammar problems that I was making just a few weeks ago! Now I get to help you! The power of learning!
First of all, there are some spelling issues you should go over. Not a lot, but just a few. Like "The filly stared at the proffered hoof." or "ego, supego, id..." Small errors, honestly could be fixed in a flash!
Next is the fact that you don't capitalize after the "..." and example would be "...hush now," It's at the start of the sentence and would probably still need to be capitalized. But perhaps instead of starting the dialogue with three dots you could just fill it in with an action, like a sigh or a anxious fidget. Something that would show 802802 hesitated. Looks a little cleaner. At least to me!
And finally! For the big finale! Dialogue punctuation. I'll give ya the same advice I got that got me out of the grammar rut that I was in.
The most prevalent errors were incorrect use of punctuation when dealing with dialogue. Consider the following four cases:
"That was lovely." answered Twilight. (INCORRECT)
"That was lovely." Answered Twilight. (INCORRECT)
"That was lovely," answered Twilight. (CORRECT)
"That was lovely." The purple unicorn nodded her head politely and left. (CORRECT)
In the first example, a full stop is used in place of a comma, despite the fact that this sentence should flow. In the fourth example, a full stop is used, but the next sentence describes Twilight's actions AFTER speaking. In many cases, I noticed that you were doing the same as the second case, which not only has a full stop but also has a capital letter, probably because your word processor is doing this automatically. This is only necessary in situations like case four.
Also remember to correctly place commas when dealing with names and titles, as shown in the case below:
"I am extremely thankful Twilight." (INCORRECT)
"I am extremely thankful, Twilight." (CORRECT)
Either an editor or a brush-up on grammar (I think there's something on the Equestria Daily FAQ that might help) would be most welcome.
(Written by Ficta_Scriptor)
Fix those errors and I'm sure you got a great story on your hands! I'll be watching this story! And your grammar!
It's funny there's a story with an exact same title
Well written.
2177888 Also, in the main story description, "all hope was nost". Not a bad intro chapter.
I'll be sure to keep reading this as long as -sad- only refers to the story, and not the ending. I simply must have a happy ending.
(Also thanks for linkin' to my story there.)
2177920 yeah that's an aweosome story
Team Green Bean
802802 is already a better character than 90% of OCs... You've earned a fave just on her alone.
2178056
...I am giggling. I am giggling at this comment. You'll be kicking yourself when you realize why.
Dat feels.
HOLY SHIT
Well I'm still going to read it but this is pretty dark.
I mean if there is some magic where the real Rainbow Dash's consciousness goes into the fake one right after she dies, then I'm cool with this. But if not, well still dark since a filly freaken dies. I guess we do get a new one though, it's interesting and conflicting at the same time! You crazy, crazy writer. MOAR!
That was sad...what if that had actually happened?
Now to hope the Mane will be understanding enough once they realise.
Awaiting further releases, dear Author.
2177888 Pretty sure proffered is a word, meaning the same thing as offered.
Hey! I've got a Rainbow changeling! But not as good as yours.Mine is where Rainbow gets kidnapped by Crysalis's daughter.
Love story can't wait for more!!!
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/308/031/880.gif
cdn.crushable.com/files/2012/08/right-in-the-feels.gif
Hate to say it, but not only are there other stories with this name, there's at least one other story that's done the Rainbow-changeling thing.
Forever a Changeling
But don't let that stop you, by any means. You've got a good start, and I'd like to see where it goes.
"One of the girls has been a changeling all along!" is not a new idea. What I have not really seen before is this dynamic that appears to exist (or that will eventually exist) between 802802 and Rainbow Dash. Even if the rest of the story didn't hold my interest, that alone would've sold me on it. You have written something here.
2178081
Not an OC? Maybe she replaces Chrysalis at some point before the wedding. Or is it just the fact that a character with a number for a name is considered in the top 10% of OCs?
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQh3O__czKLG8rIHEfDPwjrY9imHLzYDO8hDM_Fz4GQZgk06q2X
See above image.
2178764
Leet speak. That's all I'm going to say.
2178865
Ah. Sort of an unusual way to use the 2.
