• Published 30th Dec 2012
  • 1,566 Views, 47 Comments

The Pinkiemian Rhapsody - Key Strix

"Is this the real life? Please tell me it’s just fantasy. I’m now tangled in strife with no friends left for me. With tears in my eyes I look up to the skies and plea: I’m Pinkie Pie and this isn’t my reality."

  • ...


“What in Tartarus?”

That’s Twilight’s voice, Pinkie noted before she pulled her hoof aside and fluttered her eyes open.

She was blinded by a white haze that forced her to blink several more times. Nothing. In fact, her eyes were just fine. There was just a white haze... everywhere. Pinkie could see outside the hardly noticeable walls of the Canterlot Castle. She could see into the rooms and hallways all around them. All of them were made of the same ghostly glass. Through the outer walls and off into the distance, there was no sunset, no mountains, nor even a sky. Just a white haze that everything faded into.

Twilight was right before her. She was almost as pure white as the rest of the background, but she wasn’t nearly as still. She was running about, frantically looking around. She stopped in front of the clear statue easily identified as Celestia. Twilight waved her hoof before it. Nothing.

As Twilight’s efforts continued in vain, Pinkie turned her eyes to the figure of Thornstar. Unlike the rest of the figures around, he wasn’t a ghost. But there it was, the strange black ooze-like oddity that surrounded his form before. This time, Pinkie could see it clear as day. It certainly wasn’t any ordinary sort of black ooze.

“Twilight,” said Pinkie as she pointed to Thornstar.

The ghostly Twilight turned her colorless eyes to Pinkie and followed her pointed hoof to the stallion. Twilight cautiously stepped up to him, squinted, and peered closely at his body. “Letters?” She tilted her head. In a daring motion, she reached out, and poked the letter coated pony. In response, he completely fell apart. Hundreds of letters that were slowly shifting about his form came drizzling down to the glass-like ground. The image of Thornstar faded away.

“I didn’t think that would happen!” Twilight, whose jaw unhinged, scuttled backwards several feet from a supposed crime scene. “Di-did I kill him?!”

Several groans emanated from behind the two, drawing their attention. The four other ponies had been shielding their eyes and were just coming through. As they brushed their hooves over their faces, Twilight and Pinkie curiously watched as more letters dripped to the ground.

“What the-?!” said Applejack as she shook letters free from her hooves. “The heck is all this on mah face?!”

Rainbow Dash peered at her own body with a suspicious glare. Nothing. But, when she shook her head wildly, she became a sprinkler of letters. “Pinkie,” she asked as she surveyed the mess of letters around her, “Was this a prank of yours? If so, I don’t get it. In fact, I’m more confused than ever.”

Pinkie, for the moment, ignored the question. Something in the sky had caught her eye. It was hazy, but her attention remained captured by the visual blob even when there was a shrill cry in the air.

Rarity flailed her limbs. “Get them off me! GET THEM OFF ME! So utterly disgusting! I feel like they’re crawling all over my face!”

Fluttershy, in reaction to Rarity’s dramatization, froze up entirely and tucked into a whimpering ball. Like a terrified kitten, she reached out with a single hoof to repeatedly bat at a letter that hung off her cheek.

“Really?” Rainbow Dash huffed as she turned to face Rarity. “Are you losing a fight against a bunch of letters? Come on now!”

“I just know I look like I lost a fight with a marker! Quickly, somepony get me a mirror! Whoever dared to do such a thing to my face will most certainly pay. When I find out...” Rarity paused as she noticed Rainbow Dash’s mischievously curled lips. “What exactly do you have to smile about?”

The pegasus’ roguish grin didn’t flinch as she stretched her wings as far back as she could and held them in position.

Rarity narrowed her eyes. “Oh no. Don’t you even think about-” A powerful blast of wind lifted Rarity onto her hind legs and sent every letter scattering from her face. After the gust passed, Rarity came back down to all fours and her newly messed-up mane dangled before her unamused expression. “-it.”

