Since the death of the Celestial Sisters, Equestria has been at war. Three sides have made themselves clear:
The Earth clans wish to see the Unicorn's pay for their supposed usurping of the Sisters.
The Pegasi clans wish to dominate Unicorn and Earth alike.
The Unicorns see themselves as the true rulers of not only Equestria but the world.
Their leaders, General Applejack, Commander Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Chancellor Rarity and Fluttershy, have all been called to a summit by the request of Arch magister Twilight Sparkle. Her hopes are that this war can be put to an end by the once best of friends. The information that she holds will bring an end to the conflict, certainly, but it may not be something that they all wish to hear.
(Contains Anthropomorphizations)
(If the idea has been done before, no infringement intended.)
Night Moonstone
Joined 7th Jan, 2013 ·
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Chapters (1)
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i cant believe it
well i like it so far man but still good god
Wow! Very impressive, one of the few stories I've read that has engaged me right from the first chapter. A like and favourite for you, my friend
Is this based off the Equestria Divided project by any chance?
2090449
I'm afraid I don't know what that is.
2090190
Thank you!
I didn't know if it was going to be a good enough hook for the rest of the story but it appears that it is. c:
2090454 Alright nevermind then, the story just reminded me a lot of it, I still like it though.
2090176
A little bit savage, I know. Although I consider myself a Brony, I'm not really a fan of the show and wished to put more serious, darker elements in my head cannon or any stories that I may write or art that I may paint.
2090468
Oh, it's cool.
Thanks for liking it all the same. C:
2090471meh that sounds fine with me, what ever floats your lunar boat man
but keep up the good work and cant wait for more
2090484
Thank you for the encouragement! I have a few other stories on the go but I hope that I'll be able to juggle all of them.
2090493same here man i sent one to the group and i also want another story to be up but im still not sure about it
2090476 Hope you don't mind if I link Equestria Divided not everything's similar of course, but it's almost uncanny how similar they are, as far as backstories go. Only reason I wanted you to see it is because it's so awesome, not trying to prove similarities... either way I hope you take a look.
2090541
This is why I love the Brony community. Many of us have notions so unique that other's might have a different iteration of the same idea.
Truly, I didn't have a clue about this before. However I assure you, and others, that this isn't the same thing. The brick might be the same but the house isn different, if you understand that!
It'll be much different then this Equestria Divided.
Hey! Lets review this story and burn away the problems on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors!
Name of Story: Misrule
Grammar score out of 10: 7 (One long paragraph. It truly burned my eyes. There were also a few spelling and spacing problems, but the lack of paragraphs was the most blatant thing here. Fortune smiles upon those who jam enter.)
Pros:
Wow, this setting right here. It truly did draw me in. I mean just the amount of hate that spawned from Rainbow and Applejack meeting each other...Man I need to know more of what happened.
The future version of the Mane 6. In terrible times, I can see how they can develop into such distasteful characters. War brings out the worse in all, and one can not imagine fighting a war against your best of friends.
Pacing is well done, and the characters are introduced nicely. You've presented their new personalities well enough, and you focused on some the characters like Applejack that would need more of a description and explanation then another like Pinkie Pie, who has been driven insane by magic.
Cons:
I think that Rainbow Dash was a bit out of character when Rarity came along. She seemed to nice, to considerate, even bowing down when Rarity...pardon, Lady Rarity corrected Dash on her title. Doesn't seem like Dash to just back down, especially towards the enemy. I feel like Rainbow and Applejack had their personalities switched a bit.
Paragraphs. Fix soon.
Pinkie needs more of an explanation. I understand this is the first chapter, but the details you've given up doesn't create a mysterious sort of aura. It's just...confusing.
Notes Section:
The setting is lovely. You leave everything nice and open, and the ending line left me wanting more. This looks like a classic "Who dun it?" With the dupe but mixed with a horrible war and politics. However, expanding on that will be very important, and remember to proofread your story! A few errors here and there, but nothing seriously detracts from the story. The only major grammar issue is paragraph. I will push it! I'm persistant like that! So fear me!
Well! That was fun! I really do love your set up, and I can't wait for more. But...If you have free time, maybe you could check out my story as well?
The Surgeon in the Magic City Anyhow, Can't wait for more!
-Your neighborhood pyromaniac
Dj Pyro 3
2092560
There are paragraphs but I never spaced them like many do on here with a line break so maybe that's the problem?
Also the characterizations are meant to be a little off. Rainbow is written as a commander of her people so a rash show of emotions, especially at an enemy like Rarity, would show both weakness and would further to deteriorate the set up of the scene. Applejack as well was written as a leader but with disdain for both magic and unicorns (thus hating Rarity and Pinkie Pie).
Lastly, I wanted to leave Pinkie Pie a deliberately vague character with the questions of: How did she become undead? Why is she now insane? These same questions I wanted to have ask for the rest of the Mane 6. How did they all become what you are now reading?
Just re-read this chapter - Boring monday night :D - and I really have to say, I LOVE what you've done with Fluttershy and Pinkie :D Any estimates on when the next chapter will be up? Can't wait!
2143072
I have three other fics floating about and this one might be put on hold for awhile. Not on hiatus but just until I flesh out every detail in my head (or at least write them down!)
It's a clear result of thinking to much.