Please
"Last night, I was just hanging with Rainbow Dash an' she-" Scootaloo said, pausing once she realized that the entire fan club was watching her. Every eye was on her, and despite her mom trying to get her better at it, she hated being watched by crowds.
"What were you doing with Rainbow?" Snips asked. He easily stood out, being nearly a head taller than anypony else.
"Well she's my..." Scootaloo started only to be interrupted again, this time by an earth pony named Tick Tock Clock.
"I doubt you even know her." Said Tick Tock, her voice reverberating in Scootaloo's head.
"I do know her, I liv-" Scootaloo tried to reply, but other members of the Rainbow Dash fan club didn't give her the chance. Everypony was talking at the same time, no single voice discernable from the others. Her orange wings fluttering furiously, she became more and more exasperated.
Scootaloo groaned loudly and decided that she could find comfort in her mom, who no doubt was tired after all the flying she did today. She left the clubhouse, knowing they would forget about that topic within five minutes, probably moving onto who had tickets to the Wonderbolt's show. None of them would believe Scootable had seats literally right next to Rainbow.
It didn't matter what she said, none of them would believe how close the two were, never believe the numerous picnics they went on together.
She started in the direction of home when a certain cyan spirit floated down next to her.
"How's it goin' punk?" Rainbow said, flapping her wings gently just enough to drift at the same speed as the tyke next to her.
"Not to good." Scootaloo grumbled. She kicked the rock that dared stand in her way, sending it tumbling to its doom on the side of the road. "Damn" she muttered after losing the rock. It didn't matter how little she kicked it, it was bigger than the rest and nearly pitch black. She was hoping she could just walk on forever, callously kicking this rock down a dirt path.
"Hey, you know I don't like it when you talk like that." Rainbow Dash recited, stopping once she realized that Scootaloo wasn't in the mood. Rainbow didn't know what was up, but more and more Scootaloo would get in these funks, not wanting to talk even with the most important person in her world.
Scootaloo's head sunk lower as she realized her mistake. She didn't want to make Rainbow leave, not wanting her to be unhappy. Her eyes remain cast down as she walked ever forward into afternoon sun.
Rainbow contemplated what to do, but drew no conclusions. She stopped thinking with her mind and thought with her heart, recieving instant results. Where they the right thing? Maybe not, maybe so.
"I'm gonna head home kid, seeya there. Take as much time as you need." And with that, the blue angel was gone, disappearing into the sky.
Her wings must be tired, thought Scootaloo, she's gotta be tired. Scootaloo gave a little flap of her wings and continued her ponderous state. One hoof after the other, she tread forward, trying not to think of anything. She got to the point where the road met the forest, and knew that if she stopped, she would find no comfort. Her mom lived in Everfree forest, something Scootaloo hated. Her mom loved the forest, mostly just the immersion in nature.
The animals moved through the foliage, rustling the leaves loudly. She found the clearing that she was looking for, she could tell. Her mom's aura remained, even from her daily movements.
The house was darkened, but animals still frolicked around. She wasn't here to visit the caretaker, she was here to visit Mom. Scootaloo went to the backside of the house and was looked square in the eye.
A stone, only two feet high, stood. Engraved was a message that changed Scootaloo's life.
R.I.P.
Fluttershy
A Kind Soul
Shall be Remembered
Scootaloo rarely came here, because when she was here she hoped it was all a lie and checked it to see if it still stood in the way. Everytime, it was the same, jarring shock that shook her to the core.
Her mom, the graceful, beautiful, quiet, caring Fluttershy, was dead. Six feet under and there was nothing Scootaloo could do. Scootaloo was as useless as the day she died, scared from her inability to help.
Scootaloo could remember the day as clear as cool water in a tranquil pond in early Fall. It hurt to remember, but that was all she could do.
-One Year Earlier-
Scootaloo sat in her seat, quivering from excitement. A smile was plasted on her face for she had finally gotten her cutie mark. The other Crusader's had yet to get theirs, but it was a special moment for the CMC. Their first rousing success. Of course, it wasn't even because of a cutie mark expodition, but rather due to a school project.
On her flank was a seed sprouting to release a vine symbolizing her gardening prowess. Her mom would be proud, she knew, because it showed that this rough and tumble pony had the ability to care for others, much like her own. Her mom hated it when things like her shyness showed up in Scootaloo but adored it when her kindness revealed itself.
The instant the bell rang, Scootaloo sprinted out of the school. She dashed home, flapping her wings as she did. She didn't know how to fly but Rainbow promised she would, so it was only a matter of time.