Applejack had already stepped around the two in order to head towards the shivering Fluttershy. The frightened mare peaked up past hoof and hair to Applejack’s gentle smile, which stopped her trembling. Taking her hat between the teeth, Applejack, with care, brushed it over Fluttershy’s face. Once it was swept clean of every letter, the cowpony found herself looking down at Fluttershy’s thankful smile before she pushed herself up to all fours.

Twilight, despite her previous minor freak out, had managed to calm down and turned to face the four. “Do you guys remember anything?”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I remember quietly standing around... for some reason.”

Applejack mimicked the same motions. “Same here. Pretty sure Ah’ didn’t say anything fer like an hour.”

Rarity did her best to adjust her messed hair before forcing a bright smile. “I was busy planning a wedding for Fluttershy and…” That smile slowly dimmed. “A complete stranger.”

“Wedding?” All eyes turned to Fluttershy. “What wedding?” Though only silence and dull stares followed her question, the answer soon came to her. “Oh! M-my wedding!” Her eyes went wide with horror. “No no no no!” Fluttershy wildly shook her head. “I can’t go through with a wedding!” She rushed over to Rarity and put her hooves to the mare’s collar. “It can’t happen, it’s way too much pressure! I’ll be a terrible bride! I’ll be in debt from all the expenses! There will be eyes judging me as I walk down the aisle! My family will even be more disappointed in me if I marry some stranger that I’ve only known for a single day. I’ll be looked at like some low life horse from Los Pegasus!” She shook Rarity’s collar with every tiny amount of her might. “You must stop planning immediately!”

“It looks like the wedding has already been called off,” said Twilight as she examined the massive pile of letters that once formed the stranger. “It seems that my supposed brother couldn’t keep himself together.”

Though with her head still tilted upward and her focus mainly astray, Pinkie added in, “That’s the way the impostor crumbles!”

With her attention snagged, Fluttershy ceased shaking Rarity about, leaving that once elegant mane, again, as a helpless and disappointing mess. Fluttershy curiously made her way over. Her eyes completely glued to the pile. “Thornstar is... an impostor and a pile of letters?”

Twilight nodded. She turned to face all the ponies. “I don’t know exactly how, or why, but this Thornstar thing had fooled almost all of us. He turned us into puppets. All of us, except for…” She pointed a hoof to Pinkie, who kept pointing her nose to the sky.

“Wait, Pinkie Pie wasn’t affected?” Rarity’s eyes shifted between the mare and Twilight’s nodding head. “Why does that not surprise me?”

“Oh boy.” Applejack fanned herself with her hat as she looked away from the others. “Ah’ve said some troublin’ things, haven’t I?”

“Me too,” said Fluttershy as her ears and head lowered.

Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her neck. “I even said she was annoying.” She then noted the uncomfortable looks upon the ponies all around her and knew someone had to say what needed to be said. With a few flaps of her wings and a short glide, Rainbow Dash landed before Pinkie Pie. “Though I’m sure we could blame all of this on the... mind control letters, I know I should say...” she paused, noticing that Pinkie wasn’t even batting an eye in her direction. “Pinkie?” She poked the mare’s chest. “Are you okay?”


“What the hay are you looking at?” Rainbow Dash attempted to look at where Pinkie’s eyes were pointed.

“Just a little silhouette-o of a... whatever that is.”

Everyone looked up. Every mouth dropped.

A large pitchblack figure hovered far up in the pure white sky, positioned directly above the six. Just as Pinkie had described, it was a silhouette, but of what? There was a head, two shoulders, and half a body, all shrouded in darkness.

“What is that?!” Twilight shouted, but no eyes turned to her.

One by one, about twenty feet before the eyes of the whole group, more letters appeared; each, just like the rest before them, no bigger than a filly’s hoof.


Twilight read it out loud for all to hear, and as soon as she did, the letters fell from their place and floated gracefully to the floor.

“Pinkie,” said Fluttershy as her gaze was still aimed high. “Is it time to panic yet?”

“Not yet. These noponies really never hurt, well, anypony! At least, as far as I’ve seen.”

“Wait,” Twilight’s attention briefly shifted. “You’ve seen these things before?!”

“They’re not things, they’re noponies. Or at least, that’s what I call them. No idea what they really are, but I’ve seen maaaany of them before. This is just the first time one has ever talked back to me.”

