Ode to Dragonflies

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Flitter and Cloudchaser have nearly always had this incredible bond between them. For years they have done everything together; however, this changes when Cloudchaser leaves for the Wonderbolts Academy. Now Flitter is left alone and possibly even on the day these two ponies connected as sisters. Without Cloudchaser to celebrate the event that changed them in so many ways, will Flitter still have a happy Firefly Light Night?

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Comments ( 10 )

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Dusty Sage

Dusty Sage #1 · Feb 11th, 2013 · 1 · ·

A very sweet story, and another blow to the notion that pegasi have no sense of family.

Quillbit Marelor

Quillbit Marelor #2 · Feb 11th, 2013 · · ·

Thanks! Honestly, I've never heard of that before, but it makes sense with Scoots and all.

Blankscape

Blankscape #3 · Feb 15th, 2013 · 1 · ·

Thanks for the good read. Slowing down from mainstream adventure titles everyone's writing about sure is refreshing, and this story is a shining example of that.

Blankscape

Blankscape #4 · Feb 15th, 2013 · 1 · ·

Allow me to make a review for this. I'm brushing up on my criticism for a post at The Equestrian Critics Society. I hope you find this helpful and constructive to your future literary endeavors

Story Title: Ode to Dragonflies
Author: Quillbit Marelor
Reviewer: Blankscape
Review:
Your grammar is spotless as far as I could tell. There were several missing punctuation, and these can sometimes make the reader ‘tumble’ as they follow the events unfolding in the story. It’d be best to watch out for these in your future writing. Your vocabulary is varied and adequate but excellently fits the nature of the story and the manner of presentation.
Presenting this story in 3rd person subjective was good choice. Doing it in 1st person would have put off most readers because this is a one-shot, and a 1st person narrative, especially with niche characters, such as Flitter and Cloudchaser, in a slice-of-life story, would have been unappealing to most because they suffer the title and status of ‘background pony.’ Even then, they are still not part of the popular ones, such as Lyra or Derpy. The structure is quite relaxed and easy to follow as it complements the pacing, but reading the flashback sequence in italics felt a bit tiring to follow. A simple asterisk break would have sufficed. The way you describe things as well matches the slice-of-life genre excellently; a slightly bit less of the background and environment, and more on the emotions of the characters involved.
The ponies you chose to present, as I’ve said, are niche because they are ‘background ponies,’ and their roles and personalities in the show are not properly explored. Because not much is known about them, the move to include them in this slice-of-life fiction is generally more believable and, in turn, more relatable to those who don’t know them well enough. I also favor the way you explore the biology of quarry eels here; quite an interesting speculation.
Creating your own holiday, ‘Firefly Light Night,’ for this tale was stroke of good originality on your part as the majority of writers tend to use the ones presented in the show. The concept of your plot, ‘exploring a background ponies past,’ may have been done before, but ultimately the way you wrote it all certainly defines and sets it apart from the rest.
As for continuity, the story is a very good and original take on how Flitter earned her cutie mark, though as it is now, there could have been more to the story. You could have continued writing to include in events after they returned to Ponyville, leading up to the picture described in the beginning of the story. It also never explains what Flitter’s special talent actually is, and this missing detail may leave some concerned readers hanging.
Considering it is a one-shot, all in all, the meat is what matters, not the potatoes, and your story definitely has some real tasty and enjoyable meat to it, even only for an appetizer. Great job, and keep it up
Score: 8.5/10

Tell me if you think my review is fair. I'd also like to know if it seems a bit off somewhere.

Quillbit Marelor

Quillbit Marelor #5 · Feb 15th, 2013 · · ·

2125861 Okay, so your review kind of made my day. Overall, your review is very fair. I believe that this isn't my best writing, though it certainly isn't my worst. Your review kind of makes me realize that I should probably go back and edit some things, such as the punctuation and probably the italics.

About the whole picture and cutie mark thing. I don't know if I actually said that that picture came from that particular Firefly Light Night. I always imagined it was a year or two after their first one.

As for the cutie mark description, yeah, I probably should have explained that more. Her special talent is agility with her flying, shown during the scene where she flies through the quarry eel nursery. Dragonflies have the ability to move in a six directions and are very agile. So, I should probably include that somewhere.

I'm sort of a critic myself and that's kind of what I want to do careerwise. It's too bad I don't have the heart to critique my own work.

So thank you again for the lovely review. I hope this clears everything up.

FakeScienceMonthly

FakeScienceMonthly #6 · Feb 23rd, 2013 · · ·

Blankscape did a good job of reviewing this, but I'm going to write another review anyway.

This was a short and sweet story. I can tell is was made with a lot of heart, but as I read it I can't help but feel it is a little cold in a few places.

It's partly due to the sentence structure I think. You're too consistent with things. There isn't much of the background flowing into the story, and at times it can feel like the characters are performing on a stage. Try to jumble things up a little more and give the world a taste of whatever you're thinking. The world feels empty apart from the two main characters, and I know it's a focus on them, but it would still help to have more going on.

The story was fun to read, but there wasn't much content in it. There's an opening scene in which no external development occurs. It's obviously there to serve as a setup, and the story would be more interesting if there was more than just waiting going on here. The flashback is the meat of the story. It's warm and fuzzy, like I like it. It was a series of fairly predictable events though. The characters were children, and they didn't have the complex reaction patterns of fully developed characters. The end is very mushy. Perhaps too mushy, but still ok.

I hope that doesn't come off to negatively. I did enjoy the story for real.

Anyway, Good luck writing.

Quillbit Marelor

Quillbit Marelor #7 · Feb 23rd, 2013 · · ·

2164593 Don't worry, your review was okay. I know it's possible to criticize a certain type of media, but still enjoy it. Well, I think I know what caused the problems you were talking about. When I write, I tend to get a little impatient with myself. My hands really can't keep up with my mind, so I just keep rushing the story along until it gets to a part I really want to write about. It's a really bad habit that I'm trying to break. But thank you for your review!

Doctor Song MD

Doctor Song MD #8 · Mar 25th, 2013 · · ·

2125591
Tell me about it, I get tired of adventure after a while!

BronyWriter

BronyWriter #9 · Apr 26th, 2013 · · ·

This story has been reviewed by: The Equestrian Critics Society

Story title: Ode to Dragonflies

Author: Quillbit Marelor

Review by: BronyWriter

A cute little one-shot with two ponies that the fandom rarely explores which means that the author is only limited to what the imagination can come up with in terms of just about everything about the characters of Flitter and Cloudchaser. It’s an opportunity that... is kinda wasted. The story’s biggest flaw is that it never really explores the characters in a story exclusively about the characters. It’s definitely an interesting story, but it could have been a lot more than it was.

Final Score: 7.25/10

MarkTheWolfpony