• Member Since 7th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen March 10th

Key Strix


E

Dear Princess Celestia,

Last night, a strange stallion named Thornstar showed up in Ponyville. He has been very nice and helpful, and everypony has been taking a great liking to him. But, I think I just might... hate him. I just know that this new pony is up to no good, but I haven’t been able to prove it. Because of that, my friends now think I’m crazy and will no longer listen to me. If I don’t get any support soon, I fear I just might lose them for good! Please, I need help and you’re the last pony I can to turn to.

Your unhappy subject, Pinkie Pie.

~Cover image created by me. Comments might contain spoilers. Criticism is welcome.~

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 47 )

interesting story I like to see where it goes :pinkiehappy:

What about being Celestia's Faithful student?! How about Cadence?! how about Spike?!oh wait a minute you don't remember?! :ajbemused: :flutterrage:

Sorry for the super late response.

1877856
Don't worry. I have all of those things well in mind for where I'm going with this. :pinkiehappy:


1877775
Hope it won't take me too much longer to pump out the last 1 or 2 chapters needed to resolve it. :twilightsmile:

Okay, a few capitalization problems there and there but I'm enjoying it too much to point it out.

Go on sir.

1896681
Really? Hm... I'll try to root them out when I get a chance. Thanks for the heads up.

Comment posted by Key Strix deleted Feb 1st, 2013

All these contradictions ! What's really going on ? :rainbowhuh: ( Also, wasn't he a pegasus ?)
My bet is that that guy made a wish to a star (his name is ThornSTAR) and is making his own perfect life (most powerful pony in Equetria, Twilight's brother, loved by everyone, ect...Maybe a human ?) and Pinkie is the only one that can resist his magic. ... Probably not.

2067143
He's a unicorn. Do I have it stated otherwise else where? Also... am currently polishing up the first chapter as we speak. So many errors.

2067152 I thought that somewhere in the story, Rainbow said he was the best flyer in Equestria...I'm not sure :twilightsheepish:

2067157
She said "fastest" in the first chapter. Easy mistake to make! Am clearing it up a bit now.

New chapter added! Hopefully things will start to piece together! :trixieshiftright:

Yeah!! I really like this story!! And I have an idea of who Thornstar really is...:pinkiesad2:

2212268
I'm happy you like it so far! :pinkiehappy:
I won't give you the answer, I'll let the story do such later on. But, If you wanna place a bet on who you think he is, and don't wanna risk posting possible spoilers, feel free to message your thought to me! I love to hear peoples guesses. :twilightsmile:

I just looked at the picture of this story and went "wait, that's not a microphone! That's a spoon-oh."

Comment posted by Key Strix deleted Apr 18th, 2013

There's a reason why Dash is awesome.

Seriously, though, I didn't see any of this coming. Madronisc, Thornstar's reaction, Rarity losing her house.... All I can say:
fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/240/9/4/_gif__dis_gun_b_gud__by_aartboy-d5cp797.gif

A new cover and a nice big chapter added in. This story is taking far longer than originally planned, but it should be over in the next two chapters or so.

“Hello Twilight,” said the dark unicorn, “it is I, your brother Thornstar Ravenblack.”

You're evil, aren't you?

2853329
I'll just... convince myself that means something good. :twilightsheepish:

2853353
DOES NOT COMPUTE


(lol the last bit)

2853356
Ahhh...! Happy to have gotten a laugh off ya! :pinkiehappy:

I'm shocked and disgusted to see such a well written/thought out story not getting the attention it deserves.

26 likes? Please. This deserves at least a hundred.

Amazing story with amazing premise.

The fourth wall was brutally murdered and tortured in this chapter...

4372554
Why thank you so much! You have no idea how happy I am to see such a review. :pinkiehappy:

Sorry it took so long to get back to you. I kinda got some harsh reviews beyond this site that I took pretty hard, so I kinda bailed for a while. I understand the story starts off way too slow and has plenty of fluff that I could trim. But I just don't have the will to get to it 'cuz it'll be a LOT of work. Think I'm just gonna put the lessons I learned into my next story (that's halfway done, just looking for willing editors). :pinkiesmile:

4411831
I think the 4th wall said "no" but all I really heard was STAB STAB STAB STABSTABSTABSTAB :pinkiecrazy:

Hope you enjoyed! :heart:

4441927 True. :P

And are you kidding me? I loved it! It's a big shame you recieved harsh criticism outside, because, quite frankly, this is a great story.

