This is a story about a 15 year old boy who get tranferred to yet another school, but this one is different. Its a special school for students that want to have a place to stay when learning. He wants to make a fresh start, make new friends and forget all the bad times he's been through. But can he when there are some old friends at this new school.
Rated teen for swearing and adult themed jokes.
I have been inspierd by 'Red Thrush Private School' by Azurini. It is a pretty cool story and I liked his/her ideas. (But I didn't like the ending that much though)
On hiatus until I've finished my exams.
Chapters (1)
Hi There! It's Tundra here.
I've done a good reading of your work and I'd like to say a few things..well..maybe..a lot..or less..I'm not sure..Haa...anyway..
First thing is that..you gotta space out the dialogues away from the rest so that we readers acn read more comfortably, there are alot of those dialogies that really happen to be swueezed in between the story and thus causing me to be confused.
Secondly, I suggest you should do some fixing up on the dialogue...when u start a dialogue make sure it starts with a capital letter. Oh yeah, don't forget, theres alot of dialogues that didn't have full-stops.
Lastly, Grammar, before anyone start being a grammar Nazi, I think you should re check the whole thing to confirm that there isn't any mistakes, though I did find a few, it wasn't hard for me to not understand. So I guess your grammar part is okay.
Hmmmm...I think that's all, I'm going to keep an eye out on this story here :D
Keep it up!
This is your first story, isn't it? It shows.
Meh... No, sorry. I've never liked OC-centric stories really and they need to be super-good to make me endure them. This one... no, I really don't like the feel of this OC. He's in too deep too early and seems to have too much influence over characters who should be the ones in control over him. The reader is having to take too much on faith about him and the dreaded 'Marty Stu' indicators are there. All the signs are bad. I think I'll bow out at this point.
I need a link to the story this is based off of so if any one can link me to it please give me the link and thank you if you do
Let's hope his dad isn't Gilderoy Lockheart, LoL XD
By the way, it is too early for a story to be this deep
Oh and add more detail will you, the part where 'Will' is exhausted doesn't make any sense, unless you add 'beacuse the luggages are so heavy' or 'This building is so big and it has soooooo many stairs' , well I think ya' smellin' what I'm sayin'
Welp that's all I guess, this story has potential if you do it right, (Using Batman voice)
I'll be back for next chapter... 'Til then... I'm Batman...