• Published 11th Feb 2013
  • 726 Views, 10 Comments

Ode to Dragonflies - Quillbit Marelor



Flitter receives some bad news from her sister, Cloudchaser, on her most favorite day of the year. A story of a deep sisterhood forged by a very special event.

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Ode to Dragonflies

“Come on, come on,” Flitter muttered to herself as she paced back and forth. Ever since her sister, Cloudchaser, had left Cloudsdale for the Wonderbolts Academy it seemed like the mail arrived slower and slower with each day. Either that or the mailpony was running late…again.

Starting to grow more impatient, the pegasus sighed in exasperation and dropped to the ground. The soft, cloud floor gave her some comfort, but not enough to relieve her of her worry. What if she forgot to write back to me? What if she can’t write back to me? I wrote to her days ago and she still hasn’t written back. Oh, Celestia, I hope nothing happened to her or...or,” Flitter thought frantically.

Suddenly, her notions were interrupted by a loud crash outside of her house. Jumping to her hooves, she dashed outside to see the mailpony sitting next to the mailbox, which had strangely acquired a large dent since she last saw it. The mailpony’s eyes span dizzily, before settling back to their original, yet bizarre position.

“Oops, sorry,” the pony giggled. “I guess I don’t know what went wrong there. That mailbox came out of nowhere! Well, here’s your mail,” she said cheerfully, digging into her bag and retrieving Flitter’s mail. Flitter gave her fellow pegasus an awkward smile and dashed back into the house, hoping that her sister’s letter had finally arrived. The mailpony reacted to this with a small shrug and, with a cry of “Muffins away!” she flew off to make her next delivery.

In a mixture of excitement and panic, Flitter threw the mail onto her kitchen table and sifted through it restlessly. She scanned through the letters, anxiously hoping to find the one that would put her at ease. Tossing one away after the other, it seemed almost hopeless.

The pegasus tried to remind herself that her sister was probably too busy to reply to letters, but she couldn’t accept that possibility. Cloudchaser would always put her before anypony else; that was the relationship they had had ever since they were fillies.

After discarding what appeared to be one hundred letters, an envelope with a Wonderbolts’ Academy stamp finally caught her searching eyes. With a bright grin and much anticipation, Flitter opened the letter and started to read what her sister had to report.

Hey Buzzy

Flitter smirked at the nickname Cloudchaser had given her when she was a filly; however, it seemed somewhat suspicious. Usually she only used that name when she wanted to get on her sister’s good side. Somewhat tentatively, she read on.

Things here at the Academy kind of got off to a bumpy start. It’s not all about punching clouds and obstacle courses like we thought. There’s all this endurance testing and really seeing if you have what it takes to join their ranks.

Spitfire isn’t exactly an easy pony to get comfortable with, but she’s more of an acquired taste once you get past all the yelling and intimidation. I guess that’s how you get when you’re the leader of the greatest fliers in Equestria.
So, I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you, Buzzy.

The good news is that I’ll be coming home soon. After all this training it’ll be great to get some rest and relaxation with my favorite sister.

And then that’s where the bad news comes in.

Yes, I’ll be able to come home soon, but probably not until after the Firefly Light Night. I know it’s our favorite day of the year, but there’s not much I can do. Spitfire has us constantly doing drills day and night and felt that extending the training by a few more days would help us. I really wish I could be there and that I can make it up to you somehow.

I love you, Buzzy. Always remember that.

Cloudchaser

Flitter read through the letter once, twice and, even after a third time, still had trouble believing what was right in front of her eyes. “She’s not coming,” she whispered to herself, half in shock and the other in disappointment.

Usually, the pegasus would have handled this with a bit more acceptance. True, she would have been saddened by the fact that she would be away from her sister for a longer period of time, but they could always make it up.

But this, the Firefly Light Night, was their most cherished and beloved day of them all, even more than Hearth’s Warming Eve or Nightmare Night. It was on this night that they had truly bonded as sisters and forged their most beloved memory together.

And now, it seemed this year Flitter would be spending it by herself.

Once the message had finally stuck itself into her head, Flitter sighed and sat down. She knew that dwelling on her sadness wouldn’t make anything better. There would be other Firefly Light Nights; other chances to add onto their precious recollections that came with the event. Unfortunately, deep down in her heart, that melancholy spread with a tenacious and stubborn vigor.

