• Member Since 23rd Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Oct 24th, 2014

AeroDynamics


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All ponies have a unique power within them that allows them powers unique to their race. Pegasi control the weather, Earth Ponies are the strongest and have the most endurance. Unicorns, however, are the only race that can convert their magic to a physical form. that is, until, autumn comes along.

Autumn has a very special gift. he is so in tune with the pegasus magic, that he too can physically use magic.
when he discovers that he can, he might not even be able to control its strength. the one thinghe does know for certain, is that it will change his life forever.

but what he doesn't know is that he isn't alone.


AUTHORS NOTE: this is my first story, so constructive critisism is appreciated. but please no rude comments just to be mean. hope everyone enjoys it, good reading! : )

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 37 )

Pegasi is plural and pegasus is singular. Might want to fix your title.

Before I even read this beyond the description, I have to say, I really like the idea.

The first three sentences are fine, but your capitalization and punctuation drop off after that. Same for the title.

2165581>>2165581
thanks, i was inspired by the cover art. i dont know how, it just popped into my head

and i used the plural because it flowed better than pegasus's. no reason other than that. but ill make sure to re-consider that

sorry about the punctuation. I'm gonna have to get used to editing the grammar correctly. I'll go through and edit it before I put the next chapter in

Okay, gotta point some things out.

Rainbow Dash is two words.
Never, ever use a * for anything in your story.
Capitalize your i's
Give this an editing skim, seriously, it's just full of a bunch of little, silly mistakes.
And look up possessive.

Hell, this is better than some things I've seen in the featured box recently. But to really get this cherry, it needs some work.

2165600
Thanks Sorren, I haven't written a story before, so such critical grammarchecking is still new to me

2165608 Some people will really shred you for grammar here.

A pegasus who can use magic? And you named him Autumn? Hm... I would have called him Special Snowflake in all honesty, but you're the author.

What's the human tag for?

Ugg... Your OC introduction is horrible, it can be summed up as My OC is like rainbow dash, only better, and rainbow dash likes him. You should at least give him some sort of personality. Also you are writing story as it was in 1rst person, but judging by whats written its in 3rd person. If he crashes into something, describe him feeling pain or something, not the way he bounces off object. Its like saying "I charged into door with my head, splinters where flying everywhere , my head bounced backwards." , also more meaningful dialogue than here, unless you are going for "strong and quiet". Also thoughts and descriptions are kinda funky. Sorry for being kinda nonconstructive critic.
Good luck with your writing thought, the idea is pretty good, and I seen plenty of worse writers than you, that been writing for a lot longer. You should get someone to proof read, and edit grammar thought. Also really good choices with words, no word was overused, or conflicting with tone(mood?) of the writing.

Don't worry guys, I'm going through and fixing the grammar errors today

and Mapu, thanks for that, I was worried about not having Autumn have a personality, ill make sure and add a little to make up for that

Thanks Guys

Okay, I just went through and fixed all te grammar mistakes that i could find, a0nd edited in a little bit throughout the story to help with the "no personality" issue

Hope it's better this time. ill have the second chapter up in no time.

Hu-huh still not understanding the Human tag

2168613
neither do I, I want to change it, but I don't know how

nvm I got it

Human tag is still there :ajbemused:

I'm sorry, but what is the human tag? I'm still new at this

2172627 a human tag is used when the story involves humans.

Oh and I think you mean her on that last line.

lol I'm still confused. were/ how can I fix it?

2175700 you go to story's and press the edit story button.

>>Satyr403
ok, then what?
sorry

Wow... I love this :pinkiehappy:

Keep it up! The suspence is killing my mental abilitys here :twilightsmile:

don't worry, I'm in the progress of making chapter 3 now, so it should be done soon.

She stood there for the longest time, then said " I'm Kage, and I'm here to kill you"

:pinkiegasp: That is the biggest cliffhanger I've ever seen!

Also First!

Thanks for the comment, it's nice to know that I did a good job. I'll ty to get the next chapter out soon, so you shouldn't have to wait for too long.

Oh god oh god oh god CLIFFHANGERS WHHHHHHHYYYYY

This is really good! Love the plot so far. I hope to see more.

dude are you going to continue it or what?

2330523
sorry... I've gotten distracted. The next chapter is almost done, ill be sure to post it soon

I wrote this with my penis :rainbowdetermined2:

2358759
Dude! why would you write that?

now it is going better so I kind of like your story.

2363426
Thanks. Took me a while to get into it, but I'm happy that you like it:pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by AeroDynamics deleted Apr 22nd, 2013

[youtube=GR6GqcPd60U]

I guess I could edit :twilightsmile:

I have nothing better to do anyway :derpytongue2:

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