The only thing I dislike about this story is that it could go on much further. For example, everyone slowly being brainwashed by Thornstar, leading them to dislike Pinkie Pie due to her determination to uncover the monster behind his mask, and her bravely venturing through the thick broil of ponies who hate her to discover more about this pony, possibly including Shining Armor himself, who happens to be barely aware of the fact that Thornstar is impersonating himself as a brother of his and Twilight. And possibly include a reference to how badly-thought fics sometimes make Celestia an evil tyrant, and end up with Thornstar becomming the new ruler after Celestia's "banishment".

4456456 Awww! I'm glad to hear that!

As for adding any more, I felt that the story was getting long enough. In fact, this story was actually meant to be much shorter! Like, many chapters shorter! I just got carried away with certain scenes and details. In the end, what I wanted to tell was told and I felt the story was complex enough as is. If I go for a huge saga (like I tried with my poorly-written first fic here) I fear that I wouldn't be able to finish it.

I will say that what you put is a very nice idea though. Thornstar banishing Celestia would have made quite an entertaining moment! Should keep some of those creative ideas of yours in mind for the next story I have coming. :trollestia:

Nice story, but why is it labelled a tragedy? That tag doesn't really fit this story.

5023625 I actually don't remember adding that at all. Strange...

5023930 The whole last chapter I was all "this SEEMS like a happy ending, but it's a tragedy. Who's going to die?"

5023986 :rainbowlaugh: Sorry to have played with your expectations so unknowingly! Well, the tag is gone. I even removed the comedy tag as well, due to the story actually not being very comedy focused.

5024071 It still had some funny moments. "I was the spoon!"

and you totally flipped your stuffing!

I am so going to use that phrase.

Also, Thornstar Ravenblack. I want to punch him just for that name.

5459237
Fist off, feel free!
Second off, who doesn't?

a very good story indeed with a very interesting idea. the characters critiquing
the author and giving him suggestions to improve his writing. I have written a
few not-so-hot tales and pictured the characters saying "WTF?" a clever idea
indeed.

6115945 Thank you for the comment! It was a pleasure to see after having been absent for ages. I was actually gonna go the same route as you and make a bad OC bashing fic. But... I kinda noticed that was a trend around here. So I decided to tackle the issue of bad OCs at a completely different angle. Turned out to be a great move. I Just wish I wrote the story better. The overall plot is fine, but the pacing is pretty bad.

This Oc you introduced is kind of a Gary-Stu.. Saying he knew all these spells and he became this powerful element that beat even Pinkie Pie..

6358634 Wow, it took me a looong time to get back to this! But you miiiight be right. Keep reading! There's an explanation for everything... and it's probably not what you're thinking. Or it is! I dunno! I'm interested in hearing your thoughts~

This story was really clever XD I had a blast reading it. Thanks!

7996334 I'm really happy you enjoyed it! :ajsmug:

8109082
Ack, is that brief comment really all I left? I thought I said a lot more! The concept is really unique and I loved its cleverness and subversion of tropes. I loved the take on Pinkie, aware of things no pony else is. It's great! Even this comment is really short, but at least I tried to say a bit more :twilightblush:

8111345 It's okay! I'm terrible at responding in any sort of fast manner! :twilightblush:

Again, I'm pleased to hear that you've enjoyed the overall story. It's one I'm a little too proud of. I just wish the actual writing of it wasn't so... meh. So many bland descriptions. Hardly any flavorful wordplay. Plenty of scenes that could be heavily trimmed. But... I'm happy it still manages to entertain~ Maybe one of these days I'll finish the rewritten version that got put on hold. Perhaps I'll get around to it after I wrap up my ongoing secret project.

Oh, if you do ever wanna make a not-so-short comment, feel free to rant or chat in depth about any story bits that interest you! I'm all ears and open to criticism.


Maybe one would turn Fluttershy into a Sales Mare for sheds

HEY HEY HEY, JUST DON'T GO IN MY SHED!

P.S The story is good, liked it a lot


10051797
Oh. Nice~ I'm ashamed of my bleh-tier writing for this story, but I'm happy that some people like yourself are still getting enjoyment out of it. :pinkiehappy:

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