She burst through the door to disrupt the noctunal animal's sleep. The orange filly apoligized profusely and tiptoed up the stairs.
Finding her mom's room, she snuck in and say her mom's sleeping body.
"Mom?" Scootaloo whispered, her voice hoarse. Fluttershy didn't even move, so Scootaloo moved a bit closer and whispered again, but this time louder.
Failing to respond, Scootaloo nudged her mom, instantly sensing the giant change in tempurature.
Scootaloo was now worried. She lay down next to her mom and said, not fearing the alarm of the animals, "MOMMA? Wake up. I don't want you to miss this. MOM! WAKE UP! Please..." Scootaloo sobbed into the cold, clammy body resting next to her.
"please..."
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This is just something quick I wrote. I hope you enjoyed it.
Enjoy? No thats not the word... But well written, congradulations on depressing me a little.
1769538 I liked it needed more meat for my taste and why did you put an alternate universe tag?
1770056 cachy
1770784
A good job done good. It was a pretty well written story for under a thousand words, but you should probably try for at least 3,000 a chapter. Almost excellent grammar too,
Here's where you mucked up:
_"Not too good" Scootaloo mumbled_
_She snuck in and saw her mothers sleeping body_
But that's all I found at first glance, barely anything. So good job, but I think you should try leaving a few paragraphs too, it'll seem less cluttered that way.
1770332 I put an alternate universe tag in because Scootaloo is the same age as in the show, but Fluttershy died the year previous, entire changing the story line of the show.
1770056
I didn't know that existed... oops
1771130 Lol, it's just a song relevant to the story.
This is very well Written, Im honestly Crying... And can I ask, What made you come up with the idea to make Fluttershy her Mother? Its interesting to see the creativity of the fandom like that. Very good story :3
you would like me to be brutal. i dont enjoy that but every writer needs critacizm. Firstly, you jumped into the story a little too quickly, creating no build up of emotion, giving the overall tone a flat feeling, if you slowed down you could accomplish that. however, the plot so far is tremendous and i have high hopes, the only thing i am concerned about is the fact that you used fluttershy as scootaloos mother, which i find both ambitious and odd, why not just make an oc? its just, scootaloo and fluttershy never really talk about each other in the show, with the eception of the episode with the cockatrace, where scootaloo comes to fluttershys house and does not do it frequently because fluttershy gave up her bed, the only one in the house for the CMC meaning that unless fluttershy treats scootaloo as a stranger all the time, fluttershy cannot be scootaloos mother, just make an oc and make things easy, i admire your ambition to tie the two characters together in such a way though, just dont make the relation between the two characters impossible. Oh, and make it longer, it should be a build up of a story, making the reader feel the emotions as well, and that takes time, good plot overall, good writing stile, be a bit more descriptive, and this could be a great fic. You wanted brutal. your gonna go far kid.
1773413 Thank you for responding. You were the only one who responded to my call for a brutal. review.
I could have thought this through a lot more and go farther into their relation, but I didn't. I think my only excuse for their relation was that it was alternate universe so it didn't follow cannon, so drawing comparison to the show doesn't help. I completly forgot that episode so that might have been it.
In the beginning, I planned for it to be about RD and Scoots, but everbody and their brother does a story about that, but Fluttershy and Scootaloo? Nobody has even touched that I think, so I went for it.
You have given me an idea though and I think it might just work... if it weren't for the most current episode. Nevertheless, thank you for helping me with this, I hope you enjoyed it.
1773001 I don't think I did that good
but thank you.
As I was writing, I intended RD to be the mom, but that is just so out there. People see a Scootaloo fic and instantly think its going to be about the CMC or Rainbow Dash and I just felt that Fluttershy was untouched as far as the CMC are concerned other than that episode. I tried keeping the mom's identity ambiguous until the end and changed quite a few parts in the beginning because it was Fluttershy, not anypony else.
I've babbled on long enough, thank you for your compliment.
1769538 sequel?
Why the hay did you do this to me, bro? I-I...
i can't believe you made me feel like this
I shall stalk you
okay interesting story but one major flaw
if Fluttershy was her mother, wouldn't the fandom know that
wouldn't we know that fluttershy had a child
other then that it was good
I really like your story, lol. Short, sweet, and simple.
sad
1967755 Maybe Scootaloo specifically doesn't want ponies to know that Fluttershy is her mother.
NGH THE FEELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!