None of this was Cloudchaser’s fault, Flitter understood; this wasn’t anypony’s fault. She just hadn’t expected an extension on her sister’s training. Becoming a Wonderbolt was one of Cloudchaser’s lifetime goals. Flitter couldn’t rob her of that. Being sisters, being family, meant that sometimes you have to make sacrifices for each other and now this was Flitter’s turn to carry the burden.

Sighing, Flitter got to her hooves and couldn’t help herself from walking over to the den to look at a certain picture. It was a perfect image of her and Cloudchaser as fillies, grinning at the camera and being surrounded by fireflies. In both of their hooves were little jars, not filled with fireflies, as per tradition of the night’s event, but dragonflies. Looking at the picture with such joy and nostalgia, Flitter tried to forget her current dilemma and lose herself in the delights of the past.
***

Firefly Light Night was one of the more minor holidays that the ponies celebrated in Equestria, though that hardly meant it was any less entertaining. On this night, for some reason unbeknownst to ponies, fireflies littered through the night sky, all of them shining as brightly as tiny stars. Throughout the land, ponies gathered to watch their luminous forms dance across the sky and afterwards, when this spectacle was finished; a game of who could catch the most fireflies ensued. Everypony, both young and old, reveled in this joyous time.

It was for this reason that Flitter’s parents had asked Cloudchaser to take her younger sister to the event in Ponyville. As a filly, the pegasus was a late bloomer when it came to flying. Even when she tried to move her wings, it seemed like she didn’t have the will to fly. The problem wasn’t that she didn’t want it hard enough. Celestia knows how embarrassing it must be to be a flightless pegasus in Cloudsdale. No, the problem was that she didn’t have the passion to fly, for how could any pony do anything without putting some heart into it?

To make matters worse, poor Flitter hadn’t even earned her cutie mark yet. Nothing could hurt a young pegasus’ spirit more than being a flightless blank flank. Feeling utterly hopeless, Flitter fell into a deep sadness felt only by those young ponies without any feeling of self-worth.

So, noting their daughter’s depressed state, Flitter’s parents sent Cloudchaser and her sister off at once to the Firefly Light Night celebration. They could only hope that the festivities could bring back some joy into the poor filly Flitter.

Landing in Ponyville, Cloudchaser set down her little sister and started to walk towards the gathering of ponies in the meadow.

“All right. Stick close and don’t wander off. I don’t want you getting lost around here,” the elder sister said in the common older sibling tone. Flitter only nodded in response, making Cloudchaser wonder if she really got the message. But she only shook her head.

For the most part, Cloudchaser had a neutral relationship with her sister. They didn’t argue as much as other siblings did, nor were they particularly close. What they had was more like toleration than admiration; although, one couldn’t really blame Cloudchaser. It was hard to develop a good relationship with your sister when all she did was keep to herself and brood about her problems. Deep down, the elder pony knew that she could at least help her sister with her dilemmas. The only thing that was stopping her was that she didn’t know how to approach Flitter about it. All she could do was hope for the best and an opportunity to come along.

Finally, the two young ponies joined the crowd and waited for the fireflies to arrive. The sky had already turned a deep purple and stars were beginning to appear. Anxious looks were plastered on many ponies’ faces as the time for the insect’s appearance grew closer. Cloudchaser was starting to become excited herself, though unfortunately the same couldn’t be said for Flitter.

The little filly was still so caught up in her own troubles that this event wasn’t even registering in her mind. Why should this even matter to her? She was a flightless blank flank and, in her own thoughts, the laughingstock of Cloudsdale. How could anything ever matter to something as insignificant as her?

Soon enough, the sky was full of those shining forms, far too many to count or to even attempt to do such a thing. The crowd commenced with their ooing and aweing, all of them totally entranced by the spectacle before them.

Cloudchaser looked up at the insects with the same awe and fascination. Seeing all those fireflies sparkle in the night sky was enough to take a pony’s breath away.

Unfortunately the ceremony was completely lost on her sister. Flitter watched the spectacle like everypony else, but it didn’t have the same effect. Her own melancholy was getting in the way of experiencing the wonder of this night. After taking a few minutes look above, the filly sighed and turned away. She couldn’t believe that her parents thought that this would actually make her feel better.

