- Member Since 23rd Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Apr 6th, 2015
PisumSativum
I'M NOT A WRITER WHAT AM I DOING HERE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
PisumSativum
Joined 23rd Apr, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Daemon McRae · 3.9k words · 416 10 · 5.3k views
- Coronet the lesser · 5.1k words · 131 3 · 2.7k views
- Mythic Night · 6.2k words · 154 7 · 3k views
- Gambit Prawn · 347k words · 1,001 115 · 23k views
- Banjo64 · 13k words · 297 3 · 3.1k views
- Night--Mist · 783 words · 146 1 · 4.1k views
- DazzleDust24 · 4.2k words · 350 14 · 11k views
- deadpansnarker · 1.7k words · 261 11 · 6.6k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.068 seconds
Total duration
1,078 users online
1,766,341 hits today, 2,782,760 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I am so, so sorry.
...
o_O
Wait, what?
Dat Ending!
Ok... I'll admit... I laughed... but really?!?
1577678
This was epic in every sense of the word. The imagery carried through beautifully.
The ending just brought a smile to my face, even a few chuckles.
This was amazing.
This will help all newcomers reading this story:
Ace Attorney Investigations - Quercus Alba ~ The Enemy Who Surpasses The Law
You can thank me later for the epic song behind an epic story.
imageshack.us/a/img802/8077/cmcwhatdidijustread.jpg
Good, if not really friggin weird...
Random tag well earned!
Okay... entertaining...
Let's never read this again.
End of the world is caused by the use of... too much eyeliner?
Even leaving aside the ending and story content, the style you've employed is tiring to read. You describe so little (and use no names), that I have to work harder than I should to to put together what's going on. The scenes are also sort of disjointed because there's so little in the way of transitions from one scene to the next.
The couple of spots where you do use dialogue also feel off. Either don't use any, or use it consistently.
As far as the actual plot/content and ending, I don't care for it, but different people have different tastes.
Addendum:
Starting with one of those two scenes as a teaser and then skipping back to the beginning of the story isn't a bad move, but pick one or the other. Personally I'd go with "The rainbow didn't miss." I really like how that reads, especially if you contrast it against something else.
Addendum the second:
Aside from teasing with an opening scene, stick to chronological order. You're just making more work for the reader if you present things out of order.
1581725
Hehe, yeah. This was the reaction I was hoping to get, so thank you. If you're wondering why I wrote this, just take a quick peek at my blog post regarding this
1581730
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
1581812
My twisted attempt at humour, most likely!
1581819
Purple Monkey Dishwasher
1581940
I agree. I'm sick to death of reading myself.
1582165
I mean, look at them. Have you seen how much they use?
1582230
Thanks for the constructive and honest review! All of them are valid points, but I'd like to point out something about the names. That was an attempt to be purposefully vague, therefore (as you said) the reader would hopefully try to work out what was actually going on. By the end of it, they'll still be trying to figure out the mystery then BAM. Punchline.
But as you said, the fact it was an elaborate joke makes the enjoyment of the story rather subjective.
Okay... so we had a near-apocalypse because Celestia and Cadence had a hissy fit over their make-up budget being capped? I have only one thing to say to them:
TO THE MOON!!!
wut
1582648
I get that. And thanks for not minding my critique.