Rarity glanced to Pinkie as well. “How long have you been seeing these ‘noponies’? Are these the things you keep talking to?”

“I’ve been seeing these since I first met Twilight. I like to keep them company when I can.”

More letters appeared, only to fade after a few moments.


“It is!” Twilight shouted up at the sky. “So, who are you?”



Pinkie could’ve sworn that Twilight’s ghostly coat turned a shade whiter before she shook her head.

“So, Mister Author, is this all your doing?” Twilight held her hoof out to the pile of letters once known as Thornstar. “Why would you even do this? How did you even do this? Does your species want something from us? Are you from this world or a different world? You must be from this world because you speak the same language.”


The letters parted and faded for a short while. The nopony obviously stumbled with his response beneath the hail of questions.


Applejack stepped next to Twilight’s side and shuffled some fallen letters around with her hoof. “Really? You created this overpowered piece of pony?” She watched the kicked-up letters drift like fallen black autumn leaves.

Rarity squinted. “And that hideous name? Surely you could have come up with something better than that. Also, you’ve been watching us without us knowing? How… creepy.”


Pinkie curiously tipped her head before she felt a small breeze as Rainbow Dash suddenly lifted herself about ten feet off the ground to glare at the being in the sky. “That was clearly my rainboom that you repackaged for yourself! That was my thing and you just stole it! From me! I mean, how did you even steal it?! I worked nearly my whole life to make it!”


“Yer obviously a being of great power,” said Applejack. “You can give yerself unreasonably vast strengths and even defy logic. However, you clearly have been using yer powers fer ill doin’! Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful that you’ve helped out mah brother and all that, but using your mind tricks to get us to turn against Pinkie Pie? I mean, stealing strengths is one thing, but she’s our friend! How dare you come between us like that! Honestly, what was going through your skull?”


“The nerve of some beings,” scoffed Rarity as she turned her eyes to Pinkie. “Pay Author here no mind, dear. You’re not nearly as annoying as he says.”

The very soft and hardly audible voice of Fluttershy added in, “I don’t think you’re annoying at all, Pinkie.”

Upon hearing such, the mare’s lips formed a confident smile. It felt good to have her friends behind her once again. But, something told her to keep her mouth shut, at least for the time being as Applejack continued her conversation with the nopony.

“Ah don’t give a rat’s tail for what you think of Pinkie! You do not use your little mind trick letters to make us dislike her or even like you!”


“But you did!” Rainbow Dash was quick to scatter the letters. “You even used that little bit of influence to force Flutters to…” she made a gagging noise, “marry you!”

New letters appeared over the bashful mare.


She didn’t look at the nopony or anypony. Just her hooves.

“What about my house?” asked Rarity. “You better fix it too! You and your dragon thing turned it into shambles! Speaking of that, I forgot to check to see if Opal and Sweetie Bell are okay. I-uh… I’m sure they’re fine. I hope.”


Rarity stamped a hoof. The sound between invisible floor and hoof made it apparent that they all still stood upon marble floors. “Are you even listening to me?!”

Fluttershy’s soft voice could be heard from beyond the veil of bangs that shielded off most of her face from everyone. “D-don’t forget about Twilight’s family. I remember meeting them at the party too, just as Pinkie and the rest of us sort of did.”

Pinkie turned her attention to Twilight who, surprisingly, didn’t say anything. Twilight’s eyes were narrowed at the being in the sky, but not out of anger. She instead seemed very focused, as if simply analysing everything presented to her.

“That’s right,” said Applejack after giving her own chin a few taps. “You really went as far as to wipe out Twilight’s history? To make her think she didn’t have parents?!”

Rarity nodded. “That was quite monstrous.”

Words formed over the whole group.


“Yeah!” shouted Rainbow Dash as she lowered herself to the ground. “And you know what? I think I’ve heard enough of all this! Somepony needs to take this monster down!” Her left forehoof scraped the floor several times and she even snorted. She was like a bull with wings; wings that stretched far back in preparation to send herself into one massive upward charge.

“Panic time!” said Fluttershy before she was, once again, curled up on the floor. This time her hooves covered her eyes so she could hide from the impending violence.

