• Member Since 18th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 4th, 2014

zephyrdash


Total Brony.

T

I came up with this little story while having (And still having) writers block for My Little Twilight. I just can't figure out what to write for it. So anyways, I'm writing this and will continue this until I figure out what to do with My Little Twilight. Anyways here's the description. This story is based 30 years after Twilight Sparkle came to Ponyville. Rainbow had lost everything important to her. Money, jobs, love, a child...

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 12 )

Good, keep writing I love where this is going.:pinkiehappy:

2131487 And its going to get even more sad >:D

zephyrdash shit:twilightoops:

Good idea but somewhat of a poor execution. It all just seems a bit too jumbled and it feels like it's trying to hurry and show us a ton of "sad stuff" without really giving us effort or time to know why it's sad. I just merely feel like I'm just taking the story's word for it that it's suppose to be sad.

I'm not much of a RD fan... But my heart just crumbled.

I like it. Just a bit more details but overall it's a excellent story. :ajsmug:
P.s.maybe you can read my story my day in ponyville

Good story so far. I like all the emotion. The grammar and spelling is great. It was very interesting. The pacings a little off. They all died so quickly that the reader doesn't have time to be sad about them. Try adding some more detail. For example, maybe talk about Spitfire's disease symptoms she suffered through. Or maybe how excited Rainbow Dash was about having her daughter before she had the miscarrige. Or maybe you could add more detail about how she feels about her humiliating jobs and how all the ponies judge her for being an alchaholic criminal. Rainbow Dash would probably hesitate to see her friends again because she feels like such a failure and all her other friends are living happy lives. Are taxies invented?:rainbowhuh: Nice job! Keep up the good work!:pinkiesmile:

2133067 Thanks. I'm going to make the second chapter not-so-pacy. By taxies I mean carriages. :P

Best of luck on the next chapter.

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