Kilroy Hance
Joined 15th Sep, 2012 ·
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- Shrek Is Dreck · 2.4k words · 69 4 · 2.6k views
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I was wondering when someone would use the Tau
Inner grammar nazi mode: enabled
Words ending in -y have the plural form ies.
The sentences feel too short and stilted, quite a few could be linked with commas.
If English isn't you first language though, well done, almost everything is fine throughout.
Inner grammar nazi mode disabled.
Seems like a good start, just wondering why it has both gore and sex enabled, though I'm strangely intrigued by a 40k clop-and-gore fest.
My personal favorite is the Blood Ravens or the Imperium soldiers.
The Tau do seem to be somewhat underrepresented in 40k/MLP crossover fiction, so this story gets points for originality. A few anyway. There's not much to critique yet, but I do have a few thoughts:
A small thing that bothered me was the ponies saying "gods." They've never said that before. Ever. In the show, they sometimes replace "God" in common sayings with "Celestia." Such as "Celestia as my witness," or "thank Celestia." It's the only evidence that they worship anything at all, but none of these "gods" you've introduced.
Other than that, there are a few proofreading errors here and there, and there's always room to improve dialogue. All in all, not bad, so far. Certainly not worthy of all the thumbs down you seem to have gotten. Just make sure you have an interesting plot to follow up your premise. And don't make the mistake of confusing a premise ("Tau and Orks meet the ponies and fight!") with a plot, which is the interesting things that happen within the premise.
Your writing is ok and more importantly is in character for all factions involved so far, and I really like how you set the entire thing up.
this story needs more Tau lol
I like this. The orks are hilarious and it's not that grimdark 'so far'. I like the break from the grimdark myself. Probably the land of Equestria seems to pacify/make things comedic. Orks will fit right in. {I wonder how the Tau will react to this.}
I find it strange that out of the Dark crusade I felt most bad when the Tau lose dunno the music is one factor.
yay
Orks for the win.