“Hold your horses, Dash,” hollered Applejack. “As monstrous as that was and as self-centered as this nopony obviously is, violence ain’t gonna solve nothin’ here.”

Rainbow Dash responded with a sharp glare pointed over and past her shoulder at the cowpony. “I don’t know about you, but I’m not a fan of letting others poke around in my head and making me treat my friends like dirt! So, you know what? He isn’t gonna do it again.”

Rarity’s head tilted very slightly. “And how could you possibly know that?”

“Because I’m gonna make sure of it.” Rainbow Dash rocketed into the air.

The nopony tried to form several lines of words before the assaulting pegasus, but each was instantly plowed through.

Rainbow Dash was on the attack with wind beneath her wings, the target in sight, a fire in her heart, and a ceiling in her face. The almost perfectly clear castle was sturdy enough that the pegasus crumpled beneath it and plummeted to the ground. Luckily, she landed on a soft pillow of colorless magic.

Where Rainbow Dash had impacted, a single word formed.


Sorry? Pinkie’s expression scrunched as she pondered.

Once Rainbow Dash rediscovered her ability to stand on all fours, the pillow vanished.

“Okay everypony, time to calm down,” said Twilight as she looked from one pony to the next. “Applejack is right, this moment doesn’t call for violence; it calls for questions.”

Rainbow Dash groaned as she rubbed her head. “But Twilight, he-”

“I know what he did. He abused his power to try and win over our appraisal by messing with history, physics, and even logic.” Twilight turned her eyes to the figure in the sky. “You did all of this to be a part of our lives, correct?”

There was a rather long pause as a single word was slowly spelled out.


“Is this your first time trying to do such a thing, via avatar?”


“And, if given the chance, would you right your wrongs?”


“And there we have it.” Twilight smiled before turning to face the others.

Applejack tipped her hat back. “And there we have what, exactly?”

Though it was Twilight who was questioned, it was Pinkie who answered. “He isn’t evil. He isn’t a monster.” She briefly looked to Twilight. Both traded soft smiles before she turned to the rest of the group. “He’s just misguided.”

“Woah, woah, woah!” Rainbow Dash stepped before the two. “Are you saying that what he did was okay?”

“Not exactly.” Pinkie smiled away. “He may not be the pony you first thought he was, but he can still be given a second chance, right Dash?”

“What he did can be forgiven.” Twilight nodded reassuringly.

“That is, if he keeps his word.” Pinkie waved a hoof. “If Twilight’s parents are actually still around, and if Rarity’s house is back in place, then there shouldn’t be a problem!”

“Sure, the morality of what Author had done here was not great,” Twilight shrugged. “But I don’t think he knows the impact of the changes he made.”

“Nor how to socialize very well. But, despite all of that and being a nopony of great power, he really isn’t so different.”

Rainbow Dash blinked, clearly lost in the logic. “Different?”

“Rarity,” Pinkie suddenly turned to face the mare who was still trying to readjust her ruined hair. “How do you feel about the first dress that you created?”

“The very first? Like, when I was just a filly?” She curiously blinked then waved a hoof. “The stitching is off, there are some ill aligned edges, the fabric I chose is rather stiff, and the colors are only good for one season out of the year.”

Fluttershy, who was curled upon the floor, peeked over her hooves. “You make it sound like you still have that dress,” she inquired.

“Of course I do, sweetie.” Rarity smiled with confidence. “I may recycle my mistakes in most dresses, but some reminders are well worth keeping around; especially the nostalgic ones.”

“Fluttershy,” Pinkie switched her attention and everyone else’s over to her.

The mare’s ears perked up as she looked to Pinkie.

“Remember your first time trying to find true confidence in yourself?”

Pinkie watched as Fluttershy looked between her and Rarity before looking away from all. “Yeah. I thought it would be great. But, it was awful.” Her head lowered, as did her ears. “I was awful; very mean too.”

“Applejack, how was your first time learning to cook?”

“Mah first time?” Applejack shrugged and didn’t hesitate to tell. “Well, when Ah was a filly Ah thought everything Ah cooked tasted just fine, but everypony else thought they needed to go to the hospital. Come to think of it,” she said whilst she tapped her chin, “Big Mac almost went blind then too. So, till Ah could cook without cops, paramedics, or a hazmat team showing up, Ah was givin’ the chore of being an apple bucker.”