Right as she was about to dive into another brooding session, Flitter heard the sound of a loud buzzing right next to her ear. Figuring it was just a lost firefly, she shook her head to rid herself of the noise. But, as the buzzing creature left, Flitter caught a glimpse of what it truly was.

The young pegasus had never seen anything like this before; it certainly wasn’t a firefly. This…thing had a long, colorful body and two sets of wings that moved far too quickly for her to see. Living on Cloudsdale, she didn’t really know much about the animals that lived on the ground, but she at least knew this creature was called a dragonfly.

Her natural filly curiosity taking over, Flitter looked at her sister, who was still gazing at the fireflies, before dashing away to follow the strange insect. Flitter didn’t know what it was about it that made her want to inspect the dragonfly any further. Perhaps it was the fact that it was simply something new to her or she was interested in its’ strange design. For whatever the reason, the pegasus wanted to see more of it and figure out how a small little thing could move so fast.

Without even noticing it, Flitter followed the dragonfly straight to the Everfree Forest, a place hardly designed for a wandering filly. Still, the pony took no care or thought into her surroundings. She was too interested in the dragonfly. The way it moved, the way it flew, it looked so interesting to her, more interesting than any firefly could be.

Noting its way of flying, Flitter started to wonder if it was really that easy. With her eyes still planted on the dragonfly, she started to move her wings up and down the same way the insect would. True, she didn’t have two sets of wings, but theoretically she felt like this way could help her.

Amazingly, Flitter felt her hooves leave the ground as she started to hover in the air. With a look of astonishment, the pony started to grin, an expression that had been vacant from her face for some time. Laughing and cheering to herself, she hovered back and forth, finally proud of herself for the first time in a long time. To be off the ground at last was the best feeling in the entire world. Flitter never wanted it to end.

Much to her dismay, she felt that her wings were getting tired, so she decided to gently place herself back onto the ground. What she didn’t know was that there wasn’t any ground below her to land on. With a loud scream and a sudden lurch in her stomach, Flitter plummeted down a large pit in the middle of the Everfree Forest.

Thankfully, when she finally landed, nothing appeared to be broken. But, at the moment, that was the least of her troubles. Flitter was at the bottom of a large, poorly lit hole in a place that she didn’t even know very well. She tried to hover her way out, but, the moment she got a few feet in the air, she felt a whoosh of air and heard a snapping sound. Letting out a small shriek, the pony fell back to the ground, unaware that she was now in a quarry eel nursery.

Since quarry eels are very protective of their living spaces, they didn’t even want to share them with their children. So, the parent usually digs a tunnel or pit for their children to live in until they’re old enough to live on their own. Flitter was lucky that these young quarry eels aren’t usually as quick as the older ones.

With her novice flying skills and the fact that she could barely see, Flitter eyes started to tear up when she realized how futile the situation seemed. She could be in this pit forever and no pony would ever realize that she was ever down here. So, she did what any other filly would have done in her place: cry and call for help.

“Somepony! Anypony! Help!” Flitter screamed with all of her heart, hoping that at least one pony would hear her desperate cries.

Meanwhile in Ponyville, when the fireflies started to disperse among the crowd, Cloudchaser finally noticed that her sister was no longer by her side. Her heart skipping a beat, the pegasus looked all around her, searching for the little filly. But Flitter was nowhere to be found. She asked anypony she could find if they had seen the little pony, though none could help her.

Her heart starting to race, Cloudchaser flew throughout Ponyville and yelled Flitter’s name. She searched every house, building, and anyplace else Flitter may be, but she didn’t have any luck. Her sister was simply gone.

Brokenhearted, Cloudchaser flew back to the ground, her eyes starting to water. “How could I let her wander off like that? I must be the worst big sister in the world, can’t even look after my own sister for five minutes,” she mumbled to herself as she walked towards the end of town. Cloudchaser knew that she couldn’t give up here. A truly good sister would never give up, but where else could Flitter be? She had searched the entire town and found nothing at all, not even a trace.

By picking up her head; however, she received an answer. In front of Cloudchaser was the Everfree Forest, looking as menacing as ever. No filly would ever go in there willingly with the reputation it had, but Cloudchaser had no other option. No matter how crazy it appeared to be, she didn’t deny the possibility that Flitter could be in there. Taking in a deep breath, she tried to summon all of her courage and pressed on.

