• Member Since 18th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 4th, 2014

zephyrdash


Total Brony.

E

What happens when Princess Celestia is introduced to the Internet, and even worse, finds out about trolls. Hope you all like as comedy.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 26 )

This was somewhat enjoyable. :moustache:

Stay frosty!
~Hazard~

Reminds me of the late game nights I had with my friends. Call of Duty until 3 am, good times. :eeyup:
Good so far,
SHUT UP AND TAKE MY LIKE :trollestia:

Hmm...
"Vanilla Twilight"
Where have I heard that before?...
It's decent right now, don't really know if I like it or not yet, but I'ma track it. Oh, wait. The only option to "track" is to favorite, meaning that I have to love anything that I track, even if I just want to see where it goes.
Oh well.

I know that feel all too well Celestia.
Private match on "Nukeville"? Yeah that's the way to get the ol' K/D up.
I see how it is Luna, grenade spamming the whole freaking map.
I agree with Hazard, that was enjoyable. :twilightsmile:

I liked their gaming nicknames.

Go on :moustache:

Agreed.
This was a very enjoyable story. :twilightsmile:
I enjoyed the gamer names. Can't wait to read more.
:trollestia:

~AniPuppy~

I can't help but feel that this is a little rough. It would be a lot more easy to read and overall enjoyable if you made some slight adjustments.
Bear in mind some of these are simply my opinion, while others are basically rules of writing.

Firstly, each new speaker gets their own line. This helps to break up the large blocks of text, as well as making it easier to identify who's talking.
Secondly, when somepony is speaking, and the descriptions for their speech is written before hand, you still need to add a comma to link the two. Example: Celestia typed in "So and so." <- That's incorrect, This is how it should read, Celestia typed in, "So and so." It's a little thing, but it helps to streamline dialogue. I would also consider replacing some of your periods with comma's. Periods should only mark the end of a sentence.
Thirdly, using a short hand device for the passage of time, I.E. 8 hours later, is generally a bad idea. It would be more effective to show us that 8 hours have passed, I'll leave that to you to figure out how.
Finally, have you considered bolding your words as opposed to typing them in capitals? Maybe it was your intention, but just to clear up. A bold word is added for emphasis, while a capital word symbolizes a person yelling.

Other than that, good premise, half decient characterization (which is surprisingly above average), slightly funny jokes and a complete subversion of what one wouldn't expect from this.
Coming Back
Nazkan

P.S. Then and Than are two different words, be sure to use the correct one.
P.S.S. It also would earn you a few brownie points to describe the things in your story a little more.

Not the most original story I've ever read.

Also, in sore need of formatting. :raritydespair:

ROFL Love this story, incredibly funny :rainbowlaugh:

Funny as hell. Definitely following this one :rainbowlaugh:

Mother of god. This gained popularity faster then my My Little Twilight story! Next chapter will be up tomorrow or the next day.

This kind of goes with the story, but, everyone, I JUST WON A DERPY HOOVES ON EBAY! :D Its a plush keychain, I won it for 10.50! :D :yay::yay::yay:

395293 lolol coool but check the seller it can be trollestia :pinkiehappy: also your story reminds me of me and my friends xd (weekends in a nutshell)

May I offer a suggestion?
Start a new paragraph every time a different person/pony/whatever speaks. It makes it an easier read. Other than that, no criticisms. :pinkiehappy:

Sorry guys, I've been really busy lately with my friends playing Call of Duty (Which we love so much) and I haven't had much time. I'll be working on some soon, and will hopefully have the next chapter released within 2 weeks.

403062 Lol it actually got here last Friday.

Hay people here is a read through of this funny story that zephydash did so enjoy :pinkiehappy:
Princess Trollestia Read Through

I'm surprised you didn't get spammed off the face of the planet. I guess trolls these days are just too lazy to be arsed to sign up for websites. :trixieshiftright:

What am I talking about? You hit the main page of rule34 itself, that's what!
It says on the news:
"Hay look, we got mentioned on a fic! 34 is Luna's homepage? Always knew you were bestpony! Go sign up and vote, you know you want to. ;Þ" :rainbowlaugh:

529168 Thanks man! I'll be sure to release Chapter 2 soon. I've been so so so busy lately. By the way, I saw you had problem pronouncing zephyrdash, it's pronounced "Zeff-Er-Dash". :D (I'm zanaman3000 on YouTube) I'm going to subscribe to you, and maybe you could do a readthrough of My Little Twilight (By me).

I. NEED. MORE. CHAPTERS. STAT! :trollestia:

TROLLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLETC......:rainbowlaugh:

how u have seven pony tags? :rainbowhuh:

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