“As for me,” Pinkie pointed a hoof at herself. “My first time making a friend here was… awkward. I really wasn’t used to meeting people who weren’t family. You see what I’m saying here, Dash?”

The pegasus had been looking down at her hooves with shifting eyes as she contemplated just where all the questions were leading. When she looked up, she answered. “You’re saying you guys were all terrible at stuff once?”

Twilight sighed and shook her head. “No, Dash. All of us.”

“Whoah!” She frowned. “Since when have I been terrible at something?! You know, other than losing?”

“Well, I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you,” Twilights gaze zipped away and back, clearly knowing that what she was about to tackle wasn’t going to be easy. “It’s about your Daring Do fan fiction.”

“My writing?” Caught off guard, her eyes went wide as her head shifted back. “What does that have to do with any of this? Is something wrong with my writing? You guys said it was good!”

“It was good,” said Rarity as she stood between the two, relinquishing Twilight from the burden of the truth. “It was good… for a filly in elementary school.”

Rainbow Dash’s irises shrank as her heart obviously sank.

Rarity continued. “Your characters were very two dimensional and boorish. The plot twist was highly predictable from as it was so cliché. You used nothing but run on sentences with very little proper punctuation and most of your descriptions lacked any comprehensive detail. On top of that, it looked like you’d never seen a dictionary. Worst of all, you spent most of your time just having your main character, which was clearly just you with a different name, desperately showing off for the attention of Miss Do. All in all, your story was awful. A comedy of errors. It was so bad that when I handed it over to Sweetie Belle, she face hoofed hard enough to create a three-hour-long migraine… for the two of us. There is only one thing you need to do now to keep your story from first staining the eyes of your fanclub, and then the rest of Ponyville, leaving you as the laughing stock of the town.”

Rainbow Dash pressed down an audible gulp. “Wh-what’s that?”

Rarity tipped her head a little lower and narrowed her eyes. “Don’t mess with my mane.” She then tossed her head to the side, flinging her tarnished hair over her right shoulder. Having trotted off with a rather pleased smile, the fashionista practically put Dash’s look of defeat on display for Twilight.

“Riiiight….” Twilight shook her head. “Dash, I do have some writing lessons that we can go over together another time.” She tried her best to give a reassuring smile. “However, does anything of what Rarity said sound familiar here?” She turned her head upward, looking to the pitch black being in the sky that had remained wordless the whole time, as if patiently listening.

“I… I guess.” Rainbow Dash just watched as her right hoof scraped at the near invisible floor.

After seeing such a frown on Dash’s face, it became apparent to Pinkie that it was time to speak up. “Don’t worry, Dash! Like said, at one point or another, we’ve all done bad things that we thought were good. As much as we wanna be mad at Author for what he’s done,” Pinkie’s eyes and mind briefly trailed off. “As much as I was mad at him… he’s been doing nothing but trying to apologize this whole time for what he thought was great.”

“Just as we all had falsely thought well of our own poor actions.” Twilight nodded. “I gotta say, Pinkie; that’s quite perceptive of you.” She watched as Pinkie’s smile widened.

“So what about you, Twilight?” Rainbow Dash slightly lifted her head. “What similar mistakes have you made?”

“For me, when I was a little filly, I made the mistake of bringing my old doll, Smarty Pants, to class for Show and Tell.” She looked directly at Rainbow Dash. “I thought everypony else would see him the same way I did. To me, he was the coolest thing ever; Everypony else just saw him as a pile of rags slapped together. So, of course, I end up getting laughed at and picked on.”


A contemplative sigh passed Twilight’s lips. “If you were just trying to fit into Ponyville, into Equestria, then yes. Jumping into our world and suddenly being the best at everything to the point of belittling all others is no way to go.”


“You did.”

“But,” Rarity was quick to butt into the conversation, “you caused trouble too! Don’t think us clueless as to not be able to figure that your ‘inner demon’ dragon was a ruse. Not did you only use him to distract us, you made it so that he could only be defeated by your hoof! I mean, really? A made-up Element of Spirit? Please.” She waved dismissively.


