Derpy's date

Ya, ya ya. Long time span in between stories. Anyhow, Derpy FINALLY has her long awaited date with the Doctor! How will it go? Back at Sugarcube Corner, Luna foalsits Pumkin and Pound.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 13 )

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Derpsanddinks404

Derpsanddinks404 #1 · Dec 21st, 2012 · 1 · ·

Couple things: 1. It's not usually a good idea to put author's notes in between lines. Save those for the end.
2. Don't much care for Derpy's backstory. It may be just me, but I don't think Equestria's silliest mailmare has a Mary-Sue-like backstory. And I am 99.9% certain that she is much older than Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.
3. Paragraphs, author! Stories look a ton better and beefier when they have paragraphs. Starting a new line for every sentence makes a story seem like a child's story, no offence.
4. I am an avid fan of Timebubbles, and the fanon idea that Luna and Derpy are close friends, so this will recieve a thumbs up from me, despite its flaws.

SuperPinkBrony12

SuperPinkBrony12 #2 · Dec 21st, 2012 · · ·

Not bad but yeah Derpy is kind of Mary-Sue ish.

Colt Vulpes

Colt Vulpes #3 · Dec 21st, 2012 · · ·

DERPY! (I swear that's my favorite face ever right there.)

Oh and the Doctor too. But mostly DERPY!

Okay... calm down me... ahem.
I thought this was good. Had a nice story line, and I really liked Luna and Derpy's interactions. And I can just see Luna snoring on the couch like that!

Edit: Yeah, I hate to say it, but Derpy's backstory was a little depressing. And the other comments are right, that part's a bit Mary-Sue-ish. The rest of the story was perfect, though.

Ellielicious

Ellielicious #4 · Dec 21st, 2012 · · ·

D'aaaaaawwwwww

YatzSliversword

YatzSliversword #5 · Dec 23rd, 2012 · · ·

1834955 Thanks for the tips. I don't paragraph between eery sentence though. I write these stories as a word document, so it looks like it would on a piece of paper. This site has a different format overall, so thats why it looks so strange. But hey, what're you going to do?

YatzSliversword

YatzSliversword #6 · Dec 23rd, 2012 · · ·

1835488 Who is Mary Sue?

SuperPinkBrony12

SuperPinkBrony12 #7 · Dec 23rd, 2012 · · ·

1841693 Look it up on TV Tropes but it pretty much boils down to a perfect protagonist.

MiraStripe

MiraStripe #8 · Apr 13th, 2013 · · ·

Derpy x Doctor 4evahh

NightLight007

NightLight007 #9 · Feb 24th, 2015 · · ·

“Now we just have to wait for the right time! Wouldn’t it be funny if he gives you an English Muffin thing?”
Derpy made a sour face. “If he does, I will stuff a pear down his throat.”

I was laughing so hard!!