Applejack gets curious about what Rarity does when they don't film the show, and sneaks into the Carousel Boutique to check Rarity's gem collection. She ends up finding the best thing EVER.
--------
I wanted to do a comedy-style story for once, involving Applejack and Rarity. No it is NOT a yuri/yaoi story. I hate them Dx Cover image by me. My second published story. Hope you like it, everypony!
Page generated in 0.074 seconds
Total duration
779 users online
948,467 hits today, 1,960,719 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Way too short. It might be better if it was just one chapter.
Yeah, these are way too short.
Expand, or make these all one chapter.
Although, that is a better cover image than I could ever make.
Kinky.
Protip:
Try to avoid chapters with less than 600 words, and chapters with less than 200 words are a HUGE no-no!
(the exception being if it's a make your own adventure story)
Awkwardly paced and choppy. Also, a Twilight reference? That's a little random.
I actually have sonic gems collection, so I got the joke.
A simple but nice story
1702499
HOLY BUCK YOU
1702727 Me.
1702521
Actually...
Know Your Mare
1702739
QUITE
Those are some great chapters of immense size. I am indicating its size is fairly enormous in stature and in length of sorts so that I may get you to notice its current length in word value. I hope that you understand the immense size when I see the chapters, my eyes can barely focus and concentrate without being amazed by its colossal value.
Agree with claudette on the pacing and choppiness. Could stand to be improved in those areas.
For example, this line:
Here you flat out tell the reader when AJ saw the key, making the a few days ago scene pointless. But it could have been written so that AJ knows she's seen that key before, but doesn't quite remember when/where. Then she narrows it down to that day and you go into the memory bit, probably just with the stuff italicized, ending on when she spotted the key. You pick up again with her having the "that was where I saw it" moment and on you go.
Also, the canon spelling is Apple Bloom, not Applebloom. I know lots of people like to screw it up, but if you wouldn't say Pinky or Rainbowdash (and I would hope you don't), then you really should get AB's name right as well
Hee-Hee, it took me a moment to realise that she meant the twilight saga film, not that she was meeting Twilight Sparkle at the cinema
I don't get it. Sonic Gems collection? What?
1702752
I don't understand why so many people liked that story.
1705934
It's funny. I find it funny.
1708018
If y'all say so.
1708023
Alrighty then!
I'm gonna clean this up in a few days, make it a bit more easier to read xP
Twilight is only good for watching the guys take their shirts off.