“Ah kinda have the feelin’ that you were purposely takin’ all of our traits too. I mean, what’s the point of even wanting us around if you’re just gonna be better than all of us?”

“That’s right too!” Pinkie bounced in place several times. “We all have something that makes us special. When you can have strengths of your choosing, coming in to take all of ours as your own isn’t going to make you very likable. It’ll just make you a big ol’ copycat.”


Rarity was unable to keep herself from rolling her eyes. “Oh please, tone it all down. Those sound like powers composed by children. I mean-”

“Rarity,” Twilight softly bellowed to draw the fashionista's attention, “Let’s try constructive criticism this time, shall we?”

“Right, right. Sorry.” She pursed her lips and puffed her cheeks. “Look,” she said, her gaze turned back to the black figure in the sky, “just try something more simple, but still practical. Something with a touch of your own personality in it and no one else’s.”


“Like…” Rarity’s eyes wandered around the room. She, nor anypony else, had the answer.

It was quiet for a long time as Pinkie mentally rummaged about the pile of confetti known as her memories. Soon enough, the idea exploded into her mind like a cannon. “Oh! I know!” Pinkie shouted and waved her forelegs in the air. “Tape!”

“Tape?” asked Fluttershy, who had finally uncurled from her position on the floor. “I wasn’t aware that tape had a personality.”

“But it does! Tape is meant to bind a bunch of stuffs together and this nopony loves to do that! It’s also super useful! I also can’t tell you how many times I’ve run out of tape myself.”


Twilight cut in. “Well mister Author, whatever you choose to do, if you really wanna fit in with Ponyville, I’d advise making a new avatar. Just take to heart everything we said here, like to not ruin someone else’s past.”

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash nodded along. “Don’t take my Rainboom.”

Applejack added, “In fact, just find some strengths of your own. Don’t worry about being perfect either. After all, nopony’s perfect.” She paused to think that last line over while Rarity continued.

“And, don’t over play depressing attitudes and tragic histories either. In fact, get rid of that black and red color combination too. Really, I understand the symbolism, but the only way that look depresses me is with how cliché it is.”

Even Fluttershy spoke up. “And-uh... maybe you shouldn’t force everypony to like you. After all, being real friends doesn’t come just from having a bunch of things in common,. It’s about being able to acknowledge each other's differences and find an understanding.”

And finally, Pinkie Pie, who happily shouted at the top of her lungs, “TAAAAPE!”


Twilight kept gracing the nopony with a friendly smile. “You could first try and-”

“Um, Twilight,” Fluttershy gently tugged upon her tail, of which Twilight responded with a lifted brow pointed her way. Fluttershy then pointed her attention to outside the castle.

“Fluttershy, nothing is out there. It’s just the sun.” She shook her head then looked back up t- “THE SUN?!” Her head suddenly snapped back to look outside the castle.

Sure enough, the sun had appeared past the white haze and had even regained its color. The sky and the mountains quickly appeared as well, glowing with their natural colors.

“The spell’s losing strength!” Twilight was quick to panic and look back to the being in the sky. “For the sake of all that is science, what exactly are you?! Where do you come from?! What do you eat?! Are you actually male?! Does your race even have genders?!”

Letters kept attempting to form, but they fell apart before forming coherent sentences.

Twilight saw the being start to fade. She spoke even faster and louder. “How many of you are there?! Does your species hunt in packs or do they work with farms?! Just how magically and technologically advanced are you?!”

The walls and ceiling had reformed.

With one final effort, Twilight shouted at the top of her lungs, “Are you a ruler of your kind?!”


Celestia’s voice made her freeze instantaneously. She slowly looked back down and forced the corner of her lips to curl up into her bright red cheeks.

“There is no need to shout such a question, especially when you know the answer.”

Under the dusk sky, the train rumbled and roared down the railway. Its windows rattled, its wheels squealed from time to time, and its horn occasionally blew as it went. However, as loud as the train was, it was rather quiet on the inside. There was no celebration as the six sat in the back of their train car with no other pony inside. They all sat in silence, obviously contemplating over the rather strange day. Even Pinkie Pie found herself unusually quiet as she stared out of the window she sat next to.

