Chapter 1
Applebloom could feel the cool evening breeze against her cream colored coat. The dirt of the old, worn farm road crunched beneath her tiny hooves as she made her way towards the familiar sight of the old farmhouse.
The last week had been disaster with the whole “Gabby Gums” incident. She and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders almost turned the whole town against them with that stupid gossip column. Even their own families were angry with them to the point of turning them away. Thank Celestia they managed to set things straight with everypony they could. She silently promised herself she’d never try anything like that again when it was over.
By the time she made it home she could see Luna’s moon and stars silently glimmering in the night sky. She felt a cold chill sink in as she began to cross the field towards the house. As she passed the old barn, she saw a familiar red shape in the moonlight stacking hay bales. It was the only pony she hadn't apologized to yet: her brother. She could barely imagine how embarrassing everyone seeing that picture of him with Twilight’s old Smarty Pants doll must have been. She had never seen her normally calm elder brother get that angry before.
She played out her apology in her head as she nervously made her way over to the red stallion. She nervously choked out the words as she approached, “B-Big brother? I-I’m”
She looked up as her brother turned around to face her. As he looked down at her, a look of depression and disappointment painted his red face. She thought she caught a glimpse of pain in his emerald green eyes before he closed them and turned his head away. His voice was flat and solemn as he spoke, “Not right now sis.”
“But I wanted to-“
“Just leave me alone for a little while, okay?” Applebloom hung her head as she turned away and slowly walked towards the house. Big Mac leaned against the pile of hay bales and drifted deeply into thought, pondering the events of the previous week. When he opened that newspaper to see that picture of him and Smarty Pants, it was the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to him. He didn’t even know why he kept the doll, or why he liked it so much, there was just something about it that made him happy. He looked up towards his sister in the distance, catching sight of her stopping to wipe her eyes with a hoof. He felt a pang of anger as he looked away, but it wasn’t her he was angry at.
Stupid, stupid, he thought to himself. She just wanted to apologize, now look what ah’ve done. He began to pace back and forth, mentally kicking himself. Everypony else in town had listened to her apology and forgiven her, along with the other Cutie Mark Crusaders. Applejack had told him the whole story when she got home. He chewed himself out even harder for acting like he was the only one to be humiliated, he had already lectured all three crusaders when it happened and that was enough. He didn’t need to be acting this way now that she was trying to set things right again.
Ah better go find her.
The trot up to the house seemed to drag on far longer than usual. It couldn’t have taken more than five minutes, even at his slow pace, but it felt like hours as his own thoughts berated him the entire trip. Just because Applebloom screwed up and hurt her family didn’t mean he had to do the same. He called out her name as he pushed open the door of the farm house with a creak, no answer. He began to worry as he made his way to the stairs, his hooves clicking on the wood floor with each brisk footstep. The stairs rattled and creaked as he quickly ascended them. He made his way to Applebloom’s bedroom door at the end of the hall, stopping to listen before he knocked.
He could hear faint sobbing on the other side of the door. With a sigh and one last mental kick to himself, he knocked on the wooden door and called in, “Sis, are ya okay?”
He was answered with a gentle sobbing from the other side of the door. He felt like kicking himself for asking such a stupid question. He called through the door once again,“Applebloom, can ah come in?”
“Why?” She replied
“Ah just wanna talk.”
“G-go ahead.”
He eased the door open and stepped over the threshold. Applebloom laid curled up on the old fashioned four post bed with her face buried in her hooves. Big Mac let out a sigh as he trotted over and dropped to his haunches at her side. He rubbed the back of his head with a hoof as he thought about what to do, or say, to calm her down. After what seemed like an eternity he reached out and placed a hoof around shoulders. She slowly looked up, tears still streaming down her face. Big Mac gently pulled her close with a barely audible whisper, “come on sis, its okay.”
Applebloom buried her face in her pillow as she choked out the words, barely able to speak through her sobs. “Ah’m sorry b-big brother, ah didn’t know this would happen when I started writing that stupid column!“
Big Mac gently pulled his sister in closer, holding her tightly. Applebloom wrapped her fore hooves around her brother’s neck and squeezed tight as she buried her face in his neck. Big Mac did his best to reassure her as she sobbed into his coat. “I’m sorry to sis, ya’ll just wanted to apologize. Ah should’ve listened instead of ignoring you like that.”
Applebloom took a deep breath and replied as she began to calm down a little. “Does this mean you’re not still mad at me?"
“Ah was just disappointed. Ya’ll just made a mistake, but ya realized it an’ tried to fix it and ah’m proud of ya for that.”
Applebloom looked up with a smile as she calmed down, her sobbing quieted to sniffle. “Ah love you big brother.”