The Everfree Forest was as creepy as Cloudchaser expected from hearing all the stories about it. Some of the trees were half dead, she heard the chattering and buzzing produced from animals she really didn’t want to think about, and the entire forest gave off a strongly eerie presence. Shaking her head, the pegasus tried to cast all of that aside. Her sister could be in danger; she couldn’t let her fear take over what was most important.

After a few minutes of treading deeper into the forest, Cloudchaser heard a voice shouting in the distance.

“Somepony! Cloudchaser! Help!”

“Flitter!” Cloudchaser screamed, dashing towards the source of the noise. Finally she found her at last! Her worries were gone! Now the two ponies would be able to go home and try to put this moment of terror out of their minds forever. Cloudchaser could only imagine how traumatized her poor sister must be after all of this.

Not expecting to suddenly see a large hole in the ground, the pegasus shoved her hooves to the ground, trying to stop herself in time. She nearly fell in, but was able to come to a complete stop at the last second. Peering into the hole, Cloudchaser said “Flitter? Are you down there?”

Her heart leaping at the sound of her sister’s voice, Flitter looked up and yelled back “Cloudchaser, help! I can’t get out of here!”

“It’s okay, Flitter. I’m coming,” Cloudchaser reassured her. Flying into the hole, it wasn’t long until a baby quarry eel snapped out of its nest and tried to bite one of her hooves off. Cloudchaser recoiled back in surprise, not expecting the creature. She went back to the top and landed, looking mournfully down. If there was one eel down there, there was probably more. It would be simple to fly down herself, but to carry Flitter back would slow her down.

“Flitter, I can’t get down and fly you back up. How did you even get there in the first place? Didn’t you watch where you were going?” she asked.

Flitter looked down, ashamed. “Well, I was following this dragonfly and when I started to fly I kind of-“

“Wait, you can fly now?” Cloudchaser interrupted, completely aghast.

“Um, yeah?”

“Then why don’t you fly yourself out?”

The young filly looked up and saw that the exit appeared to be hundreds of miles away. “I-I don’t think I can.”

Cloudchaser sighed. How could she convince Flitter to get out of that hole? The poor thing had just started to fly and had no confidence in her abilities just yet. But there wasn’t any time for feelings of doubt. So far they had been able to keep their presence unknown to the creatures of the forest and who knows how much longer that might last. Pulling some thoughts together, Cloudchaser tried to prepare herself for the pep talk of the century.

“Flitter, I know you don’t think you can do this. I can see where you’re coming from, since you haven’t been flying for very long. But you can’t give up. I know there’s more fight in you than this.”

“But I did try and-“

“Then try again. You keep trying and trying until your wings are sore. You don’t want to stay in that ditch forever, do you?

“No.”

“Then get out of there, silly filly. We’ve got fireflies to catch.”

A small smile started to work its way onto Flitter’s face as she started to swell with hope. Looking back up, it didn’t seem so bad, not when Cloudchaser was here to encourage her. Not even the eels could frighten her as they did before. Taking in a deep breath, Flitter started to move her wings like before and lifted herself off the ground.

At first, it didn’t seem so bad. She kept rising higher and higher and with each new foot gained she developed more confidence in her ability. But then came the familiar whooshing sound. An eel was preparing itself for an attack. This time; however, Flitter was ready for it. The moment where she could almost hear it right next to her, she dodged at the last possible second. Not sparing a moment for this small victory, the filly moved onward.

She repeated this strategy with each eel that came her way. Anytime one came near Flitter she dodged out of their way with ease. It came almost naturally to her, the way she moved so they barely got a snap out of her. Soon enough, the pegasus passed the last eel like a pro, though landed at her sister’s hooves a bit clumsily.

Looking up at her big sister, Flitter quickly got close to her and hugged her tight. Cloudchaser was surprised by this, but was quick to return the gesture. “I knew you could do it, little sis. You were amazing,” she told her. Holding her close, Cloudchaser was able to catch something on her sister’s flank. With a large grin, she said to Flitter “Looks like somepony isn’t a blank flank anymore.”

