Hi there! I'm Lion, Lit, or Choo. I like to write, and I should reaaaally post more here.
Midnight Star, Princess Luna's unicorn student, has been sent to ponyville to study things of all sorts, but mainly magic. She will discover there's more to ponyville than she thought. Evil will arise, and nightmares will come alive. Will true love stand in the way? Will Midnight be able to save Equestria before it's too late?
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(Joke) Alt. Title: The Next OC Star: The Star Always Shines At Midnight
dude... an alicorn? really? why not an unicorn or pegasi
I think this story has potential, however there's a lot wrong with its structure and general story-telling. Is this your first story?
If you PM me, I can give you some pointers on how your next chapter should be written. There's a lot I want to say, but I'd rather not teach you all in one comment. I'd also recommend going over this chapter and fixing things up after we're done speaking. That is, if you're interested in having me help you.
But I've got to say, I liked the image at the end!
You draw better than me!
Oh god. Alicorn OC! Member of royalty! Pony Creator image! It burns!!!
2015049 1. I'm Not a guy
and 2. what's the problem with an Alicorn? 
2015141
okay..ummm user? Alicorns are bad news and never a OC as a cover art, try something else like a picture of the starts or something
Well, it certainly isn't the worst OC alicorn I've seen. At least it's not some red and black...thing with deer horns or something stupid. However, I will judge your story based on grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. and let someone else try one on content. I'll edit this comment and add my review when I'm finished reading your story.
EDIT:
Okay, well, when a new character speaks, let them have their own line; starting on the same line is a no-no. Also, it would certainly be wise to indent your paragraphs as well. Otherwise, you have a grasp on the English language (far more than I can say for some authors on this site) and you do show potential. I would like to see what comes out of your account later, if you continue to write; even with these guys pointing out the flaws of your story.
2015176 Thanks for giving me some tips and pointers, I just joined today, and this story was also made today!
EDIT: Sometimes the flaws that people point out are for the better.
2015141
Why are Alicorns bad?
Ok. As you are surely aware of Alicorns have all three traits of the other races. Wings of the pegasus, magic of the unicorn, and strength/size of an earth pony.
And they have it to an extreme degree.
So why would that be bad?
They can do... anything. Nothing that stands in their way, whether it be wall, pool of burning lava, or sharks with laser beams in their fricken heads
atomicgator.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/sharks_w_laser_beams.jpg
an Alicorn can overcome it.
So, remove two aspects. You'll want it to be a Unicorn, and cast off the 'daughter of princess Luna' thing. Because who's the father, eh? Luna could have a student, like her version of Twilight Sparkle, and she wants that student to meet Twilight...
Yeah, here's a tip for the road. Alicorn OC's are generally badly recieved... don't let this experience deter you from writing, instead learn from it, to improve and become a better writer
2015351 Thanks XD I just changed it to a unicorn, made indents, lines and stuff. Hope it's a bit better! XD Midnight is also no longer Luna's daughter, but her student.
For listening to criticism and not being a dickhead about it I give you this.
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_majs93yyvZ1qbyxr0o1_400.gif
2015379
Much better, although I fear it may be too late for the votes
2015426 It's fine, hopefully in the future there will be more good votes than bad!
2015416 Lol, thanks!
Well, I was skimming through the recent stories and saw this, and I was expecting the usual: Bad concept, bad story, bad characters and a dickhead of an author.
However, I can't bring myself to say anything really negative. You went in with the sadly misguided idea that an Alicorn OC, a member of royalty, etc. Were a good idea, which is perfectly fine. Since I was sadly in the same boat at one point in my membership. And seeing that you're legitimately trying to get better, that you went with the right intentions but not the right information, actually makes me see hope in you.
You're grammar and structure are actually very decent for a new author, it's just the contents that will be badly received. Alicorns are extremely powerful, so they have no conflict, which is bad considering that every story is about a conflict. On the flip side, a good character isn't structured with deliberate weaknesses, it's creating specific personality traits that are good and bad. He's brave and heroic, but egotistical and overestimates his own abilities, things like that.
All you need to do is learn what makes a good story, and practice, a lot. You could get somewhere. Well at least I think you will.
Okay, since you were a good sport and actually listened to criticism (unlike most other egotistical newbies on this site), as well as genuinely trying with this story, I retract my earlier statement and downvote and replace it with an upvote.
Good luck. Have a Doctor.
i990.photobucket.com/albums/af24/DoctorWhoGifss5/Doctor%20Who%20Gifs/thumbsupdoctor.gif
Aww, this was such a cute introduction to the other ponies! And it seems you've taken my advice. I see improvement. ^.^ Keep at it! It takes a while, but you're on the right track!
I tried out this chapter a couple of times in a draft in notepad, and I think this one works. Might not be the best chapter so far, but who knows!
2015438 Your the first brony I have ever seen fix up their story without complaining about the votes or completely deleting it. What are you
?
2032651 Is a brony just a fan, or a guy who likes ponies? Cause I'm not a guy XD and thanks XD maybe I am
2032690
A pegasister? Finally my sexism skills can be of some use! KIDDING
2032700 Lol XD What if you aren't kidding
Joking
EDIT: By the way, where did you get that profile picture?! It's so adorable!
EDIT 2: Lol, not anymore, but the puppy that you had :3
But I like peaches. D: But I do kind of see what you did there, and I'm interested to see how this turns out!