“Ah love you too sis”.
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Just a heads-up: it's "Gabby Gums", not Gammy Gums.
This is a great story. The only problem is the mis-used words such as "though" when I think you meant to put "know". Some grammar editing are in order as well. But overall, the story is great. Nice description and matching character personalities. You just got yourself a follower.
(I mean watcher.)
1589844
Yeah, i was in a hurry and uploaded before my proof readers could get a hold of it. As soon as it gets fixed up I'll update it.
1589930 I have no idea what you just said, but if you're interested in knowing about bb code tags, just look them up. You can use a lot more than the buttons on the toolbar if you discover them.
'With her hands buried in her hooves'? Since when does horses/ponies have hands?
In any case, this was a nice story.
1590074
That teaches me to work late at night.
1589930
Heh... I've been waiting 14 hours for a story to get approved now. I don't think it's possible to be in a hurry on here lol
1590227
Have fun, I uploaded this last night.
Dawww! Saw a couple minor problems though... but other than that, it was good!
1590496
Thanks:)
I'd check the spelling of the title if I were you. Other than a few other grammatical gripes, it was pretty good. Keep on writing!
1590676
I'll go check it, and I think I have most of the grammer fixed now.
Well, that was enjoyable, though not entirely without issue. Some of the phrasing seems a bit awkward ("Only one pony she hadn’t apologized to yet, her brother." just sounds odd to me for some reason), and there are a couple of places where you missed punctuation ("Not right now sis" should have a comma after "now", "B-Big brother? I-I’m" should have a dash or something after it to indicate that she's being cut off). There are also a couple places throughout where you forgot to indent the paragraphs. As a final little nitpick, the first paragraph doesn't really need the summary of the Gabby Gums incident; most readers will already be aware of how the town reacted. It would make the story more personal if you removed that description and focused a bit more on how Apple Bloom felt during the ordeal, which would segue nicely into the end of of the paragraph where she resolves not to do it again. Also "Apple Bloom" is generally two words.
Now that that's out of the way, I think overall you succeeded with this story because you captured the voices of the two characters very well, and even though the conflict is brief it has some subtlety to it. Both Apple Bloom and Big Macintosh have their own reasons for how they act (i.e. Big Macintosh's initial reaction is understandable, even if he later feels badly about it) and I think their reactions to the events of the story are very much true to the characters. I could easily imagine this scene actually happening after the events of the episode. It's extremely brief, of course, and there's always room for expansion, but it provides a good glimpse into Apple Bloom's relationship with her brother, which is always nice to see. So for the most part I think you did well, you just should have waited a bit and had some people proof read it to fix up some of the technical issues.
But overall, it was enjoyable.
1591208
I'll clean that phrase up, and thanks:) Also, I had to throw in some major padding to get it up to 1,000 words.
I like stories like these seeing as I too am a big brother. They warm my heart and make me proud that I would handle these situations in the same manner. It can be difficult being the elder to a couple of sisters but the good thing is you do learn a bunch about women at an early age.
yes sir
1594414
Thanks:)
Found this at the pony fanfic thread at TV Tropes. Glad I followed the link. Short, but to the point. I liked Big Mac here.
1601775
Thank you:)
1591208
Okay, I cleaned up most. Aside the first paragraph thing, I need the padding to keep it long enough.
Wow, this was a nice sweet short story. I feel that you could write something with a little more depth and have it be really good!
Also,
"After what seemed like an eternity he reached out and placed a hoof around shoulders."
You're missing a "her" or something similar.
1618384
I'll fix that, and thanks:)
I agree with HmstrSteve1, a nice story, but lacking a bit in depth.
I for one don't think being seen with Smartypants is the most embarrassing thing to happen to Big Mac.
What about having to walk down Stirrup Street in one of Granny Smith's Gurdles in The Ticket Master. (Providing he lost the bet to AJ)
And what about the whole Hearts & Hooves Day fiasco? Everypony heard him speak sappy talk and saw him hopping down the street whilst towing bulls, anvils and Berry Punch's House, without him even knowing.
Perhaps you could add those bits in to make him feel worse for reacting the way he did.
1751760
I'm trying to keep both sides even, and give them both justifications, that would potentially look like me trying to completely blame him.
1752867
Understandable.
Awwww, this is sweet :)
Missing the starter "
Applebloom is not a he.
Good story anyways.
1777795
That second one is Big Mac, Not Applebloom, I'll fix the missing mark.
Thanks:)
Awwww....
Everypony else in town listened to her apology and forgiven her
That's a sweet story. It made me cry...
Everypony else in town listened to her apology and had forgiven her*
You wrote Big Mac well. Simple yet complicated.
2608691
Fix made, and glad you liked it.