Flitter’s face was somewhat confused at first, but her eyes widened when she realized what this meant. The pony looked at her flank and, sure enough, there was her cutie mark at last: three beautiful dragonflies, the most spectacular thing she had ever seen.

“Wow,” she gasped.

Cloudchaser smiled at her little sister, amused by her reaction. “Dragonflies, huh? I thought I heard a lot of buzzing coming from down there. Come on, Buzzy. We better get back to Ponyville before we run into something worse than a hole in the ground.”

Smiling at the newfound nickname, Flitter started to rise in the air and fly in the direction of town. “Race you back?” she challenged.

Cloudchaser flew next to her and gave her sister her best competitive stare. “You’re on,” she accepted before dashing away. Flitter beamed from the new respect she had for her sister and did her best to keep up.

And, from then on, the two ponies became closer than many sisters would even dream of. With the love and devotion they shared, nothing would dare to ever pull then apart. At least, that was how they always imagined it would be.
***

And now it was Firefly Light Night again. From the cloud Flitter was sitting on, she could see ponies already starting to gather around the meadow to watch the fireflies shine across the sky. And for the first time in years, Flitter and her sister weren’t among them.

It felt strange not being there with them, but the pegasus felt that it wouldn’t be the same without Cloudchaser. She made the entire night fun and worthwhile. With a large sigh, Flitter laid her head down on the cloud and closed her eyes, wishing that her sister was there.

“Hey, Buzzy, what’s with the long face? I thought that this was your favorite day of the year,” a voice called from behind her.

With an astonished face, Flitter slowly turned around to see Cloudchaser flying right next to her cloud. Squealing excitedly, the younger sister leapt towards her and gave her elder sister a great hug.

“I still need to breathe , you know,” Cloudchaser laughed as she accepted the hug.

Flitter let her go and smiled. “I thought you were supposed to stay at the Wonderbolts Academy for a few more days.”

“Plans can always be changed, little sis. Besides, how could I pass this up? Those dragonflies won’t catch themselves, right?” Cloudchaser said.

Seeing Flitter’s shaking head, the older pegasus started to inch closer towards town. “Come on, last one there is a rotten dragon’s egg!” she challenged, shooting off towards Ponyville.

Flitter looked after her sister, joyful tears welling into her eyes. She couldn’t believe Cloudchaser would leave the Academy just to catch dragonflies with her. It was her dream and she cast it aside for her little sister. It was almost too much for the pony to bear.

Wiping away her tears, Flitter whispered “You’re on, big sister.” With that, she sped off after Cloudchaser, knowing in her heart that she couldn’t have asked for a better sister.

Comments ( 10 )

A very sweet story, and another blow to the notion that pegasi have no sense of family. :rainbowdetermined2:

:rainbowkiss: Thanks! Honestly, I've never heard of that before, but it makes sense with Scoots and all.

Thanks for the good read. Slowing down from mainstream adventure titles everyone's writing about sure is refreshing, and this story is a shining example of that.

Allow me to make a review for this. I'm brushing up on my criticism for a post at The Equestrian Critics Society. I hope you find this helpful and constructive to your future literary endeavors :eeyup::twilightsheepish::raritywink::pinkiesmile::rainbowkiss::yay::ajsmug::coolphoto::derpytongue2::moustache::twistnerd:

Story Title: Ode to Dragonflies
Author: Quillbit Marelor
Reviewer: Blankscape
Review:

Your grammar is spotless as far as I could tell. There were several missing punctuation, and these can sometimes make the reader ‘tumble’ as they follow the events unfolding in the story. It’d be best to watch out for these in your future writing. Your vocabulary is varied and adequate but excellently fits the nature of the story and the manner of presentation.

Presenting this story in 3rd person subjective was good choice. Doing it in 1st person would have put off most readers because this is a one-shot, and a 1st person narrative, especially with niche characters, such as Flitter and Cloudchaser, in a slice-of-life story, would have been unappealing to most because they suffer the title and status of ‘background pony.’ Even then, they are still not part of the popular ones, such as Lyra or Derpy. The structure is quite relaxed and easy to follow as it complements the pacing, but reading the flashback sequence in italics felt a bit tiring to follow. A simple asterisk break would have sufficed. The way you describe things as well matches the slice-of-life genre excellently; a slightly bit less of the background and environment, and more on the emotions of the characters involved.

