Pinkie Pie couldn't have a more perfect life. Pumpkin and Pound Cake are with her half the day. When she doesn't have them, she's either working in a place she loves, or with her friends. She wouldn't change anything about it for the world. Fate, however, had a different plan in mind: Her employers and close friends Carrot and Cup Cake die in a gas explosion caused by one of the ovens.
The children are now left as orphans, and are in danger of being separated into foster care. However, Pinkie takes it upon herself to adopt them to keep them together. Now, she'll be taking care of the babies 24/7- with the help of her friends and the rest of Ponyville, of course- willing to sacrifice everything in order to preserve the lives of the two unlucky souls who lost their parents.
I'm contemplating PinkieJack PinkieXRoseluck shipping
I just don't see how they say tragic and sad can't together. I think they can do so easily if you make it work. Now sad and comedy or slice of life and adventure those make sense because they are opposites but not tragic and sad.
The authors notes are really cool though.
I like where this is going so far and I wonder if Pinkie Pie is going to feel guilty because she believes she didn't turn the oven off and that's what caused the expolsion.
1924651 Punctuation mistakes?
-commits Seppukku- 
I'll hunt them down and destroy them!
[EDIT: the only error I found was using the word 'Why' instead of 'While'... can you please tell me what I messed up on so I can avoid the mistake in the future?]
1926948 Maybe Tragic is like Sad, but on steroids?
There'll always be that nagging doubt at the back of her mind that it was her fault.
1930038 It's pretty much I Let Gwen Stacy Die with the Cakes serving as the Gwen Stacy for Pinkie Pie.
1931479 There's... something that happens in chapter 2 that keeps it from being that.
1936539 Because of capitalization, or because I spelled it wrong? And I too have OCD, which makes me capitalize words that are important and practically freak out when I see that people don't capitalize things like Is and song titles in their iTunes libraries, or when people say 'itunes'. I also don't like spelling errors, and I want to know the right way to spell Seppukku, because both ways are errors on this site's spellcheck.
"Anyways, husband and wife Carrot and Cup Cake- formerly Cup O’flour before she got married- were descending the staircase into the main room."
Anyways, husband and wife Carrot and Cup Cake, formerly Cup O’flour before she got married, were descending the staircase into the main room.
I didn't want to drown people in commas, plus since it was cutting to a different topic, I felt a comma was not enough.
They were to take their shift in the evening while Pinkie watched the twins, Pumpkin and Pound.
Will this fix it?
"Alright then." vs "Alright, then."
But there's no natural pause in the tone he used, I don't mentally hear a comma.
"as they’ve proven to be quite a handful these past few months." vs "as they had proven to be quite a handful in previous months."
So this is an issue between 'have' and 'had'. I used 'have' because it was a present issue that was still subsisting today, and not something that happened in the past and stopped. If they weren't a handful anymore, I would have used 'had', but they still are, so I used 'have'.
"Called it" should have a comma proceeding it, and I just feel it should also be italicized, however, this is not necessary.
OMFG Google Docs screwed me over. I had it in italics on the Gdocs, but my idiot web clipboard doesn't copy formatting! And I just forgot to reinsert it. But trust me, it WAS in italics.
Thank you for pointing out the lack of ending punctuation, I honestly missed that.
"After gently taking off- which felt quite strange to the pegasus who normally just shot off like a bullet- she climbed slowly into the clouds.
Almost every time, you use :dash:es instead of commas."
Well, again, drowning in commas.
"Also, I kind of think the Carrot Top/Carrot Cake paragraph was slightly unnecessary, it adds nothing to the storyline."
Yeah, it was a tiny bit out of place, but I put it in because I didn't want people to be like 'Carrot Top? She's totally going to be a main character, that's a stupid reason to include someone, they're totally not related GRAAH!!!' and rage quit.
"They cheered: Applejack made the best applesauce in Ponyville."
They're two independent clauses, that's why I used a colon.
1945086 So it wasn't Pinkie Pie's fault?
If so I have a feeling she's not going to believe it, she's going to keep thinking "I didn't turn off the oven and that's what caused them to die."
1945387 Who says the explosion is what killed them? Well, both of them, anyway. Something happens in Chapter 2 that subverts Gwen Stacy syndrome.
1998059 Hm so the explosion is a cover for something much more serious, but what could anypony have against the Cakes that could warrant that?
Liked it. More chapters please.
2005117 Thank you; more chapters will be here eventually. I just really suck at putting my thoughts on paper.
Its not like i feel right with tragedies but i like the story
The drama,those feels....plz continue you r doin a great job
it's a good story and i love it (since i have a story with the exact same concept but i'm fine with others using the same idea) but PLEASE DON'T ruin this story with shipping...especially same sex shipping, i hold nothing against people who like it, it's fine but i can't stand it at all.
anyways aside from the short chapters, i love the story.
Right in the feeks.
2259315 I'm sorry for using an idea you've done. What account is it published under? Because I'd like to see someone else's take on this.
I don't mean to be rude, but I am the author, so I have artistic license to decide if I ship or not. And if you don't like same-sex shipping, well, you're going to hate me because in the MLP:FiM fandom, I read and write 90% femaleXfemale and 10% hetero. I'm a pansexual, so gender doesn't bother me in the slightest: shipping is shipping to me, and I like shipping.
However, don't worry: this story won't have gratuitous heavy shipping. I do plan to have some kind of relationship for Pinkie, for somewhere down the line. This chapter kinda made me lean towards Roseluck being a somewhat major character, and I think I'll be going with that. But there will not ever be a sex tag on this story, there won't be any 'makeout sessions', there won't be anything detracting from the theme of loss and recovery. So don't worry.
I'm hoping future chapters will be longer than 2000 words: chapter length is definitely something I need to work on.
2261691 if it's not HEAVY shipping, it's worth it because i really like the story line and it's not the main focus. ok. as for my story. well it bombed because i went overbeard and my partner kinda...is amaturish at writing. i love him but we're still working out writing
2261874 Yeah, the main focus is going to be Pinkie and the Twins. No romance tag, no heavy romance.
I'm sorry to hear that. But, writers do get better with more practice, so I'm sure your partner will eventually get that worked out.
Fucking lesbian shippers.
When is the next chapter coming out
Next?
Wow I sure was an edgelord in junior high school... anyways guess who's back on fimfiction and is gonna remake this story soon. THIS GIRL!