“I don’t think that could have been any more awkward,” said Twilight.

“I still feel like I need an ice cold shower,” Rarity noted. “It’s great for the complexion, but it’s also good for washing away the disturbing feeling that comes from being manipulated.”

Applejack spoke into her hat that had been pulled over her eyes for quite some time as she leaned back into her seat. “Ah hear that. But, Ah’d rather go for a special batch of cider about now. Would probably help me forget about this whole dang day.”

Twilight sighed. “I just wish the princess would let me assist her in studying these nopony’s. I do remember the spell after all.”

Fluttershy peeked over their seat from behind. “But Twilight, she said that investigation could be more dangerous than we, or even she, could fathom.”

“I know, I know.” She shook her head. “But still, it might not be so dangerous. Guess I’ll just have to trust her judgment… for now.”

“Hey Pinks,” Rainbow Dash peered over the same seat. “Are you okay? You’re unusually quiet.”

“Uh-huh.” She nodded. “I was just thinking about the noponies.”

Rarity looked across the aisle at her and Twilight. “I only hope that Author character isn’t watching us anymore.”

“Well… he isn’t watching us.”

Rarity shuddered and looked away.

Twilight looked upon Pinkie rather curiously. “Well, what is it?”

“What if there are other noponies out like author? But, ones that wouldn’t care much for their actions. Actions that we’d be able to do nothing about.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like… what if a nopony turned Princess Celestia into a rampaging tyrant? What if one turns Dash into the world’s worst factory manager? Rarity could end up in a questionable relationship with this very train. What’s to stop one of them from turning Spike into a crazy war veteran? Maybe one would turn Fluttershy into a Sales Mare for sheds. You could become a blood sucking creature of the night. One of them could even turn me into a demented cook, who doesn’t put enough sugar into her baked goods.”

“That is quite a question.” Twilight ponderously looked away. She took to rubbing her chin as she thought out loud. “I suppose… if there was nothing that could be done about any of that, I’d just ask that those noponies make it sound like something we would do. You know, consider who we are now and give us a really good and logical reason for us to end up that way.” She saw that the comment was making the others worry, so Twilight was quick to smile. “But, I doubt that will happen. And, I’m sure that Author, wherever he is, will make the right choice if he comes back. For now, let’s just go home and sleep this off like a bad dream.”

Pinkie smiled a little weakly in return. She honestly didn’t know how much of that to really believe. Could any beings with such power really be trusted? Pinkie shook her head and decided to not push the subject any further. Instead, she turned her eyes to the window at her side just as the train passed through a tunnel. As soon as the train emerged from it, Pinkie laid eyes on Ponyville. Within the small town, softly lit by the parting sun, there was a glimmer of hope; a lavishly decorated structure that stood tall, almost as if a single brick had never fallen out of place. Pinkie beamed. “Hey Rarity, I can see your house from here.”


Author's Note:

-I wanna give a big thanks to all those who helped me in making this story possible and legible! This piece of writing had an extremely rough and rather poor start, but I think all turned out well in the end thanks to their help.
-To the very few of those that followed this story from when it first started, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting and for all the re-writes.
-To all readers, I thank you very much for your time! If you could spare some more, please leave a thumb up or thumb down and maybe let me know what you think in the comments section! I'd love to hear any criticism you have so that I might learn to further improve my writing skills.


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Comments ( 20 )

I'm shocked and disgusted to see such a well written/thought out story not getting the attention it deserves.

26 likes? Please. This deserves at least a hundred.

Amazing story with amazing premise.

The fourth wall was brutally murdered and tortured in this chapter...

Why thank you so much! You have no idea how happy I am to see such a review. :pinkiehappy:

Sorry it took so long to get back to you. I kinda got some harsh reviews beyond this site that I took pretty hard, so I kinda bailed for a while. I understand the story starts off way too slow and has plenty of fluff that I could trim. But I just don't have the will to get to it 'cuz it'll be a LOT of work. Think I'm just gonna put the lessons I learned into my next story (that's halfway done, just looking for willing editors). :pinkiesmile:

I think the 4th wall said "no" but all I really heard was STAB STAB STAB STABSTABSTABSTAB :pinkiecrazy:

Hope you enjoyed! :heart:

4441927 True. :P

And are you kidding me? I loved it! It's a big shame you recieved harsh criticism outside, because, quite frankly, this is a great story.