The ponies you chose to present, as I’ve said, are niche because they are ‘background ponies,’ and their roles and personalities in the show are not properly explored. Because not much is known about them, the move to include them in this slice-of-life fiction is generally more believable and, in turn, more relatable to those who don’t know them well enough. I also favor the way you explore the biology of quarry eels here; quite an interesting speculation.

Creating your own holiday, ‘Firefly Light Night,’ for this tale was stroke of good originality on your part as the majority of writers tend to use the ones presented in the show. The concept of your plot, ‘exploring a background ponies past,’ may have been done before, but ultimately the way you wrote it all certainly defines and sets it apart from the rest.

As for continuity, the story is a very good and original take on how Flitter earned her cutie mark, though as it is now, there could have been more to the story. You could have continued writing to include in events after they returned to Ponyville, leading up to the picture described in the beginning of the story. It also never explains what Flitter’s special talent actually is, and this missing detail may leave some concerned readers hanging.

Considering it is a one-shot, all in all, the meat is what matters, not the potatoes, and your story definitely has some real tasty and enjoyable meat to it, even only for an appetizer. Great job, and keep it up :rainbowdetermined2:

Score: 8.5/10

Tell me if you think my review is fair. I'd also like to know if it seems a bit off somewhere.

2125861 :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy: Okay, so your review kind of made my day. :rainbowlaugh: Overall, your review is very fair. I believe that this isn't my best writing, though it certainly isn't my worst. Your review kind of makes me realize that I should probably go back and edit some things, such as the punctuation and probably the italics.

About the whole picture and cutie mark thing. I don't know if I actually said that that picture came from that particular Firefly Light Night. I always imagined it was a year or two after their first one.

As for the cutie mark description, yeah, I probably should have explained that more. Her special talent is agility with her flying, shown during the scene where she flies through the quarry eel nursery. Dragonflies have the ability to move in a six directions and are very agile. So, I should probably include that somewhere.

I'm sort of a critic myself and that's kind of what I want to do careerwise. It's too bad I don't have the heart to critique my own work. :rainbowlaugh:

So thank you again for the lovely review. I hope this clears everything up.

Blankscape did a good job of reviewing this, but I'm going to write another review anyway.

This was a short and sweet story. I can tell is was made with a lot of heart, but as I read it I can't help but feel it is a little cold in a few places.

It's partly due to the sentence structure I think. You're too consistent with things. There isn't much of the background flowing into the story, and at times it can feel like the characters are performing on a stage. Try to jumble things up a little more and give the world a taste of whatever you're thinking. The world feels empty apart from the two main characters, and I know it's a focus on them, but it would still help to have more going on.

The story was fun to read, but there wasn't much content in it. There's an opening scene in which no external development occurs. It's obviously there to serve as a setup, and the story would be more interesting if there was more than just waiting going on here. The flashback is the meat of the story. It's warm and fuzzy, like I like it. It was a series of fairly predictable events though. The characters were children, and they didn't have the complex reaction patterns of fully developed characters. The end is very mushy. Perhaps too mushy, but still ok.

I hope that doesn't come off to negatively. I did enjoy the story for real.

Anyway, Good luck writing.

2164593 Don't worry, your review was okay. :ajsmug: I know it's possible to criticize a certain type of media, but still enjoy it. Well, I think I know what caused the problems you were talking about. When I write, I tend to get a little impatient with myself. My hands really can't keep up with my mind, so I just keep rushing the story along until it gets to a part I really want to write about. It's a really bad habit that I'm trying to break. But thank you for your review! :pinkiehappy:

2125591
Tell me about it, I get tired of adventure after a while! :fluttershbad:

This story has been reviewed by: The Equestrian Critics Society

Story title: Ode to Dragonflies

Author: Quillbit Marelor

Review by: BronyWriter

A cute little one-shot with two ponies that the fandom rarely explores which means that the author is only limited to what the imagination can come up with in terms of just about everything about the characters of Flitter and Cloudchaser. It’s an opportunity that... is kinda wasted. The story’s biggest flaw is that it never really explores the characters in a story exclusively about the characters. It’s definitely an interesting story, but it could have been a lot more than it was.

Final Score: 7.25/10

A pretty cute story

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