2178081
If it turns out to be Bon Bon... I'd be ok with it. //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Queen_Chrysalis.png
If it turns out to be Trixie... Well, she was already in four different places in Ponyville at the same time in the same frame, but somehow I doubt it.
If it turns out to be Ditzy Do... And there goes making the Daring Do books based on actual events.
If it turns out to -you know what? I'm stopping here. There are too many background mares who hang their horseshoes in Ponyville.
2178865
...
I blame being physically unable to recognize "2" as an "n". I mean, 5 as an S, sure, but not 2 as an N. That said, I an only presume that Queen Chrysalis Mind Raping Lyra Heartstrings didn't put her in a good mood.
2178932
Rotation.
This is actually a lot different from most 'X turns out to be a changeling the whole time' stories. So, good on you.
I'll be keeping an eye on it. Excited to see where this one goes.
Right. In. The. Feels.
That was Beautifully written! Well Done, and I can't wait to read more!!
All The Best to You,
Brony and Dashing Proud ,
Lightning Flash
My god that was *Feeling stab through the stomach* oh god. *Coughs up a gallon of blood* MY DEATH HAS COME *Feeling stab mercy stab through the face*
Yay, I needed a new dashling fic seeing as my old one finished a few weeks ago. This will do nicely.
remember when pewdiepie cried at the end of "The walking Dead"?
that's me right now, no lie, i hate you but i love you at the same time.
2177920>>2178055
There is also a third one named like that. And also one without "The" in the title.
Also, I believe that Changeling RD is almost canon. Go to youtube and watch the scene where SA and Cadance blast Changelings. Now take note of Mane 6 before and after the sphere goes through. Notice somepony? Or rather, lack of one?
2182883 oh shit how did I not notice that?
2182883
...wait seriously? THAT HAPPENED? SCREENSHOTS!
2182883 I think they would have noticed if one of them was flown backwards into the wall.
Aw...
Well, you got my attention...
So, I've only seen fics with Rarity, Twilight, and Applejack as changelings, didn't know their were ones with Pinkie and Fluttershy (gonna have to check those out then) This one looks interesting, it may be getting a favorite along with the others I've read.
2182947
If I may:
First:
dl.dropbox.com/u/85255656/Other%20Images/ShareFolder/Dash.png
Then:
dl.dropbox.com/u/85255656/Other%20Images/ShareFolder/Loveblastofdeath.png
And then?:
dl.dropbox.com/u/85255656/Other%20Images/ShareFolder/NoDash.png
...Dash?
Canon until further notice
(EDIT: So apparently in the meantime between opening this tab, eating dinner, reading the story, and posting that comment, you added a new chapter. Cool)
OK I can admit my eyes watered at the end of the chapter hold it
Its good I will give it that. But I kinda wish you hadn't wrote rainbow dyeing . Shes my favorite.
2177888
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/31089/the-three-sisters <-- I think this was the first.
Liquid Pride Overdose
2185767 I don't know, think about it, do you really want to die with somebody crying over you, so you feel emotionally crappy on top of being in pain? Or would you rather just talk to somebody, maybe joke with them a bit, take your mind off it a little before you have to go entirely?
As far as 'completing' the set, it was already complete. XD There's on where she's actually a queen. I mean, not that I won't read this, but... You're not the first person to do Dashie's a Changeling fic.
There is a Rainbow Dash fic, But it's not NEAR the quality. forget that one. this fic's where it's at!
Dat gave me the feels. I got school tommorow so I gotta go to bed. But I must needs read the next chapter! I'm sad that Rainbow had to die. Just one comment tho. If Rainbow was supposedly "bent in angles that ponies normally from" shouldn't she have died sooner? The changeling singing made me go DAW. I hate having the feels but u sir have given me them. Time for the next chapter. Onward ho.
You know, Forever a Changling was out before The Irony of Applejack. It was pretty interesting, had Rainbow come from a completely different hive not affiliated with Chrysalis. So far your story looks interesting and I feel it deserves further reading.
oi45.tinypic.com/11qlafq.jpg
Twilight is still best undercover Changeling!
But seriously, I like this first chapter. Seems pretty interesting and I love how every author comes up with their own way of how Changelings society works Will read next chapter... now.
I'm not crying really...
It's just liquid pride...
No lie.