The only thing I dislike about this story is that it could go on much further. For example, everyone slowly being brainwashed by Thornstar, leading them to dislike Pinkie Pie due to her determination to uncover the monster behind his mask, and her bravely venturing through the thick broil of ponies who hate her to discover more about this pony, possibly including Shining Armor himself, who happens to be barely aware of the fact that Thornstar is impersonating himself as a brother of his and Twilight. And possibly include a reference to how badly-thought fics sometimes make Celestia an evil tyrant, and end up with Thornstar becomming the new ruler after Celestia's "banishment".

4456456 Awww! I'm glad to hear that!

As for adding any more, I felt that the story was getting long enough. In fact, this story was actually meant to be much shorter! Like, many chapters shorter! I just got carried away with certain scenes and details. In the end, what I wanted to tell was told and I felt the story was complex enough as is. If I go for a huge saga (like I tried with my poorly-written first fic here) I fear that I wouldn't be able to finish it.

I will say that what you put is a very nice idea though. Thornstar banishing Celestia would have made quite an entertaining moment! Should keep some of those creative ideas of yours in mind for the next story I have coming. :trollestia:

Nice story, but why is it labelled a tragedy? That tag doesn't really fit this story.

5023625 I actually don't remember adding that at all. Strange...

5023930 The whole last chapter I was all "this SEEMS like a happy ending, but it's a tragedy. Who's going to die?"

5023986 :rainbowlaugh: Sorry to have played with your expectations so unknowingly! Well, the tag is gone. I even removed the comedy tag as well, due to the story actually not being very comedy focused.

5024071 It still had some funny moments. "I was the spoon!"

Fist off, feel free!
Second off, who doesn't?

a very good story indeed with a very interesting idea. the characters critiquing
the author and giving him suggestions to improve his writing. I have written a
few not-so-hot tales and pictured the characters saying "WTF?" a clever idea

6115945 Thank you for the comment! It was a pleasure to see after having been absent for ages. I was actually gonna go the same route as you and make a bad OC bashing fic. But... I kinda noticed that was a trend around here. So I decided to tackle the issue of bad OCs at a completely different angle. Turned out to be a great move. I Just wish I wrote the story better. The overall plot is fine, but the pacing is pretty bad.

6358634 Wow, it took me a looong time to get back to this! But you miiiight be right. Keep reading! There's an explanation for everything... and it's probably not what you're thinking. Or it is! I dunno! I'm interested in hearing your thoughts~

This story was really clever XD I had a blast reading it. Thanks!

7996334 I'm really happy you enjoyed it! :ajsmug:

Ack, is that brief comment really all I left? I thought I said a lot more! The concept is really unique and I loved its cleverness and subversion of tropes. I loved the take on Pinkie, aware of things no pony else is. It's great! Even this comment is really short, but at least I tried to say a bit more :twilightblush:

8111345 It's okay! I'm terrible at responding in any sort of fast manner! :twilightblush:

Again, I'm pleased to hear that you've enjoyed the overall story. It's one I'm a little too proud of. I just wish the actual writing of it wasn't so... meh. So many bland descriptions. Hardly any flavorful wordplay. Plenty of scenes that could be heavily trimmed. But... I'm happy it still manages to entertain~ Maybe one of these days I'll finish the rewritten version that got put on hold. Perhaps I'll get around to it after I wrap up my ongoing secret project.

Oh, if you do ever wanna make a not-so-short comment, feel free to rant or chat in depth about any story bits that interest you! I'm all ears and open to criticism.

Maybe one would turn Fluttershy into a Sales Mare for sheds


P.S The story is good, liked it a lot

Oh. Nice~ I'm ashamed of my bleh-tier writing for this story, but I'm happy that some people like yourself are still getting enjoyment out of it. :pinkiehappy:

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