StormWing as a foal lived in Cloudsdale and attended the young foals flight academy. After flight school he moved to Ponyville connecting with old friends and falling in love of course hes gonna have to get through tough times with a griffon before he can finally settle down.
(this is my first fanfic so please make your comments constructive)
oh and this isnt meant to be a professional story so yeah and the chapters are going to be short!
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FIRST OF THEM ALL
I do like the premise, but you have a fair amount of errors that get in the way of a potential favorite. Slow down, try to revise paragraphs so they're longer and detailed, maybe get an editor to help weed out those pesky problems. And for the love of Celestia, please try to make your chapters 1,000 words or more.
1689772
AUGH I WAS SO CLOSE
1689776 ok thx for feed back but i am going for a short story style
I don't want to become one of those people but...
Capitalize your I's
You need a comma after filly
Alright, first off here, c'mon, because it's an implied vowel in there. 2nd, "sadness, That's" should be "sadness. That's" You don't capitalize after a comma.
Should be "No but I will."
You have repeated these errors all over, I'm not going to point them all out.
Nice story overall, just the grammar that's bad.
1690380 ... no offense but what are ya the story police oh and this is just a short story run i am not going for a professional story at least not yet not until i get a real editor.
1690172
If you're going for that type of story, carry on then.
thats the best way to go short story first then professional story next very good won't rate till it gets further
Before anyone says anything i know i made a typo near the end of the chapter
1694335
thank!!!
Nice ending. I like how you had the two foals there. Great job with this story.
4100974 thanks this was my first story i will probably write more