Applejack falls into the human world by accident, and onto a man named Jack Silver, confused and lost and not knowing what to do, Jack Silver gives her some comforts and shelter feeling sorry for applejack who was through into his world. They will deal with the confusion of her living in his world and how they might be connected and how to get back to her own world so that she can get back to her farm, family, and friends.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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What the...? About halfway through, the writing changes from first person to third person and the quality also goes downhill.
The whole story has a few problems with missing words here and there. There are also several instances of letters that should have been capitalized.
First time writer? Sounds like you need an editor.
You need an editor, but I like the story, nothing too bad with it.
Okay, you've got a promising story here, but the writing is all over the place. You've switched POVs, there's punctuation missing, and you've got some weird spacing going on. I'd suggest picking up and editor before going on.
work on your POVs, at least tell us when it switches
story is promising, but fix the problem with POVs
So, let me get this straight; is Applejack is now a normal sized horse (with color differences, of course) in our own world, or does she retain her normal look? Just asking.
Thank you all for the comments, editor ya I know I have written a lot but my own stories, first time with the fan fiction stuff, and I am the type that gets in a haze and just keeps writing without stopping cannot loose the flow ya know, but ya I know I can be terrible at punctuation, The weird spacing which I assume is where it looks like an accident and hit enter in the middle of the sentence is new to me, It looks fine in the editor but ya for some reason it is there. The POV thing is actually intentional for the most part, I wanted to start it out somewhat journal like of the guy telling the story and then it moves to someone kinda telling him the story which is why it turns to the 3rd person, but I suppose its a bit confusing, and I might just change it to all 3rd person. Yes for the most part Applejack
is a normal sized horse, I kind of wanted her just a little smaller than normal but at least normal looking enough in our own world where her presence would not be a concern to other people, and she can walk around with out drawing a lot of attention to herself. Again Thank ya for the comments, when I get a day off I will start working on some of it, til then if anymore questions, concerns please let me know
Moar.
Because moar.
*whistle*